Cocoon Crash
by Ephany
Summary: Bella is offered a second chance: As a vampire. Fighting against her new nature every day is a struggle as she searches for a way to be reunited with her true love. And when she finally finds him, can she find the courage to hold on? Edward & Bella AU Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.
1. Chapter 1

A/N After a 1year pause, i've edited this story and finished the last few chapters.

That made me want a fresh start, so I decided to repost the entire story.  
>Also if you would like to read an EdwardBella story that is finished.  
>Try my story Object of the Mind.<p>

Have fun reading!

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><p>Chapter 1<p>

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><p><em><strong>Love<strong>_

_**Function: noun**_

_**Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lufu; akin to Old High German luba love, Old English lēof dear, Latin lubēre, libēre to please**_

_**Date: before 12th century**_

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><p>Looking at the date reference makes me smile now. Before 12th century. Love through time could be easily found. Each variety of love influencing the life it touched. Forming both interpersonal and impersonal attachments in our lifes. Attachments that change your life completely.<p>

I can recollect how it was for me. At the time I didn't know but at the age of 13 I had fallen in love with my best friend.

We had grown up together, just 2 years apart in age.

His father was the head of the stables at our house. And there were no other children here for me to run around and play with. Against my mother's wishes we had spend many hours growing up, playing in the gardens of my house. Watched from a distance by one of the men working in the stables or maids doing the laundry outside.

This had lasted most of childhood until one day. It had been shortly after my 13th birthday. I had gone outside to meet him. Like every other day, he had been waiting for me at the apple tree.

Running up to him I had thrown myself in his arms. Happy to see him and feel that warm ticklish sensation in the pit of my stomach each time he would laugh at me.

This time, for the first time in our friendship he did not catch me. Instead he pushed me away, shoving me to the ground.

"We can't be friends anymore Isabella."

From the ground I had looked up at him. He seemed so distant and out of reach. All grown up from where I was, as he towered over me. Looking down on me with a frown.

"I have no more time for childish games."

His cold words hurt me more than him pushing me to the ground. For the first time ever in my life I felt like my mother had been right the entire time. Scrambling to my feet I ran back to my room. Ashamed to be crying and not sure why I was crying so hard. All day I spend in my room until it felt like there had been no tears left to cry. But still they continued to run from my eyes.

In the evening the maid came to my room, she looked at the tray of food. Food that was left untouched. She went to get another maid and without my mother home to consult, they called for one of the monks from the monastery. Afraid I had some unknown illness.

The monk had come late at night, asking to be left alone with me in my room. No one had dared to stay, to deny his demands. When they left he pushed my hair out my face. His cool hands had soothed my hot flushed face, wiping away my tears and placing a soft kiss on my forehead. This man that did not know anything about me seemed to fill me with a calm feeling and after drinking some of the tea he made I had slept for hours. He had given me a different kind of love and send me into a calm silent dream.

When I had woken up and remembered my only friend was gone. It took me a few days to find the courage and ask my father what had happened. He just patted me on the shoulder, explaining that my best friend was training at another household with a knight that served for the king. Something girls understood little off, I wasn't allowed to think about it and focus on my training to become a lady.

Already my mother was asking my father to seek out an eligible husband. The prospect of spending the rest of my life with a man I did not feel any passion for did not excite me. And late at night when I would fall asleep. My dreams would be pleasantly rules by green sparkling eyes. Somehow the memory of my first crush made it tolerable to start a new day each morning.

Three years I hadn't seen him, only hearing glimpses every now and again when our fathers would discuss how his training was going. Each time I felt hurt at the knowledge that he had pushed aside his feelings so easily.

I grew up, read about marriage and other things like love. Each time I read that word, I knew my first love was somewhere out there. Committing myself fully to the household chores that were to be expected of a lady I passed through the days, like a shadow passing through the day. Running ahead of the sun and finding shelter in the night.

I had been sitting in the garden on a rather sunny afternoon, working on some small embroidering. Something I was forced to do but found little pleasure in. It was this afternoon a stranger had walked into the garden, stopping a few meters away from me.

His gaze had made me look up and stop what I was doing. There weren't a lot of men visiting our household these days. All knights and able men were collecting themselves, preparing themselves for the King's next crusade to the Holy Land.

My father hadn't told me we would have a visitor and suddenly I felt very underdressed as this man walked into my garden and stopped to look at me.

Glancing away from my handwork again, I realised he hadn't moved and was still watching me. Carefully I inspected him better. In front of me was the most handsome man I had ever seen. Dressed in a tunic that was fashionable at court, showing he served for the King.

It wasn't just his clothes that made me look again. His shoulders were wide and his hips were lean with long strong legs. I slapped myself for thinking about a man this way, but there was no way I could stop admiring what I could see.

Slowly my eyes found it's way up to his face. A strong angular jaw, strong full lips, perfect straight nose and a tiny scare above his eyebrow. What was the thing that made me hold my breath were his eyes, deep dark green eyes. Like an emerald forest, enchanting me. It was impossible to not recognise the eyes.

"Did you miss me?" His voice was low and breathy making me bite my lip. "Because I missed you." Crossing the small distance that was left between us he offered me his hand.

Not thinking about all the ladylike things I had been taught in the past years, I put my hand in his and allowed him to pull me to my feet. Awkwardly I straightened my gown, somehow feeling exposed standing in front him.

"You left me and I thought I would never see you again." The last little bit of anger I had been holding on to seemed to find it's way to my mind first. Crossing my arms I looked up at him, noticing that even now I was standing he was still towering over me.

His eyes showed a glimpse of excitement as he looked down and I could feel his eyes drift away from my face. Quickly I relaxed my arms, heat flushing to my face at the knowledge where his eyes were focussing on.

"I am here now." His voice sounded broken and immediately my anger ebbed away. Leaving me with a feeling I had never experienced before. A strange feeling in my stomach made me sit down and gasp for air.

Worried he sat down next to me, grabbing my hand. His gesture was completely inappropriate and yet the best thing I had ever felt. "Are you well Isabelle?" His face was now so near, all I needed to do was turn my face and our lips would brush. Again totally inappropriate thing to do.

Pushing back my shoulders I raised my head. He leaned back also, still facing me.

The moment our eyes met I could see the green emerald storm raging behind the calm exterior. I lost my resolve and opened my mouth without thinking.

"I am... now you are here."

My words had been true that afternoon and three weeks later it felt like we had never been apart. Each day we had found an excuse to see each other. And each day the time apart seemed to last longer and longer, like time only moved when I was around him.

He had come to my room that first night after he had returned, climbing through my window. Claiming he wanted to spend each possible moment together. His words had made me laugh but I'd enjoyed our talks before going to bed. It had felt natural and each evening had been innocent.

Up to this night.

Now feverish hands ran down my back. Even through the fabric of my gown I could feel them burn my skin. Arching my back to press my body closer to his. The feeling of his long torso supporting me as for the first time ever he seemed to let go of his manners. Kissing me thoroughly, opening his lips to mine and exploring my mouth.

Panting for breath he stepped away and let go of my. The sudden movement almost made me fall. Barely I managed to stay on my feet, my knees weak from his passion.

"Isabella..." His piercing eyes met mine as he lowered his face. "I have something for you, to remember me while I am away."

Carefully he unwrapped a small leather pouch. When he shook it empty a small ring fell on his hand. I gasped at the sight of it.

"Would you wear this, as a promise ring. Until the day I am back and knighted. I will ask your hand in marriage." The conviction behind his words made my heart melt. Holding out his left hand palm, he held the delicate little piece of jewellery in his other hand.

Holding my breath I placed my hand on his raised palm and he slipped the ring on my finger. It fitted perfectly.

"Mine" Was all he managed to say as he closed the distance between our bodies again and kissed me again. It sounded hungry and dark, it sounded good in ways I'd never ever felt. Just as he was about to deepen the kiss I heard footsteps in the corridor. He had heard them too and quickly let go of me.

"They'll catch you." Scared I let go of him. He didn't seem to be afraid of getting caught. Instead he just pulled me back to him and smiled at me.

Gentle he placed one last kiss on my forehead before letting go. Walking to the window he took one last glance at me.

"I love you"

There was no hesitation as he spoke the words. Swinging his legs outside the window he smiled at me and lowered himself from the small ledge.. Rushing to the window I looked to see him climb down, using the large rosebushes that covered the walls below my window. When he was on the ground he completely disappeared

"I love you more..." My words were lost in the darkness but I knew he had heard them. My words were lost in the darkness but I knew he had heard them. Just like every evening before this one where he had climbed up to my room.

On my finger was the proof of his love. Running my finger over the smooth emerald that was set in the ring. The color was the same deep dark green as his eyes. Without a doubt this ring would remind me of him, until the day we would be reunited.

Three months had passed and the crusade had left England to continue onwards to France and from there travelling further east. There was little told about the progress they made. Each day I got up hoping to see him return and each night I would go to sleep dreaming he had. Nothing changed and I just spend my days at the house. Working at my chores silently. All this time I had his ring on my finger.

Each time the loneliness was too much to handle I would look at the deep dark green color and remember how vivid his eyes had sparkled the evening he had slipped it on my finger. That memory was enough to keep me going.

My mother would frown at my behaviour, mumbling about marriage and finding a suitable man to secure my future.

My father would smile at me, a knowing look on his face as I blushed whenever I knew someone was looking at the ring.

That had lasted until this morning. News had been brought to our household. From this day onwards nothing would matter, there would never be another star shining bright enough to light me out of this darkness.

My father had looked at me with a sad look in his eyes, letting me know he understood why I was so sad. My mother ignored me and just picked at the sleeve of her gown. When the messenger had finished reading his news he excused himself and within seconds I got up and left the sitting room also.

The reason for my existence had been brutally killed, taken from me in some far away country fighting for a cause that seemed to be lost.

As the news slowly made it's way to my brain, cruel and hurting. I looked at the ring to seek support. What I found made me cry out loud in desperation.

Even the comfort of the green color of his eyes caught in the emerald had been taken from me. In it's place I now felt shattered as I glanced down at the sparkling green stone set in the delicate silver band that was still on my finger.

Rushing to my room, I tried to get the ring of my finger. But it was no use, instead of slipping it from my finger it only seemed to be getting more stuck. With an angry cry I slammed the door of my room shut behind me.

I waited until it started to get dark and dressed in my riding clothes. Using the dark to shelter me from unwanted attention I went to the kitchen. Rummaging through the different vegetables and cooking herbs I finally found what I was looking for. Grabbing the little bundle of herbs that my mother used to medicate her pain, I slipped it into my pocket.

Sneaking out to the stables next I was relieved that they were almost empty. The only person there was one of the stableman and he just looked at me but since I ignored him, he left me alone to saddle a horse by myself.

I took the animal outside the gate by hand and got in the saddle. As soon as I was on the back of the horse I dug my heels in it's side and pushed it to a fast pace. Riding it deep into the forest. Tears blocking my eyesight as I forced the horse to go faster and faster, not caring where I was going.

Finally it felt like I was far enough and I halted the poor animal. Sweat covered it's body and his entire body was tense. I swung my feet to the the ground and looked around me.

This place was far of any roads. It's nature raw and untouched. Perfect for me and what I wanted.

I took the saddle and bridle from the horse and let my fingers caress it's soft nose one last time before stepping back and waving my arms at the animal.

At first it just lifted it's head and took a step back. Showing the white of it's eye as I tried to spook him. Angry I yelled at him. A violent cry that echoed through the forest. Finally it turned and went back the way we had come. Finally I was alone.

Shaking I reached into the deep pocket of my gown. In it was the herbs I had taken from the kitchen earlier. She used them to calm herself, but I knew from the maid that too much could kill you. Frowning at the dried green leaves I pushed a handful in my mouth and chewed it. The bitter taste made we want to gag but clasping my hands over my mouth I managed to swallow all of it.

Sinking to my knees I wrapped my arms around me legs and allowed my tears to finally run freely. Crying until my eyes hurt. I felt like that little girl again, three years a go. Except this time I hadn't just lost my friend.. I had lost the love of my life.

My only reason to exist in this world.

Darkness swirled around me and I had been right the herbs were taking control of my body, giving me trouble breathing already. Resting my head on my knees, I could see the sky. There were no stars, no moon, nothing in this dark far away clearing.

I had already settled into dying right there when from the corner of my eye I saw movement. The figure coming towards me made me cry out in despair...or was it relieve.

"I won't hurt you." The soft soothing voice made me try and focus but the herbs were mercifully taking control of my body and I couldn't focus my eyes.

"Are you lost?" The voice was closer.

"Yes I'm lost." I started sobbing uncontrollable as the double meaning to the words remembered me of what had happened.

"He promised he would come back for me and now I'm lost."

For the first time today I felt angry. Struggling I lifted my chin from my knees and raised my hand at my visitor. Somehow even with the limited light the ring on my finger was still visible. It felt like being stabbed in the chest.

"This promise means nothing anymore. He is dead and I want to be dead also."

"He gave you that ring?" Surprise tainted the soft voice this time. A cold hand grabbed mine and I could feel him brush past the ring. Almost as if he was caressing the little piece of jewellery.

"What if there was another way?" Holding on to my hand the unknown man waited for me to answer.

"For us to be together, is that what you are asking me?" Gasping at the thought I could feel my heart swell with love just at the thought of getting that second chance.

"That is the only thing I want and it is too late now."

"Time is relative for some people." His words only made me cry more. Releasing the piece of cloth that had been used to tie together the herbs, it fell to the ground.

White fingers flashed in front of me as he caught it, bringing it to his face.

"I understand." The sad tone in his voice made me feel sure, he somehow really did understand.

Lifting my chin to see my face, I could feel him trying to connect with me. But it was no use the drugs had taken control of my body and my eyes couldn't focus enough.

"There is a chance but it won't be easy." His voice swam in my head, sounding like he was giving me a warning, a final chance to back out of his offer. My hand was still locked in his and it was so cold, it made me shiver.

"I don't care." Whispering the words I desperately hoped he heard them.

He had because he replied to me. "Very well." A sad whisper back into he darkness to match mine.

His hand gripped more tight around mine and with his other hand he pushed my body dow. The next moment an excruciating pain took control of me. There was no escaping this iron grasp on my body that seemed to make me burn from the inside. A slow fire burning away everything that was me.

Writhing in pain I called out for the only one that could make me feel a glimpse of happiness at this moment. Recalling the vivid green that had brightened many days of my life. The touch of his skin, the smell of his hair and his name. His name echoed through the black forest...

"Edward."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

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><p><strong>Love is commonly contrasted with friendship, although in other definitions of the word love <strong>

**it may be applied to close friendships in certain contexts.**

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><p>"Isabella?"<p>

I ignored the person calling my name and kept still. Hoping that like every other time he had called my name, the soft voice would go away.

I couldn't remember how often my name had been called out loud or how long I had been here. There was no way to keep track of time in this darkness I had created for myself in my mind, out of time and place. I preferred to lay alone waiting to embrace death. Wishing it would take me soon. Knowing it wouldn't by now.

All I had to hold on to was the memory of a dark green storm. No name, no face could be put to the green eyes that seemed to occupy my mind each second of my existence. Raging war with my heart all the time.

"Isabella?" The same soft voice called for me. Like it would each day. Begging, pleading, threatening to open my eyes.

"I know you can hear me." The voice continued, setting aside the knowledge that I had no wish to hear the words that came out of his mouth.

"We can't stay here any longer. The people that knew the secret have grown old and left this life. The newcomers are growing suspicious of my presence. It is not possible for me to stay here. And there is no way I can leave you behind. Alone and unprotected." A gentle touch pushed away my hair. It was a soothing gesture that he would make each day when he came to talk to me.

"Please come with me when I leave."

The soft footsteps told me he was walking to the door. Leaving me alone in the room again. I ached for him to go, to hear the world outside grow silent and regain my silence.

_Don't let him leave you, you need him._

The desperate words in my head made my eyes flutter.

Involuntary my fingers twitched. Missing something I could not name.

_That's right. _

The voice in my head seemed to be smiling at me. As I thought of a smile, the image of strong lips pressing down on mine flashed in my mind.

_Remember how it felt when your lips touched his._

My tongue flicked to touch my lips. The air in the room tasted damp and salty on my tongue. It reminded me of the sea I had seen from.. was it my room I had stood in?

_Open your eyes. Perhaps you will see something you like. _

This time it was an honest pleading voice in my head and without thinking what I was doing I opened my eyes. The first thing I saw was the rough ceiling made out of dark wood. .In front of my eyes flecks of light seemed to shimmer, dust perhaps.

When I reached out to touch them I noticed my hand moved easily, without any effort. As I reached out in front of me to touch the shimmering dust, I could feel the air brush past my skin. Stopping in awe I turned to see my hand. It was mine and not mine at the same time.

Frowning I tried to focus on my hand, something was missing.

It was then I remembered soft voice had not left the room. Glancing sideways I gasped to see a man standing at the door. He was dressed in simple clothes, nothing to stand out of the crowd. And yet something about his appearance would make you look again, notice him.

Still as a statue he was watching me. Blond hair was neatly combed back out of his face. Making it easy to see the clear pale skin if his friendly face. His eyes stood out most, a golden brown that seemed to hold calm depths. He watched me. Waiting for me to move or perhaps even speak to him.

"Hello" Hesitant I let the word roll of my tongue, frowning at the sound.

Soft voice across the room relaxed slightly.

"Hello Isabella" Again his voice was soft and calm. Like it had been each day for as long as I could remember. He seemed to be pleased at my speaking, even it had been such a simple and short word. A slight smile warming his face as he looked at me with pride in his eyes.

Questions raced through my mind, all at once flooding my mind. Almost like opening my eyes had opened my ability to think of anything else than the green storm that had raged inside of my head so long.

"Where am I?" Looking around I noticed that the room was simple. One bed pushed into the corner of the room. A single writing desk and chair. There were no windows and the ceiling was very high. There was only one door and Soft Voice was standing in front of it.

The walls seemed to be made out of heavy stone. When I focussed on them I could see the lines in the stone seemed to be smooth, rubbed and worn down through time. Where ever I was. This place was old.

"You are in a convent." The expression on his face did not change as he answered me.

"Did you bring me here?" Trying to remember anything that had happened before I opened my eyes today, it all seemed very distant and blurry.

"Yes." He didn't hesitate, not even blink as he answered me immediately.

"Why?" Sitting up I turned to face him. The movement swift and effortless, coming as a surprise to me.

He blinked this time, pausing for a moment. The smile vanished from his face and was replaced by a dark frown. "You wanted to die." Without another word he opened the door and slipped through. When he did I caught a glimpse of a very long hallway. It was empty.

I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die... I had wanted to die.

Repeating the words in my head I leaned back, expecting the stone wall to be cold but it wasn't. Closing my eyes again I inhaled deep to try and calm down.

When I did the air seemed to fill my lungs with a mouth watering scent. My throat burned and my head snapped up to the door. It was the only way out and possible also the only way to whatever it was I could taste on my tongue.

A soft hiss escaped my mouth and stunned I sat back, wrapping my arms around my body as tight as I could to find some comfort. What was wrong with me? Slowly I exhaled, noticing how the air seemed to be burning the inside of my lungs. My immediate response wasn't to inhale again after the feeling I had just experienced. Perhaps tasting the sweet scent in the air again wasn't what I wanted.

Hesitant I got up and tested my feet. They touched the floor, beneath my feet I could feel the soft faded lines of the wooden floor. It was neither cold or warm, pleasant or unpleasant to stand on. It just was. Looking down I wiggled my toes. They seemed to work perfectly, even after such a long time.

The door opened again, just for a brief second. It was enough for the sweet scent to swirl into the room again, taunting me. Immediately the burning sensation in my throat returned. Bringing my hand op to my throat I slowly ran the palm of my head from chin to collarbone. Wishing to brush away the aching feeling.

"Are you uncomfortable?" Soft Voice asked me.

Shy I nodded at him. Feeling awkward to admit this strange feeling to someone I hardly knew.

"You have to eat. As soon as it is dark, I will take you out." He smiled at me. His smile relaxed me. Feeling confident that the genuine caring smile wouldn't be there if he didn't have the confidence it belonged there.

"I'll come back soon." Stepping outside the room he closed the door. As he did I called out at him.

"Wait."

My scream made him stop and turn to look at me over his shoulder.

"What is your name?"

He frowned for a moment before smiling.

"I've had many names. But you may call me Carlisle."

Stepping outside he closed the door behind him. Leaving me alone again.  
>It didn't take him long to come back for me. This time he had a pile of clothes. They were simple men's clothes. As he threw them down on the bed I frowned at them.<p>

"You can't wear that dress when we go out to eat."

Looking at the pile I picked up the tunic and pants. They were clean and looked to be in a perfect order, but they were men's clothes.

"Carlisle.. I don't think that would be appro..." Before I could finish talking he interrupted me.

"Wear them or you will not leave this room." For the first time his soft voice held authority and it made me instantly take a step back. Turning my back to him I quickly undressed myself.

Placing my dress on the bed very carefully, neatly folding it.

The tunic was a little big on me, almost like a short dress that flowed down to below my hips but the pants fit perfect. Awkwardly I tied the string at the top, keeping them into place. When I turned to face Carlisle, I found out he had also turned his back to me.

Giving me some privacy to get changed.

"I'm done." Whispering softly I listened to my voice again, trying to remember if it had always sounded like this.

Carlisle walked to the door and opened it. Waiting for me to join him. When I reached him the sweet scent assaulted my nose again. It made my nostrils flare and without knowing what I was doing. My feet rushed forward, running down the long corridor.

At the end of the hallway I had to slow down, there was a big door, closed tightly. I skidded to a stop. Bracing myself against the door and pressing my fingers into the wood with a disappointed growl. A chilling sound that made me jump back with shock.

In front of me where my hands had been against the door, I could clearly see the soft imprint of my own fingers.

"Isabella, please calm down." Behind me the soft authoritative voice sounded again. Except this time it didn't make me listen or calm down.

Spinning around so fast it should have made me feel dizzy, I turned to face Carlisle and grabbed him by his clothes.

"I won't calm down." Gripping Carlisle tighter I pulled him down, bringing my face to his. Flinching at the reflection of my bright red eyes in his golden eyes. "What have you done to me?"

He didn't reply and angry at his lack of response I wanted to push him aside. Instead I used too much force and flung him aside. Sending him flying down the hallway, a cracking blow echoing in the silent darkness that surrounded us as his back touched the wall. He got up as soon as his feet hit the floor.

"I gave you a second chance at making things right for you and your loved one." Brushing the dust of his clothes while walking closer to me again. There was no sign of him being hurt or angry at my action.

When he was closer I wanted to step back but couldn't move because my back was against the wall. Grasping my hand, he held up the ringed finger for me to see. "This ring will ensure he comes back to you."

I looked at the green stoned ring, dark and cold like myself. And the memories that had felt lost in the past few days started to flood back into my mind. It held no meaning anymore. My Edward was gone and even if he wasn't. Whatever had happened to me would scare him away. He would never love the person I was now. Pulling my hand away from Carlisle I took the ring of my finger. It easily slipped of and with a cry of both relief and hurt I threw it away.

Carlisle disappeared before my eyes in a flash of a second. Moving to catch the ring. He held it outreached in his right hand, no longer facing me but looking at the little piece of jewellery.

"I'm sorry for doing this to you Isabella." His soft voice was broken. Still holding the ring in his hand, he turned to face me. "There is no turning back from here. I've granted you immortality."

The word echoed in my head. Immortality.

I knew what it meant but couldn't understand it at the same time. He had said, until the end of time. Did that mean, for me there was no end of time.

"Immortality. How?" Sitting down I wrapped my arms around my body, trying to hold myself. Keep myself in place instead of falling apart in what felt like a thousand pieces at the knowledge that instead of finding release from my heart ache and dying. I would be on my own, trying to sooth the pain for the rest of my very very long life.

"You have noticed you feel different, look different. It is all part of what you are now." Moving closer to me until he was right in front of me. Carlisle crouched down, putting his hand on my shoulder.

Nodding I knew he was right. My body felt different, stronger almost weightless when I moved around. My eyes could see with clarity I had never imagined possible. Outside the tiniest sound in the forests surrounding this abandoned place were easily picked up by my ears and my other senses... Focussing on what else I could pick up from the forest my throat burned lightly. Frowning I pushed the uncomfortable feeling aside and focused on Carlisle again.

"What am I?" This time I managed to hold back the growl.

"Vampire." The calm in his eyes was gone and were now replaced by a sparkle, telling me he was excited to be saying the word out loud.

"A vampire?" I couldn't help repeating the word. It sounded so ridiculous and at the same time I felt no doubt he was telling the truth. The contradiction made my head spin. Vampires only existed in the drinking stories men would tell each other, they were tales.. Myth. Creations of twisted minds.

"Are there more?" Breathing heavily I leaned forward, crawling on my knees to be closer to Carlisle.

"Yes. But they are few and go unnoticed." Suddenly I understood the longing in his eyes I had seen earlier when I had woken up. He had been alone for such a long time. Pain shot through my heart at feeling his loneliness.

"You've been alone also." It was a statement he didn't contradict. "For how long?"

The hurt in his eyes told me enough. I just nodded and hugged him close, like my maid or father would sometimes do whenever I felt lost or hurt. This man, who had taken my life out of pity was as lonely as I was. In desperate need of a friend.

"Without him, how will I pass the time?" Trying to force unwilling tears from my eyes, I felt the ache in my heart spiral out of control. Carlisle stopped me from falling any deeper by hugging me tight to him, this time his action reminded me of my father. As he did I was thankful for having such sensitive hearing because almost inaudible he answered me.

"By never losing hope."

His words were meant to comfort me, but at the moment only cut me deeper. As if realising that Carlisle wrapped his arms around me tighter. We sat for a while. Unmoving. Just two people, if that term was still right, keeping each other company.

Trying my hardest I tried to hold onto to hope. Hope that one day through some mystic way, the ring on my finger would lead me back to my love. Like Carlisle had said. It still seemed unbelievable to me. But if someone had told me about vampires, I would have laughed at them also. And now I was one.

Stretching my legs, I got up. Extending my hand to Carlisle. He took it and got up, the gesture made him smile. "Thank you Ms. Swan." His use of the name Swan makes me frown. "Was that my family name?"

My words don't mean to come out this harsh but they do and I stop to stare at him, waiting for answer. For a moment he pauses. "You do not remember?"

Closing my eyes I dig through my memory but it feels rather blank. I can see places. People and the feelings I felt towards them. But sadly no names come to mind, except for one, Edward. Recalling his name makes my heart ache and another flash of vivid green dominates my thoughts. Opening my eyes I focus on the calm face of Carlisle, using it as a distraction.

"It's normal to have trouble remembering your human life. At first, it's all very confusing. You don't need to worry Bella." Walking to the door, he opens it. Holding it open for me. "Now let's go find you some dinner."

At the word dinner, a burning sensation lashes out at me from the inside. A flaming pain, so strong, it makes me tip my head back and put my hand to my throat. Unable to speak I follow Carlisle outside.

"Bella whatever happens, you have to trust me and listen to me."

Grabbing my wrist, he tightens his grip. Looking down at his hand on mine, I resist the urge to pull free. Instead I follow him, walking towards the thick forest that surrounds the convent he has us staying.

Being outside for the first time is mind blowing. Even in the dark I can easily see how vibrant the different shades of green are. The bark on the trees shows intriguing patterns my eyes have never before picked up and the night seemed to be filled with sounds. Sounds that fill my head, confusing me. Causing me to keep my eyes on Carlisle and follow him. What captivates me most however is the different scents. They seem to be increasing the burn and without thinking I stop breathing.

Finally Carlisle thinks we are deep enough in the forest, stopping me in the middle of a small clearing. Moving to stand behind me, he places his hands on my shoulder.

"I want you to focus." His words hold authority and make me pay attention. Frowning I try to follow his instruction. But just like our walk here, I can here sounds in the night, smell different scents and see the green around me.

"Carlisle, please help me understand" Trying not to beg, I look over my shoulder at his astonished face. Placing my hand on his hand to let him know I don't intend to run away. I pull my shoulders free from his grasp and turn to face him. "You are asking me to focus, but what should I be focussing on?"

For a moment he remains silent then he frowns and starts talking. "Try and focus on a heartbeat, slow and strong. To your right, can you hear it."

Closing my eyes I try to locate the sound, it is distant and almost drowns in the other sounds but now Carlisle mentions it, I can hear it. Nodding I let him know.

"Good, now I want you to hunt that sound."

The word hunt make my eyes snap open. His face is still serious and now it's my turn to be hesitant as I turn to face the sound of the heartbeat. It seems to be calling for me, making my body want to move towards it.

Taking one step I glance at Carlisle. "I'll be right behind you, remember trust me, no matter what happens."

Testing him I take a few more steps and feel him following me, close behind me. "You can do this, just let your natural instinct take control." This time I do focus on the sound, having located it with Carlisle's help. I take a deep breath and start running. To my surprise I can easily manoeuvre through the thick forest without making a sound. Letting the beating heart guide me closer.

When I get within a few meters, I can finally smell the animal. My feet move even faster and without thinking I rush forward and leap at the small deer. It never stood a chance as I snapped it's neck and tore into it's body. The moment my lips tasted the first drop of blood, I pulled the dead deer body even closer. Eagerly sinking my teeth into it's neck, finding the jugular and drinking it dry.

Noticing some movement from the corner of my eye, I growl and turn my body towards that direction. Holding the dead deer in my hand. When I do, Carlisle is standing there. Seeing him makes me look at what I'm doing and with a startled cry I drop the deer to the ground. My tunic is covered in blood from my monstrous attack. What seemed so delicate just seconds ago now fills me with shame. Bringing my hands to my face to hide my feelings I can smell the blood on my hands also.

Turning to hide my face from Carlisle, I want to run. But his hands are on my shoulders again. Holding me into place without applying any pressure. "R_emember trust me, no matter what happens." _Remembering his words I dry sob, trying to force tears that won't come.

"I just killed a life animal." My words come out croaked. At least my perfect voice can sound anguished, reflecting some of my feelings. "Ravishing it in cold blood. Drinking it's blood without thinking."

Turning to Carlisle I hold up my hands for him to see. "I'm a monster."

His face falls, showing hurt as I speak.

Stepping back he looks at the deer on the ground. His gaze makes me die a little bit more. Instead of feeling sorry for me, I recognise that he fights the urge to finish what I started.

As his eyes darken I hold my breath, sensing some instinct in me willing me to fight for my prey.

I stand my ground and don't move, like he does.

Finally he looks up at me, the darkness in his eyes gone. All I can see is regret as he slowly speaks before turning away and disappearing into the night.

"I'm sorry."

It might have been hours before I finally move, digging a hole in the ground and burying the carcass of the deer. Fearing people will find it and come hunt me.

At first I waited for Carlisle to return but when the sun started rising, I knew he wouldn't come back for me. Should I have followed him instead? He had told me to trust him and I betrayed his trust by screaming at him. Calling myself a monster in front of him. That was how I felt. A monster. A demon, walking the earth now. Needing blood to stay alive.

Brushing some leaves over the fresh grave I checked to see that it was almost impossible to find. Getting up from the ground I look in the direction that we came from. Following my own scent and Carlisle's scent back through the woods, I notice the distance isn't that big.

Perhaps a few miles and with the sun rising, I push faster to the convent. When I reach it, I use the same door that let me outside earlier that night. Walking down the long corridor, my footsteps are hardly noticeable, it feels like I'm a ghost. Passing through the building without being seen.

The idea makes me smile a sad smile. Turning to face the door to the room I stayed in, I open the door slightly, calling for Carlisle. There is no response and gently I push the door open completely to look at an empty room.

Walking in, I rush to the bed. My clothes are dress, clean and untouched. On top is a piece of paper. With shaking hands I lift it from my dress, careful to not use too much force.

Folding it open the script is cursive, with long elegant letters.

_Dearest Bella,_

_I'm sorry to leave you like this. _

_The hurt I cause you at what I have done is unbearable.  
>Upon finding you I told myself to show compassion and turn you without seeking a reward.<br>But I have been alone for many years and now realise I was selfish to turn you.  
>Seeking companionship for myself instead of offering you guidance.<br>There are others like us, better to teach you about this life and better at offering you companionship. _

_The ring you wear is made by one of us, she can help you learn our ways.  
>And help you keep hope to find your love.<br>She lives alone but will welcome you.  
>Find her up north, near Scafell Pike.<br>She will find you and recognise you by the ring.  
>I hope you can forgive me and are rewarded for all your hardship one day. <em>

_Until we meet again, with warmest regards. _

_Carlisle_

After reading the letter I feel the room around me starting to spin. Knowing that my own words have chased away the only person in this life that could stop me from going insane. He was right to leave me, there was nothing left for him to stay. My inside felt black, scorched and mangled. Unable to feel any compassion, any warmth or any love.

My heart feels dead. And sinking to the floor, I feel lost. Knowing that my only hope had been to find my love. But that hope has faded. Because when I do find him, I fear there is nothing left for him to love.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Finally he looks up at me, the darkness in his eyes gone.<br>All I can see is regret as he slowly speaks before turning away and disappearing into the night. _**

**"_I'm sorry."_**

* * *

><p>Holding the letter in my hand, sitting in the middle of the floor. I sit and ignore the sounds from outside, the scents tempting me to move and the risk of getting caught.<p>

In total it took me 7 days and 7 nights to finally move. Having tried over and over again to remember how I could have reacted different, not scared away a man who clearly had... what actually should I call it. Sired me, sounded too animalistic. Fathered me, I had a father when I was human. Perhaps turned or created me was the best phrase. Settling on the last I thought of Carlisle again.

Like myself he was alone at the time, seeking companionship. Begging me for his trust over and over again, instead I had lashed out at him. In my hand was the now crumbled piece of paper.

Carefully I straighten it. Glancing at the elegant cursive writing. Like his appearance, his writing was formal and pleasant. Folding the paper neatly I put it aside and pick up my clothes. Changing into my clean dress, I let my hands slip in the large pocket and find a small pouch with some coins.

Carlisle has left me, thinking it was better for me. Setting aside his own longing and placing my needs above his. Leaving me with directions and funds to secure my safety.

Adding the folded paper to the pouch I and stuff everything back in my pocket. Keeping all I have received from Carlisle together. The bloody tunic I fold as small as possible, taking it with me just in case I would need to hunt again.

At the thought of hunting a warm burn travels through my body. I shudder that no matter how much I had hated killing the animal, that was something bound to happen in the near future. The thought of hunting again made my heart sink. For now I would simply not breath, remembering how much less the burning sensation had scorched my throat when I did.

Leaving the room I walk down the long corridor. I know it is night, having waited until the moon was at the sky. Not risking to go out in the daylight, because I am unsure what would happen. Carlisle had taken me out at night and not mentioned if it was safe to travel during the day for me.

When I open the door and carefully peek around the corner, the faint heartbeat of a human across the grounds makes me grip the door tighter. Focussing on not breathing I slip outside and move towards the gate. Following the wall, staying in it's shadow. Hoping that whoever was outside, would not come to investigate.

Just when I relax at having reached the last gate to go outside, the footsteps sound closer by. Turning I can see a man come closer, his heartbeat increasing, indicating he is out of breath. With every step he takes closer it is more difficult to ignore the aching in my body to charge forward and grab the man. Just as I am going to run and disappear through the gate. His voice calls out for me.

"Stop and show yourself, please."

I oblige, thinking it is impolite to refuse any person who's grounds you invade and still has the decency to say please. The man comes closer, as he does, I can smell him. With a mix of disappointment and relieve the scent he carries isn't sweet or mouth-watering. Instead it smells a little bit bitter, making me wrinkle my nose involuntary.

"Are you the one." His question is too vague to answer, and in response I just stand watching him.

My silence must indicate my confusion because he steps closer and holds out a cloak and bag for me.

"Your lack of response confirms. Please take these, Carlisle told me you are to travel up north."

Him mentioning Carlisle's name makes me cringe. The man who had brought me in this life and who I had only spent mere hours around, still had arranged for others to look over me.

Stepping closer I grab the cloak, tying it around my shoulders. The man waits until I hang the soft material straight before handing me the bag. Quickly I stuff the tunic in the bag, noticing on the bottom is some bread and dried fruit.

"The food and cloak are for disguise." Leaning closer he whispered at me. "Travel alone and in the dark as much as possible, stay of the main roads and never let anyone ever guess your nature."

Awed I stare at him, understanding he knows what I am and does not fear me. This only shows as a tribute to Carlisle. Before I can ask him anymore he turns and walks away.

Whoever he was, he had delivered the message he was asked to deliver. Feeling he would not offer me any more information, I do not follow him or bother him by calling after him. Instead I step back, my back touching the gate and push it open. Stepping outside of the convent I take one last breath of air before turning and disappearing into the night.

The note had told me to travel to the northern region. I have never been there before but I know in the past, my father had sometimes offered a safe place to rest for men travelling from the north to the king's court. It was several days travel.

Finding the main road I decide it should be safe to walk along it during the middle of the night. Keeping my ears open to the approach of any other travellers. It would give me plenty of time to move away from the road and hide in the thick forest.

Walking at a fast pace, I wished I had the courage to run. Run like I did the night I caught the deer. Remembering that chase. A part of me revolts, telling me it is what put me on this lonely walk. Another part, growls and grins as it remembers the result of the chase. When that part roars at me, I shake my head and focus on the road in front of me.

Strengthening my belief that the fast but close to human pace I have now, while being in control is the best way to travel. I focus on my surroundings.

Around me for the next hours I can only hear night-life, animals leading their life in the safety of the night. Little do they know, the scariest thing they can come across is walking amongst them right now.

It isn't until I get closer to a small village, the sound of the first other travellers approaching me, make me aware that soon, it is going to be day. Looking up at the sky, I can see the moon has almost gone and the sun is starting to rise.

To my left is the fast forest and without hesitation I rush for cover under the trees, until I'm a few hundred meters away from the road. Moving alongside the track seems a safe option and with a smile I continue to walk.

When the sounds of the town start to drown my head, I finally stop. Move around says my head. At the same time the monster in me begs to go through town. Begging to sooth the aching feeling I have ignored for the past hours. It conjures up images of how easy it would be to rip the villagers apart, like I ripped apart the deer. Our reward being warm and wonderful.

Closing my eyes I swallow the bitter taste in my mouth, disgusted at myself for seeing humans as food. I know what the consequence will be if I take one more step. So instead of moving, I hold my breath and stand still. Struggling until finally my control seems to return and I decide on moving around the town. Turning my back to the sound and smells that call for me, I walk towards the hills in the distant.

The weather is harsh and no one will travel there now, at least not by choice.

Continuing at the swift walking pace I had settled on earlier, it takes me another few hours to reach the hills and there is where I finally sit down and look down on the countryside below me. Even with the rain, my eyes can easily see far away. The world below me seems so much more full of life now my eyesight is so much sharper.  
>Life that is untouched, no man or woman are slain at my hands. Or should I say teeth. A proud feeling washes through me at the small victory. And the idea forms in my head, perhaps if I stay away from humanity I can at least stop myself from killing people. I am after all hardly human, so my place is no longer with them.<p>

Frowning I think about staying away from other people. Could I do that or was there a solution for my hunger? The kind man who gave me the cloak and bag, he smelled bitter, unappealing to me. That said, it was a risk to allow him to approach me. And for him to take the risk, he must have really trusted Carlisle. Was I wrong to leave so easy, shouldn't I go and find him. Apologise to him? Guilt and confusion washes away my proud feelings at not having killed the population of an entire town.

Angry I slam my fist down. The deafening sound as my hand hits the rocky ground makes me jump up in fear and stare at the ground. A clear dent where my hand was put down makes me drop to my feet. Tracing the clear imprint of my knuckles in the solid ground I feel in awe. Grabbing my bag I hang it over my shoulder and take one last look before I run into the hills.

It feels like adrenaline but different, as I feel my legs move faster and faster. Soon I realise I'm running like I did the night I killed the deer. Stopping I take a deep breathe to calm myself.

The gesture feels like a natural response, something I remember from being human but the moment the sweet scent fills my lungs. I know, it's the wrong thing to do. Without being able to stop I descend back down, running to the field at the foot of the hill. There a herd of sheep is kept. Guarding them is a young girl with a shabby looking brown and white dog.

Standing at the edge of the field I look at her. She looks so young and so delicate. My nostrils flare as I catch her scent again, it's incredibly sweet. Calling for me to take, claim as mine. Indulge and destroy is all that seems to occupy my mind.

Rushing closer at a slightly too fast pace, I watch the dog crawl back. Catching my scent the animal recognises I'm the bigger predator.

I'm now walking through the sheep, ignoring their stuffy scent as they scatter in fear me. Even the dog is of the radar. All I can focus on is her. Reaching her she looks up to greet me. The moment she does I stop. Her eyes, they are a bright green. Immediately the painful memory of bright green eyes flash through my mind. Clasping my head I try to push them aside, my throat flaming at the promise of being soothed.

"Miss, are you alright?" Her words sound funny, when she speaks.

Looking at her again, I notice one of her front teeth is missing. The gap creates a lisp. Another flash hits me, a memory of a boy and a girl. She proudly shows him the gap between her teeth and he laughs, sticking his pinky in the large hole. As I sway at the pain my head is in. The girl speaks again.

"If you are hurt I can get my father."

The little girl wants to help me. Is she mad or just slow? Standing in front of me, waiting for me to reply. She is just completely oblivious in her humble attempt to help a stranger and it only makes the monster inside of my head fight harder. She does not notice, I am in no need of help, but she is.

Falling to my knees I clutch my head harder and close my eyes. The memories of my own childhood being battled by the thirsty monster, making me cry silent dry tears at the pain they cause. This is her saviour I realise.

Opening my eyes, I can see her stare at me. Her big green eyes frozen with fear as she finally notices my eyes.

"Run and don't come back." My words come out rough and for effect I somehow manage to add a loud growl. Her face turns white and she trips, ending up falling backwards away from me.

Without saying another word she scrambles to her feet and runs. The scared dog following her, catching up in a few strides. As she runs a part of me lashes out at myself, telling me to follow her and claim her. But I can't because when I remember her face, her green eyes stare at me and the pain I feel is intolerable.

I stay in place until night falls afraid to move in fear of chasing her and taking her life along with her family. When I finally get to my feet, I find the sheep are still there. Stupid animals, why didn't they move away from me? Angry I look at the nearest. Without thinking I crouch and tackle the animal. Going straight for the jugular. It is not the sweet scent my body was promised but still I close my eyes content as the warm liquid runs into my mouth.

Finishing a second, third and fourth sheep before stopping. I hide the carcasses, knowing next morning the girl will come back with her father. When they do and count the herd, she will probably get scolded for leaving and losing a few sheep.

I grab the pouch from my pocket and place two coins on the large boulder she had been sitting on when I first spotted her. Paying to replace what damage I have done to the herd.

As I do, my fingers brush past the paper I so very neatly folded. The crushing feeling of being lonely makes me very quickly push the pouch deep back into my pocket. Someone is waiting for me, the thought puts a small smile on my face.

Walking at the same controlled pace, I go back toward the hills. Seeking the highest and most difficult route. Hoping that there will be no one there. All night I walk, never getting tired or second guessing what direction is the right direction. My feet just seem to keep moving and without thought I allow them.

In the morning I find myself still in the hills. In front of me is a large valley, looking down I can see small villages, animals in the fields and even some people working their crop.

As the sun slowly starts to rise I hide in a shallow cave. Hiding away from any humans that could come my way. Fearing to repeat the close call I had yesterday. All day long I sit still, as a statue. Holding my breath at each small sound I hear.

When the last light slowly disappears from the entrance, I know it is night. Cautious I move forward and step outside. As I do, I freeze.

There sitting on a large boulder, with her back to me overlooking the valley in front of us, is a woman. Her shape clearly outlined in the pale moonlight. Panicked I try and focus, afraid I will hurt her.

Run.

My mind shouts at me, but my body is frozen in place because it picks up nothing.

There is no heartbeat and no mouth watering scent. Before I can force myself to speak out loud, she disappears from my sight. Showing up in front of me in the blink of an eye.

Her long hair framing her face as she tilts her head sideways to look at me. At that moment an irrational fear consumes me and when she touches me, my body reacts and jumps back. Lowered to the ground in a crouch I growl at her, using my arms as a shield between us.

The woman doesn't step back or respond in anger or fear.

She merely touches my hand, placing one finger on my ring.

Smiling she looks down at me.

"Isabella. I mean you no harm."

Her honey coated voice carefully pronounces my name as she sits down on her knees in front of me. Opening her arms to me as she smiles, a warm and loving smile.

"Come my child, I shall hold you."

Dropping my arms I look at her, noticing her eyes. Like Carlisle they are light, like a bright star guiding me through the night. Flinging myself forward into her body I take what she offers me.

I let her hold me.

The women wraps her arms around me and pulls my head to her body. Rocking me in my arms for a little while as she hums a soft song. I let her calm me. The song is familiar, perhaps my maid used to sing it to me when I was human.

Frowning I try and dig in the few dim memories I do have, keeping away from the one that hurts me. It is all a blur and I can't find what I'm looking for. So instead I try not think at all and focus on the calming sound of her voice. When I calm down, she wipes away the hair from my face.

"Carlisle told me you were in need of guidance."

Pulling away from her, I sit facing her.

"You know Carlisle. You are the one I am supposed to find?"

I feel stupid for not thinking of this when she first called out my name to me. Looking at her, she seems to be like Carlisle and me. The lack of heartbeat and her eyes make it impossible for me to think otherwise.

Why if he knew this women did he turn me and tell me there were few. Remembering how distraught he was when admitting he had been alone for a long time. Afraid to scare her away, the thought is filed away for a later time.

Instead I look at her carefully, she is rather pretty. Older than me, perhaps in human years closer to being thirty. Her clothes are of outstanding quality and around her wrist and neck is an intriguing collection of jewellery. Clearly whoever she is, she has means to support herself.

"My name is Esmeralda, but you may call me Esme. And yes, I do know Carlisle. He send word of you, telling me I should expect you to seek for me."

For a moment I notice how her eyes seem to fall, showing a glimpse of sadness at mentioning Carlisle's name.

"I came to look for you because it took such a long time for you to get here. When I came along the scent of another vampire, I took a chance and tracked it to this cave. I decided to wait for you to approach me."

Frowning I think about her words. "I did not take long to reach you, two nights and one day. On foot."

She looks at me, the left corner of her mouth twitches as her eyes now dance with joy. "Exactly my point, in that time I could have made it to London and back. At least 3 times."

Stunned I sit and stare at her. Remembering the chase, the way I had ran to catch that deer. It had felt fast but surely not that fast?

"I don't understand."

Looking down at my hands, I see the green ring and brace myself for the pain to come. This time however it does not bring me pain, instead it comforts me as I sit in silence.

"Isabella, you have many things to learn."

Rising to her feet, I look up to see Esme waiting for me. Her hand is extended. "Come home with me."

I place my hand in hers and she pulls me to my feet. As soon as she does, she starts moving. Running with her hand clasped in mine. Scared to let go, I follow her.

And as I do, the same weird feeling of adrenaline rushing through my body starts again. Soon I am running next to her, feeling the wind sweep past my body. I can see the landscape rush by me in an alarming speed but my eyes can still catch every little detail.

After what only feels like minutes Esme stops and I stop also. I turn to face her and she stands in front of me. Raising her eyebrow at me she smiles wickedly at me.

"That was running."

Moving forward, she waves for me to follow her and I do. Approaching what appears to be an old farmhouse. From the outside it looks unlived in, there are no animals or crop growing in the garden. When she reaches the door, she doesn't knock, instead she opens the door and enters the house.

I follow her.

From the inside it clearly looks like there are people living here. Large carpets are scattered on the floor and luxurious looking furniture is placed together in small groups, creating separate sitting areas. Along one side there is a large row with bookcases, in them are books and a collection of scrolls.

Lots of them, each looking old and expensive.

"For as long as you want, you can consider this your home."

Smiling to me she stands in the middle of the room. Gesturing towards each end of the room, she points out two doors.

"There are two bedrooms, neither have use but if you wish you can choose one to retreat when you need privacy."

Nodding I take another look around me. Noticing details that I had overlooked earlier, small pieces of furniture, art and small trinkets. The door at the far end of the room is slightly ajar and walking over it, I push it open. It looks empty, besides a small writing desk and a bed. A big contrast with the warm living area that is created behind me.

"I think, I'll be fine without a bedroom." A small nervous laugh escapes my mouth and to my relieve Esme joins in. Making me feel relaxed at turning down her offer.

"Come sit with me." Patting on what looks like a pile of pillows. I come over and look at the space besides her before sitting down on my knees, pulling my feet under me and face her.

"Let's get to know each other." Thinking about what I should tell her, I remain silent. Luckily she continues. "First of all, has Carlisle told you anything about me?"

Again I remain silent, trying to think of a nice way to say. That the man who has send me here, did not even mention her name to me. Fumbling with the sleeve of my gown I look away from her kind face.

"That much." I can hear her smile as she says the words. "What did he tell you during the time you stayed with him?"

"There was little time to tell me much." Whispering I tighten my grip on the sleeve of my poor gown.

"How much time, are we talking about exactly?" Sounded slightly alarmed, I can feel Esme move closer to me. Carefully placing a hand over mine.

"A day and a night." Is my timid response and I can feel her touch gain pressure on my hand.

"Where were you before that?"

"At home with my parents, after that it is blurry. Up until the moment I open my eyes and find Carlisle with me in a place I've never been before."

"You are a newborn." As her grip tightens on me, I notice how her voice sounds appalled.

"I'm sorry" Apologising without knowing why I turn away from her, my eyes locked on the door. Before I can make a run for it, I feel Esme hold me at the shoulders. The way she grips me reminds me of Carlisle the night he took me to the woods.

"A newborn." Repeating the name again, I frown and try and pull away.

"Don't run away, it is not your fault."

Her hands are still tight around my shoulders but her voice makes me relax. Forcing me to stay in place.

"I'm just amazed to find you are so young in this life and yet show such excellent control."

Turning to face her I wish I could cry the tears I feel inside.

"How can you say that? I have thought about killing an entire village, slaughtered animals like a savage beast and almost took a young girls life."

For a moment she sits and stares at me. Her face in complete shock at my words. Obviously my words have made her understand what monster I am. Throwing myself at her, I wrap my arms around her waist. "Please don't leave me."

For another moment she says nothing and sits still like a statue. Then I feel her hands gently brush through my hair.

"Shhhhh, I'm not leaving you ."

Her words sound so sincere I look up to see her smiling down on me.

"There is nothing savage about you, in fact I think you are a remarkable young girl."

"I am?" Sitting up I watch her calm face. "But the things I want to do and the way I behaved in front of Carlisle.."

"He explained to me what happened. I can assure you, the things you are feeling, are all completely natural."

Esme interrupted me. Lost for words I looked at her calm face.

"Perhaps you would like to hear my story when I first entered this world?" Pushing my hair behind my ears as she asks me.

It sounds good, listening to her story. Leaning back I close my eyes and focus on her words.

"_The first thing I can tell you about being a vampire is you never change, you will never grow old. My face may appear young, but I was born a long time ago. A daughter to a very wealthy man. My mother died in childbirth and I was raised as an only child. At the age of 18 my father came to me, explaining he had found a suitable husband for me._

_That same evening I was send by carriage with all my belongings to my husband, an armed guard came to welcome me. My future husband wanted to ensure I would arrive safe at his castle. Upon arriving I found he was many years older. _

_My fathers age. _

_We got married within days, after that he left for war."_

A stabbing pain makes me clutch the sides of my body at hearing her husband had left her to go to war. It reminds me too much of my own green eyed lover. Sensing my pain, Esme puts her hand on my forehead and gently pushes my head down in her lap.

"_My husband didn't return until many years later. This time he stayed around longer. At first I was pleased to have my husband with me, but it didn't take long for me to find out, my husband wasn't a very nice man. _

_One night after he had been drinking, he took away from me the only joy in life."_

Her sweet voice cracks at the last words. Esme lets go of me and moves to her feet so fast, it takes me by surprise and my head hits the floor. I had been wrong to make the assumption her story is like mine.

Looking up, I find her standing at the door. Her face in pain as she looks down on me. Her story and actions makes me understand, she has been hurt, badly hurt by her husband. So much that it still hurt her now, even after.. how many years exactly could it be? Pausing I try to guess her age. Esme has just told me that a vampire did not age, so there was no way in telling her age by looking at her appearance.

"I need some time alone."

It's all she manages to say as she rushes away from the house. Leaving the door open behind her, I watch her disappear. Repeating to myself that she has promised to not leave me and has simply asked for time alone... I sit in her house.

Restless I wait, afraid to move but at the same time allowing my eyes to look at and remember every item in the room. Each look makes me believe this woman is warm and loving, giving me hope she will come back for me. Just when I start to think she won't come back, she shows up next to me. Her bright eyes even lighter than before.

Sitting down at my side with a relieved look on her facer. I know, I have pleased her by waiting here.

"Are you better now?"

"Much better. Would you like to hear the rest of the story?"

Without answering I lean back and cuddle into her embrace again, ready to hear the rest of the story. She places her hands around my shoulders again, holding on it seems for her own support this time.

" _That night, after my husband took away all joy in my life. I leave the house and go to the cliffs near our castle. Standing on the edge of the cliff that night, I felt like I had failed everyone. _

_I'm not sure what happened next but as I stepped forward a pair of arms hold me and turn me around. The face of an angel looks at me. His body breaks my fall in the cold water and stop me from hurting myself on the sharp rocks. Without understanding how, I know he has saved me from dying._

_The next morning I wake up at my husbands side, he tells me he is leaving for London again. To find a bride who can give him child. Enraged at his words, I grab the nearest object. _

_Beating him over the head, over and over again. Until he no longer moves._

_That is how the maids found me, sitting over him. Straddling his dead body with blood smeared all over my clothes and face. The statue I used to beat him, still clutched in my hands above my head. Ready to strike again._

_They took me away from my own home and locked me away, claiming I had gone mad. _

_Perhaps I had gone mad. Sometime the thin line between reality and insanity is invisible and you slip over it, unnoticed._

_So you see, Isabella unlike me you have nothing to be ashamed about. Your hands are free of human blood. It is something I wish for myself, each day. Because unlike you, I am a murderer. "_

Gripping my shoulders tight, Esme stops talking. Her words sound so sad and guilty. There is nothing I can think of to say. Instead I place my hand over hers and hold it. This time waiting for the next part of her story.

" _I am a murderer and for my crime...They stoned me and left me to die outside the village. If Carlisle hadn't found me, I wouldn't be here today. I owe him my life. And in return for his gift of life, I vowed to never take another human life ever again."_

For a moment I stay still, waiting for Esme to continue talking. She doesn't continue. Instead she lets go of me and gets to her feet. With a blank expression on her face she walks to one of the many chests of drawers that line the walls.

I get up in a swift move and join her. With unsteady hands she opens the bottom drawer and reaches all the way to the back. Grabbing a box and clutching it to her chest she looks at me. Her face a tight frown and guilt in her eyes.

"What is wrong Esme?"

" Since we will be living with each other for a long while and you know some of my past, I need to share the whole truth with you." Offering the box to me, she leans closer. Her lips barely move as the words leave her mouth, but with my new enhanced hearing I can easily understand the two words she confesses at me.

"I lied."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

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><p>"<em>What is wrong Esme?"<em>

_Offering the box to me, she leans closer.  
>Barely audible the words leave her mouth, but with my new enhanced hearing I can easily understand the two words she confesses at me. <em>

"_I lied."_

* * *

><p>Taking the box from her, I can feel my own hands shake for some reason. "Do you want to open it together with me?" Holding out the bow between us, I wait for her to move or take it back.<p>

For the first time since opening my eyes and waking up to this new life I feel like there is someone in this world that can understand me. Who I can be around and confide in, because right now she is confiding and me. The pressure of responding in the right way, weighs me down and I'm relieved when she nods at me.

"Let's do that, come." Sitting down at the large sturdy looking table in what should be a kitchen area. I join Esme. Placing the box in the middle of the table in front of us.

We sit together in silence looking at it until Esme reaches out and places her hand on the lid.

"Before we open it, I want you to know. In all the years, no one has seen what is inside. Not even Carlisle."

Biting my lip I look at her, giving her a quick nod. An unspoken mutual understanding that the secrets that are inside and she is sharing with me, stay between the two of us.  
>She nods back at my acknowledgement and with one flick of her wrist empties the box on the table.<p>

When I look at the things scattered around, the first thing I notice is that most is jewellery. Picking up a large ring, it shows a family crest. Placing it back on the table, I notice several others. Similar to that.

Each one has a ribbon tied around them, some are blue and some are pink. It reminds me of the ribbons my maid used to hang on the cribs belonging to my little nieces and nephews when they visited me.

" I remember this." Smiling I let my fingers run along the smooth silky fabric of the ribbons. "Who's are they?"

Picking up one of the ribbons I look at the ring dangling from it. It's gold and looks very old. A delicate design is crafted on the front. It resembles a winged letter with something that looks like a claw. Not very friendly and definitely not for a woman to wear. Examining it, I glance at my own small ring and wait for Esme to answer. From the corner of my eye, I can see her watching me. Her face goes from pained, to angry and then to a very calm expression. All in a few seconds.

"They belong to the men I have killed."

Esme's calm and cold confession makes me let go, the ring dropping down and bouncing of the table. Looking at her in shock as she watches my reaction.

"You see after Carlisle turned me, for a while I stayed with him. It hurt to leave him but it hurt even more to stay with him. Knowing he loved me with all his heart and I loved him. But no matter how much we loved each other, we could never have a family. Our kind are frozen in time, never changing. Therefore it is impossible to have children."

"So you left him because you could not make a family together?"

Realisation flooded my mind. Remembering Carlisle's hurt and empty expression when I had asked him how long he had been alone. Like me he was separated from his beloved, struggling each day with his own reality of being alone.

"In a way you are right. I felt, that perhaps with distance and time between us... the ache I felt to have a family with him.. I hoped it would fade away. It didn't so instead I tried to find another way to satisfy my aching heart. I got revenge."

I sat staring at the sweet women in front of me feeling something that bordered fear and awe. Did she just say without as much as blinking she found satisfaction in getting revenge? After she had already killed her husband? Perhaps Carlisle had been wrong to send me to this women.

Esme doesn't seem to notice my discomfort and picks up a smaller ring, attached to it is a blue ribbon. Dangling it in front of her, she swings the ring in little circles above the table.

"At first when I lived on my own, the lust for blood. It was intolerable and I was afraid to slip and kill everyone around me. Very much like you feel right now. Because of that fear and the promise I made to Carlisle, I stayed away from people as much as possible. There was no need for me to interact with the humans. One day a women came at my door. She had heard rumours of a witch living alone in the woods. I laughed in her face when I heard people thought I was a witch. The women however stood and watched, I could smell the adrenaline and fear coming from her body.

That and fresh blood, close to her skin.

The combination of these scents nearly drove me mad but when I attacked her, she just smiled and laughed hysterically. Screaming that she'd rather die at my hands than stay with her husband another day after he had killed her child.

At her desperate words, I let go of her and when I did, I finally understood what had caused the smell of fear coming from her. She did not fear me, she feared getting caught by her husband coming to me for help. I asked her, why she had come to me. Her answer was not what I expected, at all. She claimed she needed a potion to kill her husband. Her answer left me wordless. I was no witch, there was no potion for me to brew. But if she wanted her husband dead, that I could do for her. Taking the ring, I told her to go home. "

"Did you kill her husband?" Somehow sure I would find comfort in knowing. This beautiful motherly person had perhaps committed crimes I couldn't even comprehend committing but for reasons that made my heart break.

"Oh yes, I couldn't resist. I waited until it was dark and tracked her scent back to their home. I went inside and found him sleeping. She was aside him, new bruises on her face marking the places he had beaten her and above her eye was a cut. The blood was barely dry and her arm was cradled around her head, as if trying to protect herself even while she were sleeping.

The sight confirmed what I already knew and brought back so many memories. I killed him without feeling any regret. Making sure, no blood flowed so I could control my blood lust and not hurt the woman. I took the ring back home with me, after watching her wake up and cry in relieve at being freed from the torture and anxiety of living under her husbands tyranny.

Before I left she looked at me, recognizing me instantly. Instead of crying or screaming at me, she just smiled. It was the brightest smile I had seen in years and it was enough for me to feel at peace with what I had done."

Understanding what she had done now, I grabbed another ring. Holding it out in front of me, I dangled it like she did. "And the ribbons?"

Hurt shows in her eyes at my question and for a moment I fear she will leave again. Instead she takes a deep breath and exhales slowly as she holds onto the ring with it's ribbons.

"Each ribbon is for the child that was never born or murdered at the hands of a jealous husband. Like my husband did mine. And now because of what I am there is no way for me to ever get a second chance."

Twirling one of the ribbons around her finger, I notice it is pink. For a girl. Her eyes showing a longing that softens her expression, trying to mask the hurt that she feels so obviously. It makes me want to comfort her, help her make this life tolerable for her.

Slowly I started to understand why Carlisle had send me to this women.

"Let me be your daughter?" Without any hesitation I ask her. Remembering the comfort of a mother's touch when she had held me. I knew that being a mother was what she had ached for all these years. And I did need someone to hold me, watch me and guide me.

Esme stops what she is doing and looks at me. "You'd want that?"

Her eyes have now lost the hurt expression and a dim smile lights up her face.

"Very much." It wasn't just so I wouldn't be alone in this new life Carlisle gave me. It would give me exactly that strength I needed to hold on to. To find what Carlisle had said would keep me going.

Until I found my own hope to keep me going, I would give hope to Esme.

The days after our talk seemed to flow by easily. Every now and again, Esme would show me things that I could do. Each single one of them made me feel excited and scared at the same time.

She would never judge me for those feelings, instead she would just support me. Saying in time they would feel natural.

When I was with her for 3 weeks, she called me to her. We still hadn't talked about my past and each day that passed. I started to feel more guilty about keeping the other reason why I had come to her a secret.

As I sat down next to her, her face was calm. All her secrets were still on the table because each night we would sit and talk. Each night she would tell me the history of another one of her dark souvenirs. Last night, she had told me the final story. Making me realise, all that was left was my own story.

Without hesitation she looked at me and I knew what she was going to ask me.

" You have been here for a while and there has not been a moment a regret having you as my company. But you seem to be struggling with more than just the adjustment to this life. Let's talk about you..." Grabbing my hand she holds it tight and takes the ring away from me. To my surprise it slips of my finger easily.

" I believe the source of this struggle has something to do with this ring. How did you come to wear this ring on your finger?"

I swallow and bite my lip. My eyes like each time I look at my ring are hypnotised by the green of the stone. Almost making it impossible to look away as Esme puts the ring on the table.

"It was a gift from the man I love with all my heart. He gave it to me before leaving with the king's crusade. As a token of his love and a promise to make me his wife when he returns. But that promise can no longer be kept."

Inside of me I could feel the tremendous rage build up at the injustice that I would never be his wife. Trembling I reach out to pick up the ring but Esme stops me.

"What happened to break that promise?"

Confused I look up at her. How can she ask me that... didn't Carlisle write that in the letter to me? Closing my eyes I remember the line clearly _The ring you wear is made by one of us, she can help you learn our ways._

"What happened is, he died and I tried to take my..."

Unable to finish the sentence I close my eyes and wait for her reaction. Taking your life was a sin, even Esme with her box full of dark secrets... she should understand how bad my judgement has been.

"You tried to take your life after receiving news your beloved had died and Carlisle found you."

Her reply wasn't a question, just a simple statement. Opening my eyes, I look at her. But she doesn't look at me, instead Esme looks at the table. Picking up my ring with a frown and holds it out in front of her, to examine it again.

With a soft growl I snatch it from her fingers. Clutching it in my hand, I don't care at that moment how much pain the memories have caused me in the past weeks. It is the last thing that he gave me and the only thing I have to hold on to.

My actions however don't seem to alarm her. Instead she remains very calm and the hint of a smile shows at the corner of her mouth.

"Carlisle made the right choice at turning you, saving your life and giving you a chance to make things right. Please show your ring again?"

Opening my hand she picks up the ring, eyeing the beautiful green stone in the centre. Tilting her head to the side again, one eyebrow is raised as she examines the ring.

"It's a very unusual color this green." Placing my ring back in my hand, her smile warms and her eyes dance.

"He must be really handsome with eyes like this."

Her words confront me and a flash of green, warm and vibrant crush into my thoughts. Followed by that pain. Clutching my head I shut my eyes, as I do the ring slips from my fingers. I should catch it but can't. It is not my main priority now, my mind is occupied by telling myself to think about nothing. Forcing myself to relax so the pain can stop.

When I have regained my control I open my eyes. Esme is still sitting next to me, the table now cleared. All her tokens are neatly tucked away in it's box again. Hidden for the world to see.

The only thing on the table is my ring. I can't look at it. Instead I turn to face Esme.

"How do you know his eyes are green?"

"To explain that, I first need to tell you how the ring works. Can you listen to my story or do you need to hunt first?"

The mentioning of hunting cause the burning in my throat to increase but the suffering will be worth it if Esme tells me more about the ring.

"Please tell me about the rings first."

Esme nods, gets up and collects one of the books from her grand collection. This one looks old but unlike the others, it's cover looks simple. Opening the book, she flips to a page at the end. Pointing at the page, I look at it. The writing is unsteady, several small pictures framing the text and it is in a language I can not read.

"Your ring is old. Created by me a long time ago. You could say it holds a power, the power to guide two souls together. It only works when two souls are connected beyond their mortal existence."

Frowning I look at the page again. "Did you not say the day I came here, you aren't a witch?"

A wicked smile forms on her face and Esme leaned closer.

"Not at that time. However when you have plenty of time and unlimited resources, any skill can be acquired. This book came in my possession by luck and to be honest, most of it is fake. This spell how ever, is based on a power that is around us, each day of our lifes. It simply allows you to see it in a more clearer form."

Remembering some of the bedtime stories my maids used to tell me. I touch the book, running my fingers over the writing. The letters look old and only one word stands out for me _luv. _Resting my finger on it, Esme nods.

"Have you ever heard of the believe that each person has a soul?"

"What does love has to do with having a soul?" Trying to stay calm, inside of me a little voice begins to warn me. I

Perhaps it would have been better to hunt first. Having emotional pressure added to the burning ache in my body now is making it harder to focus on what Esme is explaining to me.

"Some ancient religions believe that some souls share a spiritual connection, a soulmate. For eternity each soul seeks the other half of that connection. When that soul finds it's other half, the two people that are brought together will love each other beyond anything else in the world. It is the most purest form of love. That bond is unbreakable"

Except by death it is, the cruel and painful thought flashes through my mind. Followed by the vibrant green of Edward's eyes.

"That still doesn't explain how you know about the color of his eyes."

Frowning I watch Esme. Realising I'm still no closer to getting the answer to my first question. Getting more agitated at each moment she hesitates to finish her explanation about my ring.

"They also believe that a persons eyes are a gateway to our souls. To help the other person recognise it's soulmate. When a true lover gives this ring to it's soulmate. The stone in the ring will take the color of his or her eyes. The moment your beloved bought this ring and gave it to you, the spell recognised your love. Changing the stone in this ring to the color of his eyes. Showing that truly, he is you soulmate. It's a connection that stays visible for as long as they both are alive. "

For as long as they both are alive.

Her words echo in my head. I am a vampire and immortal, so I am alive. If that is what you call this life. But Edward, news of his death has been presented to us. It was the trigger that pushed me over the edge, taking my life, leading to my life I have now.

And still the green in my ring was as vibrant as it ever was.

"What happens with the ring... when one half of a soulmate is taken away?"

Gripping the chair so tight, I can feel the wood crumble under the pressure of my fingers. Waiting for Esme to answer, I hold my breath. Afraid to breath as the rage inside of me builds.

"The power remains but without both souls to guide it, the stone..."

Esme doesn't finish her sentence. There is no need because the apologetic look in her eyes tell me enough. My mind finishes the sentence. _Without both souls to guide it, the stone loses it's color._

It is with that knowledge I look at the ring and pain takes over. My last little bit of restraint seems to break away. Getting up from the chair, I push it back. Sending it flying to the back of the room, a soft blow as it smashes into the wall. Heading for the door, my feet move without having to think.

Rushing outside inside of the forest I can hear Esme follow me. Her voice calling after me to stop. For a moment I slow down and look over my shoulder, as I do someone shows up in front of me. Tackling me as arms grab me from behind.

Enraged I try and pull myself away from the arms. As I do a loud ripping sound followed by a sharp pain makes me scream. Something feels wrong but I don't understand what it is.

There is no time to find out because right after that I am hit by the green eyes haunting my mind. Lost in thoughts I close my eyes and give up fighting.

Falling to the ground, the person in front of me catches me. Lifting me from the ground and carrying me back to the house. Even with my eyes closed and my mind basking in the warm comfort of Edward's green eyes. I know i'm back inside where I can smell the scent of the house I just spend the past few weeks in. Carefully someone places me in the bed I thought I wouldn't use and cold lips touch my forehead. I don't fight and let whoever it is take care of me, wishing for the pain and guilt to disappear. Calmed by a familiar voice in the darkness untill finally I hear someone leave the room and know i'm alone. It is then I can finally close my eyes and drift away in a sleepless rest.

_Arms circled around my body from behind me, making me drop the book I was holding. _

_Trying to secretly spend some time outside in the orchard reading I completely lost track of time and the arms around my waist let me know; I'm caught... As the book tumbles down to the ground I look down. My eyes however do not follow the doomed path of my book. Instead they come to rest on the tanned strong arms that are now wrapped around my waist._

"_You really should pay more attention to your surroundings while walking out alone my lady."_

_As usual his voice made me feel week in the knees. I was glad he was standing behind me, not able to see my first expression at his words. Taking a deep breath to steady my breath I hoped that my cheeks wouldn't show how flushed I felt. _

"_Did I startle you?" _

_I knew he was waiting for an answer so instead I stomped my foot on his toe, causing him to let go and step back. Turning around I smile up at Edward. Ready to defend myself and tell him just how... I stopped mid-turn as my eyes caught sight of him. He had obvious been out with the horses, working for his father. Dust covered his clothes and there was some dark smirks on his cheek. His hair was a mess, sweat making it look slightly damp and somehow a few strands of hay were sticking out. Making it look like he had been rolling around in a haystack somewhere, perhaps he had? I didn't care because once my eyes caught sight of him, I wanted him. My cheeks flushed, again. Making me look down, hoping he wouldn't understand it was desire I felt for him._

_Slowly he stepped forward but I needed my space, afraid what I would do if he came closer. Trying to stop him, I placed my hand on his chest. When the palm of my hand came to rest on his chest, I could feel him gasp. Making his chest swell against the palm of my hand. As it did I could feel the muscles move, remembering me what he was. This wasn't my childhood friend anymore, he left me. In his place a man returned with his eyes and smile but a body that cause me to feel things I had never experienced before. _

_Looking up at his face, I can see he is staring down at my hand. His jaw set tight and a frown on his forehead. "Bella.. stop." The forced words vibrate from his chest to my hand, running like a current through my body. Biting my lip, I slowly lower my hand. Only to have him grasp it and stop me from moving away. _

_Holding my wrist in his hand, he looks at me with intense eyes. Even if he wouldn't be holding me in place, I still wouldn't have been able to move. His narrowed gaze has me trapped in front of him. As Edwards eyes travel down my body I can feel the heath rise in my body. With each pause, his hot burning stare makes me shiver in anticipation. In the past week we had enjoyed time together. Playful and innocent like we had been before, but like now.. each time I got close to him, it seemed our connection went deeper. Never had it felt like this. _

_Leaning closer he looks me in the eyes, a green storm raging underneath furrowed eyebrows. For a moment he looks angry, making me gasp for air. Then his face relaxes and he steps forward. " I have been wanting to do this all week Bella." Leaning in deeper his lips softly brush past mine and I tense. This is exactly what I want and fear most at the same time. I know it is wrong but how can it be wrong if his lips feel so good on mine. _

_Pulling away I try and catch my breath. Edward feels me back and slowly rubs his thumb in a circle on the inside of my wrist. The slow intimate touch only makes me loose my breath more._

"_You need to trust me.."_

_I do and with a sigh I lean in closer into his body only to feel a sharp pain in my shoulder and a cold hand replacing Edwards warm touch. From far away I hear another soft voice repeat Edwards words. Struggling to stay with Edward a sharp pain makes me try and move. Again the soft voice talks to me._

" You need to trust me, this will hurt but needs to be done. Now."

Snapping open my eyes I know it's not real, Edward isn't here. It's just the memory of our first kiss that is bringing a smile on my face. Cold hands rest on my shoulder. Followed by a sharp pain that makes me scream out as I feel the pressure increase on my shoulder.

I scream out loud, trying to make whoever is hurting me stop. Screaming doesn't work and for a moment the pain only seems to increase. It is intolerable and I try to get away but 4 hands hold me down. Someone is sitting over my legs to keep my body in place.

As I struggle with the pressure of being held down and pain cutting through my body as the memory of a perfect smile and bright green eyes drift back into my mind. The comfortable feeling of a soft warm kiss placed on my forehead make me relax and forget what is going on. I let it draw me in, waiting for the words I know that will come from these perfect lips.

In my memory Edward smiles at me. __

_"You need to trust me."_

Trust who. Focussing on the memory of his green eyes, I remember my feelings for him. They manage to push the pain to the background helping me hold on to that numb feeling my mind desperately needs. And with that thought I smile and allow my mind to drift away again.

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><p>Have you all read the story before, or are you guys new?<br>Enjoy! Next chapter will be posted soon :-)


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

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><p><strong>The comfortable feeling of a soft warm kiss placed on my forehead make me relax and forget what is going on.<br>I let it draw me in, waiting for the words I know that will come from these perfect lips.  
><strong>

**In my memory Edward smiles at me. _  
>"You need to trust me."<em>**

* * *

><p>A hushed conversation makes me open my eyes for the second time, pulling me out of my drifting state of dreaming. I haven't slept but somehow I do feel rested. Listening closely for any sounds in the house I can clearly hear Esme talking. Her usual pleasant voice with a venomous edge to it.<p>

"How could you do this. She is only a young girl and in so much pain emotionally. Pain she took with her from her human life. You know what that means."

Whoever she is speaking with, surely has called her rage upon themselves.

"Don't you understand that is why I had no choice, such youth. Lost to a broken heart for no reason. When the proof of her lovers existence is right here." With shock I recognize Carlisle's smooth voice.

"She is a newborn with no knowledge of her strength or what she is capable of. You left her alone, hiding from what you have done. It is a miracle the girl even made it here."

Her fierce and protective tone make me smile. Esme is clearly angry at Carlisle, perhaps I should be too.

"Her control is impressive..."

At his broken voice, being mad at him is not an option.

"Do you call her running away from me, fighting us both and hurting herself. Do you call that control."

Frowning I remember running away. Did I hurt myself. Frowning I try and move. Lifting my right hand is easy but the movement causes a sharp stabbing pain in my other shoulder.

"No.. but she.." Feet move and he stops talking.

"You Carlisle Cullen need to take responsibility for your actions."

A loud blow sounds from the living room, followed by a soft hiss and feet moving again.

"Don't try and touch me now or come close to me. I'm very upset." Silence makes me frown, what is going on. Another hiss sounds followed by Esme's voice. " Move out of my way, I need to see how my daughter feels."

Gasping I try and sit up as my heart fills with joy. She called me daughter. The movement hurts too much and carefully I rest back on the bed. Concentrating on the conversation in the living room.

"Your daughter?"

A soft giggle escapes my mouth. Imagining Carlisle's face as he repeats Esme's words, clearly surprised at her claiming me.

"Yes, she needs to be loved by someone who will not judge her and I have always wanted a daughter."

"I understand now."

"No you don't Carlisle. She needs you just as much as she needs me. You have made a mess."

"Yes so you have told me." There is no sound for a moment and then I hear whisper. "A daughter, I've never imagined ever raising a child."

It is silent for another few seconds, followed by footsteps to my door. Then Esme responds in a very calm voice. I can hear her on the other side of the door. "There is not much to raise, the girl is young and shall remain young forever. What she does need is our support and protection."

The door opens and Esme walks in.

Her face just as calm and loving as I remember it. Nothing indicates that she just had a fight with Carlisle.

"How are you feeling Isabella?

Sitting on the bed next to me, she carefully touches my shoulder. I bite my lip at the stabbing pain. "It hurts."

Esme removes her hand and looks over her shoulder at Carlisle who stands in the doorway, watching us.

"Let me see. I have experience with wounds like this."

Walking closer, Esme moves aside but he moves to the other side of the bed and sits across from her. For a moment they look at each other. A silent exchange of words followed by a loving look in both their eyes. I feel like I'm intruding and look away, only to feel another sharp stabbing pain at my shoulder when Carlisle puts his hands on me.

"I thought vampires are immortal." Softly growling while staying still as he gently pushes and probes my shoulder.

Frowning he finishes his exam. Placing my dress back over my shoulder. He looks at Esme for a moment. Unspoken words seem to flow between them.

"We are. Getting parts ripped from your body however, is something that hurts." Chuckling softly he leans closer. "Even when you are a vampire."

I push away the dress with my right-hand. Examining my shoulder, a pink line marks the complete joint, running around my shoulder. As I touch the mark, I remember now how I tried to pull away from Esme who was holding my arms at my back. The ripping sound and stabbing pain as my arm comes away from my shoulder.

"Your shoulder should be better by the end of today but you will need to feed. Do you think you could come with us, and stay with us while hunting?" A small smile curls his lips as he sees my face.

I know he can see the hunger in my eyes, I can feel it also. A longing to feed... for the warm blood to satisfy my needs. "Yes." Whispering with a rough low voice, I'm ashamed but excited at the same time.

Both Esme and Carlisle get up and leave my room. Quickly I find my bag and grab the tunic. It is already covered with blood and dirt from the previous hunts with Esme. Perfect to wear today. Outside I can hear the rain, pounding down on the roof. My dress, at least the part that is still in tact, would suffer and only get in the way. Instead I just wear the long tunic, it comes down to halfway my knees. If I would still be human, heat would flush my cheeks at knowing others would see me so scarcely dressed. But not in this lifestyle. Now the need to run and chase without any limitations, it's too strong.

Carlisle and Esme are already waiting for me. As soon as I step outside to join them, the rain I could hear from inside the house comes down on me. Like a flood washing down on me.

The cool wet sensation helps to calm me further and with a smile I lean my head back and feel the big raindrops come down on my face. Each singular raindrop easily pinpointed on my face, as it lands and breaks into little pieces before sliding down my face. As they do, they are causing a steady rhythm. The beat seems to run like a current through my entire body. It's the closest thing I have felt in a long time to the beating of my heart. It brightens my mood and with a smile I follow Esme and Carlisle deep into the forest. Finding an unexpected peace in the hunt they lead.

Starting with that first hunt together with Carlisle and Esme, from there on things got better for still felt wrong to hunt an animal...making me feel like an animal myself. But each time we would go out, I was amazed at how easy my body seemed to take control of my mind. There was nothing like the thrill of running at high speed, or at least for humans it would be high speed. Rushing forwards through the forest, listening to the heartbeat of the animal Carlisle had selected to kill.

And each time as my eyes would set sight of the deer, I would flawlessly crouch and pounce. It reminded me of the cats that had been kept in the stables, somehow going from soft and cuddly pets to a sharp hunter at the smallest hint of a mouse invading their territory. Like them I would feel my body come to life, catch and claim the prey I was hunting. Each time that would happen I would find release at the moment my teeth sank deep down in the warm flesh of the deer and caused the blood to run freely in my mouth. Each time I would feel a little bit of my humanity slip way and love my new self a little bit more.

I was slowly coming to terms with who I was.

It did off course help there were some added gifts to being a vampire. Besides being extremely fast, strong and never having to sleep. I was slowly getting used to my new senses, at first the sounds and smells had conflicted me. Thinking back now, it seemed almost impossible for myself to have traveled to Esme alone. For the first year I had constantly battled the conflict within myself, now I was slowly regaining control of myself.

With that, something else started to grow. Carlisle had explained to me some vampires were gifted. He thought I had a gift myself. At first my gift was only triggered by my strongest human memory, taking control of me when needed. Now it was easier to control without the mind numbing pain that came with my memories, hammering away in my head.

Carlisle couldn't help me understand what it was exactly I could do. But for some reason I could somehow influence my vampire characteristics. It was only subtle changing and didn't seem so important. However I hoped with training, my gift could strengthen.

Right now the best I could do was changing the color of my eyes. When focussing on my eyes, they would slowly dull to a human brown. A slightly deeper and darker chocolate brown then my eyes had been before. But it made me look very human. Something I enjoyed doing and something Esme would laugh about when she caught me in front of the mirror, practicing.

When I did that, the side effect was that my enhanced senses seemed to be dulled. Both Esme and Carlisle had expressed concern, claiming it could leave me vulnerable. At the same time they understood it could give me freedom. Confining my senses, made it easier to be in control and not get tempted by the sweet smell of their blood. It wasn't much but slightly enough for me to be around humans freely.

My gift and progress in control caused Carlisle and Esme to be proud of me. In return that was what made me feel happy. Spending time with them made me forget often what I had left behind and time seemed to pas quickly. Soon after Carlisle and myself had moved in with Esme, he had gone into town. Introducing himself and making clear, he was living with his wife and daughter in the old farmhouse.

We had no trouble pretending to be a family. When humans first caught sight of us, they would all notice the similarities. The slightly too pale colour of our skin and light eyes made us in fact look similar. But that was where it ended.

Esme was taller than me, with kind eyes and always a warm loving smile on her lips. Her eyes were framed by strong eyebrows, somehow making it seem like they accentuated the kindness in her eyes. And her hair was just below the shoulder, short for traditional hairstyle but the deep honey colour seemed to make up for that.

I myself had kept the willowy frame, hardly showing any feminine curves. But at least I had long curls, dark and wild flowing down my back. Somehow they never got tangled and just a simple shake of my head would make them frame my face perfectly. Another thing to be thankful for. My eyes were usually the same shade as Esme and Carlisle as we hunted together but they were slightly too big for my face and in the rare occasion I would join Carlisle into town, people would stare at me with a curious look.

So I spend most of my time at the house. Listening to Esme tell stories about anything I would ask her. With great detail she could recall everything that had happened and all the things she had seen in her life.

The box in the back of the drawer was never ever mentioned again. Just like I didn't dare mention what occupied my mind a lot. The ring on my finger still had the brightest green stone I had ever seen. Each day I looked at it, my heart would ache.. knowing that it promised me that somewhere Edward was still out there, alive and waiting for me to find him.

It only made me more focused and practice harder, knowing that no matter how much peace I could find at my current quiet lifestyle with Carlisle and Esme watching over me. I could never, ever condemn Edward to this life.

Leaving me with only one option, I needed to fully master whatever the limit was of my gift. Masking my true self, the vampire from the rest of the world and the man I love.

Word had come to Carlisle of my mothers death. It had surprised me. Somehow I expected to feel a loss at the knowledge. But when Carlisle had sat me down and told me, I didn't feel anything.

Things were different with my father. The century had turned and I knew he must be getting old. In the past 25 years I had been away from my father, he had gained many loyal friends. He was loved and his wise words were sought after in the entire country. Now his last days were called and from far, travellers came passing through our town on their way south. Carlisle had overheard them talking in town and when he informed me, my heart had broken a little bit.

As soon as I knew, I needed to see him. Seeking closure from my human life. Carlisle and Esme understood and silently we packed our belongings. We would travel by night, without being noticed and had agreed that we would try to keep a low profile when staying in the area where I grew up.

Traveling together, the three of us took the same route I had when first coming here. It surprised me that somehow even in my clouded mind, I had still managed by instinct to travel the most direct route. Correction, almost the most direct route. Like I had done, we avoided the small village I had struggled to bypass.

It felt strange coming through the same field I had almost killed the little girl in. This time there were no sheep, just a few cows. Scrunching my nose I looked at the large slow animals. Their blood was as tasteless and boring as they were exciting.

After only one night we came close to my home town. Each step made me feel more excited and more scared. Carlisle ensured me, people would not recognize me. 25 years was too much for them to consider who I was, at best they would notice a similarity but most likely they wouldn't know where from.

When we came close to the convent I had woken up in, Carlisle went ahead alone. After an hour he returned, a smile on his face. "We are in luck. My friend is still here, he is very old and frail but still has a bright mind. He has welcomed us into their home, for as long as we want."

I remembered him, he had given me advise. Risking his life to come out at night and wish me safe travels. When we entered, using the same gate at the back. He was standing across the yard, watching us. His old body was hunched over and it made my own immortality more real. When he caught sight of me a smile formed on his face, making the wrinkles in his face fold even further. I smiled back at him, hoping he understood I too remembered and was very thankful.

During the next day we rested and I spend some time reading. The convent had an even larger collection of scrolls and books. Most monks spending the majority of their time, copying them by hand. Carlisle sat down and joined them, a peaceful look on his face as his hands swiftly copied each letter.

His handwriting was steady, elegant, flawless and above all he could work very fast. Yes, seeing him at work I could understand why they had loved him so much. He seemed to belong her just as much as he belonged with Esme. When the sun started to set, Esme and I went out for a quick hunt. Like usual I would let her lead, it was the most comfortable way for me. Not having to choose a prey and making a conscious choice to kill an animal. After we were done, she slowly walked back with me at her side.

It was a dark night, just a few stars out to light our path. Not that we needed light, our eyes had perfect vision at night. But at times like these we had no fear at being seen, two women alone at night in the woods. At first I didn't notice but when my feet stopped and I looked around, i recognized the place.

Somehow we had wandered to the small clearing where Carlisle had found me 25 years ago. It seemed untouched. Sitting down I touched the ground and dug my fingers in the soil. Wanting to connect with the humanity I lost that night. But no matter how deep I dug all I could think of was how my own actions had brought me here. And what I had taken from myself. Esme let me sit for a while until I was ready to go back to the convent. Watching me like she had the first year of my life.

When we approached the convent, the old monk was waiting at the gate. He didn't move away as I approached him, followed by Esme. Instead he stepped towards me. As he did, I could smell the bitter scent come from him. It was just as unappealing to me as it had been years ago. Even more now I had better control of thirst.

"My dear I have a gift for you." Holding out his hand, in it I could see a bundle of fabric. Carefully I took it from his hand and looked at it. Esme watched me also, just as curious as I was.

"When Carlisle brought you here, I knew who you were. It took a great deal of my inner strength to not step forward when word reached us about your disappearance. I kept silent, knowing if you wanted to be found or wanted your parents to know what had happened to you. You would contact them. Your disappearance was a great burden on your mother, her illness took more and more from her life. We have offered services to your mother many times in the past years during her illness. On her final evening, she called for someone to sit by her side and help her pass. I was the only one available and went to see her.

She confessed feeling guilt, a guilt that weighed down on her for never giving her daughter what she should have given you. Claiming she could not love her daughter like her husband could. It broke her heart. I reassured her, that somehow and someway you would know. Trying to give her peace of mind in her final hours.

Your mother begged me to take this and keep it safe. Wishing that when the day would come and you were found. It should be yours. You see all the years you were away, she never gave up hope. Believing in her heart, you were still alive."

Without thinking I reached out my hand and gently placed it over his. The warmth of his skin was a welcome shock, something I wasn't used to anymore.

"Thank you for keeping your promise."

Looking down at the small bundle of fabric, I held it in my hand carefully. Giving him one more hesitant smile before seeing him turn and walk away silently. Like he had many years ago after he had given me his gift. Like that time, I doubted he would say more if I followed him.

Sitting down under a tree, Esme joined me. The two of us now looking at the gift in my hands. It reminded me a little bit of the way we had started. Sitting down each evening and taking a small object from her past. She had talked and I had listened. It had been our way of getting to knew each other, creating trust and understanding that had only grown in the past years.

"Do you want me to unwrap it?"

Shaking my head I started to unfold it myself.

Even with the fabric still covering my present, I knew what it was.  
>My fingers folding around it, recognizing the small shape and allowing myself to be flooded by my memories.<p>

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><p>AN Next 20 chapters are ready ;-)


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

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><p><strong>"Do you want me to unwrap it?"<strong>

**Shaking my head I started to unfold it myself.**

**Even with the fabric still covering my present, I knew what it was.**  
><strong>My fingers folding around it, recognizing the small shape and allowing myself to be flooded by my memories.<strong>

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><p>As soon as it was uncovered I balanced it on my hand.<p>

"It's a flute." Esme sounded surprised. Her reaction made me chuckle and smile. Caressing the soft wood, seeing and feeling now what my eyes couldn't then. Small scratches and dents, where the wood had been carved to deep when making the flute. Contrasted by the patches where my frequent touch had worn down the grain and the wood felt smooth and soft. It reminded me how much I had used it.

"Edward made it for me when I was a little girl. We would play in the orchard together, we both had one of these. He made them for us, we would use it while playing hide and seek. It was a game we played, our game. After he left for the first time, my world revolved around this flute. I carried it around all day, even slept with it. Clutching it into my hand or hiding it under my pillow.

I was so sure my mother didn't know, but she did. After a while she took it from me, giving me some handwork back. Saying I should get over my childish crush and start acting like a young lady. It felt like losing him all over again and for days I refused to pick up the handwork she had left for me to finish. My father finally persuaded me to listen to my mother, in exchange he promised me to tell me any news he heard about Edward.

Perhaps I should have fought harder back then and could have prevented ending up in the situation I am now."

Clutching the small flute to my chest, I try to control the hurt I feel. Afraid I'll snap the fragile wooden item in my hands. Gently I lay it down in front of me. After all these years of thinking my mother hated me I find out she has kept my fondest childhood memory of the man I love safe. It changes my perspective and small details of our dialogues shift, making me understand perhaps my mother tried to help me instead of hurt me.

"I'd like to see my father now." Talking out loud, I don't wait for Esme's confirmation and just get up. The flute is still lying on the ground in front of me. Bending over I pick it up and wrap it up again in the soft fabric that has protected it all these years. Like the ring, it's a memory of my humanity I will cherish for the rest of my life.

Esme ends up persuading me to wait for Carlisle and her to join me. It's late and most likely there will be no one with him at this hour. So I agree, knowing they are only trying to help me.

When we reach my house, my former house. The place I spend the first 16 years of my life, we walk through the orchard, across the small field and pass the stables. It seems like nothing has changed on the outside but the atmosphere is different. My father, the lord of the house is dying and with the anticipation of that loss even the property surrounding the house seems more quiet.

Reaching the backdoor that will bring me in the kitchen and give direct access to the long hallway leading to my parents old bedroom. I pause and look at Esme and Carlisle. They nod, letting me go first.

Quietly I walk through the kitchen, the small fire in the corner shows that at least one person is probably rummaging around somewhere in the house. Taking a deep breath I'm assaulted with the smell of wood burning, some dried meats that are hanging in the chimney.. it's revolting and I scrunch my nose. Somehow I had expected the sweet smell of fresh baked bread or at least the familiar smell of the wood burning in the fireplace to welcome me. It doesn't, all the things I used to love in this kitchen are now.. not so loveable.

Carlisle chuckles as he realizes what I am trying to do and in response I glare at him. He just puts his hands up, letting me know he is sorry. Together we walk down the hallway. At the end, it will lead into the largest of bedrooms. It has been my parents for as long as I remember.

Standing in front of the door, suddenly I feel like a little girl again. Esme puts her hand on my shoulder and softly squeezes it. "Are you sure about saying good bye, we can still turn back?"

"No, I need to do this." Pushing the door open, I stand in the doorway and look into the room. It has hardly changed, the large bed in the center still takes up most of the space. In front of the window is a small table and a chair, to the right a large fireplace with in it a small fire and above the fireplace is the only change. There in the center of the wall is a large painting. Walking over to it I gasp, thankful for my inability to cry.

Looking down on me from the painting is a warm and smiling girl, her brown hair cascading in curls around her shoulders and her eyes are a sparkling light brown. It's me, the human me. The way my parents remembered me. Gasping I cover my mouth with my hand and sit down on the floor in front of the fireplace, staring up at the painting..

"You were beautiful Bella." Stroking my hair, Esme comes to help me. Picking me up from the floor and hugging me tight to her body. Carlisle just stands and waits for us to finish bonding until a movement in the bed makes me tense up.

"Who's there?"

The voice is raspy and the words sound excited rather then scared. Letting go of Esme I walk over to the side of the bed. My father's eyes probably can't see me in the dark, or at least not very clearly. But I can see him with clarity.

He looks old and weak. Almost unrecognizable to me. His hair is thin and almost white and his face is wrinkled and covered with a white beard. The only thing that stands out are his eyes, like I remember them. Grey and sharp as they seek for my form in the dark of his room.

Sitting down next to him, I lay my hand over his. Touching him as careful as I can, even with my light touch, the heath from his skin is burning into my skin. Finally his eyes seem to know where to look and he turns his face to look at me. When he does, his eyes go wide.

"My angel daughter, have you come to take me?" His words are calm and pleasant. Again I'm glad for not being able to cry. So instead I smile a soft smile and brush the hair out of his face. Leaning down and placing a soft kiss on his forehead. From the corner of my eye I see Carlisle hold Esme back, stopping her from stepping closer and blocking me. It hurts for a moment that she thinks I could hurt my father and I'm grateful to Carlisle for understanding that I never could.

"I've not come to take you father, but I have come to say farewell." My voice sounds light and sweet, the opposite of how I feel but I don't care because my father just looks up and smiles a large toothless smile at me.

"You look so pretty, just like I remember you." His hand reaches up with a lot of effort and touches my skin. Just like he used to when I was a little girl. "My angel." His breathing is unstable and I can hear his heart stutter in an uneven breath as he struggles for air. Panicked I look at Carlisle and Esme and am relieved to see they rush forward.

Esme holds my other hand and Carlisle gently take Charlie's hand and checks his pulse. Counting the beats, like I am but at the same time measuring the blood flow. Something he has found he can do with his heightened skills over the past years and proving to be a real help in treating humans. When he looks at me, his eyes say enough. I give him a quick nod and bite my lip as a distraction as I hear the faint beat of Charlie's heart grow slower and slower.

"I love you father." This time my voice isn't the sweet and calm voice that comes to a vampire so easy. It's thick with emotions and I can barely finish what I want to say. Charlie just sighs and opens his eyes, looking at the ceiling this time.

"I love you too." His words are followed by a wheezing sound and lots of coughing. And I have to let go, afraid i'll grip his hand too tight in mine as I can see him slip away in front of me. "Just promise me one thing..." Searching for my hand, Charlie clutches onto my arm instead. " Let Edward take care of you..."

His words make me freeze and inside the monster rages at it's shielded confinement. As I struggle with myself, Charlie takes a long last breath. And my last chance to say anything is gone. " Charlie." Without thinking I reach for his shoulders and forget my strength. Gripping tight and deep into his flesh as I lift him to my chest, burying my nose in his hair and rocking.

"Bella, you have to let go." Both Esme and Carlisle have their hands on my shoulders and back, touching me. Keeping me in place. I can feel their love and concern for me but it is so easily pushed away by the pain of finally losing the last family I had in my human life.

"I can't let go." Rocking from side to side with my father still tight against my body I close my eyes. Allowing all my happy memories to flood my mind, grateful for having kept them when entering my immortal life.

"You have to sweety, at least physically." Esme, as usual sounds like a sweet loving mother and her words are a gentle reminder. I do have to let go off him now, physically but I can keep him in my heart forever.

Gently I release him from my hold and lay him back down against his pillows. Closing his eyes and placing one last kiss on his forehead. As I do, my eyes comes to rest on the silver chain that is around his neck. It's the one he has worn for as long as I can remember. When I pull it up from under his shirt I see it now holds two thin rings, my parents wedding rings. Carlisle gently places his hands over mine and takes the chain with the rings from Charlies neck. Careful not to disturb him anymore then I have already done. "I think he would have wanted you to have them."

Slipping the long silver chain around my neck, it still feels slightly warm from being on a human body. I smile, feeling the warmth and look up at Carlisle. "Thank you."

We get up and they walk ahead, allowing me one last look at my father before leaving the room.  
>He looks so peaceful and I know it is time.<br>Time for me to move on with my life.

My own resolution resonates in my head. It is time for me to move on with my life. But the only thing that has moved in my life, is myself. Literally, from the northern small town where Esme had her pretty little house. From the secluded forests, away from watching eyes, where Carlisle, Esme and myself could form a family. We had left and relocated to the big city of London.

After several days of keeping a low profile and grieving in the convent for my father, Carlisle had come to talk with me. He had sat me down, supported by Esme, and announced that we were moving to London. He had obtained the house from a family that had to move to France. Leaving it available for a longer period of time and it was fully furnished.

Within 2 days, everything was arranged and we could move. Esme was ecstatic and spend the first week rearranging all the furniture so we had more living space and less human clutter as she decided to call it. Through the years both Esme and Carlisle had acquired rather a lot of possessions. Each one of them old and valuable found a new place in our home.

The move had at first caused me to be excited but soon I found out, living in a larger city made it impossible to act normal. Normal for a vampire. We had gone from having a free and outdoor life in the countryside. To a life in the spotlight where everything we did forced us to hide our true nature. When people came to our house, they always expected us to run a full household. Including servants to work for us. We didn't and that fact alone made us frowned upon in the social circles.

I had very quickly grown accustomed to hunting at late hours in the dark. But during the day keeping up pretenses of being human combined with the constant assault on my senses was slowly wearing me down. Each day I hated the humans that were around me more and more. Wishing we could go back to living that secluded life up north and at least feel free. Still it was worth it all because within days of my fathers death, Carlisle had learned that many of the valuables from my first home had been brought to London. To Edward.

Since moving to the city, I had sat down each day to read some of the more academic books and a few rare poems I had managed to retrieve through Carlisle. He found great joy in my need for knowledge. Carlisle didn't understand, that during the day when he and Esme retreated to share some couples time and it was sunny outside, music and reading really was all I could do.

One grey afternoon I decided to take my reading outside. Finding a quiet and secluded spot in a field not far from our house. It's tranquil surrounding was perfect for reading a poem. Due to the grey weather, it was clouded enough for me to be outside and because I had been hunting the evening before I did not bother hiding my eyes. They were a rich golden brown, warm enough to pass for human eyes without being frowned upon. With my feet in the grass, I sat and read. The words were so rich they called for my full attention and because of that, I didn't pay attention to my surroundings.

It wasn't until I had finished reading the paragraph I was concentrating on, that I noticed people were in the area.  
>The wheels on the carriage squeaked loud enough for even a human to notice. Glancing up I could see the simple yet comfortable carriage being pulled by one horse. It had already passed it, was a man on foot holding the horse that pulled the carriage. I smelled the earthy sweet scent of the horse. Indicating they had traveled far already. A slight burn presented itself at the back of my throat and frowning I stopped breathing. Only to notice the carriage was accompanied by a man on horse.<p>

The man on the horse caught my eye, somehow not blending in with the simple clothes of the man on foot and the carriage he seemed to be escorting. When I allowed my stare to rest on him, they had already passed me and somehow the denied chance to see what the front of this man looked like made me growl in defeat. It was impossible to stop staring at the broad shoulders and strong straight back that went down to a pair of agile legs, wrapped around the horse. Making me wish for a moment he wasn't straddling the saddle but me instead. Would he smile, as he looked down on me?

Sticking the thin book I was reading into the large pocket at the front of my gown, I got up. I needed to know what he looked like, it didn't even feel like having a choice. Without looking back or checking if anyone had seen me, I started to follow them on foot. Keeping my distance and pulling my cloak tight around me, covering my face with the hood. Excited at finding something to do on this day, even if I did not know what it was. The feelings I felt were new, unknown and a mystery to me.

After following them for about half an hour, we got closer to the city. They had traveled the lesser used road, avoiding any obstacles and were now heading back towards the direction of the city. Reaching a large estate with woods shielding the main house from the rest of the houses in the area. It was secluded yet close to the city, like the house Carlisle had acquired for our stay here. Hiding in the shadow of the trees I watched from far how two maids came from the house. Rushing to help a women and a child from the carriage.

As they did, the man on the horse turned to face them. The moment he did, I felt like my insides exploded. Finally I could see how magnificent he was.. only to know already. I had seen that face before. Gripping the tree, my fingers dug straight through the bark and into the life wood. Making it yield for my touch, ignoring how it would leave proof of my existence.

In front of me, aged and yet breathtakingly beautiful,was Edward.

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><p>AN There is no 'like' button, so please leave a review if you feel like it ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

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><p><strong>Finally I could see how magnificent he was.. only to know already.<br>I had seen that face before.**

**Gripping the tree, my fingers dug straight through the bark and into the life wood.**  
><strong>Making it yield for my touch, ignoring how it would leave proof of my existence.<strong>

**In front of me, aged and yet breathtakingly beautiful,was Edward.**

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><p>His face looked just as handsome as I remembered it. The years had added lines to his face that had not been there. Causing strength to radiate from his face and making his green eyes stand out even more. From far I stared at him, soaking in each small detail of his perfection. Knowing he wouldn't be able to see me and therefore allowing me a chance to study him without feeling guilty. His eyes scanned the area and I could see his mouth move, answering a question from the women who just left the carriage. He seemed distracted, looking in my direction for one last moment before he turned the horse and road away towards the stables.<p>

_Follow him _My inner voice told me, begged me and tried to force me. But I couldn't because between me and Edward were what I presumed his child and his wife. Seeing them felt like being hit with something hot and sharp, slashing away at my ice cold skin and ripping apart my insides.

He did not wait for me... he had moved on and created a family for himself.

Watching the women and the child, I noticed the women walked towards the house. She was followed by the two maids, letting them take care of her luggage and child. Her steps were fast and aggressive, almost like she was angry. When I took a closer look I could see she was rather attractive.

Off-course, why wouldn't a man like Edward take a wife that was attractive... he himself was the most handsome man I had ever seen. And in my human years I had been just a plain brown eyed girl from an upper class, who had fallen in love with her childhood friend.

Growling I watched her. She was still scowling and waited at the door for Edward to join her. The child was already inside, being taken care of by a maid. As Edwards walked up to her, I watched his strong sure strides. When he reached the woman, she put her hands on his shoulders and stepped closer. Edward responded by leaning down and kissed her on the lips.

The kiss is short, but enough for me to lose control. Turning around I smash my fists into the nearest tree and punch it. A massive blow echoing through the forest as it cracks into two pieces, split down the middle. It seems fitting for the way I feel right now. Cut in half by knowing I have wasted my time. Ending up waiting too long to find the man I loved, he had moved on.

Rushing home I am grateful for the woods surrounding the estate. Taking a longer route than needed but seeking the cover from the thick forest as I drop my shield and run at vampire speed. Carefully listening, scanning the area for any humans, to make sure I won't by accident expose myself. When I finally reach my home, I stand at the edge of the garden. Inside I can hear Esme and Carlisle talking about a play they are going to see, a happy and light tone in their conversation. They are so happy together, finally allowing each other to love one another without holding back.

I feel cruel to throw my own pain at them, again. Waiting outside so I can calm down, I remember the sight of Edward, sitting on his horse and staring into the direction of the woods I was hiding in. For a moment it felt like he noticed me, on a deeper level. Almost by instinct. That connection I felt was all in my mind. It shattered into a thousand pieces, right after he had kissed another women, in front of my eyes.

Waiting a little bit longer I can slowly feel myself regain some control, pushing my shield up so my black eyes are covered by a dull brown. Allowing me to hide how upset I am.

It was in that moment the grey clouds finally opened up and blessed me with rain. Standing in it, I turn around with my arms stretched out and my face lifted to the sky. Allowing mother nature to calm me with her gift, together with my shield it doesn't take long for my anger to be under control.

Hiding my true feelings I walk inside, stripping my wet dress from my body and going to my room immediately. When I reach it, Esme is already sitting in my room.

"Did you think, standing outside for hours would go unnoticed?" Her voice sounds light but her eyes give her away. She is angry and worried.

Upset about being caught I throw aside my wet dress and start going through my clean dresses, finding a short sleeved blue one. A summer dress that would be much too cold if I were human. The material is so thin and soft, it always makes me feel free. Exactly how I want to feel now.

Taking off my underdress I quickly slip on the blue dress and turn around to face Esme. She is still sitting on the bed. Her mouth a thin line as she watches me change. Walking over to her I sit down on the bed, handing her my hairbrush. Relaxing her face she takes it from me and turns me so I am seated with my back to her. Something I am grateful for, it will make lying so much easier when she asks me things I do not want to answer. Taking a deep breath I exhale slowly and finally answer her. "I did not think it would go unnoticed but I also did not think it would cause for you to be worried."

Esme brushes my hair with long strokes for a while. Silently working, waiting for me to say more. When I don't say anything else, she sighs deep and starts to weave my long hair into a simple braid, letting it fall down the middle of my back.

"You can always tell me anything, I like to think we have no secrets from each other. But if you wish to remain silent about what happened today, I will respect it." Finishing my braid she gets up and places my hairbrush on the bed next to me. Retreating from the room without saying a single word.

After she leaves I collapse back on the bed and look up at the wood ceiling, trying to follow each little grain in the beams. Finding something to think about, anything to think about as long as it is not him.

My resistance lasted about 7 hours. Finally in the early morning I gave up. Esme and Carlisle had gone out hunting together so I had the house completely to myself. No one would miss me if I disappear for a few hours.

Would a few hours be enough? Shrugging I do not wish to answer and go through my clothes once more. After finding a cream colored dress, the material is thick and it has long sleeves and deep pockets at the front. I quickly change into it and hang the summer dress out on display. Ready for my next rebellious mood to calm me.

I left my room, going outside and returning to Edwards house the same way I had taken this afternoon. Running through the forest, the rain had stopped but the leaves were still damp and by the time I had reached his house, I could feel the skirt of my dress was wet and heavy, wrapping around my legs as I slowed down to a walk.

Reaching the split tree I stop and stare for a moment. Straight ahead is his house, am I strong enough to go there. Shaking my hand I lay my hand on the damaged tree. The damage one angry punch has caused is enough to answer my question. Taking one last look at the house, I then face the small building to the side. Using the trees as cover for the biggest part of my walk, I reach the stables and slowly open the door.

Inside it is warmer, the smell of horses, fresh hay and something else reaches my nose. The last scent is so sweet, it causes my nostrils to flare and my mouth to water. Following the scent I rush to the back of the stables. Stopping in front of the last stall. In it is the large horse Edward was riding the previous afternoon. Spooked it moves to the back of the stables, sensing I'm not human and a threat. For a moment my throat burns and the monster inside of me wishes to pounce and devour. But I ignore it and instead look to find what caused me to come over here. Hanging on a hook in front of the stable is a riding coat. The riding coat that Edward had been wearing earlier today. Taking it down from the hook, I bring it to my face.

The scent is the most satisfying and tormenting thing I have ever smelled in my entire life. Clutching the coat tighter I buried my nose deeper into it. Could he have smelled this good to me when I was human? Groaning I know the answer already. No.

As a human I had experienced his scent, his voice, his looks with dulled eyes. Never could I have imagined this and the knowledge only makes me more eager to see him up close. The burning in my throat however alarms me, seeing him right now is absolutely impossible. If this is how I felt with his coat, covered in sweat and dirt from the horses. How would I react to his pure clean scent.

_It will be magnificent _ The monster inside of me rejoiced, sending my entire body in a flaming hunger. Dropping the coat, I took a few steps toward the large doors that will lead me to the direction of the main house, ready to rush in. But my gift allows me to strip me from all these feelings for a moment, keeping me in place. No it won't be magnificent I firmly told myself, it would be unbearable.

Ripping a strip of fabric from the coat I stuff it down the sleeve of my gown, knowing it is safe there. On my body, touching my skin like it had touched his. Just the thought makes me feel a tiny burst of excitement. Bringing my arm up I check and true enough his scent reaches me, even when smothered by my own it is the most wonderful thing I have ever smelt.

Placing the coat back on the little hook, I watch the horse. It still looks at me with frightened eyes, it's body tense and nostrils flared. Sensing something about me is wrong, like any other animal does when it first meets me. Standing still as a statue I wait for it to come closer. When it does, it's warm nose nuzzles me. Gently I touch it's nose, caressing the velvet warmth. The animal flinches for a moment, but then stands still and calms down. Allowing me to show him affection, the trust brings a smile to my face. Whishing humans could accept me this easy. Could Edward?

The thought of him makes me raise my arm again and take in his smell. As I do I hear small footsteps outside, someone is coming towards the stables. Probably getting an early start at todays work. I silently walk towards the door, Knowing I should run. Leave this place before getting caught. But I don't. Instead I look outside through the window. The sun has already started to rise. From the direction of the house the little boy is approaching.

His young eyes are shining and his face is a giant grin. Giving away the fact that he is sneaking out, unattended. Looking around I can only see one hidingplace. Jumping up 4 meters I grab one of the giant beams and sit on it. Just in time to look down and see the little boy sneak in the stables.

He glances sideways before pulling the door to close behind him and then runs to the last stable. The stable where Edwards horse is standing. Weary I watch him run, afraid he will fall and trip. Unsure of how I will react. To my relieve he makes it down to the back in one piece. Only to open up the door and reach up to pet the horse on it's nose.

It is then I realise, the animal was not merely spooked by me. It is in fact easily spooked in general. Shifting it's weight, the large animal throws it's head up. From my spot up high I can see his eyes roll back, revealing the white. As he does, a saying my father used to tell me comes to mind. Never trust a horse with too much white in it's eyes.

Just as I think about that, the horse tries to push outside his stall, knocking the little boy to the ground. As the boy falls he waves his arms and shouts in surprise. It isn't loud but enough to spook the horse once more. Getting on his back legs, he trashes his front legs forward. As he lands, barely placing his giant feet next to the little boys body I gasp. Without thinking I let myself fall down, and within seconds I am covering the boys body with my own.

"Hold still." I whisper in his ear and then I turn my head to look at his face. To see bright green eyes staring up at me. He nods, too afraid to speak. Picking him up, I step forward and place him on some hay that is in the corner. Turning around immediately and stretching my arms out at the horse. "Whooa boy.. calm down." Using my sweetest voice, I hope the animal remembers me. He get's up on his back legs once more, but this time drops to the ground quickly and lowers his head.

Carefully I reach out and place my hand on his nose. Gently patting it. To my relieve he listens and let's me push him back into his stall. As soon as possible, I grab the door and close it. Gripping it tight I close my eyes for a second, only to feel a small warm hand placed against my leg.

The touch burns through my skirts as it moves a little, I realize he is nudging me, trying to get my attention. Looking down underneath my arm, my eyes meet a pair of green eyes staring up at me.

"Are you an angel?" His lips tremble slightly, alerting me to the fact he is about to start crying. Taking in the rest of his face, it shows no resemblance to Edward at all, his hair is red and his cheeks hold freckle's. Sighing in relieve at that knowledge, I crouch down not sure what to expect or why I'm doing this. He steps closer to me and without warning puts his arms around me.

Freezing my body, I panic. It's the closest any human has ever come to me and the burn in the back of my throat causes me to stop breathing and close my eyes. His hot trembling voice brushes past my skin and I know he expects me to say something back. But I can't. I need oxygen to talk and right now, any oxygen I inhale will seduce me even further.

So irrationally I do the only thing I can. Standing up I lift the little boy, adjusting him slightly so he is on my hip. Holding him close to my body with one arm, like my maid used to hold me when I was a little girl. The boy grabs a handful of fabric at my shoulder but luckily he leans back slightly to watch my face.

Walking outside I sit him down under the large tree in front of the stables. Once he is sitting there, he let's go. I can finally step back and take a deep breath. Focussing on all the other scents in the air. Damp grass mixed with a hint of pine tree. Calming down I pull my shield up and look down at the boy. He is staring at me with his mouth open. Making sure to smile and soften my face as I finally speak. "What is your name?"

For a moment he thinks, then he smiles back. "Thomas, Missus angel." Proud at answering the question he smiles even wider. Showing me that he misses a front tooth. It's so adorable and innocent. I can't help but laugh . To be safe, I stand a meter away from him. "Nice to meet you Thomas." He nods once and places his little hands in his lap as he watches me.

"What were you doing in the stable so early, without an adult?" Looking at the boy, I guess he is about 4 or 5 years old. Not an appropriate age to run around the stables on his own. This time he doesn't respond and the smile disappears from his face. Picking at his shirt with his little fingers he looks away from me. Avoiding eye contact. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, looking up at me from under his thick lashes. The green of his eyes so intense as he answers me. "I wanted to see daddy's horse."

Nodding, to show him I understand, I sit down. Keeping the distance between us. "You could have been hurt."

"But you saved me Missus Angel, you fell from the sky." The response is quick this time. The smile is back on his face again and I can't help but smile also. Thinking about my actions earlier today. He did probably perceive my dropping down from my hiding place as falling down from the sky. Before I can say anything he gets up. Watching him with big eyes, I hold my breath. Afraid to scare him by moving away and afraid to be tempted by his warm blood if I smell his scent.

The little boy walks over to me. I'm still sitting down so when he comes to stand in front of me, we are face to face. He watches me for a moment, a frown on his face. Before reaching out he touches my cheek. "You look like my daddy angel."

Frozen I watch him. His warm hand burning into my skin, it's the most wonderful and yet most torturous moment in my life at the same time. From the house I can hear his name being called. Getting up I take one last look at the house, my time has run out. Everyone is awake and my being here will cause them to be alarmed.

Stepping away from the boy I smile down on him. "They are looking for you, quickly go inside." He scrambles to his feet and steps towards me, wrapping his arms around my legs and hugging me. I just stand there, with my arms raised in the air. Holding my breath and amazed at how for the third time, this little boy has initiated contact with me.

Then he lets go, and runs towards the house. I rush in the opposite direction, seeking cover in the trees. Just before I completely disappear in the darkness of the forest, I look over my shoulder. Only to see the beautiful women come out the front door, running towards her son and picking him up.

It is in that moment my already dead heart breaks a little more.

Not only did Edward move on and get married to a beautiful women... she also gave him the one gift in the world I could never give him.

A family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

* * *

><p><strong>A change in point of view.<br>It's Edwards turn.**

* * *

><p>EPOV<p>

_May 1284 _

Wiping the sweat from my forehead, I lean over the side of the boat. Angling my face so some of the water will splash up and hit my face. Cooling me down. Ahead of us, in the distance, I can see we are close to reaching the coast, the familiar white cliffs of Dover. I smile at the first sign of England, calling for us to come home.

Home. A smile forms on my face as I repeat the word. With it the picture in my mind of Bella takes shape. Remembering the way she looked when I left her 10 years ago. Her soft brown eyes, heart shaped face and long hair. Will our meeting be like the one years ago in the courtyard. I know the past 12 years must have changed both of us, but I feel sure she will be every little bit as beautiful as I remember her. The memory of her tiny body in my arms has been what kept me going for the past years.

Looking to my best friend, my only friend in the past years. Like me, Andrew is standing with a huge smile on his face. He is returning home to his family also. We have spend many nights talking about home, sharing our dearest memories over a drink. Or two... sometimes more. He has promised to first travel with me to the Swan estate. It is on the way to his parents house and after my years of talking about Bella. He claims to feel a need to see the beauty that has bewitched me.

12 years has past. My smile disappears at the thought of the time we have spend fighting for a lost cause. Our first destination had been to Tunis, aiding the French but soon we had moved on. Further east and with that our numbers had decreased. After a year we had received the news of King Henry dying. With that we had lost our leader, he had gone home to be crowned King. Before leaving however he had managed to negotiate a treaty and a few of us were selected to stay behind.

Our orders were to offer support but really it had been a task of controlling and observing. Now finally we were released, allowed to return home to our families. The news had made me feel joy beyond believe and at the first possibility, Andrew and I had secured passage through Cyprus and Venice to the south of France. Travelling over land and crossing the sea from the north of France to England.

As the white cliffs came closer, I smiled. Looking forward to start my life, at 30 finally building my own family and ensuring my happiness. With Bella.

Late in the evening we set foot on land. Andrew had thrown his hands in the air and got down on his knees, kissing the ground and laughing out loud. I had laughed with him, sharing his joy. We arranged for two horses and started our travel to the Swan estate. Taking the main road, we travelled all night and arrived there at mid day.

As we road our horses into the courtyard and came to a stop, I glanced around. Feeling relieved at the sight that not much seemed to have changed. The garden still looked the same and the large house and outbuildings seemed to look in perfect condition. Getting from my horse, I started to walk to the stables. Only to be greeted by an unfamiliar face. Andrew followed me, glancing at me with a nervous look on his face. Sensing something was wrong.

When the man came closer he stopped and looked at me. "Master Edward?" The disbelieve in his voice made me step back. That and the way he addressed me. Never had anyone in this household called me master, I was simply the son of the man who run the stables and household. My father with all his responsibilities had been rewarded that title by Sir Charles for his work. Not me and yet here was a man, in the stables that once were managed by my father. A man I did not know, was calling me Master Edward. Taking another stumbling step back, I stood with my back against my horse.

"Yes, this is Edward. Who do we have the honour of meeting?" Andrew answered for me, stepping closer and handing the reins to the man. At that moment I was extremely grateful for my friend to have joined me.

"My name is William, I run the stables for Sir Charles." Looking down at his feet, he tried to avoid eye contact. And I slowly started to understand why the man was both shocked and nervous. He had my fathers job and knew it. Leaving me with one question, if my father wasn't working here now, what was he doing? Just as I was about to open my mouth and start talking. Wanting to ask... no wait. Wanting to force him into telling me everything I wanted to know. Before I could speak out loud, my name was called from behind me.

Letting go of my horse, I turned around to see Charles approach me. Bella's father who in the past had been my fathers best friend and lord. The man who had allowed me to woe his daughter even it wasn't appropriate. That same man was now rushing toward me with tears in the corners of his eyes. As he finally reached me, he threw his arms around me and held me tight for a moment.

The force of his embrace almost knocked me of my feet. "Edward." He sighed in relieve before suddenly letting go and stepping back. When I caught the look in his eyes, it felt like the world crumbled from under my feet. "My father, why is he not here to greet me. Where is he?"

Shaking his head, Charles grabbed my hand and gestured with his free hand to Andrew. "I understand you have many questions. But please, not here...Let us talk inside."

I allowed him to guide me to the house and with each step I took, my body grew more heavy. Feeling the ache in my heart build up as the fear of what to come, weighed my feet down. Fearing that the homecoming I had dreamed about so many times in the past years, was not the one I would receive.

Once we were all seated around the large kitchen table, it amazed me how informal Charles was with me. Within a few minutes one of the servants came to provide us with some food and wine. It was the first thing we had eaten since setting foot on English soil. Andrew started eating with a smile on his face but I just sat and waited for Charles to start talking.

He looked so guilty and the longer the silence lasted. The more uneasy I felt.

"You said, we could talk once we were inside?" Taking a small mouthful of the wine I let it slide down my throat, drinking slowly to keep a clear head.

"Yes I did say that. Where should I start?" Leaning back he took a long gulp from his wine, obviously needing some liquid courage.

_Bella _ My mind started to shout at me. _Start with Bella. _Desperate to see her again and wanting to hear how she is. Instead I asked him about my father. Knowing it was the right thing to do. Charlie just nodded and got up.

"I'll be right back." He left the kitchen and marched down the hall. When he returned he was carrying a brown leather bag. Placing it down on the table, he sat down. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this but your father passed away 3 winters ago. He suffered from a very bad chest infection. After battling a fever for a few days he quietly passed away."

He opens the flap on the top and pushes the bag towards me. "These are all his smaller personal belongings, I kept them. Not sure why... just a feeling I had." Laughing nervous he looks away from me.

"What happened to all his other belongings." Not touching the bag I sit and stare at him, holding back my anger and hurt. Knowing that when I allow myself to unleash them, it won't be nice. Not for either of us.

"They were sold. We had no use for them at the house and did not imagine you would ever return." The words sound ashamed and I can tell Charles is uncomfortable telling me this.

"Why?" Breathing rough I barely manage to bring out the single word. I'm afraid to hear what else he tells me, so far it has only been bad. And still Charles honest words manage to calm me down just enough to not explode in anger. Andrew has now stopped eating and is staring at me and Charles. A curious frown on his face as he realises what Charles is trying to tell me.

"Tell me why you thought I wouldn't return?" Banging my hands on the table I get up. The anger taking the upper hand, gaining control over my pain. I had made a promise to Bella, giving my heart to her. Loving her, only her and promising I would come back to make her mine for the rest of our lives.

"A few months after you left, a messenger came..." Pausing for a moment, Charles looks up at me. "He brought us news, news that you had been killed. The news upset us all and it crushed your father, after that he was a changed man. Then when the prince returned to be crowned king, for a while we had hope you would return also. But you didn't and in his mind.. in all our minds there was no more room for doubt. We had to accept the news of your dead was correct."

_We had to accept.. _ That means everyone believed the news, including Bella. Crushed I threw my hands in my face, feeling hot tears starts to come from my eyes at the pain I felt inside.

In agony I clutch my hair in my hands, needing to hold on to something and divert the pain I feel on the inside. Pulling at my hair so hard, I'm sure by now I must be ripping it out. It's Andrew that comes to my side and gently untangles my fingers from my hair.

"Edward, nothing can be done. Please don't hurt yourself." I let him fold my hands to my chest and feel how he places one arm around my shoulders. He holds me, like the brother I wasn't given at birth but found through friendship in the past 12 years. Somewhere in the background I hear Charles get up and mumble an apology.

Andrew responds but keeps holding me. Allowing me to cry on his shoulder as the grieve of my fathers death washes over me.

We spend the rest of the evening in the kitchen, drinking wine to my fathers memory. Later in the evening Charles joined Andrew and myself, careful to not mention Bella and neither did I. A part of me warned me to leave the name of my beloved untouched.

Instead we talked about my father, telling stories about him. Charles had truly been his best friend and some of the stories went back before I was born. It brought joy in my heart to know that at least in the last days of his life. My father had his best friend at his side to watch over him.

When the wine was finished and my head was heavy, I was surprised Charles insisted in us sleeping in the main part of the house. Laying his hands on my shoulders and telling me, he considered his best friends son.. his own. The words made my eyes fill with tears again but this time I managed to push them back. Instead I pulled Charles into an awkward man hug and allowed him to show me to my room.

The next morning I awoke with a painful ache in my head. Carefully I got to my feet and made it to the table on the other side of the room. A jug with fresh water and a bowl were waiting for me. Grateful I filled the bowl and washed my face and neck. Letting the cold water run down my chest a little before grabbing one of the cloths gently folded next to the bowl. Drying myself, I scanned the room and found my bag next to my bed. Smiling I picked it up and grabbed a clean shirt and my pants, getting dressed quickly.

When I got down, Andrew and Charles were already seated in the kitchen, deep in conversation. Sitting down across from them, Andrew looked up and Charles looked away, Getting up he patted Andrew on the shoulder. "Thank you. If you need help, I'll be in the study going through some papers."

Smiling an apologetic smile at me, Charles left the room.

Uncomfortable I looked at Andrew. He stared back at me. A tense look on his face and his eyes shielded. I knew this look, and I knew it well. Over the past twelve years, each time bad news had to be brought to our men. This had been the look on his face.

"Whatever it is, be swift with your words for the agony you keep me in is unbearable." Leaning back I cross my arms, preparing myself for whatever news will be thrown at me. Andrew however closes his eyes and softly shakes his head. Without a word he get's up and comes round the table. Reaching out for my hand, he looks down at me. No words are needed, I know he won't speak before I follow him.

With a sigh I get up and let him lead me to the stables. In silence we both saddle our horses, leading them outside the stables. Once we are both seated in our saddle, he turns to face me. "Why don't you show me some of the area?"

I nod and lead my horse towards the orchard, taking the long winding path through the trees. It brings memories of me and Bella. How we used to play here. It was far enough from the house to not be caught by her mother but close enough for her father to keep an eye on us while he was working out in the fields or orchard.

"So, are we just going to remain silent for the rest of the day?" Riding in front of him, I can't see his reaction but his silence confirms my worst fear. We have been in this house for almost a day now. Nothing indicates of a women living here. Charles hasn't spoken of his daughter, the only exception being when he admitted they all thought I was dead.

Andrew presses his horse to walk faster and catches up, riding aside me now. I turn to face him and am hit by the pain in his eyes. Pushing my weight back in the saddle, signalling my horse to slow down to a halt. The animal stops and I wait for Andrew to start talking.

"Charles informed me this morning, what happened after word of your death was presented to them. He informed me that Bella, did not take the news well." His voice waivers slightly as he looks away for a moment. I know he is trying to calm himself, preparing for the worst.

As he does, I lower my hand and rest it in front of my saddle feeling the warmth from the horse touch my hand. Entwining my fingers in it's long thick mane and gripping tight. Resting my hand on it's neck and leaning down. It's steady heartbeat is a comfort I can focus on when Andrew finally turns to face me again.

"Edward, I hate telling you this but there is no other way. Bella is gone. She disappeared the same evening and never returned. All they found were some pieces of her clothes."

Slowly the truth of his word filter through my clouded mind. After my father's death and some of the conversation yesterday, Andrew has just confirmed my worst fear. Out of words I just stare ahead, taking in the old apple trees. Imagining how Bella and myself had spend many summer chasing around as kids, playing hide and seek or just sitting under a large tree as I carved a small whistle or flute for her to play on. Remembering how she could never get any sound of them and I would always be able to play a tune. Bringing out one of her angelic smiles as the music filled our lazy afternoons.

From that my mind wandered to the last evening I spend with her, how different it had felt to hold her.. to be with her. And how much I had hoped for her to love me just as much as I love her. Taking a chance by giving her a ring, to promise myself to her.

None of that mattered now.

Closing my eyes, I took a deep steady breath. This time I felt no rage, only pain and guilt for leaving that heavenly creature. I had brought this on myself.

" Edward please talk to me.. say something." Andrew begged me, his voice calm and steady. I could feel how he pushed his horse to stand next to mine, our legs touching as he did. It was the closest he could come without getting down from his horse. " I know that look, you my friend feel guilt. Please don't blame this on yourself."

Frowning with my eyes still closed I rested my head back. A hollow laughter leaving my mouth as I finally opened my eyes. " Andrew I left the girl I loved, the most beautiful, sweetest, warmest person in the world to prove how much I was worth and hoping to claim her hand in marriage. I left her for selfish reasons, nothing I can ever do will make up for that."

Gripping the reins tight I turned my horse away from him and kicked my heels in it's side. Eager it jumped forward at the pressure. Andrew followed me, from a distance. Understanding I needed to clear my head, knowing the wind hitting my body as the horse would gallop at high speed brought me that clarity. After a while I slowed down and he came to ride next to me.

I turned to face him quickly and managed a smile. He just nodded, a relieved look in his eyes because he understood the awful task of bringing such bad news had been completed.

Returning late in the evening, the first thing I did was run inside to find Charles. When he saw me, he stood up from behind his desk. He looked even older now. Looking at him I realised. Now we all knew Bella was gone, the fact he didn't have to pretend anymore had brought back his grieve. Stepping around the desk I put my hands on his shoulders, this time. Silent we stood there for a while until he finally managed to pull out a chair next to his. Pointing at it, silently asking me to sit down next to him.

Tapping on the papers on his desk, he sat down and turned to face me. "You are the only person left I call family. Renee has been ill for the past few years and is staying at a friends house on the coast now, the fresh air helps. I had always hoped... your father and I had always hoped for you and Bella to marry. I have no sons but you are the finest son a man could wish."

Holding up the papers, he waved them in the air.

"These ensure, after my death, all I have ever owned belongs to you. From this day forward, Swan House and all of it's surrounding property is as much your home as it will be mine."

Throwing the papers back on the desk he got up and pulled me to my feet and into another quick hug. Letting go and stumbling over to the side table where he had a drink waiting. Poring us both some wine, he handed me one goblet. Raising it in silence. His eyes showed so much hurt but around his lips, the faintest hint of a smile showed.

I smiled also, raising my own goblet to his. "To Bella." I whispered. For a moment Charles was silent, before slowly repeating.. " To Bella."

_June 1284_

Andrew and I ended up staying a few more weeks with Charles. He sent word to his family about the current events. They replied swiftly, ensuring they did not mind and would even come visit if he pleased. He however wished to see them at his own home.

Saying good bye from Charles and promising we'd return as soon as possible, giving him our next address. It felt like he had found some of the inner strength I so fondly remembered from my life as a young boy.

The morning we packed our belongings and left, all Andrew could talk about was his sister. She was younger by 8 years and he ensured me she was lovely. I had no doubt, Andrew was the most gentle and caring man I knew. His sister could not be much different.

Sadly I was mistaken. From the first moment we arrived she claimed her brother, showing me very clearly she thought very little of me. I did not complain and instead spent many hours talking with his father about politics and economics. Their estate was similar to the one that Charles ran. After explaining who I was, he had been very pleased. Explaining he was an old friend of Charles and had no problems showing me how he ran his finances.

He tutored me and worked on my writing, something I was grateful for because I was not brought up by my father to be a man of words and numbers. To my surprise I found great pleasure in the subject but at the end of every day I would still saddle my horse and take him out for a few hours. Enjoying the calm and pleasure of seeing nature through another set of eyes.

After two months, on a sunny evening Andrew joined me. We talked and he expressed his deepest apology for his sister's behaviour. "She's very dependent, needing someone to take care of her. Her moods can change quickly and apparently while I was away, she was hurt by someone she thought really liked her. He was a fraud and my father put an end to it"

I nodded, hoping he would talk on. Instead Andrew continued to stare at me and uncomfortable I shifted my weight in the saddle. " I could understand how you can feel protective about her. She is young and pretty, an easy target."

"Edward, what I'm trying to say. On behalf of my father and mother.. and myself. We feel she would be safe with you."

Thinking about his words I was silent for a moment. I was of an age where marriage was expected and no matter how long I would wait... The love of my love was dead. Andrew and his family were all very important to me, a good family to be part of.

"Perhaps if I could get to know her better... I can say more about what I think of the subject." Biting my tongue at the last word I used, knowing calling his sister a subject wasn't the friendliest thing to say. Andrew however relaxed and smiled in relieve.

"Yes offcourse, you have always tried to make wise and well thought decisions. I understand this must all be very sudden. This is just an option, me and my father, would like to give you. I just want you to consider, no man can spend a lifetime living in solitude."

I just nodded and changed the subject after that. But his offer did not leave my mind, could I commit to a marriage with a stranger? I had always only wanted Bella, and could not believe my luck when she had felt the same way. Now a second chance at companionship was offered. A different kind of companionship...

That evening we were introduced, sitting aside at dinner. Studying her she was pretty, not attractive like Bella had been, but pretty. Her face was even and her figure was slightly too much shaped for my liking. When she finally turned to face me and talked to me, I had been surprised to see cool grey eyes that showed me no fear or respect. Her words were chosen considerate but her voice was sharp. In many ways she was the opposite of Andrew. The only similarity was her hair, a pale blond color that contrasted sharp with

the pink of her lips.

I tried to be as pleasant as I could, frustrated she only showed interest in what I had rather than who I am. Andrews eyes however where on us the entire evening so I made no remark and instead tried to charm her. From the corner of my eyes I could see he smiled at my attempt.

At the end of the evening Andrew waited for me and together we had a last drink. " I think she rather likes you Edward."

Laughing I tried to remember any pleasant response on her side this evening.. coming up empty. If this girls liked me, she had a weird way of showing it. "If that is her liking me, I feel bad for the men she does not like."

He laughed with me, filling our glasses for a second round. "Point taken my friend."

When we finally went to bed, I couldn't sleep. Instead I grabbed some pen and paper, writing Charles for advise. Falling asleep early in the morning and waking up too late for breakfast. Sneaking down to the kitchen, I managed to get some warm bread from the maid. Walking into town and seeking a messenger for my letter. After making sure the letter would be delivered to Charles, I wandered around the little town for a while before heading back to the house in the late afternoon.

As I did, dark clouds masked the sky ahead of me. Walking faster towards Andrew's house, I looked closely at the clouds. They were almost black, pitchblack. It was at that moment I started running as fast as my feet could carry me.

Out of breath I turned the last bend in the road only to take a deep breath, filling my nose with the awful scent of burned wood. Running the last hundred meters I made it to the house, to see both his parents standing outside, surrounded by the servants.

"Where is Andrew?' Grasping his father by the arm, I nearly pulled the man off his feet as I spun him around to face me.

"He went back to get Tanya."

The fear in his face made me let go and without thinking I rushed forward. Finding a way past the hands trying to hold me back and entering the house. It only took me a few steps to distinguish two blond haired figures leaning heavily on each other. They were trapped at the other side of the room, behind part of the ceiling that had come down. Waving at them, I could see the smallest notice me. "Edward, over here... please help me." Tanya's frantic voice almost broke my heart, gone was the icy facade. All that showed now was her fear at losing her brother.

Using a large chair that was still untouched I pushed aside the burning beam that separated us, creating a small gap. It was just enough for them to move past. When they did, I could see large gash on Andrew's head and blood covering his shirt. Quickly I put my arm around his waist and pulled his arm around my shoulder. "Keep moving." I shouted at his sister, she just nodded at me and started moving towards the door.

As I followed her, part of me felt relieve and awe for the calm she could show in a crisis like this. Her dress was badly burned and as she held the door open so I could carry Andre out, I noticed her face was smeared with black and her hair had come undone.

When we finally made it out, I could feel my lungs were about to explode. But Andrew was in much worse shape, carefully I lowered my best friend to the ground. Kneeling at his side and examining his head. The wound was deep and bleeding heavily, along with blood coming from his ear and nose. I had seen wounds like this before, never had that person recovered.

His parents stepped closer and got down on their knee's. Grabbing Andrews hands and crying for him to hold on. I knew he couldn't and gave his shoulder one last squeeze before letting go and standing up. Standing a few meters away from us, with her eyes on the dying body of her brother, was Tanya. Finally tears were streaming down her face and her body was shaking. When she noticed me approaching her, she flung herself towards me. Throwing her arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder.

_She's very dependent, needing someone to take care of her. _As her arms tightened around me, Andrew's words echoed through my head. _We feel she is would be safe with you._

Holding her against my body. I could slowly feel her calm down.

_No man can spend a lifetime living in solitude_

In my mind I could hear him say the words, raising his glass and toasting with me. A smile on his face as he tried to lighten my mood.

Looking over Tanya's shoulder I could see Andrew. His once smiling face now lifeless. He would no longer be able to keep his little sister safe. Closing my eyes for a moment, I took a deep breath. Knowing what I had to do. I owed my best friend at least that. I would take his place and keep his sister safe.

_September 1297_

I remembered that day like it was just yesterday. Holding my best friends sister in my arms as she cried at the loss of her brother. Vowing to myself to honour his wishes.

There had not been a day in my life I had thought about breaking that vow.

Tanya had turned out to be a very spoiled young lady, demanding my constant undivided attention. For the first few years we had spend time at either her parents house or at the Swan Estate. To my surprise Charles had never frowned or uttered one negative word about my choice. All he had done was wish me luck, and luck I needed on a daily basis.

Tanya had not wanted children, what she did want was to move to London. Dreaming of being close to the court and claiming London was where all things exciting happened.

So with some of my investments and a loan from both her parents and Charles, in the early spring of 1291 I had purchased a large farming estate just at the edge of town. It was close enough to visit the city easily and far away to farm. My only demand had been for Tanya to try and give me a child.

Our relationship had not been intimate and it had felt very wrong consuming our marriage. Luck however was on our side and after 3 months she had come to me hysterical. Screaming angry, telling me I could expect a little boy or a little girl. It was the happiest day in my life with Tanya and after the first anger and shock, she enjoyed the extra attention. The day my son was born, was a new chapter in my life.

Tanya had even taken a small interest in her son, proud at his cute smile and large emerald eyes. Any person who would see him, would agree, he was a beautiful boy.

So when the news had reached me of Charles Swan passing away. I had packed up my family and went to his estate. Taking care of the funeral, his finances and selling a large part of the estate to the farmers in the area. Giving them a good deal on the land. The only thing I had kept was Swan House and the orchard behind it.

Tanya had gone through the house, finding nothing of value or interest to move to London. I didn't bother, knowing that at any moment, I could return and enjoy the solitude of Swan house. The only room I wanted to see was the one room, I never went into while visiting. Reaching the end of the hallway, I opened the door and walked into his bedroom. When I did, I felt like the earth stopped moving. Above the large fireplace was a stunning painting of Bella. In thought I had spend the entire afternoon staring at it.

Tanya had yelled, screamed, spat and clawed at me for wanting to take it home. I however ignored her, my mind was made up. The painting was coming home. And with each mile we had come closer to the house, my mood brightened.

When I had gotten home, a strange feeling of really coming home for the first time came over me. Smiling I had brought my horse to the stables and returned to the house on foot. Giving Tanya my affection, trying to make her feel better. My attempt to make up with her, didn't work. She had locked herself away in her own bedroom.

As I hung the picture, I was not for the first time grateful she insisted in having separate bedrooms. When the painting finally was placed above my writing desk at the longest side of my bedroom. I pulled a chair to the middle of the room and sat down to watch her.

She was just as beautiful as I remember her.

Thomas had run into my room just after eating dinner, saying good night before the maid would bring him to his bed. Crawling on my lap he had pushed his thumb in his mouth and rested his warm little body against my chest. Together we had sat for a few minutes in silence before I could hear the distinctive pop of his thumb being pulled from his mouth.

Pointing with his little hand, he had turned to look up at my face.

"Who is she daddy?"

Smiling I wrapped my arms around his body and pulled him closer. He responded by snuggling against me, his thumb back in his mouth again.

"That lady is a very dear friend of mine. When I was a young man, I loved her very much. Uncle Charles was her daddy."

Thomas stared for a moment, nodding at the mentioning of Charles his name. Then the sound of thumb, popping from his mouth again, broke the silence. "She's very pretty."

Chuckling I placed a kiss on his head. "Yes she was, very pretty."

Turning to face me again, his little face looked sad. "Where is the pretty lady now?"

For a moment I hesitated, looking over his head at Bella's warm smile in the painting. Such pure and innocent love radiated from it. Sighing deep I looked down at my 5 year old son and smiled. "She's no longer with us."

He just nodded, a sad look on his face. "Is she an angel like nana Grace?" Pulling him tighter to me I kissed him on his head, I was thankful for his innocence. As I did I could feel a single tear slip from my eye, running a hot trail over my cheek. Sitting in silence with my son before finally I trusted my voice again.

"I'm sure she is son, I'm sure she's an angel."

Knowing that my words were true, because even when Bella had been alive. To me she had been and would always be, my angel.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

* * *

><p>"<em><strong>Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart,<br>A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate."**_

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

The tiny piece of fabric burned against my skin all day. Somehow each time I moved and the sleeve of my dress would cause the fabric to shift, the tiny piece of fabric moved also. It's touch against my skin making my entire body alert to the fact, Edwards scent was on my skin. It caused me to smile and feel a burning desire deep down in the pit of stomach. A feeling I had never before experienced. Part of me feared it... but a larger part of me longed for it.

In the evening I went to my room and changed into an old dress, a more simple model in a dark fabric and high hemmed skirt, causing the fabric to stop just below my knee. It was great for only one purpose, hunting.

Remembering how easy the burn in my throat had surfaced when the little boy had flung his arms around me. Completely oblivious to the fact, I was the most dangerous predator he could ever come across in his life. Yet at the same time, the generous trust he had shown.. it was so pure and unconditional. I doubted if I ever would be able to hurt him. But before going back to Edwards house, I needed to hunt.

As I was leaving the house, Carlisle and Esme had returned from their hunt. Holding each other's hands and staring at each other with loving eyes. It seemed that in the last 25 years, the bond between them had only grown stronger. The sight of them together, made me stop and smile.

Esme had let go of Carlisle's hand as soon as she had caught sight of me, standing outside in my hunting dress. "Bella, are you leaving for a quick hunt?'

I laughed and lifted one eyebrow at her, smiling at her question because the answer was obvious. Lifting the skirt of my dress, exposing even more leg, I did a little bow for her. "Actually I thought, I might try and invite myself to a dance. Hoping the generous amount of skin shown, will please the men and give the women something to talk about."

Twirling around once, I let go of my skirt and stepped forward a few steps. Esme laughed and grabbed my hand. Together we danced a little, laughing like children in the moonlight as Carlisle stood and watched. An amused smile on his face.

When we finally let go of each other, Esme made her way to Carlisle and gave a him a soft kiss on the lips. "Would you mind if I go with Bella, just to keep her company?"

Before I could stop him from answering, he glanced over Esme's shoulder and straight into my eyes. The words got stuck and only a soft hiss left my mouth as I recognised the look. " No I wouldn't mind at all, in fact I think it would be a great idea for you to join Bella. Have fun together." Leaning down he kissed her on the mouth,soft and swift.

Stunned I stood and watched, knowing from the look in his eyes. He knew, something was going on and this was his way of finding out. Sending Esme with me, knowing she would push and probe until finally, I would give and tell everything.

_Why wouldn't you? _My subconscious asked me. Frowning I bit on my lip as I tried to find an answer. Knowing that the seconds were slipping away. For a second I panicked, trying to focus on Edwards scent. Checking if it wasn't too obvious but as i did, it was hardly there and I actually felt disappointed.

"Are you ready to go?" Stepping next to me, Esme hooked her arm through mine. "We found a lovely forest, about 3 hours from here with a rather large pack of wolves. If we hurry there, I'm sure we can pick up the scent. It has only been a few hours since Carlisle and myself came across the scent."

I knew she was in an extremely good mood and tried to make me feel better also. Wolf was one of my favourite. And somehow the fact I was eating an animal that hunted and ate other smaller animals. It felt more right, like it was almost justified for me to track, kill and feed from a lesser predator.

Nodding I started walking, allowing Esme to keep her arm hooked through mine. Once we had made it out of the fields where some workers or travellers could see us, I did pull loose. As soon as I did, I started running as fast as I could. Tracking the trail that was left by Carlisle and Esme. Behind me I could feel Esme follow me, her footsteps a faint echo of mine.

Around us it was getting darker and pretty soon, the night animals started coming out. With them the wolfs started moving around and it didn't take much effort to find the scent. Stopping for a moment I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Focussing on the sound of their heartbeat, counting... one steady beat... another deeper and steady beat..

It was enough to leap forward and crash through the low hanging branches, leaving a path of destruction behind me and a confused Esme. Usually either she or Carlisle needed to lead the chase but tonight a deeper desire took hold of me. Within seconds I was perched up on the thick branch of a tree at the edge of a clearing. Below me 2 large wolves were pulling at pieces of a dead animal.

My mouth pooled with venom as the sweet earthy scent of the animals hit my nostrils and without hesitating I let go of the branch. Falling down on the largest of the animals and snapping it's neck with one quick flick of my wrist. Straight after that I grabbed the other wolf by it's neck and pulled it to my face. The motion made my sleeve brush against my skin, moving the little piece of cloth. The combined scent of Edward and the adrenaline filled blood of the wolf I had in my hands, pushed me over the edge. Quickly I drained the animal, rough and wild as I couldn't seem to get release from it's blood. When the first animal was dry I went back to it's dead companion. Already the body was cooling down and frowning with disappointment I finished the wolf.

Letting go I stepped away from the two drained wolfs and looked down.

"Bella."

From behind me, Esme softly called my name. Standing at the edge of the clearing, she was waiting for me to acknowledge her presence. As I glanced at her face, the usual calm and loving expression was now mixed with fear, concern and disbelieve.

"I don't know what came over me."

Mumbling back at her, I didn't turn to face her.

"One moment I was fine, running and in control... the next it felt like I was called towards that clearing, as if their heart beat in mine and their blood flowed through mine. I could track it and as I did... it consumed me full. There was no turning back."

Pushing the largest of the bodies with my foot. I looked down at my hands, noticing the blood under my nails. Before I could hide them, Esme had come closer and wrapped her pale white hand around mine. Hiding the blood from both our eyes as she held my hands in hers.

"You seem different tonight. Unlike usual, your emotions are stronger than your gift. Did something happen, something that is causing your lack in control?"

_Tell her _Immediately my subconscious roared to life. Shifting my weight, I tried to decide what I wanted to do. As I did, the feeling of Esme her fingers slipping into the sleeve of my gown made me try and pull back. But she had her hand clasped around my wrist, tight and secure. Closing my eyes, I felt the loss of Edwards strip of fabric.. slowly being pulled away from under the fabric of my dress. Brushing past my skin until finally, there was nothing left.

Closing my eyes, I willed myself to stand still. Even when my entire bing screamed at me to take the fabric back from Esme. Instead I focussed on the air around me and took a deep breath and smiled as I inhaled the sweet scent.

"Who does this belong to?"

Even without looking, I could tell she was holding it out in front of my face.

"Edward." Breathing his name, I felt a tingle inside the pit of my stomach. "I found him yesterday, by accident... you could say his path crossed mine."

The silence between us lasted for a moment. I could hear Esme shift her weight, in the background, deeper down in the forest I could hear the sound of an owl and small animal move around.

The touch of Esme's hands on my arm made me open my eyes again. Looking down, I could see her carefully stuff the little strip of fabric back up my sleeve. When she was done, she let go of my arm and pulled me into a tight hug. When she was done, she let go and stepped back. Smiling at me, the fear, concern and disbelieve now replaced by relieve and joy.

" This is great news, right?"

Nodding I just stared down at the spot where I knew she had gently placed the fabric back.

" Are you going to see him again tonight?"

Nodding again, I looked away from her face. Trying to escape her excited eyes.

" Did he see you?"

"No" I knew I was right, that evening when he had looked into the forest. He had been deep in thought. It wasn't me he had been looking at, he had been deep in thought. " He didn't see me." But his son did, silently I finished my sentence. Afraid to admit that little bit of truth to Esme.

"He looked just as magnificent as I remember, even better. Now everything about him calls for me, the sound of his voice, the way he moves but most of all his scent. That is why I took the fabric from his coat, I needed it with me. And I need to see him again, as soon as possible."

Feeling relieved to at least admit to Esme, my feelings for Edward, I looked up to see her face. I was met with exited eyes and a warm smile on her face. She didn't say anything, instead she pulled me into a tight hug. Brushing my hair back as she let go, whispering in my ear like it was secret between the two of us.

"In that case, we have a no time to waste. You have a date tonight. Let's go home and find you a dress to wear that will make him forget the past 25 years of his life."

Esme's sweet words had made it impossible for me to tell the full story. The story of how I had followed a man and his family to his home. Returning in the early morning, before the sun had come up. The part, where after ripping his coat to pieces and stealing a part, I had almost been caught. How I had been clinging to the large beams that supported the roof as I feared getting caught. Hiding from his son.. only to come out of that hiding place minutes later and expose myself.

Yes. Perhaps that was the part of the story I feared most to tell her. How I had exposed myself to a little boy. Showed him, I am not human. Or perhaps his easy acceptance of my being different was what I feared most. All day long, the thoughts in my mind had run wild. Imagining how it wasn't Thomas who gently touched my face and called me an angel... but for Edward to place his hand on my cheek and call me his angel. The way he had done in what felt like a lifetime ago. 25 years was a long time to spend alone. I had spend that time alone but Edward didn't. He had a wife and child.

There was no way I could have told Esme all of that. Instead I had smiled back at her, letting her think that finding Edward was light and easy.

After we returned from the hunting, she had picked a long flowing dress for me to wear and carefully helped me pin my hair back. When I was dressed and ready to leave again, she had pulled me in a tight hug.

" Have a nice evening Bella." Her hopeful whisper made my heart swell, knowing she wished for me to be happy almost as much as I wanted to be happy for myself.

Rushing to Edwards house, I tracked his scent to the back of his house. Pinpointing his location to a large room on the first level. Looking around, I noticed a large oak tree near one of his windows. Climbing up, I sat down on a thick branch. It gave me clear view of his room. Edward was sitting in the middle of the room, staring at something I could not see. On his lap was his son. The boy had fallen asleep and Edward carefully held him into his arms.

I sat watching him, examining each detail of Edward's face. The strong jaw and cheekbones with his straight nose, perfectly being shown from the angle I was watching him. His green eyes now had small wrinkles at the corner, my father had them. Always telling me they came from laughter, and something inside of me wished for Edward to smile. Just so I could see how the small lines on his face would add to his joy. The image of a laughing Edward, looking at me at the same time. It caused the same tingling sensation to run through my body.

Finally he got up, picking up his son in his arms. Holding him close to his chest as he walked out of the room. I watched him leave. And waited, hoping...wishing he would return soon because every moment apart felt like torture. Just as I was going to sneak inside and find out what room he had taken his son, the door to his room opened and Edward came back into his room.

He walked to the window, looking out into the night. Like the first day I had seen him, he seemed to be looking directly at me. Pushing my body against the stem of the tree, hiding my figure from the pale moonlight. I hoped the night was dark enough to keep him from seeing me.

Edward continued to stare into the night for a moment longer before turning his back to me. His breathing was uneven as he sat down in the chair and buried his head in his hands. Listening close I realised he was crying. Just as I was going to leave, torn apart myself at the sight of his pain, I heard him speak.

" My angel, my Bella... How I wish Thomas was right."

His words sounded so pained and broken... and yet I heard them clear. They cut down into my body, hurting me the way I had felt in pain when he had kissed his beautiful wife.

Except this time it wasn't Edward who caused me pain, I knew it was the other way round. I was causing Edward pain.

Without thinking I lowered myself back to the ground and as fast as I could, I rushed to the house. Standing below his window, his silent sobs continued. Scanning the wall I noticed some stones, sticking out enough for me to place my feet on. Using them for support I climbed to his window. Staying completely silent and hidden in the darkness as I entered his room.

Taking a silent breath before finally speaking.

* * * EPOV * * *

All evening my darling little boy had spend talking to me about his adventure early this morning. At first I had been angry at him for sneaking out and visiting my horse Pion. The stallion was magnificent but could not be trusted and Thomas knew, he was forbidden to go into the stables alone because of that.

His triumphant words as he had exclaimed with joy, he had found my angel. It had almost been too much for me. But in his childish enthusiasm, Thomas had continued talking about his morning. Claiming an angel, my angel.. had come down from heaven and saved him from Pion.

After he had finally fallen asleep in my arms, I had brought him to his bed. Passing Tanya's room on my way back. She had confronted me, claiming it was bad enough her husband loved someone who didn't exist but forbidding me to fill Thomas his head with stories of her. Threatening me to destroy the painting.

I had felt enraged and never in my life had hated her more. Without thinking I had pushed her aside, not caring if I had hurt her. Feeling only the grieve at that moment for being denied a lifetime with Bella.

Without looking back, I walked to my room. Closing the door behind me, locking out the real world. My reality, the one I hated so much.

Now I stood staring outside, feeling so sure that out there was something else for me. Something better.

Taking a deep breath, I tried to control my breathing and get a grip on my unsteady heart. It was no use... I could not calm myself down. So instead of going to bed, I sat down in my chair. Facing the image of the one person that held my heart.

Silent tears started to run down my cheeks as my heart was once more filled with anger, pain and most of all the feeling of being completely alone. Andrew had once told me _No man can spend a lifetime living in solitude_

Little did I know, marrying into a life without love was exactly that. A life living in solitude. Without thinking I buried my head in my hands and the excited stories my 5 year old son had told me, together with the longing feeling I felt, sparked words I had never thought of saying out loud.

" My angel, my Bella... How I wish Thomas was right."

Behind me I felt something, a presence. Lifting my head from my hands, I was just about to turn around when a musical soft voice filled my room.

"Thomas is right."

And just like that, without even having to turn around. My world crumbled to pieces and was reshaped and put back together in just one short second.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

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><p>" <strong>My angel, my Bella... How I wish Thomas was right."<strong>

**Behind me I felt something, a presence. **

**Lifting my head from my hands, I was just about to turn around when a musical soft voice filled my room. **

"**Thomas is right."**

* * *

><p>BPOV<p>

I didn't mean to make myself known, or to speak out loud... confronting Edward with myself. But I did and as he slowly turned to look at me, I couldn't bring myself to regret what I had done.

Slowly he rubbed his eyes before letting his hands fall down at the side of his body. Staring at me with his mouth open.

"Hello Edward."

Deciding to speak first, I tried to smile at him. He just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened his eyes, he looked straight at me. The vibrant green connecting with my golden brown eyes, as they did, I gasped for air. Involuntary and unneeded but in desperate need for some release.

"Please tell me I'm not dreaming and I'm not insane."

His voice sounded broken and full of doubt, I moved a step forward slowly. He moved also, closing the distance between is in a few long strides.

"This is real." Placing my hand on his chest. I felt how unsteady his breathing and heartbeat was.

Shaking he placed his hand over mine and placed his other hand on my cheek. Cupping my face gently and tilting my chin up so our eyes could meet again. He was tall, taller than Carlisle and for a moment I felt like the fragile human girl again. My mind flashed back 25 years and caused my body to feel like I had the day he returned. The day I had been just a girl, sitting in her own garden. Greeting her childhood friend and recognising in his eyes, her soulmate.

I had forgotten how tall he was. Somehow in my mind, the only thing that really had been remembered with clarity was his face. And now it was up close and within reach. Mirroring his action, I put my hand on his cheek also. The warmth immediately burned my skin.

Looking at his face, I could see how his eyebrows pulled together as he frowned.

"You're cold. But so much more beautiful than I remember."

Running the back of his hand along my cheek, tracing the line of my jaw and finding his way to the back of my neck. He leaned even closer to me, too close.

Stepping back, I pulled away from him. Swallowing the venom that had started to pool in my mouth at the scent of Edward's body close to mine. I stopped breathing and focussed on cutting of sense to smell. As I did, I could feel the mask slip from my eyes.

Edward gasped... alarming me that my eyes had come visible for him. A rich gold from my hunt with Esme, inhuman and clear to see for him. Even with the limited light surrounding us. Closing my eyes, I thought about what to do. Run and never return, or stay and trust myself to be around Edward.

"Please stay."

Without knowing Edward had guessed what I was thinking about and made my choice for me.

"Only if you want me."

"I want you to stay, I need you to stay with me." Moving closer, I could feel Edward cup my face again, both his large hands wrapping around me face as he tried to make me look up. I allowed him to move my chin up and opened my eyes to his. There was no fear or doubt in his eyes, just warmth.

" I want to stay also." My voice sounded so small, I wasn't sure he could hear it. But he did because next thing I knew, I could feel him take my hand and lead me towards his bed. Pulling the covers straight and sitting on the far edge of the bed. I sat down also, keeping some distance between us.

" For the past 25 years, this moment.. has been on my mind. Over and over again, imagining what I would do when I finally could see you again."

Leaning back on his elbows, Edward studied my face. "I never dreamed you would return to me as an angel."

His words caused my heart to sink. How could I explain to him, I was no angel. In fact if he would know my true nature, he'd probably run and hide. Taking his wife and child away from, trying to keep them safe.

"When Thomas told me about an angel saving him from Pion, I listened to his stories. Blaming myself for telling him about you, thinking I had filled his little head with dreams and fantasy. Little did I know, I was the one who's head needed to be filled with dreams and fantasy."

Sitting back up again, he now moved closer to me. The look in his eyes slowly changing from the calm warm expression I had found there before. Instead something else showed in the vibrant green of his eyes. Something that excited me.

" I know this is a dream..."

Holding still, I allowed him to come even closer until his face was right in front of mine.

"What if this isn't a dream?"

Pleading I leaned back so I could see his eyes when he answered me. Waiting for his answer I watched him, but instead of answering me he was silent for a moment. Licking his lips shortly before leaning in closer. My inside felt like it would explode when I felt his lips hover above mine and the warm sweet scent of his breath brush past my lips.

" Then I wouldn't be able to do this."

Closing the final gap, he pressed his lips on mine. Soft and tender, tracing my bottom lip before sucking on it ever so slowly for a moment. Letting go, I could feel him smile against my lips.

"Or do this."

Pressing his lips against mine again, this time he applied more pressure. For a moment I panicked, not understanding what he was asking until his tongue gently traced the outline of my mouth. Opening my mouth slightly, he entered and breathed into my mouth.

Gripping the blanket on the bed, as tight as I dared without ripping the fabric, I groaned. His touch causing foreign feelings to crash through my body and overwhelm my senses. Making me feel like I was on fire but could never burn bright enough. For a moment I considered if I had lost my mind. Perhaps I had because without thinking I eagerly kissed him back, meeting his tongue with mine. Tasting him and feeling him against my lips.

This was nothing like the timid kisses he had given me when I had last seen him all these years ago. Edward had changed and no longer held back, claiming me with his mouth as one hand slipped into my hair. Holding me in place, pulling me closer and telling me with his body. He did not plan on letting go of me again.

Getting on my knee's I sat in front of him, placing my hands on his shoulders as we continued to kiss. Afraid for my lips to loose the hot wet comfort his lips brought me.

This time it was Edward that groaned, a low and primal sound that made me shiver. Finally he let go of me and leaned back, taking a deep breath and trying to steady his breathing. In his eyes were tears.

"Don't cry love." The words slipped out effortlessly as I reached up and wiped away the tears.

"I can't help it. For the past 25 years I have been dreaming about pulling you in my arms, touching your skin, kissing your lips." While talking he proceeded to do just that very briefly as he continued stroking my hair with one hand and hold my other against his chest.

"The day Charlie told me of your death, my life stopped. From that day forward, not a day went by without me wanting you back in my life, regretting each and every decision I have made. And now you are here, an angel in my arms."

Placing another kiss, this time on my forehead. He held me close to his body.

_Tell him the truth _ My subconscious yelled at me.

But no matter how much I needed to tell him I was a vampire, not an angel. The harder I tried to force the words from my mouth, it seemed the less I was able to say the words out loud. So instead I snuggled into his chest and carefully held him, afraid to hurt him.

As I buried my head in his chest, the now familiar scent of his body caused my throat to burn. A burn that rivalled with the other hunger I felt, a fiery hunger that needed Edward to kiss me again.

Pulling away from his body, I could feel how he tried to keep me in place with all his strength but he was no match for me and I managed to sit up. Pushing him back against the headboard and leaning closer to his face while resting my hands on his shoulders again. For a moment I could see a small frown on his forehead as he thought about what happened. Kissing his lips very carefully, making sure to wait for him to respond.

And he did, by wrapping one arm around my body and dragging my body up over his. The heath of his human body burning against mine, all soft and hard in all the right places. To find my balance I placed one knee at either side of his body, straddling his hips.

Edward looked down and smiled a lazy smile. "This sure is the best dream I ever had."

The words hurt me, reminding me, Edward couldn't believe I was real. His hands however made me forget that immediately as they somehow found their way up under the skirt of my dress. Running up and down my calves, from my ankle to my knee. Resting for a moment in the hollow of knee, it tickled. Something I would have never expected ever feeling again. The knowledge Edward could do that to me, made me feel all soft and warm on the inside. Almost like a human.

Trying to get closer without using too much force, I moved over Edwards hips.. only to feel something hot and hard twitch up in response. A soft hiss escaped my mouth as I realised he was aroused, very aroused.

"That's what you do to me, my angel Bella." Pressing his hips up again, even through the fabric of his pants and my skirt I could feel him press against my centre. Right at the exact spot it should be.

It was enough to help me come undone and without thinking I pushed him down harder and crashed my lips on his. Devouring his sweet scent, taking it in as I kissed him and tasted his tongue in my mouth. He groaned at the pleasure, fuelling my actions.

Sliding my hands down, I let my fingers pull apart the fabric from his shirt. Allowing my hands to disappear under the fabric and run along his chest. The skin felt so different from my own, soft and warm. Without thinking I let my nails drag a path up from his shoulders to the middle of his chest.

Edward bucked up and shouted out at the pain. Pressing against my body and grabbing hold of my waist with all his strength in response. The pressure of his hands on mine felt like heaven and I repeated my action. Smiling as his fingers pressed down upon my backside in response.

Deepening my kiss, I was treated to a new flavour. It was stronger, sweeter and so enticing. It took control of me and it was impossible to pull away now. Underneath me I felt Edward move, adding to my excitement.

Suddenly I felt a hand in my hair, pulling my head back rough and without warning. I was so surprised my head snapped back and as I did, I could see Edwards eyes.

"Bella."

Gone was all the love, warmth and lust that had been there earlier, all the things that had sparked me to straddle him and kiss him like my life depended on it. All that was left now in his eyes was fear... fear for me.

Glancing down I realised what I had done, Edward had not been moving against me out of excitement or grabbed my waist to pull me closer. No he had been trying to move me away from him.

The worst however were his lips, tracing them with my finger I understood the sweet enticing taste of him on my tongue. There was blood on his lips, on my finger and on my mouth. In my desperate need to get closer I had hurt him.

"I'm sorry... please Edward don't hate me.."

Grabbing hold of his hands, I stopped him from trying to push away. The look on his face turning frantic as he realised for the second time tonight, I was much stronger than him. He struggled more and screamed in pain when I didn't let go, his hand yielding under the pressure of my touch.

"What are you and what have you done to Bella?"

His words hit me, like an invisible blow to the head. Letting go of him I backed away,flinging myself away. In a second I had moved from the bed and to the wall. Watching him watch me, from across the room. Recognising the fear and horror in his eyes.

"I'm Bella, please you have to see."

Crying at him, I pulled out the long silver chain that had belonged to my father. Showing it to him, trying to prove that I was telling the truth. He got up from the bed, his feet unsteady as he took a step towards me.

"That belonged to Charlie. How did you get it?"

Straightening his back, he towered over me as he addressed me with authority. I looked up and could only find a cold hard mask, hiding his real emotions. This was a side of him I had never before seen in my life and part of me was grateful that as a human girl I had never experienced this. He looked terrifying.

"Carlisle and Esme, took me to say good bye from my father. I took it, as a memory to him."

Hooking a finger from his undamaged hand through the chain, he examined it for a moment before pulling it away from my neck. The snap of the chain breaking caused me to flinch and I pushed myself back against the wall.

"This belongs to a good man."

Turning his back from me, he walked to the table across the room. As I watched him walk, I could see he slightly swayed. Remembering me, I had hurt him. When he reached the table, he placed his hand on the table and leaned down.

"Leave."

The cold word came out with such authority. I froze, afraid to move. Knowing that if I would leave now, there would never be a second chance. Edward however, did not have as much patience. Turning around he threw his hands up in the air.

"I said leave."

At that moment, the door to his bedroom flew open. Standing in the doorway was his wife. Her long blond hair, was pulled together with a ribbon, strands had fallen out and fell forward, framing her face. From her clothes, it was obvious she had not yet gone to bed either.

"What is going on here?"

Her voice was harsh and accusing. As she laid eyes on me, she stared and her mouth fell open. Then she looked to my right and back to me again. All color disappeared from her face before suddenly she flung herself forward and attacked me.

" I hate you. You are the one, the one that has ruined my life." Slapping me in the face she continued to yell at me, grabbing a handful of my hair. " The witch that has kept his heart cold and closed from me, making it impossible to ever feel loved. I hate you."

Spitting in my face she continued to try and attack me but her clawing fingers could not harm me. When she realised she turned away from me and took two steps towards Edward. Pointing at him as she reached under her gown.

"How long have you kept her a secret... how long have you been keeping her as your mistress, here in our home? Did it excite you to watch her painting during the day and feel her flesh during the night?"

Raising her arm, I could see what she had reached out to grab from under her gown.

"I had planned to come here tonight, to take revenge and destroy that painting. But this.." Turning around she looked at me. "This is so much better. You can watch her die and know that forever you are lost without her, leaving you with me.. only me... to love."

Raising the dagger she jumped forward, rage in her eyes as she did. Bringing her arm down but instead I moved to my feet. Standing up and stepping forward in a second. Without a second thought gripping her by the throat as the hate for this women filled my mind.

"You will never have his love." Throwing her aside, I heard the soft thud of her head hitting against the wall. Followed by a short gasp and sudden cry from Edward. Looking at the women, she had landed on her own dagger. There she was, her hands clasped around it as it stuck out of her chest. She smiled at me and slowly pulled it out.

I watched her in fear, frozen and unable to stop her. The moment the dagger left her body she let out one final breath but with that the blood flowed from her body. It was the first time ever, I had been around so much human blood. My entire body went rigid and hurt with the burning hunger that lashed at my own boundaries. Struggling to stay in control I looked at the window. The only thing between me and the way out was Edward.

Edward, who already had his blood on his lips, who's blood I had on my lips. Edward who's blood was tainted with my venom. From across the room, I could hear his heartbeat was already accelerating. In a second I stood in front of him.

"I'm so sorry."

Wishing I could cry as I realised what I had done.

Unable to control myself as I kissed his lips, tasting the blood on his lips. He tried to fight me and push me away but it was no use, he was right.

I was no longer Bella, I needed to save him and become... something else to do that.

Taking one last deep look at his green vibrant eyes, I placed one hand on his shoulder and the other in his hair. _Take him _ My inner voice demanded. Skimming my nose from his ear to his shoulder and back up again, I inhaled deep. In no way had the little piece of fabric I held secret in the sleeve of my gown done him justice.

Dropping my shield completely, his scent completely overwhelmed me. In no way could the amount of blood in this room distract me from his scent. It was glorious.

" I loved you."

Edwards accusing words, did not slow me down.

Sinking my teeth in his skin, filling my mouth with his blood I can already taste the hint of venom in his blood. My entire body rejoices and takes control. Draining him completely, making sure no blood is left because no matter how much I will always love Edward, this is not the life I would ever want for him.

Collecting the silver chain from the table, I stepped over his body and to the window. Swinging my legs out and dropping down to the ground, afraid to look back at what I destroyed. Knowing that not only had I destroyed the man I love and his wife. My own actions had also caused the last part of Isabella Swan to come undone and I did not know, how to fix myself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

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><p><em><strong>Collecting the silver chain from the table,<br>I stepped over his body and to the window.  
>Swinging my legs out and dropping down to the ground,<br>afraid to look back at what I destroyed.  
>Knowing that not only had I destroyed the man I love and his wife. <strong>_

_**My own actions had also caused the last part of Isabella Swan **_

_**to come undone and I did not know, how to fix myself.**_

* * *

><p><em>BPOV<em>

I did not look back at Edwards window. Instead I walked to the front of the house, looking up at the moon. It was a faint silver line in the dark sky, a waning crescent. From the scientific books that Carlisle had, I knew this was the last day before a new moon. There couldn't have been a more fitting night for the darkest moment in my life.

There was no going back after what I had done tonight. Just the thought of returning to our house in London, being confronted and judged by Esme and Carlisle. Or worse... comforted and forgiven. The last thought was unbearable.

Before I even stopped to think, the decision had been made. I couldn't bring the burden of my actions into their life, knowing that Esme would try to share my pain. They had their happy life, pretending to be normal people. I couldn't have that life anymore.

Turning my back from the city, I Instead ran towards sea, reaching the cliffs and looking down at the black water. Across the water, countries waited. Places I could stay anonymous and never be found. I took one last breath and closed my eyes.

Without hesitating I took a step forward and let myself fall. The drop was longer than I had anticipated, cool air brushed past me and the salty taste in the air burned my lungs in an unpleasant way. It seemed fitting that after enjoying such pleasure, I was now receiving punishment. Remembering how the green vibrant eyes had welcomed me until Edward had known I was a monster...Finally the force of the water against my body came. I welcomed it, keeping my eyes closed and not fighting the current as it pulled me under and took me out to sea.

I would let it lead me, there was no where I wanted to be.. no where I needed to be.

Exhaling the last of the oxygen in my lungs, I felt my body sink even deeper and pulled into a current. Wherever nature would take me, was good enough for me.

Days later I washed up on shore. Lying on the wet sand I looked up at the dark sky, watching the new moon slowly disappear. My dress was dirty and soaking wet, clinging to my body. So I waited for the sun to come up and dry my clothes. The sun however did not reach me, as the morning came a thick white cloud of mist started to come down. Surrounding me and wrapping around me like a cold blanket. It was exactly the welcome I deserved.

Getting up I started walking away from the water. Using my hearing and smell to navigate through the sandy landscape until I finally felt the first trees against my fingers. The mist was so thick, I could barely see my own hand. Frowning I wondered what place I had washed ashore. After what felt like hours of carefully finding my way in the thick white mist, I gave up. Sitting down I decided to wait for the thick mist to clear up. Resting my hands in my lap, I felt the ring on my finger. Caressing it. Knowing without a doubt, it would no longer have the vibrant green it had for the past 25 years.

Esme had explained it very clear. _For as long as both souls are alive, the ring will show you to your true love _

My soul was gone, whatever remained had been destroyed the moment I killed Edward, taking his soul away also. Slipping the ring from my finger I raised my hand up and backwards, prepared to throw the painful memory as far away as I possibly could. Ready to let go.

_I loved you _ The pained words flooded back to my memory, together with a flash of vibrant green.

Slowly I lowered my arm, opening my fist to look at the ring. Even with the black stone in the centre, it was still beautiful. Trembling I pushed my other hand in my pocket and collected the silver chain.

On it were both my parents wedding rings, another memory of a loving relation. Still trembling,I added my own ring to them. Carefully bending the lock on the silver chain back in shape and placing the it around my neck again. Hiding the rings under my dress so no one could ever see. Making sure no one would ever ask me about any of the rings.

Not that I wanted to see people at the moment, but at some point I could run into them. Thinking about that, I listened carefully. From far I could hear footsteps, but they were soft and fast. No humans could be this fast, meaning only one thing. Vampires.

Moving to my feet with, I knew I had to run. But where, the area was unknown to me and with the thick mist it was hard to see what direction I was going. Up in the air, hiding in a tree wasn't an option either. Sitting against the tree, I had felt how it had been rather thin and it would probably not be very high. Thinking about my options, the footsteps started to come closer. Listening with more concentration I was sure it was more than one vampire. Maybe two or three.

"Come out... come out where ever you are?"

Standing with my back to the tree, I tried to pull my shield up. Holding my breath as I waited for them to find me. Hoping the stories Esme had told me about vampires usually being very polite upon first meeting was in fact true. If it wasn't, at least I deserved to die.

"Are you sure this is a vampire, she smells weird." A worried voice asked someone else, confirming they were with at least two vampire. Focussing on my gift, I tried to hide my scent.

"What the... Ivan you idiot, you let her get away." A third voice sounded, angry at his friend. His outraged words brought a smile to my face, knowing I had succeeded to pull up my shield and strip myself of the scent they were tracking.

"No I didn't, and stop using my name Kent. Now she knows my name." A loud crack sounded, like something heavy crashing into a tree.

"So I can't use your name... but you can use mine. Now she knows both our names." Another crash sounded, followed by playful laughter and a growl. A third set of feet kept moving towards me with a steady pace.

"Stop it you two immature idiots... she's right there. " The steps became closer until I felt someone standing right in front of me. A hand reached out through the mist. "Aren't you? My lovely."

Grabbing my wrist, the hand pulled me forward. Causing me to crash into the chest of a large vampire. Looking up I could see his bright crimson eyes staring down at me. A cold smile was on his face, examining me like I was some object or a trophy. It caused me to shiver and in response I tried to pull away.

"Let go of me."

Trying to pull away from him, I twisted my body and tried to break free. He just glared at me and held me tighter.

"What is your name?"

His voice sounded cold and uninterested. Could Esme have been wrong? Did nomadic vampires fight each other and kill each other, like animals claiming their territory. Just as I felt fear starting to build up in my body, the mist lifted slightly and I could see the other two vampires.

Unlike the blond haired man that was holding me, they seemed friendly. Both of them had dark curly hair and similar facial features. What surprised me most however was their age, they appeared to be a few years younger than me.

Both of them were staring at me, standing behind the large blond man that was treating me so hostile. Facing him, I stared at his hand around my wrist for a moment before raising my chin and staring him in the eye.

"I could ask you the same." Pushing my chin up in the air, I glared at him. "Who are you?"

Trying to sound as cold as possible, I asked him the same question he had asked me. The two boys, Kent and Ivan elbowed each other and laughed softly. Making me fear for a moment, I'd made a mistake. Then the blond man relaxed his grip and an amused spark showed in his eyes.

Letting go of my wrist he took my hand and bowed, bringing my hand to his lips and placing a chaste kiss on my skin.

"My apologies my lady, you are right, how rude of me. My name is Tristan."

Letting go of me he stepped sideways and pointed at the two boys who now stood up straight with their hands behind their back.

"This is Kent and his brother Ivan."

Kent waved and Ivan just stared at me, earning another elbow from Kent. Quickly he waved also. I smiled at them and nodded.

"It's a pleasure to meet you." Curtsying and giving them each a nod. " My name is Isabella."

Giving them my first full name and not my last name, like they had given me. They nodded, repeating my name. As we stood, looking at each other, the air seemed to clear and I finally got the chance to look around. We weren't in a forest like I had thought but in a sandy area with low shrubs and a handful of trees. Glancing around, I was relieved the sun wasn't out. Knowing that there wouldn't have been a place for me to hide, not for miles. I would have been exposed instantly.

"What brings you here Isabelle?" Tristan asked me, the amusement still in his voice.

I shrugged and walked past him, allowing him to follow me. "Nothing really, just passing through."

Continuing to walk, I noticed both Kent and Ivan were following me also and came to walk next to me. "Where are you going?"

I shrugged again, looking straight ahead, refusing to answer them.

"Great." Shouting out loud, Kent turned towards Tristan. "Can we take her with us, can we, can we?"

His excited words made me stop. "Ehm.. no.. wait." Looking past Kent at Tristan, I could see he had that same cold laugh on his face again.

"Yes, why don't we... since we are all going nowhere. Why not travel together." Walking over to me, he stood close to me. "Don't you agree Isabella?"

Stepping back, I bumped into Kent and Ivan. Who, in their enthusiasm had stepped closer also. Turning around I faced them, their eyes like Tristan, a bright red. But their faces were so young and happy. Behind me I felt Tristan step closer, giving me no place to run to without having to fight my way out. Something I had never done in my life and wouldn't start doing at this moment.

Hiding my fear, I managed a small smile. Giving in, for now.

"I guess.. why not."

Immediately I felt a pair of arms wrap around me and my feet lifted from the ground. Twirling around once before being passed like a rag doll to the other brother, he too twirled me around.

"We're going to have so much fun."

Setting me down on the ground Kent and Ivan laughed and pushed me forward, forcing me to follow Tristan who had started to walk out in front of us. I let them. Hoping that wherever they would lead me, could help me forget the hurt I felt inside.

It turned out that Tristan was not the cold man I had mistaken him for. After spending a few weeks with them, his silent moods were something I started to appreciate. Kent and Ivan were in fact brothers in real life. Acting loud and playing jokes on each other. It was both fun to be around and infuriating at the same time. Very rarely they would be silent and a lot of their pranks, were aimed to impress me.

Tristan was silent and kept to himself, while watching them, reigning them in when needed. After a few days, the dynamics in the group had become clear to me. Tristan was the leader, like an older brother or uncle, looking after the boys. He had told me the story behind Kent and Ivan. Decades ago they had been turned together. Left behind by the vampire that sired them, Tristan had found them, alone and confused. He had been a nomad for years but something he could not explain had forced him to take them with him. Explaining this life to them, teaching them all about their new strength and endless possibilities.

From that day forward they had travelled together. He was like a big brother to them, keeping them out of trouble and keeping them safe at the same time. I soon found out, they had a very different approach to humans. Carlisle had always taught me we had a choice ... Tristan, Kent and Ivan did believe this, they also believed that human blood was the right choice. They sought out drunk and lonely travellers, killing them without thought.

The hunt was a game to them. Taunting and teasing their target, slowly driving them mad with fear. In everything they did, they were the opposite from Carlisle and Esme.

And slowly I was started to get sucked into their games.

After the first week, I had gone out and hunted. Ivan had caught me with the deer in my arms, my teeth deep into it's warm flesh. He had said nothing, just stared.

Later he hadn't asked, all he had done was look at my eyes and smile. I had smiled back at him, silently telling him that indeed my eyes were different because my diet.

Tristan and Kent had both commented on my eyes but I had been able to lie and tell them it was part of my gift. My gift was what I presumed the reason Tristan allowed me to stay.

Shortly after joining them, he had confronted me, demanding to explain how I could have hid my scent the day we met. I quickly explained my ability to shield my scent, looks or even limit my own senses. He had been intrigued but relieved, knowing it was a way to defend myself and not a weapon to harm others.

That had been the only time he had asked me to tell anything about me. Only once had he commented about my silence. Gently placing a hand on my shoulder and offering to listen, whenever I felt like talking. The moment had been a turning point for me, starting to trust Tristan, Kent and Ivan from that day forward.

It turned out, they had spoken the truth the day we met. They really did not have a plan or destination. During the evenings and cloudy days we would travel, during the bright daytime we would seek shelter.

I enjoyed the company. But as days turned into weeks, it was getting more and more difficult to find time to sneak away and go hunting. At the same time, the burn in the back of my throat was increasing, rapidly.

One evening we were travelling down a dark country road when the sound of a horse and carriage came up from behind us. Quickly Tristan explained the plan.

He wanted me to continue walking on the road alone, sure that the carriage would stop for me. Kent and Ivan would come up from both sides and Tristan himself would come up from behind. Leaving the travellers no place to was the first time ever he had asked me to take part in one of their tricks to trap a human.

His plan made me sick, but I was afraid to refuse them and stayed on the road. Walking slowly in the middle of the muddy track. Exactly as Tristan had predicted, the carriage came to a halt when the driver noticed me.

"Look at what we have here, a little missus all on her own. Can we offer you a safe ride to the next town?" The deep thundering voice, came from a heavy man. He was sitting on the box, whip in one hand and the reigns in one hand. Leaning down and letting his eyes roam over my body, he managed to wink at me just before letting his eyes rest on my chest a little bit too long. It made feel a little bit uncomfortable and angry at the same time.

"No I'm fine thank you." _Please ignore me and go home _Pleading silently, I knew it was to late because already I could hear the three other vampires come closer. Ivan was the first to act, ripping open the door on the side and grabbing the first person he could. The smell of blood filled the air as he started to feed.

Kent had grabbed a younger woman, she was crying for her mother. Perhaps the woman now in Ivan's arms? I had no more time to think about it because with one precise movement Kent silenced her.

Tristan had managed to grab the man on the back of the carriage, leaving the heavy driver to panic at the sudden attack on his passengers. Standing up he turned to look back, squinting his eyes as he tried to see where his co-driver had disappeared to. As he did, the large man lost his balance and stumbled backwards. He fell down, right in front of me. A low soft thud as his massive body hit the mud.

I froze, looking at the man in front of me. He crawled forward and grabbed my dress, pulling himself to his knees by holding on to my legs. "Please... help me escape." He was so close to me, the alcohol on his breath made me wrinkle my nose up with disgust.

Stepping back, I tried to pull free but he held on to my dress. Clutching the fabric so tight it ripped at the bottom.

It was then something else caught my attention. Making my nostrils flare and move closer. Taking a deep breath, I could smell blood. Somewhere the man had a wound on his body, fresh blood was flowing from his body. Looking down at him, I allowed him to see my eyes. Knowing how dark they would be, it had been weeks since I last went hunting.

Leaning down I touched the back of his head. Letting my fingers slide through the wet spot on the back of his head. Bringing my hand back up, I trembling brought my fingers to my face. Smelling the blood, taking another ragged breath. The scent wasn't pure and sweet but tainted. Perhaps by the alcohol he had been drinking while working.

" Isabella, are you having him?" Tristan showed up beside me, standing close to me. Whispering in my ear, he was like my own personal devil. Adding to the temptation I already struggled to resist.

"For the past months, I have watched you. Carry around your pain, restraining yourself.. almost like you are punishing yourself. To embrace your true self will free you... trust me." On his breath I could smell the clean sweet scent of the young man he had taken.

Trembling I took one last look at the mans face. His hands were still clutching my dress, holding on to me with desperation. Reaching down Tristan picked the man up by his neck.

Dragging him to his feet and making him stand in front of me. Tilting the mans head sideways he used his nail to break the skin, making blood drip from his neck.

"You're eyes are black Isabella, don't deny you want this... to feel his warm blood... released in your mouth and flowing down your throat." Pushing the man closer to me, his neck was now only centimeters away.

I could feel Ivan and Kent watching me as I grabbed the scared man by his shoulders and pulled him closer. Placing my lips on his neck over the cut Tristan had made. Somewhere in the back of my head I could hear Esme's word _Your hands are free of human blood. It is something I wish for myself, each day._

Using my shield I shut them out, allowing myself to get lost in the addictive taste of human blood. The past 25 years I had tried to do all the right things for my family, never doubting their ways. Now I had found a new family... and as I dropped the dead body to the ground they smiled at me.

Wiping the blood away from the corner of my mouth Tristan placed a small kiss on my cheek. "I'm proud of you Isabella. Welcome to the family"

His words gave me unexpected pleasure. Walking away with the three men, my new coven. My shield locked in place, pushing away the last echo's of my past. Shedding the last human feelings I felt, embracing my true nature.

The vampire.

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><p>AN This is not the end, just the beginning. And it is allowed to let me know what you think after reading a chapter by leaving a review. I don't bite ;-)


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

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><p><strong>Germany 1712<strong>

**BPOV**

Standing at the side of the road, the large trees provide me with a generous amount of cover. Giving me enough protection from the moonlight. Making sure my pale skin wouldn't be illuminated, something that would tip of the human man that is currently coming towards me, that something was wrong.

I had been in the area for a while now, waiting for the man to come my way. Travelling with Tristan, Kent and Ivan had been a challenge at best. Playing games and killing innocent people, using them like they were worth nothing to them. As much as I loved the rich flavour of human blood, killing random people had started to cause doubt in my mind.

Tristan had sensed my doubt and found a way to help me.

He understood, a meaningless kill made me feel angry and sad at myself. After a few decades it had taken away all my joy of living. Even the moment of the kill had started to become less and less exciting for me. So he came up with a plan. Whenever I was in need of fresh blood, he would go into the nearest town and ask around for me. Finding the most sorry excuse for a man possible. The man coming towards me was just that. If the small town rumours were right, he had a habit of taking from women what he wanted, when he wanted and where he wanted.

The thought itself caused my cold blood to boil and venom to start pool in my mouth at the prospect of bringing justice to the vile man. It was only with these motivations, I could justify to myself what I was about to do.

Looking ahead, I noticed a large man approaching me. His swagger telling me, he was drunk and confident. The moment he noticed me, his step seemed to become more aggressive.

"My lady." Calling me from far away. He barely managed to say the words. Tristan had really given him a few rounds of beer too many. But I didn't care,it would only help to lessen my guilt.

Stopping, I waited for him to come closer. As he did, his eyes locked on my chest and rest there for a moment. Hunger rising in his eyes. It was disgusting and again the word Justice rushed through my head.

Stepping closer to me, he took another good look. As he did, I stepped forward. Causing the moonlight to hit my skin. The moment he did, the smug look on his face disappeared and I knew. I would have to make my move... soon.

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><p><strong>London 1712<strong>

_The image of a dirty face flashed into my mind. The face was framed by dirty ash coloured hair, matted to his head by the rain that was poring down. But even with the rain and the cold he must be feeling, a smile was on his face. I knew why. Feeling, how his hungry eyes they looked at me, giving them free reign as they slowly slid down my body. Lingering on my chest areas and face. Licking his lips, he leaned closer.. ready to start speaking but he didn't. Instead he leaned back and his satisfied grin was gone. _

_Pain and Fear_

_Both emotions rushed through me simultaneously, hurting my head as his eyes turned from being hungry into feeling desperation. Just before he tried to step back a pair of crimson eyes reflected in his eyes. _

Falling to the ground I curled up and wrapped my arms around my legs. Feeling the man's fear rush through me as his attacker stepped closer. There was nothing I could do but watch as he reached out in front of him. Trying to fight free from the hands that were holding him but he stood no chance. The death grip on his shoulders held him into place as someone stepped closer.

Finally I could see her. It was the same attacker, like in every other vision I had. Each victim was different but the woman was the same, every single time. I watched as the tiny woman with the extremely young face, framed by wild dark hair put her mouth on his neck. Claiming her newest victim.

Screaming out loud at the same time as the man screamed. I watched all the muscles and veins in his face bulge as the man, too late, finally knew what was happening. His eyes rolled back and he let out one more ragged breath before becoming completely silent.

I closed my eyes, holding on to the silence... finding the darkness that was caused by the lack of visions in my head a comfort. Sobbing I wrapped my arms around my knees tighter and rocked myself to sleep. Hoping that the numb feeling would carry on in my dreams. I almost fell asleep but was roughly brought back to reality when I received a kick in my back. The pain shot through me and caused me to be wide awake.

Stretching my legs, I placed one hand on my lower back and used the other to push myself from the ground. Crawling forward on one hand and my knees. Standing in front of me was a man, behind him a carriage.

"Your in the way." His stare was ice cold as he stared down on me.

Nodding I moved a few meters before collapsing back on the ground. I was still close to the entrance of the theatre but I didn't care. The pain from being kicked in my back, combined with exhaustion were to much to handle. I ignored the disapproving sounds made by the driver of the carriage as he walked round and opened the door.

A man and woman got out, the man started walking towards the entrance but the woman stopped the moment her foot touched the ground.

Crawling backwards further, I can feel her eyes staring at me. But it isn't the fact she is staring at me that makes me crawl backwards and try to hide. It is the fact she seems familiar. I have never met her but the instant her large golden brown eyes examine my face, I can feel the strong emotion of recognition flood through my body. A deja vu. And I know why, without a doubt she has been in my dreams.

Letting go of his hand abruptly, she ignores the carriage driver who is trying to help her out of the carriage and walks past the man who accompanies her. Tilting her head sideways as she stares down at me.

"Who is she?" Her voice is melodic and rich, comforting like a mother.

The carriage driver quickly steps in front of me, standing in between myself and the pretty lady. "She's just a crazy little thing, living on the streets. Nothing a fine lady like yourself needs to look at, I'm sorry for not moving her."

Looking at me over his shoulder with a disgusted look, he spits at me before turning back to talk to the lady. "They call her the street prophet. Always going on about things she claims are going to happen. If you ask me.." Leaning closer he whispered the last words, making it impossible to hear what he was saying about me.

It is unneeded, after all. Even without hearing his words I know my own reputation by now. After living on the streets for as long as I have, it is the least of my problems. The pretty lady however moves so she can look at me past him. A curious smile on her face as she examines me. "Really... now do they." His warning seemed to fail to impress her, in fact she looked rather amused. Something that makes me a little bit proud of her.

Stepping past him, ignoring his attempts to block the path between us. She takes a few more steps towards me. I watch her from the ground. Looking up at her, I could finally clearly see her eyes. Staring down at me. They are the lightest brown I have ever seen. And I find myself staring back at them with awe but at the same time noticing how strange they are. It leaves me feeling unsure and ashamed of myself. Confusing me to the point where I no longer know if I should get up and run or beg for mercy instead. The palms of my hands start to feel sweaty and my heartbeat starts to increase. As they do, I can feel my head getting filled with visions.

Most of them had the woman with the crimson eyes in them. The last however shows the woman standing in front of me. Focussing I try to hold on to that image. Pain shoots through my head as the one image seems to stop and evolve. A vision starts playing back in my head with amazing clarity, unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

_The woman with the light brown eyes was sitting with a book in a music room. Except now her eyes were darker and she had purple shadows under her eyes. She appeared to be staring outside instead of reading the book she was holding. Staring into the pitch black night with an expectant look on her face. _

_Finally she looked away from whatever she was staring at and put the book away as a man came in. The moment he did, she looked up at his face. Hope showed in her eyes. "Did you..." Her voice faded away as the man smiled apologetic at her and shook his head._

"_No sign of her." Coming over to her, he wrapped his arms around her shoulder and bend down. Gently kissing her on top of her head as he held her._

_I could see the information, or lack there off, seemed to hurt her very much. She wrapped her arms around his waist and rest her cheek against his chest. Together they held each other, a sad look on both their faces. They just stood there, looking outside, staring at something I could not see._

_Her eyes looked sad, almost like she should be crying. And when she opened her mouth, the warm rich sound was so dim and full of sorrow. I could feel her pain just by listening to her face. Staring outside, she took on more sigh before speaking out loud. This time I could make out the last words clearly._

"_Where are you Bella."_

The vision faded away. But the desperation in her voice lingered in my mind. Without thinking I repeat the name.

"Bella"

Breathing the name out loud. I instantly feel both the man and woman stare at me. Her eyes locked on my face as she steps closer. Dropping to her knees also, obviously not caring about the fact that the dirty street will ruin her perfect cream coloured dress.

"What did you just say?"

Wrapping her hand around my upper arm, she has surprising strength as she pulls me into a sitting position on my knees. Her amazing brown eyes staring down into my face, intense.. as if she is looking for something.

Stuttering I try to look away but she just uses her other hand to grab my chin and turn my face to look at her. Even if she wouldn't have been stronger than me, I still would have obeyed. There is hardly any strength left in my body and the kick to my back wich has started as a sharp pain is now rapidly turning into a scary numb feeling spreading down my legs..

Causing me to loose feeling in my body. Pain is causing my body to loose consciousness, taking care of me in a way that nothing else could. Looking up into her eyes once more, I take a shaking breath before repeating the name one more time.

"Bella."

After that my eyes close and my vision goes black. Slumping forward, the woman moves her hands away from my shoulders and the next thing I feel is a pair of arms around me. Lifting me from the ground without any effort. My hair brushed back and a cool hand cupping my face.

"You'll be fine. We're taking you to somewhere safe and secure."

The warmth is back in her rich voice again. Leaning into the hand against my cheek I smile. Allowing myself to relax and trust her. I stopped fighting and let darkness take over as I was lifted up in the air and passed into another set of arms. Feeling how they held me tight against a strong body. We started moving and I realised they must have taken me in the carriage. Smiling I buried my head against the chest of whoever was holding me. Drifting away in a deep sleep with a smile on my face. Knowing that where ever she was taking me... somewhere safe and secure couldn't be worse than living on the streets of London.

I woke up lying with my head on a soft fluffy pillow, sitting up a thick blanket feel down around my legs. Rubbing my eyes, I opened and closed them. Checking to see if my visions had finally taken over my insanity.

But nothing happened, the room stayed the same. Looking around I could see I was in the biggest bed I had ever seen, it was situated in the middle of a bright room. Across the room was a set of drawers, a small writing desk and a set of chairs. Blinking I turned sideways to see a large window. Sitting in the window seat was the woman who I had met last night.

"How are you feeling?" The rich sound of her voice, warmed me. Making me feel like she was genuinely concerned about me.

Pushing the blankets, I tried to get out of the bed. For some reason she had taken me to her home, but I did not belong in a luxurious room in a large house. My place was on the streets. My feet touched the floor, finding a warm rug. But the moment I tried to stand up, I could feel a sharp pain shoot through my lower back and legs. Causing me to fall forward.

Arms caught me, lifting me back up on the edge of the bed like I weighed nothing. In front of me was the woman again, looking up at me with a concerned look on her face. Stunned I stared at her, glancing over my shoulder.. and back again. " How did you.."

She just shook her head and laughed softly at my astonished response. "That's not important right now. Instead you should focus on getting better."

Swinging my legs back in the bed, she pulled the warm blankets back over me and helped me lean back against the thick pillows. The movement also hurt me, but it was tolerable. Nothing like the sharp cutting pain I had experienced when trying to stand.

"You have very bad bruising on your lower back, Carlisle thinks the swelling is causing the pain." Getting up she walked to a small side table I hadn't noticed earlier and poured a glass of water for me. Staring at the object, I carefully took it from her. It was the first time I ever held a glass in my hands and could drink from it.

Taking a sip, I was surprised how clear the taste was. Nothing like the water I would find to drink from while living on the streets. Quickly I finished all of it and handed the glass back to the woman.

"Are you hungry?" Taking the glass from me she sat it down on the side table, tilting her head slightly as she waited for an answer. Before I could speak my stomach rumbled. Dropping my eyes, I nodded. Trying to hide my embarrassment.

When I looked up, the room was empty.

Leaning back, I winced at the pain. Reaching down and placing one hand over the spot that hurt most. I could feel how warm it felt to the touch. As I did, my eyes grew heavy and the next moment my head was filled with the image of myself.

_I could see myself in the streets of London. It was just a flash, but I was walking with my arm linked through a young woman's arm. Both of us were laughing. But as I tried to focus on the vision, I noticed it wasn't me at all. My hair was longer and shining, my skin was pale and flawless. As I felt the vision slip away, I took one last look at the other woman. I recognised her from my previous dreams, she was the one. The one that killed all the men._

Gasping I opened my eyes and struggled to calm myself.

Sitting next to me on the bed was the friendly lady again. Grabbing her arm, I pulled myself up in a sitting position. "Please help me?" Tears started to run down my face as the confusion took hold of me.

"What's happening to me... and who are you?" Questions flooded from my mouth, together with more tears. I struggled with my breathing and reached out for the woman sitting next to me on the bed. Clutching onto her sleeve. To my surprise, she removed the fabric from my fingers and places my hand in hers as she awkwardly put her other hand on my arm and patted it.

" Take long deep breaths, try and relax." Speaking soft, she forced me to focus on her words. It worked, steadying my breathing I felt my body relax.

" My name is Esme. My husband and I brought you home yesterday evening after you passed out on the street. You're hurt.. but now you can relax and recover. No one can hurt you here." Leaning closer she placed a kiss on my forehead. "From now on you are safe."

As she leaned back, I could see she was just as surprised by her actions and words as I was. "Thank you." Stuttering, I looked away and noticed a plate with food on the side table.

"Is that for me?"

"Yes." Letting go of me, Esme got up and collected the plate of food for me. Taking it from her I could see some cold meat, sliced apples, bread and cheese.

"Wow, this looks amazing." Picking up a piece of apple I put it in my mouth. It was the first time I had tasted a fruit this sweet and rich. Something was adding flavour to natural taste of the apple. "What is this?" Putting another piece of apple in my mouth, I allowed for the sweet sugary sensation to melt on my tongue before chewing on the apple.

"Apple slices with honey, according to a friend of ours.. it is nice. Is it?"

Stunned I stopped chewing and stared at her, she just gave me the most sugary delight I had ever tasted. And admitted to never tasting it herself. Closing my mouth I quickly swallowed the piece I was chewing on and picked up the last piece. "It is very nice, would you like the last slice?"

Holding it out for her, I could see her nose wrinkle and her mouth become a tight line. "Maybe not, sorry about that." Placing the piece back on the plate, I watched her relax.

"You're right... maybe not." The smile was back on her face again. "Why don't you finish your lunch, I'll go find Carlisle and ask him to join us so he can check your injuries."

She left me alone and I relaxed back into my pillows. Eating all the food, forcing myself to slow down as much as possible. Knowing that the rich cheese and sugary apple slices would shock my body. It had been a very long time ago since I had last eaten this much food.

After I was done, I sat up and leaned out of bed far enough to set the plate down on the side table. The movement was not without pain and that caused me to worry again.

How long would it take me to recover and worse.. would Esme allow me to stay here that long, especially if she would find out my little secret.

I had almost exposed myself this morning when I had that weird dream about myself and that girl. Frowning I tried to remember some details but nothing new would come to me.

All I knew was that the girl I was laughing with, arms linked as we walked down the street. That was the same girl who had tormented my nights and days for the past months, slaughtering men with a devilish smile on her face. Almost like she enjoyed what she was doing.

Shivers ran down my spine as the memory of her actions flooded my mind. Taking a deep breath I tried to find something else to look at and finally let my eyes rest on the writing desk across the room. On the corner was a small vase with roses, a delicate pink color.

Closing my eyes I remembered the scent of roses, going back to when I was a little girl. Living with my grandmother at the mansion, she had been a maid there and after my parents death she had taken me in.

I did small chores, only being 6 years old. But whenever I didn't have any work to do, I would sneak out to the garden and smell the flowers. There had been a large collection of roses, but none a beautiful pale shade of pink like that one. Like this house and the woman who owned it, they were outstanding.

A cold hand made me open me eyes. Sitting on the edge of the bed was a handsome man with the same light eyes. Esme was standing behind him, with her hand on his shoulder.

"My name is Carlisle, would you mind if I looked at your back."

Nodding I let him roll me on my stomach and pull the blankets down, exposing my backside. Holding my breath, I prepared for him to touch me. Remembering how it had been the last time a man touched me. But the feeling was nothing like it, there was no discomfort. Just a little bit of pain as he gently pressed his cool fingers against the painful area on my lower back. As he did little bursts of pain shot through my legs, making me whimper.

"Does that hurt?" His voice was concerned as he gently applied pressure again and I moaned at the pain it caused me.

"That's good." Pulling the blanket over me helped me turn back so I was on my back again. Gritting my teeth I looked at him. "You think it's good that I'm in pain?" Not trying to sound accusing or angry, I failed miserably as my voice shrieked as I said the word pain. He just chuckled and nodded.

"Yes, you have very serious bruising but as long as you can still feel pain, it is my experience that once the bruising is healed the pain will go away and you will be good as new."

"How long will that take?" Glaring at him, I leaned back.

"A few weeks, during that time. Esme and myself will take care of you." Kissing the woman's hand, his eyes showed so much love for her. I realised that without a doubt they were lovers, a married couple.

"I can't accept that, you letting me stay here for the night was very generous but I have no way of repaying you. I'm just a poor girl, crazy.. a witch if you believe the people. My place is on the streets, living there and causing nobody any harm." Tears started to run down my face again.

Esme shook her head and sat down next to her husband. Grabbing my hand and holding it like I was extremely fragile. "Please don't say that. No young girl should spend her days, living on the street. We would be honoured to have you as our guest, the only thing I ask is one thing in return."

Blinking, I stared back at her. Perhaps they needed a new cook or maid, would it be so bad to work for these people.

"What is that?"

Esme and Carlisle smiled at the same time. "Tell us your name?"

Stunned I stopped crying and felt a timid smile form on my face. My name, no one had asked my name in such a long time. Taking a deep breath a lifted my chin and smiled wide as I spoke.

"Mary Alice."

Holding out my hand, I was relieved when Carlisle took it. Wrapping his large cool fingers around my tiny palm.

"Nice to meet you Mary Alice."

I laughed nervously as I heard my name spoken out loud by his gentle soft voice. They joined me and together we laughed. And for the first time in years, I felt like getting a second chance at life.

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><p>AN Alice is in the story. Hope you like it!


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

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><p><strong>Wiping the blood away from the corner of my mouth Tristan placed a small kiss on my cheek. "I'm proud of you Isabella. Welcome to the family" <strong>

**I stepped forward. Causing the moonlight to hit my skin. The moment the drunk man noticed the smug look on his face disappeared and I knew. I would have to make my move... soon.**

**The vampire.**

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><p>Germany 1712<p>

Gripping my fingers tight on the man's right shoulder, I could feel the bones give way under my strength. Digging my fingers into his flesh, adding to the already intolerable amount of pain he should be feeling.

"You thought I was like the rest of them, didn't you."

Letting go of his shoulder, the man grabbed it with his left hand. Looking up at me, his eyes showed fear and disbelieve as he tried to crawl backwards.

"Helpless.." Hissing at him as I followed him, taking one slow step each time he had managed to move backwards. Feeding on the anger and rage as I thought of everything I had lost, I continued to stalk him. Leaning over him and ignoring the guilt that tried to escape from my subconscious.

" Weak.." Leaning closer I smiled at him with the most wicked expression I could manage, letting the moonlight fall on my face. Knowing that if my strength didn't scare him enough, the strange pale color of my skin and the red glow in my eyes would.

" An easy prey..." Stroking along his cheek. I could smell he had lost control of his bowels as he trembled with fear at my touch. His breathing was becoming more and more short at each gasp.

"Well, guess what?..." Picking him up by his unharmed shoulder, I lifted him to his feet with one hand. Holding him in the air above me to display my power. The rush of being in control taking over and finally giving me the release I so desperately needed.

"You're the prey now." Smiling wickedly, I heard him whimper for help but I ignored him. Instead I pulled him close and pressed my mouth to his neck and bit, deep and hard. My razor sharp teeth easily cutting through his weak flesh.

I drank until there was no more left, closing my eyes as his last breath left his mouth. Knowing that no matter how satisfying the moment had been, the guilt would come rushing back any moment now. Hitting me with pain and regret that temporarily helped me lose the other feelings. The feelings of hurt, loneliness and disappointment. The feelings I tried so hard to forget, each day. But as the years turned into decades, and decades turned into centuries. I had learned... vampires could never forget.

Dropping the man's dead body, I stepped back and looked down. He didn't look like the predator Tristan had promised me he was. He had promised me this man was a criminal. Following young women, using them, abusing them and then killing them after he was done playing with them. Tonight however he had met a more dangerous predator.

Folding his arms across his chest first, I closed his eyes after that. Pulling up the collar of his coat. Knowing that on first glance, people would think he died of natural causes. Offcourse, that wasn't true and they would find out. I had heard the rumours and knew... very soon we needed to move. People were beginning to talk about the murders in the area.

I had even been spotted by accident once. Without thought I had carelessly intervened when a young woman had been attacked. She had run home, unharmed. The group of men had been less lucky. I had picked the group apart, leading them deeper and deeper in the forest. One of them had been lost for days before finding his way back to the village again. I didn't kill them. Kent and Ivan had done that for me, leaving only one of them to return. Serving as a warning for others. It had started tales, of a pale beauty. A demon, luring strong men into the forests. And each time we had moved, the stories would follow. They had already began in this small town, signalling it would soon be needed to find a new home.

Taking a direct route through the forest, I reached our current home. It was nothing more than an old barn. Part of a large farm that had once stood proud in a meadow, surrounded by large trees. The farmhouse had burned down, long before we came across it. Now the only thing standing was the barn, abandoned and secluded. It was perfect for us. Opening the door, I found only Tristan inside.

"Where are Kent and Ivan?" Alarmed, I closed the door behind me and rushed forward. Sitting down in front of Tristan who was sitting with his head rested in his hands.

"It was an ambush." The bitter words were snarled at me.

"What do you mean an ambush?" Confused I grabbed his arms and pulled his hands away with one swift move. Revealing his black eyes. Knowing, he did not hunt tonight.

"We set up the game, both Kent and Ivan rushed in. But I felt something was wrong and stopped, calling for them. They didn't listen, you know how they are." His words were still angry and sharp.

Nodding, I tried to let him know I was listening. Remembering how the boys would usually find great joy in the game, hunting, teasing and playing with the humans. Rushing forward when their lust overwhelmed them. It was one of the reasons I hardly ever joined them. The way they played with the humans, making them suffer for no reason at all, sometimes for hours and hours. It was a display of all things I loathed about myself.

"What happened once they lost control?" Knowing that was the best way to describe the boys once they smelled blood.

"The humans were accompanied by another group of vampires. Strong and agile. They didn't stand a chance." Burying his head in his hands once more, I finally understood what he couldn't tell me. Kent and Ivan, the sweet little boys who had become part of my family, they were gone.

"Was it... where they..?" Unable to finish the sentence, I got up. Pacing the barn angry, tightening my hands into fists and digging my own nails in the palms of my hand as a distraction.

"Yes." Whispering, Tristan admitted to my worst fear coming true. We had heard of them many times, knowing they would seek us out. Always trying to not draw to much attention to ourselves, but now they had finally caught up with us.

"We must leave now." Grabbing the few belongings I had together, I pushed them in my travel bag. Throwing Tristan's shoulder bag to him. "Collect your things."

He caught it, staring at me. Blinking in disbelieve. "They will track us."

Stopping, I couldn't help but growl at his betrayal. Walking over to him, I poked his finger with my chest. "Don't lie to me, I know.. and have known for a while. You have a gift, they may find a way to track us, but you have a way to cover our tracks and evade them."

Taking two steps I walked to the door and yanked it open with too much force, pulling it from it's hinges in the process.

"Now are you with me, or without me?" Biting my lip, I hoped the last. Knowing that without Tristan, I would stand no chance at escaping them but it could also be my rescue. A way of ending all of this. A hint of joy ignited in my cold heart at the thought of ending this life.

A smug smile formed on his face and so fast that he actually turned into a blur, even for my eyes, he collected the few things he had. Joining me at the door, he put his arm around my shoulder. Placing a quick kiss on the corner of my mouth before I could turn away.

"With you, always with you." His words sounded both teasing and affectionate. My heart and hopes dropped knowing that the small window of opportunity had come and gone.

Hiding my disappointment I just rolled my eyes and started running at a slow pace so Tristan could keep up. Soon enough he did and took the lead, heading west. For two days we ran, almost non-stop. Slowing down in crowded areas, but running at full speed during the night. Finally we reached a swampy stretch of land. In the far distance I could see lots of sand and hear the ocean.

Slowing down to a walking pace, Tristan allowed me to catch up with him. I did and walked side to side with him. Keeping my eyes on the ground, thinking about Kent and Ivan again. Remembering their happy bright smiles.

"What are you thinking about?" Taking my hand, he gently squeezed it.

"The boys. They were so full of life. So much fun to be around. I miss them. I don't understand how anyone could just destroy them." Pulling my hand free, I could feel for a moment how he tried to hold on but let go when I pulled harder. Wrapping my arms around my waist, I held myself tight. Feeling the loss of the boys, bringing back another memory of losing a beloved.

"How did you get away?" Staring at him, I could see him blink once and glance sideways for a second before answering.

"I guess it was just luck, or my gift perhaps. All I knew is when they rushed forward, something was wrong and I stopped. Turning around as the first screams filled the night. Knowing there was nothing I could do." Grabbing my hand again, he held it to his chest.

" At least we still have each other." Smiling at me, he stepped closer. I forced myself to smile back at him and turned my back to him. Leaning away with my upper body.

" What is your plan?"

_Make him let go of you. _My subconscious tried to persuade me.

I wanted nothing more then have my freedom, knowing that for the past centuries Kent and Ivan had stopped Tristan from pursuing a romantic interest. Now they were gone, there was nothing standing in his way anymore. Except for my memory of Edward. Just thinking of his name, I was instantly rewarded by a flash of vibrant green. Followed by a reminder of the way his blood had tasted on my lips as we kissed.

" We either find a small boat and row... or we swim to England."

Stunned I turned around.

"You always said, you wanted to return to your home country." Tristan sounded proud of his idea.

"Yes, but not like this.. not by bringing danger back to my pare..." Unable to finish the last word, I shut my mouth. To my relieve I felt Tristan let go of me and I stepped a few steps away from him. Turning my back to him as I tried to hide the pain in my eyes.

"After all these years, you still think of those people as parents." Gripping me by my hair, he pulled me back and pulled me around.

"Who kept you safe all these years... Tell me." Shaking me by shoulders, I could see how angry he was.

"You did." Looking down, I answered him.

" And tell me, have they ever invited you back home, tracked us down and welcomed you back into their loving arms." His tone was cold now, alarming me to the fact he was extremely angry at me. An anger that could snap and explode at any wrong word.

" No... but." Tristan didn't allow me to finish.

"But what." Angry he pushed me to the ground and stood over me, looking down on me.

"We never stayed in one place long enough for them to find me and even after all this time, I love them."

Wishing I could cry as I confessed my feelings, my need to feel loved flooded my heart. Remembering Esme's motherly embrace and Carlisle's proud look whenever I would discuss the latest work by a famous writer or play a strategic game with him.

"You love them? Our kind dos not love, but if you think you can. Why won't you give me a chance. If you would forget about them you could love me. "

Putting his knee between my legs, he pushed my legs apart as he lowered himself down to the ground. On top of me. Placing both his hands over my shoulders and placing one knee on my hips, pinning my body to the ground with one arm stuck under my body. One hand moved from my shoulder, down. Ripping the fabric of my dress away and revealing one breast.

Bending down he growled and bit down in the bare flesh, ripping a part of the skin away. The pain made me scream out loud. With all my force I hit him with my free hand. His cheek cracked as my hand met his face, in what seemed like a thousand small lines. His eyes turned black, enraged at being denied.

"I'll make you mine." Bending down he kissed me, violently attacking my lips. I kept my lips pressed to each other, as tight as possible. Denying him access. He growled and pushed his body closer to mine, allowing his hand to explore down, tearing more of the fabric away. Clawing at my skin, dragging his nails down and leaving a trail on my skin that burned.

His knee moved to the side and he pressed down his hips into mine. Grinding slowly as he laughed in my face. The sound made me sick. _You are one of the strongest people I know. _Esme's words flooded into my mind, reminding me of a conversation we had when I had just met her.

I locked my shield into place. For some reason, causing him to slow down and loosen his grip on my body.

"Stop." Yelling at him, I could see the disbelieve in his eyes.

Finding new strength I managed to free my other hand from my back and used both hands at the same time. Pushing his shoulders with all the power I had. The force caused him to fly backwards, and away from me. He tried to land on his feet, but ended up flipping backwards and falling flat on his back with a loud hiss.

Rushing to my feet, I grabbed my bag and looked over my shoulder. The ocean couldn't be more than a few miles away. Jumping past him, I started running to that direction.

Behind me, I could hear Tristan yell at me. Demanding me to stop, but I couldn't.

As I got closer to the beach, I could hear voices. Pulling the fabric of my dress up. I held my dress in place the best way I could. Clutching my bag in front of me, covering whatever spot the ripped dress couldn't.

A group of men were on the beach, pushing a small boat out to sea. A few hundred meters offshore a larger ship was waiting. I recognised it to be a freight ship, waving proud up high in it's masts was the English flag. Running towards them. I used my shield to cover my eyes, hoping it was enough to turn the crimson red of my eyes in a dull brown human color.

"Wait, please wait."

The oldest of the men, bold and with a messy grey beard, turned to face me. He dropped the rope he was holding and signalled the other 3 men to stop what they were doing. Reaching them I pretended to be out of breath.

"Are you going to that ship?" Pointing with my free hand to the larger ship.

"Why'd you want to know that little lady?" His voice was surprisingly gentle for a man his size.

"I need safe passage, please take me with you." Breathing heavy, I lowered my head and looked up at him, trying to make my eyes as scared as possible.

"Are you in trouble with the law?" Scratching his beard he looked around, checking if anyone was following me. The other man had started to push the little boat towards the water again. They now stood with their ankles in the water, waiting for the older man to join them.

"No, just scared of someone. I need to get away."

Pointing at the ship, I looked at him.

"You sail under an English flag, I have family there." It was true after all, I was born in England. And hoped that Esme and Carlisle were still there. Clutching my bag even tighter against me, I bit my lip. Waiting for him to answer.

"Is that all you have." He glanced over my shoulder one more time and then looked at my clothes and luggage.

I nodded. Hoping that was a yes.

He just shrugged."Very well, to England it is. Follow me. "

Taking big steps he joined his friends and climbed in the boat. I followed him, trying not to run and lift my skirts high enough so they wouldn't get soaking wet. When I reached the boat, two men reached out without words. Both grabbing one shoulder and dipping down, placing their other hand behind my knee. They lifted me from the ground in a sitting position and handed me over to the older man and his friend. Gently they lowered me on a small bench at the back of the boat. It took great effort to relax and allow them to touch me. But I managed to give them a small smile and nod my head at them. "Thank you." Hoping the men understood, I was both relieved to be allowed to come with them and for the help they offered me. The man just hummed and nodded at me. Grabbing the pedals and starting his way out to sea.

As I watched the beach turn into a small thin line as our little boat moved from the shore. I heard a rumbling growl sound through the evening sky. The men looked up alarmed. Staring over their shoulder at the beach. "That sounded like a really angry animal, large too. "

They couldn't see the animal in the dim light but I could. They were wrong, it wasn't an animal. Standing on the beach, Tristan watched us leave. His head raised and his hand reaching out. As I focused on what he was holding out for me to see, my hand slipped up to my neck.

He smiled, proud of himself as he saw my movement. And I knew why. I might have escaped him now, one day I had to hunt him down. There was no other option. When running away from him, he had managed to hold on to the most important part of me. Resting my hand on my chest, I felt how empty it was. Knowing that the long silver chain with my parents ring and Edwards ring, was no longer there to remind me of my humanity but was now in the hands of a monster.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

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><p>"<em>Wait, have we met before?"<em>

_The large woman, with a child on her hip raised her eyebrow as she looked at the person standing in front of her. Holding the door with her free hand as she was about to close it._

" _Like I explained, I'm new to the area. Thank you for your time." _

_An angelic voice responded. The women in the doorway nodded and closed the door, walking to the sitting area. As she did, her eyes fell on a painting that was hanging in the hallway. Stopping and staring at the picture of a young woman with shy brown eyes and long brown hair falling down around her shoulders._

_Turning she almost tripped, rushing to the door and opening it. "Wait.." But there was no one left to call for, the yard and the path leading to her door, both were empty. Frowning the women searched the yard one more time before disappearing back in her house._

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><p><strong>London 1712<strong>

I blinked as I watched the door close. Knowing it was the end of the vision. Stunned I thought about what I had just seen. For the first time, the dreams or visions I had about other people hadn't been violent or frightening. But the mood of the vision left me feeling alone, so very alone it made my body shudder. I hadn't seen the woman, but I knew for sure. The woman with the child had been talking to Bella.

"Mary Alice, can you hear me?"

From far I could hear Carlisle call for me. Taking a deep breath, I sucked in some fresh air and slowly opened my eyes. At the side of my bed, both Esme and Carlisle were keeping an eye on me. Sitting on the chairs that had been pushed back against the wall for most of the week.

"What happened?"

Sitting up, I rubbed my eyes. Alarmed by the painful ache in my lower back at my movement a groaned. Trying to relieve some of the dull ache I felt, I moved both my hands down and rubbed the spot that caused me so much pain. As I massaged the area, the pain slowly faded.

"You have been asleep for most of the morning." Taking my arm, Carlisle gently pressed the tip of his fingers against the pressure point on the inside of my wrist. "Your blood pressure went up about an hour ago, and your heart accelerated but Esme couldn't wake you up." Letting go of my arm, he got up from his seat. I tried to smile, hiding the fact that his words made no sense to me at all.

"How are you feeling now?" Carlisle stared at me with a intense smile, his vibrant eyes searching my face with a strange expression. For a moment a sat and stared back at him, until I remembered one of the rules I had learned as a young kid that actually made senes, it was polite to answer when someone asked you a question.

"Compared to the beginning of the week, I feel great." Flashing the brightest smile possible at them. I wiggled my toes and pointed at the blankets. "See."

"Good." Carlisle chuckled. "I'll leave you with Esme, she can help you get dressed."

He left the room, closing the door behind him.

Get dressed. Looking down at my lap, I tried to hide my embarrassment. All week I had stayed in this bed, dressed in a large white night gown. It was the nicest piece of clothing I had worn in the past years.

" Would you like to have a bath first?" Esme asked as she got up.

A tiny burst of excitement rushed through me. "You mean, like a real bath. With soap and hot water?" Pushing away the blankets, I carefully sat on the edge of the bed and placed my feet on the ground. This time when my feet hit the floor, it didn't feel like a thousand little needles were sticking into my legs and feet. Slowly I stood up, smiling as I realised it was almost without pain. Esme was already at my side and placed an arm around my shoulder.

"Yes, you can have a bath with real soap and hot water. " Mocking me, she slowly helped me walk to the door. Opening it for me and leading the way down the hall. At the end of the hallway, a door was already open. As we approached, Carlisle walked out at that moment.

"It should be just the right temperature." Holding up the bucket, he smiled at us before stepping past us.

When Esme helped me move down the two steps, I found myself in a large room. At the far side, a big fireplace held a large fire. Above it was a large pot with steam coming up from it. What held all my interest however, was the large bath in the middle of the room.

It was the most luxurious thing I had ever seen.

Squealing I rushed forward, as fast as I could. Esme supported me until I reached the bath. Gripping the side, I looked down and found there was already a good amount of water in it. And from the steam rising up, I was pretty sure it was warmed to perfection.

"I guess.. you like having a bath?" Esme asked me with an amused smile on her face.

Laughing I leaned down and scooped my hand through the clear water. Bringing it up and feeling the hot water slide through my fingers. "I've never ever been in a bath, not like this."

"Really?" Esme sounded shocked. "Well in that case, what are we waiting for."

Stepping closer she placed my hands on her shoulders. Using her for support, I carefully stepped in the bath. She waited until both my feet were secure on the bottom before turning her back to me.

"If you want, you can bath in your gown or take it off. I will leave and collect you some clothes to wear. Soap and cloth are on the small table at the side, you should be able to reach."

Clearly she waited for my response as she stood still. Looking down at the hot steam, I shrugged and pulled the long white shirt over my head and held it out in front of me. Without looking Esme reached back over her shoulder and I placed the shirt in her hand.

Holding on to the edge, I lowered myself in the warm water. Finding that once I sat down, it reached almost all the way up to my shoulder. Like she had promised, I only needed to reach over the edge with my right hand to find the soap and cloth to wash myself with.

"Thank you."

Hoping she understood, I was thanking her for so much more.

"You're welcome Mary Alice."

Disappearing from the room, Esme gave me some time alone. Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and rested my head back. For a few minutes I just enjoyed the feeling of warm water against my skin until I couldn't resist any longer and grabbed the soap.

Bringing it to my face, it smelled fresh and clean.

Smiling I started to run the piece over my skin, scrubbing as hard as I could. Before long, my arms and shoulders were covered in a thin white layer. The scent prickled in my nose, making me giggle.

Placing the soap back in delicate little dish on the small stand next to the bath, I closed my eyes and placed one hand over my nose. Taking one last deep breath... and leaned back. Holding my breath and sqeeuzing my eyes shut as tight as possible. All noise faded away as water slowly surrounded my head. Staying under water, I pinched my nose so no water would run into my nose and mouth.

I held my breath for as long as possible, staying under water until my lungs started to burn. Sitting back up I gasped for air. Feeling water drip down my neck and shoulders.

Laughing I shook my head before letting myself fall back down, resting my shoulders against the bathtub and relaxing my head.

It was sitting like this, with a very satisfied smile on my face, Esme found me.

"I see you are enjoying your bath time." Placing some clothes on a chair, she stepped towards the bath. Holding out a large towel for me and closing her eyes.

Shy I stood up in the bath and grabbed the towel from her, wrapping it around me as tight as possible. When I was sure it would stay in place, I placed my hand on her shoulder and carefully stepped out of the bathtub.

"It was the most wonderful thing I have ever done... the most wonderful thing anyone has ever given me." I whispered when I finally stood on the ground, feeling the cold stone floor under my feet and shivering.

Esme opened her eyes and looked down at me, a hint of sadness in her eyes as she did. "You really had a tough time didn't you." Brushing my wet hair out of my face as she spoke.

Nodding I looked down again, shivering as the cold of the room started to cool me down.

"Let's get you dressed." Taking my hand she gently pushed me to the direction where a large pile of cloths was waiting on a chair. "Some of these are mine, but most of them are new. I bought them this week."

Picking up a lavender coloured dress, she held it up against my body. I collected it from her and held it in place. "You shouldn't have." Feeling the soft linen underneath my fingers, it was soft and smooth. But the thing that excited me most was the smell, just a hint of soap came from the fabric.

"Yes I did." Esme smiled back at me. "Now don't stand there, try it on." Handing me some undergarments she disappeared from the room again. Quickly I dressed, finding that indeed everything she had purchased fit me perfect. Running my hands down the skirt of the lavender dress again and again, I couldn't help stop smiling.

"Esme" Calling out as I stood in the doorway, I didn't have to wait long for her to show up. She stopped and smiled the moment she set her eyes on me. " How do I look?" Running my hands down my dress again, I couldn't help but feel nervous.

"Unrecognisable."

It was the best compliment I could get.

Later that day we sat in the garden together. I ate some food while Esme watched me eat. Not for the first time, I noticed she looked at the food with a slightly disgusted look. Why wasn't clear to me, everything she had given me so far, had been absolutely perfect.

When I was done, I pushed the plate to the middle of the table. Leaning forward with my elbows on the edge. Looking at Esme over the table.

"Can I ask you something?"

She looked up at me. A curious expression in her eyes. "Yes, you can always ask me anything."

"Why don't you an Carlisle have any children? I'm sure you would be great parents." Waiting for her response, I watched pain appear in her eyes. Giving her usually beautiful face an almost haunted look. Holding my breath I watched her jaw tighten as she pulled up her shoulders.

Panicked I leaned back, folding my hands in my laps and staring at Esme. Afraid to look away, in fear that she would disappear if I would. After what seemed like a very long time, her shoulders slowly dropped and her face relaxed again.

" Carlisle and I... we can't have children. But we weren't always alone. For a long time, I had a girl living with me. A young woman, I loved her like a daughter." Her tone was so sad and hesitant, It made me regret asking about the subject.

"I'm.. I'm sorry." Stuttering, I struggled to find words. Trying to make up for my mistake but nothing seemed adequate enough to apologise for causing her to remember something that obviously caused her so much pain.

"Don't be sorry. I just told you, you can ask me anything you want. Besides having you stay here with us, softens the pain I feel a little bit." Looking into my eyes, I could still see the pain but the warmth in her voice made me relax a little bit.

"Her name.. the girl who stayed with you for a long time. Her name is Bella isn't it?"

Whispering softly, I wasn't sure of she heard. But she did because I could a sharp intake of breath as she gasped.

"It is."

Breaking the eye contact, she stared into the garden. Looking at something I could not find. As she did the memory of the wild dark haired girl flooded my mind. The red of her eyes and the feral way she had attacked men twice her size.

Silence stretched out between us as we sat and stared into the garden. Finally I managed to find my voice.

" Esme?"

Looking sideways, I waited for her to look at me. When she slowly turned to face me, I noticed the liquid gold in her eyes had slightly darkened. The change in eye colour was weird and part of me warned me. The warning didn't make any impression on my unsteady mind. Besides warning me, my mind also recognised something else.

In her eyes was hope. Hope... as she waited for me to continue speaking. It made me regret what I wanted to share, but at the same time. I hoped my sharing the fear I felt for this girl I had never me, would help me and her.

"Esme... I think, I know...something really bad is going to happen to Bella."

Esme's eyes flew wide open as she heard what I said. Leaning closer over the table, she grabbed one of my hands. A tight and cold grip.

"What do you know about Bella."

Desperate the words had rushed from her mouth, telling me the girl had meant so much more to her then I had understood. Could it be the answer to my question, why were they being so nice to me? Leaning back I dropped my head and let my hair fall around my face.

I'd thought they liked me, but now I understood how stupid I had been. By saying her name out loud, I had given them hope that perhaps the girl they had lost, could be found through me. But how could I explain to them, the girl in my visions… the one that tormented my dreams.. she is a monster.

Esme let go of my hand and a second later, I felt her hand on my shoulder. The sudden movement made me jump and I almost fell from my chair, afraid of being touched without warning. It reminded me to much of the years I had spend on the streets. I wanted her to let go, but she didn't let go. Instead I could feel her other hand gently brush the hair out of my face.

"Mary Alice, please trust me. You can tell me, even if it is something terrible. Carlise and me, we want to help you. But if you don't talk to us, we won't be able to help you."

Her words were low and soft, close to my face. I wanted to trust her. Could I trust her? Nodding slowly, I knew I had answered my own question.

"I'm not like other people. I see things."

Taking a deep breath, I allowed myself to remember some of the vision I had in the past years. The visions that had kept me awake at night, the visions that had given me the label of being a freak. Those visions, flooded my mind.

Bella… stalking through a dark forest like an animal stalking a prey.

Fast and silent like a ghost as she followed a group of men at night.

Bella….watching something from the shadows of a dark alley.

A tall dark man with a drink in his hand as he staggered into the dark alley, smiling and making kissing sounds as he noticed … leaping at that same man and ripping him apart in rage.

Her eyes a bright crimson red as she released a body and let her head rest back. When she did, I could see her licking her lips. Catching the last of a few red drops.

Then my memory reminded me of something else, another vision filled my head.

Bella and myself, walking hand in hand. Laughing and walking down the street. Giggling as men turned their heads to watch us.

But this time when I looked at her, there was no crimson red in her eyes.. This time, her eyes were the same color as Carlisle's and Esme's eyes.

"What kind of things are you talking about. " I could feel Esme let go of me and lean back. She was pulling away from me. As she did, out of nowhere Carlisle seemed to have appeared.. When I looked up at him, I recognised his clothes. They were the same he had been wearing in my vision.

"All my life, I've had dreams. The last 5 years, most of the dreams have revolved around a young woman, a girl. It wasn't until a few nights ago when I met you, I learned her name by accident. She….Bellla does things…... Terrible things." Taking a deep breath to steady myself. I felt both Esme and Carlisle looking at me.

" I don't always understand what she does but I've seen it in my dreams. They have kept me awake and haunted me for such a long time and I still don't understand them. How could I possibly make you understand them."

Turning to Esme I clung to her body, ignoring how cold and awkward she felt. Wanting more than anything to find support as I struggled to find words that could possibly explain.

"Mary Alice?"Carlisle carefully called my name. Making me look up at him.

"Yes." Letting go of Esme. I sat up and watched him move closer to me. Taking Esme's place in front of me.

" There is nothing to be afraid of. Some people are different, they go through life alone or in fear. Hiding themselves, afraid to show other people they have gifts. It sounds like you have a gift, and I'm guessing that your gift has made your life very difficult."

His words couldn't be more true and as I look at him a hot tear slips from my eye. Wiping it away I focus on Carlisle to stop myself from crying. "You plan to go out and find Bella?" I confront him. " She's dangerous".

His eyes however do not show any sign of shock or fear. Instead he relaxes and smiles at me as a he nods. " I see." Somewhere deep down I realise that he does know, but what does that mean. Does he know what Bella does, could they be this forgiving? Hope ignites inside of me as Carlisle crouches down in front of me and takes my hand. '" Yes, you're right. I'm planning to go out and find Bella. There has been rumors of a girl with her description arriving at the harbor a few days ago. Could that be true?"

Nodding at him I try and confirm to him it is the truth. Searching in my mind for any signs that the flashes of this other girls life that have haunted me for so long can help him find her. As he let's go I finally find what i'm looking for.

" The woman." Remembering the reaction of the woman with the child. The woman had thought she recognised Bella from a painting. If Carlisle knew where the painting is now, that would help him get closer to Bella.

"Earlier I was shown images of Bella. She went to a house, somewhere outside the city. In the house was a painting, a painting that had a picture of a young girl. The young girl looked like her."

Carlisle looked at me, then at Esme. They both smiled and it made me realise, I had described something they both recognised. Facing me Carlisle tried to contain his enthusiasm but could hardly hide his joy. "The house, did it have a large orchard?"

"Yes I think it was apples?" Frowning I tried to remember any other detail but knew that was the best I could do at the moment. "I'm sorry for not being more helpful."

"Swan house." Getting up, Carlisle placed a quick kiss on Esme's cheek. "I'll travel as fast as I can." Before I could stop him, he had disappeared from the garden.

Stunned I glanced around, finding just me and Esme in the garden, it was as if Carlisle had disappeared into thin air. Not for the first time, I started to feel uncomfortable. A nagging voice in the back of my mind warned me that perhaps like Bella, both Esme and Carlisle weren't completely normal either. Testing my theory I took a deep breath and grabbed Esme's hand.

"Esme, there is something you should know about those dreams. They don't just show me places and people. They also show me what they are doing. In my dreams, she kills people, hunts them like animals. Drinking their blood and hiding the bodies."

Watching her eyes, I could see a flicker of emotions as her mouth opened and closed. There was surprise and something else, but the one thing that I didn't notice was shock or disbelieve. Nervous I glanced around me. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable being alone with her. If my confession was accepted so easily and without surprise. What did that mean.

Thinking back about the past week, the days I had spend here.

Not once had I seen them eat anything but both of them seemed strong and healthy. In fact Esme was very strong because she had lifted me from the ground like I weighed nothing more than a feather.

They had also been extremely generous and caring. Almost loving in their care, soft and gentle. Giving me the feeling they liked me… perhaps even loved me. But was that a misunderstanding? Could they be more like Bella than I had realised. Could they have another motive to keep me here?

Looking at Esme's sad face in front of me. I struggled to keep breathing. She stared back at me, waiting for me to continue talking. As she did, a pinching feeling started at my temple. And before I could do anything, my eyes rolled back and I could feel my entire body tremble with the images that filled my head.

_Bella was standing in the middle of the woods. She looked down at a deer, the animal was large and lying at her feet. As she looked down, she smiled proud. The smile however disappeared as a group of men stepped forward from the woods. She stood for a moment before turning around and starting to run._

_It was the fastest I had ever seen her run. Crashing through low shrubs, she ran in a straight line towards a crumbled group of buildings. As she came closer, someone caught up with her._

_A large man with dark hair jumped on her back, pushing her to the ground before she could reach the door. As they fell to the ground, I caught one last look of her face. It was covered in dirt but one thing stood out. Her eyes…. After the red crimson had haunted me for years, they now stood out to me._

_They were a dark brown with gold around the edges._

_The next thing I could see was hands, placed at either side of her face. She closed her eyes as they did. All resistance had faded as she said one final thing._

_"Please tell them, I love them."_

The words made me come back to reality.

They had been so soft and gentle, it sounded like she was addressing them to me.

Whispering, I repeated them to the person they were meant for.

"She loves you."

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><p>AN Share your thoughts, still reading?


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"_You sail under an English flag, I have family there."_

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><p><strong>London 1712<strong>

After 2 days and another stop at a small harbour the large ship finally was making it's way up the river Thames. As it did, I stood on the deck. Outside enjoying the silence of the cold evening air.

"Is there really family waiting for you there."

The bold man that had agreed to give me passage came to stand next to me. A small distance between us. A very subtle and generous way of letting me know, if I did not feel like having company or talking, I could just ignore him.

For a moment I considered that option but felt it wouldn't be fair to ignore the man. He was only showing concern for me and had been very generous to me. Offering me passage home.

"Yes, there is, somewhere. I'm sure I can find them." As I spoke out loud, my loneliness was evident in the tone of my voice.

"If you need a place to stay for the first night, I'm sure my wife wouldn't mind giving you a bed for the night. You'd be safe." His words sounded loving as he mentioned his wife. It wasn't enough to touch my heart, instead the last word however made me shiver.

Safe. That is what Tristan had told me he was trying to get us to, a safe place. The truth was, with him alone.. I couldn't have been less safe. Remembering how his teeth had sunk down in my body. I could feel the burn run through my body again.

The captain obviously noticed my response. Stepping a little bit closer and stretching his hand out towards me. "Are you alright?"

Stepping back I hissed in response. Making sure he kept the distance between us. Afraid of how my body would respond as his warm hand touched my cold skin. Knowing that soon, I would need to hunt.

The man stepped back and dropped his arm to the side of his body.

" Thank you for your generous offer." I smiled at him, hoping he wouldn't notice the red in my eyes as I felt my shield slip away. "Really, you don't need to worry about me, I will stay with my family."

We both knew it was a lie. He didn't comment, instead he nodded. "Just keep out of trouble from now on. A young girl like you should not travel without protection."

Muttering something else to himself he turned away and shook his head once more before he started shouting at the rest of the crew. Alerting them to get back to their stations and start preparing to bring the ship into the harbour.

An hour later and for the first time in over 400 years I was back in England again. The last hour had been the most difficult. As the ship had slowly crept into the harbour, I had stood on deck. Staring at the city in front of me, unable to hide my astonishment and battling my own insecurities. The city I had lived in for a short while, had changed so much. It was unrecognisable.

"Are you sure about that bed?"

Placing a hand on my shoulder as we got on shore. The captain asked one last time. I stopped and held my breath, focussing on staying still. He waited for a moment, before letting go and nodding at me. "As you wish."

Walking past me he continued down the harbour. A few men followed him, others went towards the city centre. I watched them leave, clutching my bag to my body.

When the last of the crew had left, I finally relaxed. Looking around I tried to decide what direction was safest and closed my eyes. Listening very carefully. It didn't take long for me to pinpoint the direction where fewest sounds welcomed me.

Hoping it was the right choice I started walking in that direction. Careful to keep a human pace so I wouldn't draw too much attention. After a few hours, I finally reached the edge of the city. By now it was only stars and the moon lighting my path and I felt more confident now. Knowing it was night and not many humans would come out at this time of day.

Pushing myself forward, I went in the direction my instinct told me to go. Using the mixture of wet dirt, green leaves and wood to guide me. Finally the road I was walking on started to lead into a forest. Smiling I started to move faster and faster, until I was running at full speed. A lot had changed but as I glanced up, there was one way to still find my way. Using the stars above me as a map to guide me to a place I hoped was not forgotten.

Just before the sun started to come up. I reached the place I was searching for. Stopping at the edge of the property, I stared at the now crumbled building. The outer walls seemed to have been broken down, the stones perhaps used for new buildings. The main building was still there. It looked sad and damaged, but the shape was still recognisable.

Walking closer I dropped my shield completely. Immediately I was rewarded by the comfortable and familiar sound of the small wildlife in the woods. Stopping I took a deep breath. My nostrils flared as the different scents assaulted my senses.

None of them however were the scent I was looking for.

The scent of another vampire. The building was not only sad and damaged, it had also been empty and unvisited for a very long time.

Entering it, I walked down the large hallway. As I did, memories I had forgotten flooded back into my mind. Remembering how my life had started here and the painful moment Carlisle and I had shared here. Standing still I closed my eyes and held on to the one that hurt the most.

"_Without him, how will I pass the time?" _

_Trying to force unwilling tears from my eyes, I felt the ache in my heart spiral out of control. Carlisle stopped me from falling any deeper by hugging me tight to him, this time his action reminded me of my father. As he did I was thankful for having such sensitive hearing because almost inaudible he answered me. _

"_By never losing hope." _

Realisation hit me as I remembered that conversation. Carlisle had given me the strongest tool of survival. And for the last centuries I had tried so hard to forget, I had forgotten all about that tool. Falling on my knees, I sat in silence wishing my eyes could cry.

Find hope.

Keep hope.

The words repeated in my head until I finally understood what I needed to do. Not only did I need to find Carlisle and Esme. I also needed to retrieve what Tristan had taken from me, he held the only key to my existence. Edwards ring. If the two halves of a soulmate spend eternity finding each other, I still had a chance.

Getting to my feet I walked to the end of the hallway. Opening the door to the little room I had woken up in so long ago. The furniture was gone but I didn't care. Throwing my bag to the ground I sat down and stretched out, lying on my back and staring up at the beams. They had become only slightly more worn down through the years.

Smiling I focused on the grain of the wood and lost myself in tracing the lines. Finding comfort in the simplicity of my task. Each second that passed, I started to feel more and more calm on the inside. Almost as if the silence of this place, the room where it all began, was giving me strength.

Once I was sure the day had passed completely, I got up to my feet and brushed the dust of my clothes. The captain had found some old shirt and pants for me to wear after we had set sail. The shirt was slightly too long, reminding me of the tunic that Carlisle had given me a long time ago in this same room. I didn't mind, it covered me thoroughly.

Emptying my bag on the floor I looked at the few sad belongings I had. Most of them were useless and unwanted reminders of the time spend with Tristan, Kent and Ivan. One item however caught my eye. It was a small piece of wood. Kent had carved it for me, a long time ago.

He had given it to me, proud of creating such a small thing without snapping the fragile wood into small pieces. Little did he know at the time, it reminded me of a similar gift Edward had once given me. That reminder was enough for me to accept his gift and keep it with me all these years. Sliding the whistle in my pocket, I got up and left the rest of my things behind.

When I got outside, I looked back once more at the building. It was just as silent and untouched as it had been when I found it. The atmosphere however seemed to have shifted. From looking sad and damaged in my eyes... it now felt like a tranquil fortress. Old and wise, providing a shelter for me when I had needed it most.

Reminding me of the good and calm companionship Carlisle had offered me in a time where I had been convinced of my own incapability to love... giving me something back I had lost as I tried so hard to prove I was that cold monster. I knew now, my time had been a waste.

I had found hope again. And with that hope came determination. Lifting my chin in the air I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

My nostrils flared as I caught several scents. One however stood out.

Pushing forward I started to chase the scent until I came to a small creek. Standing there with his head down was the cause of the burning ache in my throat. Majestic and tall, Lowering almost to the ground in a crouch, I very lightly pressed my hands down against the soft green grass. Feeling how the sun had warmed it slightly, making it warm to my ice cold touch.

Watching my prey for a moment, knowing it would not satisfy my hunger but would satisfy me in many other ways. I silently jumped forward in his warm muscular back, wrapping my legs around his body and putting my arms around the thick strong neck. I moved so fast, he didn't have time to respond and without a second thought. I tightened my grip. snapping his neck with one single motion.

As we landed on the ground, the soft thud echoes through the forest. I smiled and leaned closer, placing my mouth on the soft spot that would allow me direct access to one of the main arteries. Growling I sank my teeth in his skin, like I expected the blood wasn't as satisfying... but my mind rejoiced at each drop that flowed his body to mine.

When I was done, I got up to my feet. Brushing the few reddish brown hairs that had stuck to my shirt from my clothes. Proud I looked down on the dead deer.

Knowing his death marked my own rebirth.

**CPOV**

As soon as Mary Alice stopped explaining to us about the house in her vision, I left. Hoping that my faith in the little girl would be rewarded. From the first day Esme had decided to bring her into our life, her gift had intrigued me. At first I had been sceptical, never having been confronted with such a power in a mere human. But she had slowly and without knowing, made me believe she was truly gifted beyond any human or vampire I had ever met . So while Esme lovingly watched over her, I had looked into her background. Finding out that there was a reason why she was alone.

Everyone who had ever been part of her life, had turned their back to her. Afraid by the riddled words she would sometimes speak after seeing things her mind could simply not process. For vampires it was different, the exceptions in this world were our reality. And we had seen enough in our existence to know, this was a gift that should make the girl loved not hated. If she was right, and a big part of me believed she was, her latest vision could lead me to Bella.

As fast as possible I rushed to the place she had described. Forgetting all about pretending to be human. Instead I pushed myself to run so fast, I felt sure they wouldn't even be able to see me. Within a few minutes I had reached the thick forests and was running through them, ignoring everything around me. There was only one thing on my mind at the moment. For the first time in centuries I had a chance to complete my family once more.

When I reached the edge of the orchard I slowed down en stopped under a large tree with low branches. It gave me plenty of coverage and would keep me out of sight. As I stopped, I focused and listened for any sounds. There were many sounds that greeted my ears, hearts beating, children's laughter and a woman calling out to a boy to sit still as she cut his hair. Counting the different heartbeats, I came to the conclusion that a large family currently lived in the Swan House.

Slowly I walked round the house. The moment I did, the overwhelming smell off other vampires made me stop and lower into a crouch. I was prepared to find Bella, vampires do not forget. So I was expecting to come across her scent. However, it was not just her scent. There were several more, the amount of them combined with the fact that inside was a human family, unharmed… it could only mean one thing.

The Volturi had been here.

Rushing forward I caught Bella's scent also, it lead me away in a straight line towards a direction that was familiar to me. A place that had been my sanctuary for many years and I had offered to share with her at the very start. The multiple scents were also leading that way.

Frowning I let the thought run through my mind. Could Bella somehow in the past century been caught by them, joined their side and their way of living. Shaking my head I knew that couldn't be right. At least one of them knew exactly who she was, what she looked like and represented to my family. No she wouldn't be with them. That was impossible. Impossible or the greatest betrayal possible.

I was just about to continue my path, tracking the scent when something else caught my attention. The forest had gone completely silent all at once. It remembered me of the moment in our hunt, when we would without sound stalk and attack our prey. But no matter how silent we were, the forest would grow silent at the moment the snapping of the animals bones… and the almost silent would whimper as the hunted animal last breath would echo through the forest. It was almost like every little being sensed how the delicate balance of nature was disturbed.

Slowing down I glanced at the direction where all sound seemed to have disappeared. Only Esme, myself and once upon time Bella had hunted animals in this region. We were unique in our kind.

Hope grew inside of me. Could she possibly….?

I didn't even give myself a chance to finish the sentence as I pushed myself forward, away from the scent I was tracking and towards the silence. I ran as fast as possible without making a sound. Listening closely and trying to find a scent. After a few miles my patience and intuition were rewarded as I crossed a scent. A singular scent… it belonged to Bella.

Following it, I found it lead me towards a small clearing. Slowing down until I was at a human walking pace. When I almost reached the clearing, I heard footsteps approaching me from the other side of the clearing. Hiding in the bushes I waited for the person coming towards me to catch up.

Looking at him, it was easy recognise what he was part of. He had probably been send out to track Bella. A hunter in a previous life and now a very valuable tracker to their guard. His long strides made the cloak rustle around his legs. The hood was up but I remembered his scent and the face of the man.

I was just about ready to jump at him, confront him with the facts… Not sure what they were but knowing he was one of the honest men and trusted by his leaders for his judgment.

Strong hands around my shoulder made me stop. Stunned I froze as I felt how they wrapped around me tight as I inhaled the scent. Closing my eyes and smiling with relieve. There was no scent, and I knew only one vampire that could cloak it's scent. Making herself untrackable.

"Bella".

Whispering her name, I smiled even brighter when she turned in front of me and faced me. The red glow in her eyes that I expected to see was concealed by the known gold hue of animal blood. Her eyes searched mine with a thousand questions as she raised a finger to her lips. Signalling for me to be silent. And I was, immediately. Trusting Bella with my future.


	16. Chapter 16

_**Chapter 16**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>I caught one last look of her face. It was covered in dirt but one thing stood out. Her eyes…. After the red crimson had haunted me for years, they now stood out to me.<strong>_

_**They were a dark brown with gold around the edges.**_

_**The next thing I could see was hands, placed at either side of her face. She closed her eyes as they did. All resistance had faded as she said one final thing.**_

_**"Please tell them, I love them."**_

_**The words made me come back to reality.**_

_**They had been so soft and gentle, it sounded like she was addressing them to me.**_

_**Whispering, I repeated them to the person they were meant for.**_

_**"She loves you."**_

* * *

><p><strong>Esme point of view<strong>

I heard the words that I had longed to hear for a very long time. But they sounded so broken and wrong at this exact moment. In no way they gave me the comfort and joy I had expected them to give me.

"Bella, she loves you."

Croaking the words another time, the fragile little human girl sitting in front of me seemed to shrink even more as she pulled up her shoulder and dropped her chin. Hiding her face behind her long thick hair. I could see her pull away from me both emotionally and physically.

"I love her too."

Carefully I acknowledged out loud, the words I had kept silent for such a long time. Ever since the day Bella had disappeared a little part of me had died. Only last week when at the most unexpected place and time a little human had crossed my path and caught my eye, only then that love was sparked again.

"I remembered my love for Bella, the evening I found you. "

My own voice sounded unsteady as I confessed the truth. Mary Alice shifted in her seat and as she did, for a second she glanced up at me letting her empty eyes rest on mine. The moment was very short but made me understand. The girl sitting in front of me had no idea how important she was to me and Carlisle. I felt I owed it to her, to let her know that. Moving closer to her. I took a deep breath and started talking.

" When I was young, I was hurt by the person who supposed to take care of me. I felt like I had lost everything and could never love again. Then I found Bella, and I decided to take a chance and open up my heart. But she left me. When she did, I vowed to never ever open up my heart again. But I was wrong." Waiting for a moment, I couldn't help but smile a little bit when she pushed her hair behind her ears. Uncovering some of her face, just enough to show me she had started to cry.

"What changed?"

For the second time she glance up at me. The color of her eyes sharp and alive, a reminder of her humanity. The tears in them only adding depth to them and at the same time reminding me of how fragile she was. Not physically, but emotionally.

"I came across a girl, she doesn't realise but she is extremely special."

Getting up from my seat, I sat down on my knees in front of her. Lowering myself to the ground so she would no longer be able to hide her eyes from me by looking down.

" That girl instantly managed to win over my heart completely. So against better judgment I brought her home, nursed her when she injured, provided her with good meals and clean clothes. Even a bath."

Winking at the last comment, I could see Mary Alice started to smile a little bit.

"And while I was busy doing all these things. I did not only find she had made it into my heart without even wanting or trying to do so. I realised my heart is big enough to love her also, just like I love Bella. Now only if she wouldn't sit in front of me crying, that would make me feel so much better."

Gasping Mary Alice finally realised the truth behind my words. Shaking my head I smiled at her.

"I'm the girl?" Her insecurity seemed to fade away a little bit as she thought about my words.

"Yes, of course you are the girl. I don't make a habit out of taking home random strangers who have no other place to go to. I chose you because there was something that instantly told me you were special."

"I was chosen."Repeating my words, Mary Alice smiled again.

"That's right you were chosen….. Now please, can you allow yourself to be not only chosen but loved also?" Holding out my arms, I waited for her to come into my embrace.

For a moment she hesitated, then very slowly she stood up from her chair and stepped closer. She was tiny, and even with me sitting on my knees in front her. I could easily wrap my arms around her waist. As I did, I rested my cheek against her stomach. The warmth greeting my cold skin, even through her dress. And underneath it all, the steady beat of her heart confirmed to me… Mary Alice had let me in.

We sat for a few hours in the garden, she tried to ask me about myself. Each attempt alarming me to the fact, through her visions and dreams.. she had already learned to much. I managed to evade each question, turning the conversation back to Mary Alice herself.

Slowly but steady finding out more and more about her. Each answer blew me away, causing me to feel both angry and disappointed at the humans that were supposed to take care of her.

The reality hurt. She had been abandoned by her family and guardians, for just one reason. She had a gift that made her different. Her gift however was something magical. After talking about it for a long time, slowly she started to confess more and more about why she had come to London.

Five years ago the visions had started growing in length and intensity. She hadn't been able to control them but no matter how terrifying they had been, one recurring vision had send her to this town. The vision of herself standing on the deck of a large ship, as it left the harbour she could see the city in front of her. Slowly growing smaller. No matter how obvious it was she was leaving England, the vision had always left her with great joy.

And so she had asked and asked. Talking to travellers, describing the buildings she had seen. After time being able to describe them with adequate precision until one day, someone had told her. She was talking about London.

Mary Alice had gone to London from there, on foot. The thought of her travelling alone on foot. Being passed by carriages heading towards London but never ever receiving help. It confirmed my feelings again, humanity was slowly loosing the ability to show compassion.

As we talked, we first slowly walked around the garden and after that went back inside. She had only seen the bedroom we had given her and the bathroom. Each room I showed her brought a smile on her face. She was amazed by all the space we had and beyond herself when she found out I had rows and rows of dresses. Running towards them, she seemed to forget about me as she started going through them.

"I've never ever in my life seen so many dresses." Laughing out loud she held a blue dress in front of her. It was full length and would be too long for her, but the shoulders and body seemed to be her size. "I made this for Bella but would love for you to wear it, if you want?"

Taking the dress from Mary Alice I hung it out and got my sowing bag. Knowing that very easily I could shorten the skirts so she would fit it.

"Are you sure?" Her face had that same insecure frown again. Glancing at the dress, she fumbled with the ribbons on her dress.

"I'm sure. Bella does not care about clothes very much. Give me a few days and I'll shorten it for you. Now… how about we go back to the kitchen and I start cooking. I'm sure you must be hungry?"

At the same time, Mary Alice her stomach growled. Making her blush and giggle. Placing her hands on her stomach she glanced down. "It seems like that."

She took one last look at the bright blue gown before leaving the room. As she did, I let her walk in front of me. At the end of the hallway she stopped and waited for me. I slowly walked up to her, keeping up the little of my human façade she still hadn't managed to see through.

"Is it ok if I go outside for a little bit more. I'm feeling rather strong today and would love to get some more fresh air while the sun is still out." Her face had lost its carefree smile, instead her eyes looked sad and I could see she was biting on the inside of her cheek. Almost like she was thinking about something that worried her.

Nodding I opened the door to the kitchen, leaning against the frame. "Sure that won't be a problem, I'll come get you when your dinner is ready. Have fun" I knew that without her in the kitchen watching me cook her food, it would make preparing her food a lot more easy. To begin with, I wouldn't have to pretend the smell of chicken made me want to throw up.

"Great. " She took one step forward before stopping and turning back. Without any warning she flung her arms around my body. If I had not been an indestructible vampire, I could have even been hurt by the force. Luckily I was a vampire and her hug only gave me warmth and joy. Enjoying the few short seconds before she let go.

"I love you too Esme. "

She didn't wait for me to answer, instead she let go of me and rushed away from me. Down the hallway and towards the back of the house. Her footsteps causing an echo in my head, followed by the soft click of the backdoor closing.

Smiling wide I stepped into the kitchen. Feeling happier than I had been in the past few centuries. Today I not only got a lead to reuniting with Bella. I knew without a doubt, another member had been added to our family.

Grabbing everything I needed to start cooking for Mary Alice, I hummed a soft lullaby. Trying to take my mind of the smell. It didn't work but still I managed to finish the simple chicken dinner for her with a smile on my face. Placing the food on a plate, I picked it up and took it with me.

Mary Alice was still outside, I hoped that if she didn't mind the cold evening air. She might like to eat outside also. Walking down the hallway, I listened for her footsteps but heard nothing. Opening the door I stepped outside and looked around.

At the little seating area, I couldn't see her so I placed the food on the table. When I did and turned my back to the food a new scent rolled over me, alarming me I was not alone. It was unmistakable but most of all fresh and unknown. Rushing forward, I got to the side of the house where some fruit trees were.

There standing in the middle was a vampire. His back was towards me but even with his back to me, I knew his eyes would be red. Slowly he turned around.

As he did I crouched low to the ground and growled at him. In his left hand, holding her out in front of him like she was a rag doll instead of human… was Mary Alice. She was still alive, her eyes open and staring at me with intense fear as soon as she could see me.

"I found your little pet."

His eyes were full of hate as he dangled her out in front of him. Like bait.

"Let her go, she's just an innocent child."

Growling the words out loud, I caught Mary Alice glance at me with panic in her eyes. Shifting my weight, I tried to calculate if it would be possible for me to attack him and keep Mary Alice safe at the same time.

"Ah but you see. She isn't innocent. In fact you have feelings for her. That makes her very valuable to me. She could be very useful in the negotiations that are about to start."

Running his fingers through her hair again, he wound a strand around his finger before yanking it out of her head. The pain caused her eyes to fly wide open as she screamed. Filling the air with blood at the same time. Trying to play the game with him, I slowly stood up straight, dropping my defensive stand and approaching him slowly..

"Alright. What do you want that I can give you?"

His lips curled up into a very satisfied grin as he lowered Mary Alice slightly, her feet dragging through the dirt as he dragged her with her as he took a step forward towards me.

"I want what is mine."

Confused I looked at him. Knowing for sure I had never seen him before in my life. So how could I have anything of value that belonged to him.

"I don't understand. There is nothing…"

My voice was cut off by another voice. A familiar voice, one I had been wanting to hear for a very long time.

"Let the girl go Tristan."

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

The sound of footsteps broke me from my perfect and triumphant thoughts. Someone else was here, closing my eyes I focused on the scents that surrounded me. Alarmed I noticed not one but two scents. Were they looking for me in groups now?

Alarmed I circled away from the clearing, prepared to run away. But after a few meters I stopped and took another deep breath. As I did, the two scents found its way to my lungs I thought about them for a moment, remembering good and happy memories when one of them slowly got a face in my mind. Kind eyes and a gentle smile, framed by blond hair. Gasping I realised I knew one of my followers.

Going back, I focused on his scent. Pulling my shield up to make sure my own scent would be hidden. Hiding my trail from whoever else was in this forest. I could see him before he caught sight of me. He was exactly the way I remembered him.

Just as I was about to put my hand on his shoulder, he wanted to step forward. Afraid to speak out loud I wrapped my arms around him. He resisted my embrace for a moment, making me hold him tighter until he suddenly relaxed.

My mind exploded as his soft voice whispered the name I had not used for so many years. "Bella."

Panicked I moved around him, looking at him with angry eyes. Placing my fingers to my lips, demanding him to be silent. He stared at me for a moment and then slowly nodded. The wide smile on his face still there as he did.

I couldn't make myself smile, not yet. First I needed to bring myself in safety. Knowing it wouldn't be a lucky guess for two vampires to find another vampire hunting. I decided not to go back to my sanctuary… or perhaps was it our sanctuary? Carlisle had introduced it a very long time ago to me, perhaps it was his and I was just a humble visitor.

In thoughts I ran, careful to keep my shield in place. Afraid Carlisle would see the truth about what I had become. After a while, I felt him come up next to me. He grabbed my hand and made me slow down.

"Bella, please stop for a moment."His voice sounded pleading,. I couldn't deny him that, after all this time and stopped suddenly.

The moment I stood still he pulled me into a fatherly hug. "I've missed you."

I didn't know what to do or say, so I just stood there with my arms at my side. Feeling that no matter how close to his body he held me, there was distance between us. And I was the one to blame.

When he did let go of me. He watched me for a moment. Nodding as he recognised I had my eyes shielded from him. "When we get home, we can talk about everything that happened. Now let's first focus on the reason why the Volturi is tracking you."

The easy way he said the name out loud, told me he did not fear them but did feel concerned.

"You know the Volturi?" Confused I took a step back.

Carlisle followed my movement, keeping the same distance between us.

"Yes, I've stayed with them for a few years. Their way of living is not to my liking but they have a grand collection of books... and knowledge. I consider them to be old friends. What is your connection to them."

For a moment I considered his words. According to Tristan they were the most vicious collection of vampires. Ruling over all, destroying those that did not yield to their laws.

"A few days ago, three of my friends ran into their guard. Two of them were destroyed, one got away. Together we left and tried to get away, I've been running ever since."

I didn't feel ready to tell him why we weren't running together any longer.

"Have you ever met them?" Sitting down, Carlisle picked a rock up and carefully traced the lines, smoothing them out as he did.

"No I haven't … the stories however tell me I should be afraid." Remembering everything Tristan had ever told me about them. Nothing had ever made me want to meet them.

"Some of the stories might be correct. The Volturi are without a doubt the most powerful group of vampires. And to you, with your ability to somehow shield your vampire appearance and powers from the outside world. They would be very interested in that, especially Aro. He is always looking for a new addition to the guard. "

For a moment I considered his words. I would be wanted for my gift. Could Tristan possibly have know this, making him even more motivated to keep me away from them? Feeding me lies and causing me to fear them without reason? Biting my lip, I sat down also. As I thought about Tristan and the Volturi, I considered something else.

"Carlisle how did you know how to find me, and why today?"

Looking at his profile, I could see my question amused him very much by the way the corner of his mouth curled up even further. Letting me know he found great joy in the things currently on his mind.

" Faith, if you believe in it. Or perhaps just pure luck." Chuckling he turned to face me. " Esme picked up a human on the street. This girl is the most amazing human I have ever met in my entire existence. Somehow she seems to be gifted in a way that even for a vampire is rare."

I considered Carlisle's age. He greatly surpassed my own age, and even I could be called an old vampire.

"In what way is she special?" Intrigued by his words, I moved slightly closer. Sitting with him like we always used to in the past when we were discussing a new play or theory from a paper.

"At first, I thought it was a coincidence. Esme found her on the street when we went to the theatre. The girl was hurt and weak from living on the streets, when Esme came closer she seemed afraid but then out of nowhere she said your name. I considered the option that somehow, she had met you and gotten away. But Esme, had hope. So the girl, named Mary Alice, was taken home. We took care of her and slowly I found out more about her and her gift. She appears to have visions or dreams of people and events that have not happened yet." His smile was glorious as he finished talking.

"You mean like the ability to tell the fortune, like a witch? Esme took a witch home?" Giggling, I couldn't help but find the fact that a witch had found a witch and taken her home, extremely funny.

"That is what some people would call her, but in fact she is just a little girl without a home. Her gift has caused her to become an outcast." Carlisle stopped smiling as he mentioned the word outcast.

I did too. Remembering how I had felt like an outcast living with Tristan, Kent and Ivan. Never fitting in with them but exiled by myself, unable to return to Esme and Carlilse. Perhaps this girl was more like me than I would want to admit.

"So she told you I would be here?"

Shaking his head, Carlisle got to his feet. "No. She mentioned seeing you at a house, with an orchard. The woman inside recognised you from the painting in the house. From her description, I was farely sure that she was talking about Swan House."

I got to my feet also, looking at the ground as I remembered how tempted I had been by the women with the child who had answered the door. The woman had called after me, asking me if she had met me before. Now the pieces finally fit together. " She has my painting, the one my father had made.. the one Edward had in his room?" Astonished I realised that the grey eyes and pale blond hair,had reminded me of Edwards wife. The woman who had attacked me in fury, sealing all our fates. Now the house... My house had stayed in his family, being passed down through each generation. Mary Alice, who did not know me, had been able to see all that. A small spark of hope ignited inside of me, if she could do this now? How powerful would she be as a vampire and what would that mean for me... and Edward?

"I need that painting." Stepping closer to Carlisle I felt myself starting to tremble. This last reminder of my human past had so much history to it, somehow I was sure it could help fix me. That and the new addition to our family, if Esme and Carlisle still considered me part of that.

Carlisle opened his arms and this time, I did wrap my arms around his body. Holding him, as he held me for a short moment. When he let go, he placed a fatherly kiss on top of my hair. " If that is what you need, that is what we will get you. Let's go."

Turning around he started to walk towards the house, crossing the small stream that was only two miles from the house. As we got closer to the house, I noticed his scent. Then as we could see the frontdoor, a second known scent made me come to sudden stop as I let out a soft long hiss. Carlisle had noticed also, turning around as he stared at me with an astonished look.

"You know this scent?"

Closing my eyes, I took another unneeded breath of air. Checking to be sure.

"Yes. It belongs to the friend I have spend the last centuries with. The one I was running with from the Volturi." Growling soft as I spoke, I could see Carlisle did not understand my reaction.

" He isn't a good friend, in fact if I never see him again... that would be too soon." Following the scent, I noticed to my relieve it did not go all the way to the house. Instead it went round, following Carlisle's scent.

I felt a hand placed on my arm and I stopped, looking up at Carlisle's worried face. " Why would you say you never want to see him again?"

Hesitating I stayed silent for a moment. " He likes to play games, control people... he controlled me for centuries."

Carlisle stepped closer. " Did he hurt you?"

His eyes were soft but his eyebrows were pulled close together in a frown, showing me he was very worried. I didn't know what to say, afraid to admit out loud what happened. Instead I looked down and nodded. As I did, I felt Carlisle place a hand on my shoulder. A soft squeeze letting me know, he felt bad but wanted to give me space.

Then he let go and grabbed my hand. Startled I looked up at him. "What's wrong Carlisle?"

Letting him pull me to a run, I kept his pace. Staying close to him as he suddenly seemed to be in a hurry. " The Volturi has been tracking you. But your friend, he is tracking my scent."

* * *

><p><strong>Esme POV<strong>

Turning around, I saw her standing next to Carlisle. Their hair windswept, showing they had run fast and far to come here. Slowly they approached me. Carlisle looked at me, his cautious expression telling me that he was very worried about the situation. Alarming me that he did know who the man was that held Mary Alice.

I nodded at him, letting him know I understood the situation was serious. Then I allowed myself to break away from his knowing eyes and stare at the person standing next to him. My eyes met hers and with shock I noticed the crimson center in his eyes, it wasn't so much the color but the unapproachable hard look in them that upset me.

Like me she was silent, as she looked back at me. I tried to say something but in the corner of my eyes I could see the unknown vampire was watching us, Mary Alice still in his hands. Carlisle grabbed my hand and she looked down at the gesture with a pained expression before taking another step forward. She held her head up high when she looked the other vampire straight in the eyes. He lowered Mary Alice further, making her sit on her knees in front of him.

"What will it be."

She glanced at Mary Alice without showing any emotion and without any hesitation I listened to her speak out loud the words I didn't want to hear.

"I'll give you what you want."


	17. Chapter 17

_**Chapter 17**_

**"What's wrong Carlisle?"**

**Letting him pull me to a run, I kept his pace. Staying close to him as he suddenly seemed to be in a hurry. " The Volturi has been tracking you. But your friend, he is tracking my scent."**

_**BPOV England 1712**_

I mad a snap decision. Giving up my fate, putting it in the hands of the maniac I had lived with for the past centuries. In hope of securing the human girls life.

"I'll give you what you want."

Immediately the little human was dropped to the ground and Tristan moved towards me. Both Carlisle and Esma gasped and moved forward to help me but I shook my head and tried my best to smile as I turned around and started running away from my parents again.

Rushing forward as fast as I dared, I kept throwing seductive looks over my shoulder at Tristan. The disgusting idiot was following me, his eyes stuck on me, looking at me like I was his prey. Cold and calculated. It made me want to run faster, away from him but I knew I couldn't. Instead I focussed on the task at hand, making sure to keep track of where we were going. All I could allow myself to care about right now was finishing this. Cleaning up the mess I had created, one way or the other.

When we ware only a few miles away from the old convent, Tristan managed to catch up with me. Grabbing my arm and making me stop. As he spun me around, he leaned down and placed a forcefully kiss on my lips.

"Don't you think, we have travelled far enough from London."

Running a finger along my jaw, up and down as he stared into my eyes. His movement made me shiver, out of disgust. Tristan however, thought it was anticipation and softened his tight grip on my arm. Using that for my own benefit, I pulled away from him.

"No" I purred at him while batting my eyelashes. " If we travel a few more miles. There is an old convent. It is secluded and we will have all the time and privacy you want. Besides, Carlisle ensures me the Volturi have already checked that location so we'll be save."

At my mentioning the words time and privacy in one sentence. Tristan growled softly and moved forward again. An eager look in his eyes as he came face to with me, our noses almost touching. " Show me."

Thankful for his request, I brushed past him, smiling wickedly. "As you please."

I would show him, even it would also be the last thing we'd both see. In a few minutes we reached the outer wall of the convent. Stepping through the crumbled remains, I entered the courtyard and headed straight for the door. Hoping that Carlisle had been right and the Volturi were tracking me I focussed and took in my surroundings.

Smelling the mixture of unknown scents and knowing that they had gone the same route. I made sure to keep Tristan occupied by giving him another suggestive wink. Tristan kept following me, staring at me with an expectant smile. Opening the door to the main hall, I turned to him.

"Go inside here." Letting him go inside first, I followed after him and closed the door behind us. The moment I closed the door I could feel the atmosphere shift in the room. In front of me Tristan fell to the ground, grabbing his head and screaming out loud. The obvious pain he was in echoed through the room.

Looking straight forward, I caught sight of them. Cloaked and hidden in the shadows, they were living statues. Only one of them stepped forward, as she moved forward the vampire removed the hood from her head and lifted her chin high. Her vibrant red eyes hateful as she set her eyes on me.

Her thin lips curled up in a smile as she whispered a word.

"Pain."

Panicked I stared down at Tristan, curled up on the floor in pain. I could feel an excruciating pain increasing behind my eyes, like someone was applying heavy pressure on my head. As I recognised the pain, I stepped back and pulled up my shield.

At the same time the tiny woman standing in the middle of the room continued to stare at me. Not taking her eyes off me as she collapsed forward on her knees and grabbed her head, shrieking loudly as she did. The pain in my head disappeared immediately and Tristan stopped moving and sat up. His eyes dazed and dark with anger. A look I had learned to fear.

Multiple things happened at the same time. Two other vampires moved forward to the side of the woman on her knees. Grabbing her by her shoulders and pulling her to her feet. Her face was full of hate as she struggled to stay on her feet and pushed their helping hands away.

Three other vampires, dressed in more luxurious cloaks stepped forward. Standing at the side of the other three. The middle one stepped forward slightly, indicating he was the leader. When he did, he took a long look at me, nodded and made an approving sound.

"Bella, Bella. What are you doing here?"

Surprising me by calling me by my name, I took another step back. It was the last I could make before my back was against the wall.

"My name is Aro, these are my brothers Marcus and Caius." Pointing at each of the men as he introduced them. His smile widened, in a threatening way. Alarming me he knew more, lots and lots more than I did.

"You know who we are, correct?"

Waiting for me to answer he paused. Hesitant to answer, I just nodded in response. Acknowledging his words silently.

"Good, then you know our reputation."

Clapping in his hands, he seemed overjoyed with the fact that no further introductions needed to be made.

Stepping closer to the tiny woman with blond hair, he caressed her cheek for a moment. His gesture was almost childish and at the same time the tiny girl-like woman seemed to enjoy the attention and take pride out of the gesture. Almost like he was rewarding her.

"You seem to have kept some things secret from poor old Carlisle. Such an exciting thing to learn. It has been a while since Jane here came across resistance. Very interesting. Let's see how strong your gift is." Stopping in front of me,I held my breath as he reached forward and brushed the hair from my face.

When he was done I expected him to remove his hand, instead he placed his hand on my cheek. Cupping my face and closing his eyes. His face showed a mix of emotions, each following the other with only fractions of a second. When he finally let go, he opened his eyes.

"Such interesting life you had, even if you only allow for me to see short events in your life. And all the time, your creator has been so worried about your whereabout, asking for help several times in the past century. And now, when I finally find you for him. It appears you are mated to a thief, betrayer and outlaw. Shame for it to come to an end like this."

Turning his back to me, he walked back to the other 2 men. As he did he motioned for the two men who had finally let go of the woman, to move forward. They did, the first rushing forward to Tristan with a vicious look on his face.

As he did, I realised his mistake. Tristan was a smart fighter. I watched him wait for his opponent to come close. Like the predator I knew him to be and hated so much, waiting for a prey to come within striking distance. This was something he had practiced with Kent and Ivan. The moment the man was in front of him, Tristan jumped to his feet and lunged forward. In one swift move, he grabbed his opponents arm, twisted it and ducked underneath it at the same time.

A deafening crack sounded through the room as the arm he was holding in his hands got ripped off. Coming behind the vampire he pushed him forward, sending him forward and smashing into a wall.

At the same time, the other man came closer to me. Remembering Aro's words, I feared he was assigned to kill me. Taking a deep breath, I knew that this was what I had counted on happening. Offering my own life together with the life of a man who had threatened myself and most important my family. But if that was true, if I was truly ready? Then why did standing there, awaiting my faith, feel like giving up. Glancing at the leader of the Volturi I could see his sparkling eyes fixed on the destruction of Tristan.

Aro had been quick to judge, assuming that me and Tristan were mated. Partners and equals in life, but we weren't. In fact, Tristan was my enemy. We had a mutual gain in seeing him dead.

A menacing growled warned me, causing me to look at the giant man approaching me, I felt startled for a moment. His dark curly hair and open face reminded me of Kent. He paused also as I stared into his eyes, they were dark, indicating he had spend some time without fresh blood. Even in the dark room a glimpse of softness shone through the red. Surprising me. I smiled at him and he seemed startled, pausing his swift approach for a moment.

The few second pause was enough. Jumping past him, I managed to get behind Tristan. As I did, I launched myself on his back. With one swift move I placed my left arm around his neck and shoulders, locking his head between my elbow and upper body.

All eyes were on me as I placed my other hand across his head. It felt like I was moving in slow motion as I twisted as hard as I could. The growl erupting from deep down below me, coming from Tristan's body did not stop me.

Instead I tugged harder until I finally felt movement, twisting and pulling without even having to use all my strength. I didn't stop until I fell down on the floor. Clutching his head against my body as I watched his body fall forward in slow motion.

A cold hysterical laughter filled the room and as I slowly sank down to my knees, clutching the head of my own personal nightmare against me chest, I realised the laughter was mine. But I couldn't care or have time to stop and think about why I was laughing because at the same time my laughter was drowned by a furious roar.

Shocked I twisted my upper body to look in that direction. The sight that filled my eyes made me gasp. The vampire that had charged forward to grab me, was coming for me again. This time his eyes were full of anger, his face a cold mask and his movement without hesitation.

Before I could move, his arms were around my neck. Holding my head in a headlock, ready to rip it from my shoulders. With shock I understood, killing Tristan myself, had only angered him more. Now there was nothing left... except for my own death to take place.

Ready I closed my eyes and recalled the soft skin of Edwards warm body. His feverish touch as he had run his hands up and down my body, kissing me on the lips and breathing into my mouth. Smiling at the memory, I allowed myself to drown in it. Almost tasting his tongue on my lips and feeling his vibrant green eyes stare into mine.

Chocolate brown eyes, my human eyes. Perhaps I should have died, long ago with him instead of running away from my crime. Now... centuries later, I was finally found, judged and sentenced. Letting go of Tristans head I heard it fall to the ground with a soft thud and smiled. Ready for what was to come.

A crash sounded, followed by the splintering of wood.

"Nooooh" A high voice echoed through the room, followed by a authoritative male voice. " Stop this misjudgement at once."

Three scents filled the room, two of them vampire and one of them human. I opened my eyes with shock and roared at my attacker to let go of me so I could protect that girl, the girl who finally had given Esmee and Carlisle a family. Why did they bring her here? Did they not understand, I had left with Tristan so they could start over. Have a real family this time without my complications.

Struggling against the hold the large vampire had on me, I tried to use all my strength. It was no use, slowly he tightened his grip and the pain started at both sides of my shoulders. A ripping sharp pain sounded as the muscles in my shoulders and neck were stretched beyond their ability.

Just as I feared the pressure was too much and the Volturi guard would finish his task, Aro's sharp voice sounded through the room.

" Wait."

I sighed with relief as the pressure disappeared and the pain slowly left my body. The arm around my head lowered, resting on my shoulder. I was still begin held, but at least for now there was no direct danger for losing my head.

" Carlisle, what a pleasure to see you again and how wonderful of you to join us at this exact moment."

Aro stood in front of Carlisle and Esme. On Esme's back was Alice, she had her legs wrapped securely around her waist and held on to her shoulders. From her position she could glance over Esme's shoulder safely. As she did, her eyes met mine and I could see the same calm silence in them I had noticed earlier today.

"You've brought your entire family, including a little human, what a touching effort. I have always thought you to be a very hospitable woman." Smiling, Aro stepped closer to Esme and place his hands on her arm, raising her hand to place a kiss on her hand. As he did, she stayed completely still.

Turning back to Carlisle he tilted his head, as if he was thinking about something. " I do wonder, what could have brought you here now at this exact moment and why did you bring your pet?"

I couldn't help but lash out and want to jump forward at the word pet. Why weren't Carlisle and Esme protecting the girl. Instead they stood there, watching the blond haired leader of the Volturi verbally threaten them.

"Stop fighting me." The words were whispered. His voice and accent surprised me, the pronunciation of the word fighting rolled from his mouth in such a distinctive accent. It reminded me very much of the way Kent and Ivan had spoken. "I won't hurt you."

I relaxed my body and in return felt his hands loosen their grip on me. Only embracing me from behind now, in a gentle manner.

Aro continued to stare at both Carlisle and Esme. Almost like having a silent conversation as he held their hands. They stood still, in a very unnerving way. Almost like they were waiting for something to happen.

Finally they relaxed and Aro stepped back. A thoughtful smile on his face. " And you are sure about this?" Looking straight at Mary Alice, his eyes sparkled with excitement.

"And she has consented, without hesitation?"

Esme nodded slowly and Carlisle stepped closer to both women. Placing one arm around the both of them. He stared straight back. " Yes, in a few years... when the time is right."

Aro walked back to the other two men, the duo that had been waiting and watching our every move. For a second they whispered, in a hushed tone, so low that even I couldn't hear it. Turning, I felt how the vampire behind me didn't stop me from moving. Instead he allowed me to get to my feet. Standing behind me with just one hand on my shoulder.

It was silent in the large room, except for the firs time ever, the quiet atmosphere did not bring me calm. Instead I felt restless, on edge and still ready to fight. My captor, or should I say guard seemed to feel my restlessness and tightened his grip on my shoulder. At the same time Aro, Marcus and Caius looked up at me.

Walking to me slowly, Aro grinned. One corner of his mouth lifting into a wicked grin, showing he was very very content with their plans.

"Your family may keep the human, and in return we ask only two things in return. The first request is for you to turn the girl yourself. Completing as you call it in your mind, your family."

Stopping in front of me, he tilted his head to the side. Waiting for me to answer.

His words echoed through my mind. We ask for you to turn her yourself.

I would have to take her life, drink her blood but not drink her dry.

Venom pooled in my mouth as I thought about drinking human blood. It had been a few days now, maybe a week. And the thought of drinking something so pure and intoxicating made me realise, his demand... was impossible.

Stepping back, I bumped into the vampire behind me.

" I..no...I can't" Stuttering I glanced at Carlisle and Esme, seeing the shock on both their faces at hearing Aro's request.

It was silence once more and I felt all attention directed towards me. Strongest of them was Mary Alice. Still clasping onto Esme's shoulders, she had her chin rested on her arm as she stared at me.

In the depth of her eyes was a calm silent and very slowly I noticed the slightest hint of a joy in them. She had no fear, no doubt... only faith it seemed.

Faith in me? The suggestion startled me, no one had trusted me before. Why would a stranger trust me, now?

"Isabella... Isabella. You mistake my offer." Taking back my attention by using my fill name, Aro snapped his fingers in front of me. " I did not give you a choice, or offer negotiation on this matter. You will turn that little human, and if you can not find the strength and decline my offer now..."

Stopping mid sentence, he turned and walked back to the girl he had called Jane. Stroking her hair, he looked at Mary Alice. " If you decline my very generous offer, I will let Jane here test how much pain the human mind can take before it stops working. And allow Emmet to rip of your head."

Mary Alice gasped and at the same time the hand on my shoulder moved back around my neck again. The vampire, Emmet, obviously listened well to his master.

Weighing the options I closed my eyes. Die now, both of us. Or, try and gain control and turn her... take a life to save another, or possibly even two. Sighing, I knew there was no real choice.

"I'll do it. Thank you for your kindness Aro, I'll do what you have asked."

Everyone seemed to relax, except for Jane who pouted and gave me another hateful glare that resulted in a tingling sensation at the back of my head. The arm slipped away and the moment I was free, I rushed forward to Carlisle and Esme. Carlisle wrapped his arms around me as Esme leaned in and placed a kiss on my cheek. As she did, Mary Alice her face was only a few centimetres from mine. Even human and hurt, she seemed like a little doll. Pretty and petite.. soft and fragile.

"Hi Bella."

"Hello Mary Alice." Trying to give her my best, non threatening-smile I returned the greeting.

Her eyes sparkled with enthusiasm as she leaned over Esme's shoulder and gave me her hand. " Call me Alice, just Alice."

Nodding I carefully gave her my hand and let her shake hands with me, afraid to hurt her.

Then I remembered where we were and let go.

"Let's go." Stepping past them, I grabbed Esme's hand instead. She followed me, with Carlisle at her side. As we did, I shot one last glance at Aro. Nodding at him, silently giving another thank you.

Just when we reached the door, a loud clearing of the throat stopped me. The tallest of the two men, Marcus, had stepped forward. We all froze.

" You forgot the second demand." Standing close to Aro, they exchanged a quick look before he continued speaking. " Whilst travelling around with Tristan, you have made a name for yourself. We feel it is best to change sceneries. Perhaps another part of the world, a newer world."

Carlisle nodded, placing one hand on Esme's arm as I felt her softly squeeze mine. Letting me both know, we were in this together.

" A new world, could give you a fresh start. And I think perhaps, to make sure that the arrangement between us is honoured, we should send someone with you." Esme's hand felt heavy in mine as the words filled the room.

"Emmet, you shall go with them and see to it, that if our agreement is not honoured... the girl shall receive the punishment you intended to give her."

For the first time, I took a good look at the vampire who had nearly ripped my head off. Staring at the size of him as he marched forward, joining us at the door. He shot one swift glance in our direction before turning towards Aro, Marcus and Caius. "As you wish."

The words were loud and clear. He opened the door and waited for me to step outside first. Very slowly I passed him, but as I did he placed a hand on my arm. Alarmed I looked up... His face was still without any emotion but his eyes had softened. Again showing me a similarity with Ivan and Kent.

"From this day forward, I will be part of your family."

Nodding I stepped outside, all of my family following me. Wishing that the weight I felt could be taken away. But I knew without a doubt the weight would be there, until the day Mary Alice was turned.

**New York 1718**

**BPOV**

"Are you absolutely sure you are ready for this?" Biting my lip, I glanced into my sister's eyes hoping she would hesitate and rethink what she was asking me to do or stop asking me to go on. Nothing like that happened, instead what I could see, was the annoyed spark in them as she rolled her eyes at me.

"Yes, I'm ready. Unlike some people who are turned into a vampire, I've had years to prepare myself for this day." With as much drama as possible she pushed the sleeve from her dress up with one hand while raising her arm in front of me. Shoving the exposed skin right in front of me, under my nose. "Now can you just bite me, please?"

The impatience was typical Alice. And it made me smile and the others in the room laugh softly. Taking a deep breath, I looked at the other 3 vampires for support. All three of them nodded, showing me that they trusted me with this task. Did I trust myself?

"You can do this." Emmet spoke, softening his usually booming voice. The newest addition to our family seemed to sense my self-doubt and gave me an encouraging smile. His confidence gave me strength and also reminded me how and by who I was the one chosen for this task.

The horrible task to turn my bright and lively but very fragile human sister into a vampire.

Grabbing her arm, I pulled her body closer to me. Willingly she moved and sat down on my lap. Her slim legs dangling over the side and her head resting on my shoulder as she snuggled against me closely.

"Are you sure you are ready?" Alice raised one eyebrow as she looked up at me, repeating my own words. " You know all you have to do is bite me, not suck me dry."

I just rolled my eyes at her, nodded and tightened my grip on her arm, raising her wrist to my mouth. The throbbing veins under her skin felt like magic against my lips and for a moment I remembered the times where human blood had been my natural diet.

Pushing that dark memory away I instead looked down into her eyes. The calm, trusting look brought me back and reminded me what I could destroy.

Closing my eyes, I waited for a second. Letting the venom pool in my mouth. Then very slowly I placed my teeth against her arm and bit Alice. Breaking the delicate skin was easy, but the reasons felt worn and inside of me the monster battled with my conscious. Growling I pushed further, sinking my teeth deep into her veins and sucked hard. Drinking greedily.

For a moment my body and mind rejoiced at the sweet scent that caressed my lips. Then the moment was lost, strong hands were placed on my shoulders pulling me back. I growled as I drank more, clasping Alice tighter against my body.

"Bella. Come back to us." The clear calm voice of Carlisle called to me. As he did the hands applied more pressure. Warning me... reminding me. It was enough to make me snap back to reality and know what I was doing.

"Alice" Struggling to say the word, I held my breath and released Alice from my arms. Her limp body slid down from my lap. Away from me as I threw my head back and closed my mouth. Wiping the drops of blood away from my mouth, disgusted at how good they had tasted. A disappointed growl erupted from deep down inside of me as the taste faded away... burning my throat as her beautiful sweet scent caressed my senses.

I lunged forward, trying to collect what I had let go with so much difficulty. As I did, the hands around my shoulders moved, placing one arm around my neck and the other tightened around my head. As they did, I felt my mind spiral out of control and going back. Remembering this exact same position, only a few years earlier. As I stopped struggling against the tight embrace, words were whispered against my skin.

"I'm on your side. Please... stop fighting."

The arms locked around my body tighter as I growled at the words and furiously kicked and clawed at my attacker. My eyes searching for any sign that Alice had survived. I caught a glimpse of her face, then Carlisle blocked my sight and Esme started shouting at Emmet.

"Take her, outside... Now."

I let Emmet take me. All strength in my body seemed to have faded away. Knowing that I had failed in my quest to resist the orders made by the Volturi. In that one glimpse had seen the soft human light, had already faded away.

My beautiful little sister, was dead.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Disclaimer:  
><strong>_

_****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters****_

* * *

><p><em><strong>The arms locked around my body tighter as I growled at the words. My eyes searching for any sign that Alice had survived, then Carlisle blocked my sight and Esme started shouting at Emmet.<strong>_

"_**Take her, outside... Now."**_

_**I let Emmet take me. All strength in my body seemed to have faded away.**_

_**Knowing that I had failed in my quest to resist the orders made by the Volturi.**_

_**My beautiful little sister, was dead.**_

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

" Bella"

The anguished words reached my ears as Emmet held his arms around me. That made me realize, he still feared I would go back inside to Alice. He had seen and recognized the need for blood in my eyes.

"I'm fine Emmet. You can let go now."

I waited for his arms to let go, but he didn't. Instead he sat down, carefully placing me between his legs. It was the closest our bodies had ever been.

"I don't think I can."

His words are soft and full of guilt.

"Why not?"

Trying to move my upper body around enough so I could see his face. I struggled for a moment as his arms tightened around me. Then they loosened, his hands folded as his arms loosely draped around my waist.

I used my new found freedom to twist my upper body. As soon as I did, Emmet closed his eyes. A frown bringing his large eyebrows together, causing his usually young and carefree face to be a mask of pain... and guilt.

"If I let go of you know, I will go inside and finish what you started."

Stunned I watched his lips move and allowed the words to sink in. Emmet had pulled me away from Alice because he had wanted her for himself. The scent of her pure blood, pulling him towards her like a magnet.

"You used me as a distraction?"

Whispering I placed one of my hands over his. Pressing down on them gently.  
>"I'm sorry." It was all I could think of to say. Emmet didn't reply but I could feel him take a shaky breath and exhale slowly in response. Letting me know, he was still struggling with his own blood lust.<p>

For a moment we sat there. Together alone... outside in the moonlight. As we did I carefully inhaled some of the fresh outdoor air. The smell of pine and wet grass a fresh welcome. With each unneeded fresh breath of air, the memory of Alice her sweet blood faded away. Until finally the only thing left was a dim recollection in the back of my mind.

"Emmet. What will you do now?"

Under my body, I could feel his large body tremble for a moment as the reality of the words sank in.

" I don't know. My orders were clear. Stay with you until the day Alice was turned. Ensuring you would keep your promise to them."

The word _them_ came out without any emotion. Sparking a hope I hadn't know was buried deep inside of me.

" My work is done here. And the distance between us, could give me the opportunity for the first time in my immortal life, to be free and alone. "

He still didn't move and neither did I. Intrigued by the twist our conversation had taken. Emmet had always supported our family, even taken to our rules... hunting only animals. Be it very large animals, like grizzly bears or mountain lions.

Never had he talked about his past, the time spend with the Volturi or his life as a human. Never had it occurred to me that he might have seen our family as an obligation to his former masters.

"You make it sound, like you won't go back?" Hesitating slightly, I turned to see his face again. It was the same masked expression I had seen years ago, the night when Aro and Marcus had ordered him to join our family.

For a moment he looked over my head, staring at some unknown image in the night, then he lowered his eyes.

"No... maybe."

Breathing the words into my face. His eyes locked on mine.

"I have nothing to go back to there. They were never my family or friend to begin with. I was just their soldier."

I tried to look away but couldn't. Emmet's dark eyes had me trapped like a bird in a cage.

"Then if they aren't your family, who are?" Leaning in closer, I whispered the words back at him. Hoping he would say, we were his family.

He didn't move himself, instead I felt one of his hands move around my wrist and pushed my body away from him slightly. Holding me tight, almost like he feared I would run away or come closer again.

" When I was human, I had family. Two younger brothers."

Stunned I stared at him. "What happened to them?"

Two brothers, a family, he had never mentioned them before.

"Someone damned us to this life and took them away during my change. I woke up in this life alone. Our sire had left me to die and taken only my younger brother, using their innocence for his own gains. Slowly he started corrupting their minds. Using them in his own sick little games until I finally caught up with them. By that time it was too late, the vampire who had taken them from me, feared I would convince my brothers to join me and attacked me. The Volturi gave me safety after they found me. This happened a long time ago."

His hand was tightening in an iron grip around my wrist, one that if I were human would crush the bones. Now it just hurt slightly, but the action made me realize how much pain it caused him to share these words with me.

"They promised me revenge, if I helped them track the vampire that had taken my brothers."

"Did you catch him and get your revenge?"

Placing my free hand over his, I gently caressed the back of his hand. Willing him to let go and understand he was with a friend. He looked down at my gesture. Releasing me from his tight grip and getting up so fast, it left me on the ground looking up at him.

He towered over me and looked down on me with black eyes of hate.

"No. And you should know... Since you are the one that ripped his head of his shoulders, taking my only chance of revenge. Years I travelled with the Volturi, gaining their trust. Earning their loyalty and the gift to take revenge. In one simple gesture, you took all of that away from me. And now, after finishing their last task. I have nothing left in this world except my duty as a soldier. So perhaps after all that has happened, I should return to them."

Without waiting for my response, he turned and marched of into the woods. A giant black figure, quickly disappearing in the darkness. Alone.

Tristan was the one who's head I had claimed. He was the one who had taken Emmet's family away from him. Kent and Ivan had been his brothers. I had taken Tristan from him and with that his pride. Now the Volturi had what they wanted. Without even lifting a finger, all the dirty work had been done for them. And things had worked out exactly like the Volturi wanted, Emmet would return to them.

His explosion of words had surprised me. Never had I considered any of the things he had told me to be possible. And by the way his words had ended, angry and insulting... I feared Emmet did not want us, he had stayed with us out of pride.

I crawled to the closed door of our house, suddenly feeling tired for the first time in centuries. Wishing I could cry like a human and feel the release of that pressing weight on my shoulders. But I couldn't.

Instead I curled up against the wall. Wrapping my arms around my waist and placing my head against the wall.

Closing my eyes I focused on what was happening inside the house. I could hear Carlisle and Esme, talking to each other in a hushed voice. Quick... short sentences. Feet were moving, followed by the rustle of sheets.

Then like an answer to all my prayers, I heard something else. It was faint and unsteady but there. Focussing on the sound I pressed my entire body against the wall. It was a fluttering heartbeat, Alice. Her heartbeat.

Smiling wide I got up and ran towards the forest. Focussing on the scent and tracking Emmet's path through the forest.

It was a single straight line of devastation, after an hour I realized he was heading towards one of his favorite hunting areas a few hundred miles from here. Pressing forward faster, I caught up with him.

He stopped at the first sound of my feet following me. Smiling I threw myself at him, forgetting any tension between us earlier. Emmet didn't and held me at arms length as he roared at me.

"What are you doing here?"

He didn't sound surprised... just angry. Letting go of him quickly, he let go also. I took a step back from him.

"She's alive. Alice... I heard her heart."

Waiting for him to smile, I stood and watched. He just shrugged and brushed past me.

"Wait, aren't you happy?"

Yelling after him, I followed him, slamming into him as he suddenly stopped.

"Happy?"

"Yes." Taking a step away from his towering body. I wished he would break down and need support again instead of treating my like...like I was his enemy.

" What is there to be happy about? Carlisle and Esme will finally have their two immortal daughters, completing their family. Like you said, my job here is done."

Turning around he started marching away from me again.

"Wait Emmet, please."

I stood still in the silent night, my cries loud and desperate.

"What about your other job? The one in our family." I could see him miss a step, and pause for a second before marching on again. Hopeful I followed him, closing the distance between us. "What would a family be, without a big brother?"

His steps slowed down until he came to a stop. He shifted his weight and took one step back and looked over his shoulder.

" A big brother?"

Smiling I stepped forward to him and nodded.

"Yeah. A big brother, one that can protect us from unwanted male attention." Wiggling my eyebrows at him. I caused the left corner of his mouth to pull up in a smile. He really did look like his brothers when he smiled like that, tilting his head to the side as he stared at me.

" And a brother can play pranks on you?" Wiggling his eyebrows back at me. I couldn't hold a straight face and started laughing out loud. Relieved to see him take the bait and respond in his usual carefree manner.

"Yes, if that is what big brothers do. Now, will you please promise me, you will stay?"

Holding out my hand to him. He stepped closer and places his large hand around mine. " I will take the job. But don't complain afterwards if you don't like my jokes."

Something warned me I would, but I just kept on smiling. Grateful that Emmet had agreed to stay.

Tilting my head back so I could look him in the eyes. I smiled at him.

" You're hired."

Shaking my hand forcefully he laughed loud. Then let go and started walking towards the mountains again.

"Good. Now let's go eat. I'm starving and once that little pixie wakes up as a vampire. We will both need all our strength to keep her in control"

* * *

><p><strong>APOV<strong>

Nestling myself against Bella. I could feel her cold unyielding body under mine and smiled. This was the last time we would sit like this, as two opposites. Soft and stone. Warm and cold. The next time, my body would be like hers. Strong and powerful, like true sisters.

From my dreams, I knew how it would feel. Smiling I held up my arm under her nose, exposing the clean fresh skin. Knowing the exposure would push her over the edge and for a moment cause her control to slip. It was what I wanted, for her to bite me and turn me. For nights I had dreamed about the moment. Each night last week, the dream had become clearer and clearer. Almost like faith was calling me.

Finally I felt her teeth sink in, just like I knew they would. A cutting pain.

However what followed after that, was that how my vision had showed it to me..over and over again.

Instead of her letting go, I felt her clutch my body tighter against her cold body as her deep teeth dug deeper into my flesh. As they did, I felt a pressure start on my arm, followed by a burning ache in the center. The ache spread, followed by a flaming pain. It was so sharp and bright I couldn't hear or see anything.

All I did was feel. Slowly my body slipped down, for a moment I thought it was an illusion. Then through my blurred vision, caused by the tears in my eyes, I watched Emmet grab Bella and Carlisle move in front of me.

His face showed panic as he picked me up from the ground. As he cradled me to his body, I felt my body start to shiver. First slightly then worse until spasms controlled my body.

Did he not understand, his cold body felt like ice on my skin. It was almost as intolerable as the burning that seemed to press onwards through my body towards my face. Reaching up, I clawed at my face. Wishing the pain to stop.

It didn't work, the only thing that happened was another set of iron hand clasped around my wrists. Cold to the touch and unmovable. I was unsure if it was the cold or just mere strength of the person who held me hostage. Angry I tried to escape, a strangled cry leaving my mouth when the same iron hands pressed me down on the cool linen on my own bed.

This was the part I did remember. My bed... waking up in it and seeing my family through vampire eyes for the first time. Their liquid gold eyes filled with love and excitement as I sat up and smiled at them. However, right now I couldn't smile. Instead I cried and pleaded for whoever was holding my down to let go.

A last whimper escaped my mouth when the burning pain reached my eyes and wrapped around my head.

Then I stopped fighting and closed my eyes, a final rest before eternity would claim me.

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><p>AN: I'd love to know what you're thinking ;-)


	19. Chapter 19

_**Disclaimer:  
><strong>_

_****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters****_

* * *

><p><strong>APOV<strong>

Leaving my human life far behind me, had turned out to be the easiest thing in my life. Each day the memories of my previous life, had faded away further and further. Up until the point, that now they were only a collection of faded pictures. Occasionally my memory would be sparked by an event or object that I would come across, compelling me for a second with a snapshot of how my life had been. Only to be pushed aside by the many splendorous things, my new life had given me. Each day felt like the first day of my life with each new detail I found in the world that had never caught my eye.

Even simple and ordinary things, seemed beautiful and extra-ordinary. Like the rainstorm I was watching now. Perched on the edge of an overhanging rock, with my legs dangling over the edge. My feet bare and glistening from the rain that fell down on my body. Each drop touched my skin, finding no resistance on the cool marble skin and slowly sliding down my leg, to my feet and finally toes. Each drop, creating it's own sound as it touched my skin and vibrated through my body. And each drop added to that hum I felt inside my body, until they were a full rhythmical spectacular, coursing through my body.

The rainstorm wasn't my main reason for being perched up on this ledge. Below me in the woods Bella and Emmet where hunting. Chasing a large pack of wolves who had been causing trouble in a nearby village.

Even after living this life for 150 years, the killing still was the only regret I had in this life. Thanks to my gift, I had never been tempted to even touch a human. Just the mere thought of taking their life left me flooded with the images if grieving family, little children that like me had no one to turn to anymore or would not be born. Important destinies would sometimes be taken away, changing the course of history.

The memory of my own years spend on the street, alone and helpless.. combined with the vivid details of the life or future I would ruin. It was a lethal combination to my appetite. So instead of aching for humans, I had willingly committed to animal blood instead. As Emmet enjoyed actively hunting down his prey, we had from the start agreed to a silent understanding.

I directed him to the most exciting chase, presented the best choice in dinner. And he would then take down the animals. When he was done and only after that I would drink the last animals blood.

There was just one thing that left me with a burning ache in the back of my throat. My one secret I had kept from my family.

A recurring vision that seemed to get more and more detailed with each year that passed. The vision had started with a glimpse of blond hair, later showing me it was wavy and long. Resting on a pair of broad shoulders. His face now occupied many hours of my day as I tried to recall in perfection the soft full lips and angular jaw with that light stubble. He was blond and only shaved every few days, leaving him with a slightly messy look that made me want to palm his cheek. Sometimes in my vision, I reached out to touch his face. He stared down at me with serious grey eyes, and each time my hand was about to touch his cheek. The vision would stop. Almost like he wasn't meant for me.

But he was and I was sure about it.

My only problem was, in each of theses visions. Bella was with me, and in each vision... the ring was on her finger. A bright sparkling green that faded away as soon as I was introduced to him.

Whoever my mystery man was, his destiny was closely tied in with Bella's Edward. And as a sister I felt an obligation to put my own longing aside, if it would ensure she had her second chance in love.

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><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

Hunting with Emmet usually excited me. He was an excellent tracker and always found a hidden trail, leading to an exciting prey that Alice had pinpointed him to. This time however he had outdone himself.

A large pack of wolves were in the area. They had been coming close to town and as a result of that, our peace would be disturbed. Alice had seen hunters coming into the forest to shoot part of the pack, decreasing the pack and restoring some of the natural balance.

The only problem with them standing up for the town population, was the fact they were in our forest. Hunting at the same time we were. The thought excited Emmet. He joked about leading a secret mission and leaped from branch to branch high up in the top of trees. Claiming it was the only way to stay out of sight. Offcourse, at the first sound of the humans getting close we could disappear so quick, they would not see more than a blur. And even that would only be possible if they were really paying attention.

No my faith was on my sister. Sitting high up, watching us from above. Looking ahead for us. She would join us the second we caught our prey, drinking the blood from our last kill. Just like she always did.

We gave it to her with great pride and satisfaction. Finding some relieve in the fact that I had turned her into a vampire but not taken her humanity. Where I had managed to shield my vampire senses, cutting my basic instincts to kill all living creatures that had crossed my path, giving me time to think and react whenever I felt tempted.

Alice, from the moment she had been turned, seemed to have perfect control. She had explained that the emotional pain her decision would cause others, was enough to stop her from even being tempted.

With Carlisle studying to become a doctor, Esme participating in the women volunteer groups in town and Alice watching us silently. It was Emmet and myself who spend many hours together. Hunting or just practicing our fighting skills. No matter how much we tried, neither of us could master perfect control of our bloodlust. Not even my ability to shield the enhanced vampire senses could help me.

And no matter how many times Alice would reassure Emmet that the Volturi would not track us down and claim him back, Emmet still wanted to be prepared. To Emmet, being prepared meant ready to fight. So we spend hours and hours practicing different fighting technics.

At first I had been no match, but through time, I had gained power and managed to beat him sometimes. Our fights had also taught me more about my own gift.

The day the Volturi had attacked us, without knowing I had pulled up a shield to protect myself. Allowing me to deflect the powers that Jane had unleashed on me. In the process, she had hurt herself.

I had also learned that if I focussed on my opponent. I could strip my opponent from for example their enhanced ability to see or hear. Emmet had reacted like a wounded lion, leaping at me with blind fury the first time it had happened. But now, he was ready for my cheating as he liked to call it. Using his strength to even out our fight. Lately our playful fighting had become more and more complex, up to the point that Carlisle joked we could wipe out the entire Volturi guard together.

Sadly no matter how skilled our fighting was, it could not prepare us for the task that was appointed to us by Carlisle. In his attempt to blend in, he had decided that starting tomorrow. The Cullen children would become students at our local High School.

At the presentation of this news, Alice had clapped her hands and jumped up and down with great enthusiasm. It was a miracle she had been able to keep it all inside until Carlisle had officially announced his decision. Emmet had pumped his fists in the air with a deafening roar, claiming he would try out for the football team. I had smiled and put up a brave face for all of them. Knowing that being around humans each day, all day in a small room.. would be a very big challenge.

And that challenge was the exact reason why I was letting Emmet lead me on a wolf hunt. The idiot was still up in the treetops, jumping silently from branch to branch. His movement causing the trees to sway under his weight at each leap. It looked like an invisible giant was rustling the tops of the trees, and perhaps to many people who would come across Emmet for the first time, that was not far from the truth.

"Bella, pay attention."

From above, Emmet called out my name.

"What?"

Throwing my head in my neck, I looked up into the treetop. Above me, Emmet was hanging upside down while waving at me with a goofy smile.

" You missed the fact that Alice has joined us."

Pointing behind me, I turned around to see Alice standing there, Her arms crossed and one foot tapping on the ground.

"Really Bella." A big frown appeared on her face when I smiled an apologetic smile at her. "You don't even notice me?"

"Sorry. I was preoccupied by the giant baboon, dangling up in the trees."

Pointing at Emmet, who still looked ridiculous in his upside down position.

Alice laughed and Emmet huffed.

"At least this baboon won't be caught and also has the first choice in dinner tonight." Dropping himself to the ground, he turned in the air, landing silently in front of us. "Are you girls ready?"

Turning away from us, he lead us towards the pack. True to Alice her promise, they were with many. Too many for us to kill all of them. For a second I deliberately paused, listening closely for the strongest heartbeat. Emmet had already grabbed two wolves, tossing one aside, for Alice.

I set my eye upon a large grey wolf. It's stance aggressive, almost like it would attack me. Then I leapt forward and the moment I did. The animal knew, it did not stand a chance. In his eyes, I could see the fear and defeat and still it did not stand down. Mid-air, I twisted my body and landed next to the animal. For the first time in my life, missing my target and letting it slip past me.

Confused about my own action, I pushed forward and caught another one. Like a coward, from behind. Making sure, that I did not come face to face with my prey for the second time. This time I did catch the animal and the moment I did, the frenzy started and my lust for blood took over. Seconds later, the lifeless body fell to my feet. As I stared down, it's reddish brown coat was smeared with it's own blood. The color reminded me of Edward's hair and for a moment I imagined the animal opening it's eyes and staring at me with desperate emerald eyes.

A strong hand, wrapping around my upper arm, caused me to spin around. Emmet was next to me. Staring down at me with a masked expression. "Let's go home." He did not let go of my arm, instead he stepped sideways. Making room for me to start walking. Past him and towards Alice. She too looked worry, a big crease showing between her eyebrows as she stared at me.

I stepped forward, leaning into Emmet. He kept at my side all the way, right until the moment we reached the house.

"Go change into the clothes that are on your bed."

Hugging me for a moment, Alice told me what to do. Grateful for her suggestion, I nodded again. Pulling away from Emmet and rushing upstairs.

There on my bed was a dark blue dress with matching shoes and cardigan. Perfectly respectable for the doctors daughter to wear. It wasn't however the clothes that caught my eye, it was the little wooden box on the shelve above my bed.

Without even taking the time to take my shoes off, I stepped on the bed. Reaching up to collect the wooden box from it's safe place. It weighed as little as a feather but still I felt the need to hold it securely in both hands. Afraid to drop it or accidentally break it.

Slowly I sank down on my knees, not caring about the fact that I was sitting on my dress. Alice would find me something else to wear for school today. Right now I wanted to see something else. Something Esme had kept safe for me, for so many years, claiming that when the time was right. I would know and feel drawn to the ring.

Taking a deep breath I placed the box on the bed in front of me and removed the lid. Inside, cool satin lined the box. Gently I folded it away, shaking as I did. Then I stared down at the object of my desire. A ring, pure and simple. But no matter how pure and breathtaking the simplicity was. The heart of the ring caused me to feel a sharp stabbing pain in my own heart.

Staring down at the ring, my perfect vampire sight, could not be mistaken in the color of that stone.

* * *

><p><strong>APOV<strong>

Bella had seemed gutted from the moment she had missed her kill. Watching her twist in the air and miss her target, had been the strangest thing I had ever see her do.

The strangest thing was, I had not seen it happen. Usually all events regarding the hunt were clearly shown to me previous to them happening. This however, appeared to be a split second decision. Almost like she had changed her mind and course of action by instinct rather than make a conscious decision and plan her movement.

Emmet had brought her home. He to was worried by this sudden change in behaviour. And now as we both sat downstairs, waiting for her to join us, neither of us knew what to say.

Carlisle wanted us to go to High School. And today would be our first day. A first day I had already replayed over and over again in my head. It would have been great. Would have been. Now it just faded away and every second a new flash came through.

In most of them we were together, just me and Emmet. In some of them Bella was there with us and each one time, the images were completely different. Bella's memory had been triggered by something in the woods today. And whatever that was, the event had caused Bella to become unpredictable, causing all our futures to shift at every second that passed by.

Now, the prospect of going to school. Suddenly wasn't all that wonderful anymore.

"Do you think we should go get her?"

Emmet nervously stood at the door. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he stared at the stairs.

" No, she should be downstairs soon. We have some time left." Trying to reassure him, I joined him at the door. "She'll be fine once she comes downstairs."

_If she comes down stairs. _ I silently added to myself.

Minutes ticked away. Making Emmet more and more nervous. Finally I heard movement upstairs.

"Is she coming downstairs now?" Protective about his sister, Emmet turned to me for confirmation. Anxious to see Bella act like her old self, instead of the way she had this morning. Like all of my family, he had come to rely on my gift. Expecting me to know what would happen.

In my mind a clear image of Bella coming down the stairs wearing the exact outfit I had selected for her, faded away. Something that didn't surprise me. Bella hated wearing dresses or anything fancy.

"Why don't you wait for her in the car?"

To my relieve, he did. I waited downstairs for a few more minutes until finally I could not stand waiting any longer. Walking upstairs I listened closely, trying to hear any movement in her bedroom. It was completely silent.

Usually I would burst into her room, now I waited in front of the locked door.

"Bella, can I come in."

There was no answer, only the sound of footsteps coming to the door and the click of her door being unlocked. Trying for the second time, I was relieved to find she had unlocked the door. It opened smoothly when I carefully pushed again.

At the other side, Bella stood. Still dressed in blood smeared clothes, her hair hanging down her face in a wild arrangement of windswept curls. Her right arm was curled around her waist and her left hand a tight fist, resting against her chest. Exactly over her heart.

I stared at that fist. Baffled by the fact that for the second time today, Bella's action had surprised me. Reaching out for her left arm, I pulled it away from her body. Holding out her closed fist between us. She let me but did not open her fist. Anxious to see what she was holding on to with such desperate force, my fingers pried open her fist. One by one until finally her palm was opened.

Both of us stared down at her hand, to the tiny object she was holding. Dead and dim, but in full view. Was the ring Edward had given her. The heart black and cold. And like that stone, Bella's eyes had lost all spark.

"I need you to take this thing, away from me and destroy it." Placing the ring in my hand, she whispered the words softly. "I get my hopes up, and each time they are crushed. I don't think, I can handle that one more time."

Turning away from me, she walked over to her wardrobe and grabbed some clothes.

"Meet me downstairs in the car?"

Her words were a cool demanding question, it left no room for negotiation. I nodded, still stunned by what had just happened. "Sure, in the car." Mumbling I backed out of the room. Closing the door behind, leaving it the way it had been when I came upstairs.

The ring in my hand felt cold and heavy as I walked to my room. It was the first time, I had really seen it. Touched it and held it. All the other times I had seen it, had been in my vision. Now the accuracy of these visions seemed very unlikely.

Opening my own jewellery box, I pushed the ring deep down under all my other rings, necklaces and earrings. Hiding it.

Bella had asked me to destroy it, but I couldn't.

Not until I had found out what was going on with my visions.

Not while in my mind, I could still see a clear picture of Bella meeting the man I loved with a sparkling green ring on her finger.

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><p>AN: What is Alice up to? ;-)


	20. Chapter 20

_**Disclaimer:  
><strong>_

_****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters****_

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><p>BPOV<p>

After Alice left my room, I picked up the box that had held the ring. It was empty and the sight made me feel like a weight had been lifted from my shoulder.

Now I finally had gotten rid of the ring, I could see what it had represented to me. It had been, my own eternal punishment. A cruel reminder of my mistakes and committed crimes.

For so many years I had held on to that ring, hoping, wishing and most of all wanting it to give me a sign of hope. A signal that would sooth my aching soul and glue the broken pieces of my heart together again. Like a fool I had desperately clung to all of the human emotions, causing me to be weak and vulnerable. Todays events had made me realize, I had to let go of all that and accept that the guilt and pain I felt, would never be replaced with love. It was my only chance to move on in this immortal life.

Letting go of Edward's ring, that false beacon of hope, was the first step to moving forward.

Grabbing some clothes from my wardrobe, I decided to go against Alice her suggestion and instead of wearing a dress, collected an old pair of jeans and a sweatshirt from my wardrobe. As a vampire, we attracted attention. Dressing down felt like a natural choice, one I was sure Alice would not agree with. Today, I didn't care about that.

Outside I could hear Emmet was waiting for me in the car, drumming his fingers on the dashboard while shifting in his seat every few seconds. He was nervous, and I knew, it was my strange behavior earlier today that hade made him nervous. And by keeping him waiting, it got worse each second.

Quickly I got dressed and pulled my hair together in a twist, securing it with a simple rubber band. Before leaving my room, I took one glance in the mirror at myself. In front of me was a person I hardly recognized, I looked plain... almost like a normal person. No one at school would suspect me to be a centuries old vampire. Pleased, I went downstairs.

When I got downstairs I picked up the brand new schoolbag Alice had bought for me. It was a baby blue, with dark straps and zippers. She had a matching pink version, with flowers printed across the front. Mine had small white stars. Knowing she would be upset if I left it home, I grabbed it in one hand and marched outside. I was ready to face the complaints about my clothes.

As I approached the car, for a moment I could see Alice her eyes widen with what seemed a combination of surprise and disappointment. Her mouth opened as she frowned, a look from Emmet stopped her from talking.

Silently I got in the back seat of the car. Alice was sitting in the front with Emmet. My big brother used the rearview mirror to look me in the eyes as he started the car. His eyes said enough, he understood something in me had changed but knew, now was not the time to talk about us. Putting the car in drive, he pulled out of our driveway. Slower than usual, taking extra care at each crossroad, he drove us to school. The entire trip all three of us remained silent. When we got there, I left the car first. Relieved to get out of the cramped space. Slamming the door shut behind me with such force by accident it would have a dent.

My brother and sister followed me, rushing to keep up with me as I headed to the administration office. Esme had arranged everything for us in the previous week, all we needed to do was collect our schedules. They were ready and without any further hesitation. I went to my first class, ready to start a new chapter in my life, in high school. With my brother and sister at my side.

My first day at school, was easier then I had expected.

Alice had been her usual social butterfly, talking to each teacher for both of us as soon as we entered a new class. Emmet made a very big impression on the coach during class and true to his words, had arranged for himself to get a chance to show his skills at practice today. Giving him the opportunity to join the team. Emmet had accepted the offer with a grand smile on his face, and told us about it during our history class. It was a smile that showed all his teeth and caused the two guys sitting at the table next to us, to move a table away. Obviously feeling uncomfortable around us.

This afternoon he would show what real humans were made off. That was at least what he had insisted. We just let him get all excited about playing with the humans. Knowing that once he had an idea an his head. It was difficult to change his mind and talk him out of it. After the simple 'smile' incident during class, Alice had scanned his immediate future. She had seen nothing, but for safety reasons, we had decided to come along with Emmet. Just in case there was an incident that needed clearing up or smoothing down.

So now Alice and I were sitting on the bleachers watching Emmet warm up with all the other guys. He had a big proud smile on his face as he mirrored each move around him. Alice kept focussing on his immediate future, trying to pretend us all from exposure. Leaving me with nothing to do except looking around and following the movement on the field.

Next to us were a few girls from our class. Whispering to each other about all the hot guys that were trying out or had joined the team this year. I didn't pay attention until, the words ' incredibly hot new guy' were mixed in the conversation. Glancing in the same direction the girls were facing, I caught sight of the ' hot guy'. They weren't just talking about the guys on the field, they had their eyes set on Emmet.

" Alice, did you hear them talking." Moving closer to her, I gently nudged her shoulder. She tilted her head and winked at me. "About that hot new guy?"

"Yeah, the one that is also our vampire brother, who should be keeping a low profile. Perhaps this was big mistake."

My sister just giggled and shrugged her shoulders. " You can't blame them. He does look very good, flexing his muscles like that. Even you can't deny that."

Rolling my eyes I looked in the direction she was pointing at. The same direction the other girls were staring at. Emmet and another guy were now stretching their legs, standing across each other and leaning on each other's shoulders for support. Emmet was standing with his back turned to us, the fabric of his shirt stretching tight around his broad shoulders as his muscles flexed.

One of the girls sitting next to us, had moved to the edge of her seat. Holding the seat tight at either sides. It seemed like she was holding on, so she wouldn't fall off as she stared at him.

Looking at him, after Alice had pointed him out. I could understand why all the girls were talking about him. Emmet was... kind of hot. I had never considered him to be unattractive, just never looked at him from an outsider point of view. Or anything than a brother. And to the humans, with his thick dark curls, straight nose and strong mouth. He did have a handsome face, we all had. It was part of our nature. Part of the seduction that helped us lure our prey away from safety and right into our arms.

Before I could think about where on earth, those thoughts came from, my musing was interrupted by the shrieking of one of the girls.

"Oh my god, they are going to run laps after this. Let's move to the front so we can sit closer when he runs past us." The Barbara girl, who had been holding on to her seat, got up and started walking down the steps, leaving her friends behind.

Her movement caused two girls two giggle and shake their head. A third,got up also. "I know what you're planning. Wait for me you bitch." Calling after the girl who had started walking down the steps. The girl pushed past her friend in an attempt to get down at the front row first. I recognized her to be the one with the wild imagination, Melinda. " He'll just need one look at these babies, and he'll be eating out of my hands."

Adjusting her boobs, she pulled her shirt down, causing an even deeper V to show off even more cleavage. She might as well take her shirt of. Considering telling her this, I wondered what her response would be. Alice nudged me and rolled her eyes at me. Letting me know, she knew what I was considering and also alarming me to the fact that my sister kept a close eye on my immediate future also. Did she expect me to slip up?

I settled on staying seated and instead watching the show in front of me.

"Oh no you don't." The Barbara girl followed the Melinda girl. "Emmet Cullen has class and would never want to touch any of your used merchandise." Almost spitting at the other girl, Barbara got ahead again. At least she was right about my brother, he wouldn't fall for Melinda. Not for Barbara either, but that would be a later disappointment for the girl, one she would have to overcome herself. He was more likely to have them for dinner instead of taking them to dinner.

Stunned Alice and I watched both girls hurry down the steps. Pushing at each other to get ahead. All the while, they continued making nasty comments at each other.

"Is this normal teenage behavior?" Alice asked me with big excited eyes.

"Don't know." This time it was my turn to shrug. " But if you ever start acting like that I'm asking Carlisle to send us to a catholic boarding school."

At the mentioning of boarding school, Alice her eyes lighted up for a moment. Offcourse the uniforms, that would excite her. She had been slightly disappointed to find out, she could wear the same day clothes to school. But had quickly overcome that disappointment by buying all three of us a new wardrobe.

Both girls now were at the front row of seats and both of them sat down, trying to ignore the other. Melinda, was leaning forward in a move that probably was supposed to be seductive and Barbara sat down elegantly a meter away from her. Reapplying her lipstick and fluffing her hair. They only managed to ignore each other for about 2 minutes. After that, they continued to argue over our brother. At each remark made, each girl seemed to be more sure about their own superior attraction to the opposite sex.

"This is much more exciting, don't you agree." Alice whispered under her breath to me. I smiled and leaned back, knowing she probably already knew the outcome.

"Should we tell that Melinda girl, he will snap her neck if she ever suggests having sex with Emmet in the boys locker room, after practice." Alice leaned in and managed to tell me between two fits of laughter. I shook my head. " No, I think she should find that out by herself. Perhaps we could tell Barbara, our brother will never have children with her. Not even if he takes her to prom and get married afterwards."

More words were exchanged about him, some in a nature that was completely ridiculous. It made me snort and Alice break out in a fit of giggles. Especially when Emmet looked up in our direction, then to the girls on our right. I could have sworn, if it were possible the guy could blush, he would have been red behind his ears.

The two of the girls had now started a discussion who would have the best looking children with our brother. Something that was never going to happen and also kind of creepy since neither of them had ever met him in real life.

Down on the field, the coach had finally started the guys running laps. On purpose, Emmet stayed at second place. Leaving only one guy in front of him. As we both sat and watched him run, the idiot conversation on the front row continued. Getting more and more heated.

It looked like any moment, they would be getting into a real fight. I smiled and leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. Staring at the Melinda girl who had talked about our brother having sex with her in various and unappealing situations. My eyes were on the field, but my ears and mind were focussed on the conversation a few rows down from us. Melinda stopped talking when the Barbara girl pointed in my direction.

"Are you eavesdropping on our conversation."

Her acid voice challenged me as she turned around and glared at me. There was no threat for me. Instead her tone of voice angered me. And for a moment, I imagined leaping forward and punching her in the face with all my strength. A soft growl erupted from my chest and the burn in the back of throat presented itself. I was slipping, fast...

I felt Alice place her hand over mine. Letting me know, she had seen what I was thinking about doing. Her soft touch was enough to calm me down, help me control the anger that had taken me by surprise.

"Not at all, just here to support the guys on the field." Smiling as sweet as possible at her, I leaned back again and pretended to look at someone else on the field. Next to me Alice giggled, and I tried to stop laughing by biting my lip.

On the front row, Barbara was once again on the edge of her seat. The guys were coming around the corner, almost at the end of their lap. Emmet was still in second place. Smoothly running behind the guy in front, who looked like he could trip any moment out of fatigue. Just as they were in front of us. Barbara jumped up and waved her arms in the air.

" Come on Emmet, you can do it baby."

Screaming like a hyperactive three old, she continued to jump up and down as the guys finished. For another 3 seconds everything was silent, then almost like watching a movie in slow motion. Melinda jumped to her feet, elbowed her friend in the stomach and pulled her head back by her hair.

"Baby? You traitor, I thought we were supposed to be friends. Emmet Cullen is mine, I saw him first today in class. He is going to be my date at the next dance." Pushing the Barbara girl down on her seat, Melinda stood over her. "After practice, I'm asking Emmet out for date this weekend. Starting by giving him a very warm and private welcome to our school. " Her last words came out with a loud screech.

All the guys on the field stopped talking, including Emmet who pretended to be out of breath slightly. He had heard his name and was now staring at Alice and me with anxious eyes.

Barbara sputtered a few sounds before grabbing her bag. "Let go of me you cheap bitch." For the second time, calling her friend a bitch, she hit her right in the face with her schoolbag. Guys on the field yelled and pointed. The girls next to us screamed as Melinda swayed. For a moment it looked like she would regain her balance. Then she stepped back, her foot meeting nothing but air. Waving her arms in the air, her face showed fear as she realized, she was falling backwards.

"Help her." The other girls, who had stayed seated near us jumped up and started running down. But it was too late, help had already come from a different direction. Holding the girl in his arms was Emmet.

It took Melinda only a few seconds to regain her composure. Going from afraid to flirting in a few seconds. "You saved me." Wrapping her arms around his neck, she tried to kiss him. " Let me make it up to you." All the guys watching started to cheer Emmet on, and Emmet.. he just stared at me for help. His eyes turning darker at each second he was close to Melinda. I rose to my feet, understanding his silent plead for help. Before I could move, Emmet strained his neck, making sure his face was as far from her eager lips as possible.

" Thanks for the offer." Letting go of her suddenly, she fell down to the ground and landed on her backside. "I already have a girlfriend."

Alice looked at me and started laughing as Emmet came closer.

"Right baby." Wrapping his big arm around me, he pulled me closer and kissed my cheek. He let his cheek rest against mine for a second as he held me in a tight embrace. "I will make your life miserable if you do not play along with this Isabella Swan." Moving to my side, he kept his arm around me.

For a moment I panicked as the other girls all stared at me, then I felt Emmet squeeze my side in a not so gentle way. Shy I leaned into him for support, wishing they would all stop staring at us.

"She's just shy about us dating." Hugging me tighter, Emmet held onto me desperate. Both the Barbara and Melinda girl, gave me a look that could kill. If I were still alive. Melinda was the first to find her composure, collecting her bag and walking up to Emmet. "I'm leaving now, if you ever get bored with that little freak. Let me know."

_Freak._

The word caught me off guard and caused a wave of guilt to disappointment over me. Even to the humans at this school, who didn't even know me, I was a freak. Pulling away from Emmet, I mouthed a quick sorry at him. Then I ran as fast as was allowed, staying within human speed limits. Emmet followed me, catching up with me as soon as we were out of sight.

"Bella, I'm sorry for putting you in that position." He did sound sorry. Making me feel even more guilty. Shaking my head, I slowly turned to face him. He kept his distance this time, arms stretched out with his hands open. "No. I'm sorry."

Closing the distance between us, I let him hold me. This time, finding comfort in his embrace. For a moment we stood there, just the two of us.

"Do you think, I will ever fix myself?" Whispering into his chest, I stayed there. Hoping he wouldn't let go, not just yet. I felt his hand move up and gently rub my shoulder.

" You are asking me to predict the future, when we have our own psychic in the family." Bending down, so we were face to face, he smiled at me. A wide and open smile, with eyes that showed he wasn't mad or angry or upset at me.

I thought about his answer and smiled also.

"You're right."

Playfully punching him in the shoulder, I pulled out of his embrace and took a step back. As I did, I took a good look around. We were completely alone in the parking lot. No students, no car and most of all, no sister.

"Emmet. Where did Alice go?"

Emmet scanned our surroundings, a frown forming on his forehead. He too, could not spot Alice. She was never far behind us, always keeping a close tab on me and what I was doing. Just in case I would slip up. Anxious, I started to walk back to the field. To where we had been sitting earlier. There were a few guys talking to Barbara. At least she had moved on quickly. But no where, Alice could be seen.

"Have you seen my sister?" Emmet asked the first of the guys who looked up at us.

"The other sister, the one you are not dating?" He tried to be funny but his smile slipped off his face, fast. As both Emmet and I were not laughing, in fact Emmet's face showed the same expression I remember seeing the first time we'd met. He too understood, something was wrong. The small group had become silent as they stared at us. Emmet stood in front of them, his feet slightly apart and his arms crossed in front of his chest.

One of the other guys pointed at the office at the far end of the field.

"Yo...you...you're sister went with the... the coach." Stuttering he avoided looking at us, as he answered. We both looked at the little office. It seemed quiet, too quiet. Leaping forward, Emmet jumped over the rails and started running towards the office. I followed him, only one step behind.

Keeping a human pace, it felt like the field had no end. Finally we did reach the office. Emmet first,signalling for me to slow down. I did.

Focussing on the sounds inside, I could hear breathing, a heartbeat and something that sounded like... dripping. Pushing past Emmet, I kicked the door open.

There in the middle of the office, on her knees was Alice.

Quickly I ran to her and sat down, wrapping my arms around her. She responded by grabbing hold of me, her hands desperate as they clung to my body. As she did, I felt her small body tremble against mine.

"Alice." She didn't respond. Pushing her long hair out of her face, I noticed her eyes were blank, there was no indication she had either heard or seen me. Hugging tighter, I hoped she would feel my touch. " Alice, it's going to be alright. We're here, you're safe."

Emmet didn't come on. Curious I tried to lean away from my sister so I could see him, but Alice wouldn't let go.

"Emmet, can you please come help me with Alice." Getting up, I pulled her to her feet also. She was a marble statue, uncooperative and almost unmovable, even with my vampire strength.

"I can't."

My brother growled at me. His voice tense and low, a mere rumble.

Swinging round, I dragged Alice towards him.

Letting go of Alice, she moaned and took a step forward, straight into Emmet's arms. He picked her up and stepped back, outside and away from me. Outside in the light, where finally I was clearly able to see his eyes.

They were dark, darker than before... almost black.

The dripping sound caught my attention again, and slowly I turned towards it. My entire body revolted as my mind finally understood what the dripping sound was. It was blood.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Disclaimer:  
><strong>_

_****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters****_

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

The dripping sound caught my attention again, and slowly I turned towards it. My entire body revolted as my mind finally understood what the dripping sound was. It was blood.

Using my advanced hearing I listened carefully. There was no sign of life left in the man's body. The wounds inflicted on him so rough and predatory, he had died. Poor innocent Alice, she had killed a man. This would break her.

I knew what had to be done.

"Emmet" The sharp sound of my voice made all of us flinch. "You are strong. You can ignore the blood, do you hear me? Nod if you understand." Slowly I pushed both my brother and sister backwards, stumbling as the pull from the blood was starting to overcome all of us. I locked eyes with my brother, the pitch black showing desperation as he clung to the immobile body of our sister.

After seconds that seemed to last hours. We finally had enough distance and Emmet nodded. His lips slacking from the predatory sneer into a tight line. The forced change was enough to make him look human. Relieve burst inside of me as I watched him scoop up the still lifeless form of Alice.

"Go! I will look after Alice" Retreating to the forest line. He gave me one more final nod before disappearing.

As soon as they did, I dropped to my knees and did the one thing any teenage girl would do in this situation. I screamed.

It didn't take long for people to hear my screaming. I sat crumpled on the floor, right outside the small office building. People started running towards me. Yelling what was going on. The first boy to reach me wanted to go inside, but stopped at the door and slowly backed away whispering for god as he looked down at me. Until he and pulled a cell phone from his pocket and calling for help with whispered words.

The police came and wrapped both of us up in blankets. Trying to warm our bodies as we had sure to be in shock. I sat in the backseat of the police car and watched the people outside move around. Keeping my shield up and guarding the world around me from the monster within. Whispered words wrapped around me as the officials determined what had happened and students gossiped.

But I didn't care. In fact a small sigh of relief escaped when I heard the final decision. A brutal animal attack had killed the coach and the poor girl sitting in the back of the car had been lucky. Lucky to scare away the beast and remain unharmed. If only they knew that today's death was nothing compared to the bloody trail I had left behind getting here.

A familiar car pulled up. I smiled, someone had called Carlisle. I closed my eyes and waited for him to come collect me. I had to keep up the charade of the traumatised teenage girl for just a few more minutes.

"Bella honey, I'm so sorry" His arms wrapped around me as soon as the car door opened. The office that had given me the blanket and helped me to the car stood behind him.

"She has hardly moved or spoken since we found her. We made her as comfortable as possible while waiting for you." His eyes were apologetic, almost as if he was to blame for the situation. "Perhaps she should go to the hospital with paramedics. There...ehm..there isn't much for them to do here anyway."

Carlisle slipped his arm around me. Placing a soft kiss on top of my head as he hugged me. The gesture comforting and exactly what I needed. "Thank you for your concern. My name is Dr. Carlise Cullen. I'll just take Bella home with me and keep an eye her."

The other man's eyes widened at recognising the name as the new doctor in town. He stepped aside as Carlisle started moving towards his car. Taking me with him as he still had his arm wrapped around me.

"Emmet is at home with Alice. She doesn't remember what happened. But besides that she is okay. Thank you for this Bella." I nodded before I sat down in the passenger seat. Frowning as I let the words replay in my head. A vampire never forgets and we all know that. So why would Carlisle accept that Alice has no memory of what she had done.

But I would do my part and play along. Filing away all of my own questions, my emotions and insecurities I smiled at Carlisle as he got in on his side of the car and started the engine. He smiled back. His eyes guarded in a way I had never before seen.

Just a few moments ago I had been prepared to move, and build a new life again. Now it appeared nothing would change. Except, everything had.  
>And something inside of me warned me that nothing would or could ever be the same again.<p>

* * *

><p>AN: To all of you who may have this story on alert and have started reading this story a few years ago. I moved, switched jobs and a lot of personal shit happened (but that's the circle of life)

There was no time to read or write fanfiction. Now after many months, finally it seems I can get back to this hobby and hopefully finish the story. However the storyline will change a little bit so you might be surprised. Please be patient with me, it' a slow start hahaha

If you are new to this story, welcome. I hope you enjoy the reading :-) :-)


	22. Chapter 22

_**Disclaimer:  
><strong>_

_****Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters****_

* * *

><p>APOV<p>

Emmet carried me home. I could not stop myself from clinging to his body after Bella had pushed me away. Afraid of what I would do next if I had the chance. When we arrived at the safety of our own house, I let go of him and ran. Brushing past Esme, upstairs to my room and locked myself in there. Knowing Emmet would explain to Esme what had happened. I had no strength left to be confrontef with their anger or even worse pity.

In my mind, the vision of the crime scene, all the mess and damage I had done.. it haunted me and kept on repeating in my mind. I held on to it, fearing what other vision would come to me. Fearing a new vision I did not want to see, would come. Sitting down on the edge of my bed, I let the disaster of this afternoon rerun in my mind.

"_Freak" _

_The words hit my sister like a slap in the face. I watched Bella disappear towards the parking lot. Her eyes hurt after being called a freak. To the girl who had so casually yelled the name at her, the word had held little meaning. For my sister who struggled each day to fit in, it had been the worst thing to be called._

_Emmet followed her, pain in his eyes, blaming himself for creating this situation. Collecting our things, I was just about to follow them when the coach came walking up the steps._

"_Ms Cullen?" Offering me his hand, as he asked for my name. I took it, placing my hand in his large palm. Allowing him to wrap his fingers around mine and gently shake it. " I'm Coach Masen."_

_Holding my breath, I stared at him. Up close and in person, he was so much better. My visions had not done him justice. He let go of my hand and smiled nervously at me.  
><em>

"_Would you happen to know where your brother went to?"  
><em>

_Looking around, he scanned the few groups of people. Emmet is in the parking lot with is my chance and in the blink of an eye I make my choice. _"_No. I'm sorry." The lie comes out with such ease, I even surprise myself. "Can I give him a message?" Stepping closer, I can feel the burn increase._

_The man in front of me smiles down at me, looking at the dress I'm wearing with hungry eyes. "Actually, I wanted to ask if he could walk with me to the office. There are some papers he needs his parents to sign. Giving him permission to join the team."_

_Smiling at him, I manage to take a small breath of air. Filling my lungs with his scent. Inside of me the dormant monster comes to life. _"_Why don't I walk with you to the office and take the papers for Emmet?"_

_For a moment the coach is silent and I worry I've scared him in some way. At the same time, a small part of me wishes for him to say no. Please walk away... I know I can't because I'm hooked, his scent has completely lured me in. Like sweet nectar calling for a honey bee to come closer and take everything._

"_That would work. Follow me."_

_Turning his back to me, the coach starts walking. I follow him, leaving all our things behind. When we reach the small wooden building at the other side of the field. The coach opens the door and steps inside. At the far end is his desk. I stay in the doorway, hesitating for a moment. There is still time to run, to leave and never come back. _

_My feet move back, one step at a time. When suddenly I can't, instead I jump forward and at the same time feel my senses go in overdrive. Slamming the door shut, I take the last two steps forward and jump on the desk. Kicking things out of my way in the progress._

_Standing in front of me, holding the papers in one hand. Coach Masen is looking at me with wide eyes, sucking on his thumb. I grab his hand and pull his thumb out of his mouth. The cut is deep and the blood coming from the cut is impossible to resist. Losing my last control, Ivery slowly bring his thumb to my lips and lick. Curling my tongue around his finger, connecting my eyes with his as he moans softly. His heartbeat accelerates as he steps closer, placing on hand on my waist. _

'_You're a naughty little one aren't you'. _

_He smirks as he leans closer and I can hear the rush of his blood as he licks his lips. It should revolt me but it doesn't. In fact it draws me closer and without thinking I let go of his hand. Leaning forward I place my on his shoulder and place my mouth just below his collarbone, ripping through the fabric and straight into his warm flesh._

_He screams as I tear away his clothes with my mouth. Ripping his skin apart in the progress. The moment I do, blood started oozing from his shouder._

_I lean down, holding the struggling man in place with both hands. Digging the tips of my fingers into his flesh and clawing as he trashes underneath me. Slowly I lick his blood from the wound. My first time ever, drinking human blood._

_It sends a current through my body, causing every fiber in my part to hum with excitement. Growling I throw my head back for a moment opening my mouth to go in for the kill. At that moment, I feel his hand at my neck. Slippery from his own blood. "Please stop."_

_The desperate plead would not have helped him, if it had been only that. But it wasn't. At the exact same moment a vivid vision hits me._

_A young woman, her stomach swollen heavily. Obviously pregnant.  
>Leaning into her husband, placing his hand over hers.<br>"Did you feel that?" Tears of joy show in her eyes as her husband starts laughing._

"He's going to be a strong little man, just like his father."

_Coach Masen, moves his hand to cup his pregnant wife's face. Leaning down he placed a soft tender kiss on her lips.  
>Brushing his nose along hers for a moment as they both sigh before he moves to her lips and deepens the kiss.<br>When they finish their kiss, he embraces her with a smile._

"_Can we name him after my father?"  
>Coach Masen carefully asked his wife. She just looked up at him with a beaming smile.<br>"I think that would be nice. He would have really loved having a grandson."_

_The large man, gets on his knees.  
>And places both his hands on her round hips, placing his head just over her navel.<em>

"I can't wait to see you, Edward."

_Shocked I let go of him, falling backwards on the desk. The pain I felt at knowing, this man would father Bella's Edward. It is too much. My mind and body seem to pull apart as they fight each other for control._

_My mind and heart one, reminding me that there is a family that will hurt for eternity if I can't control myself._

_Kicking I try to move away further from the bleeding man in front of me, sending a pile of paper flying through the air. For a moment I think I've made it as Coach Masen just watches me, holding his shoulder as he struggles to breath. _

_But then he falls forward, his hand sliding from the wound. And lands close to me on the floor. He's right there and I can't resist. _

_Closing my eyes I whisper a last "I'm sorry' before reaching out and taking what I want most in the whole world. And inside me the monster that I never knew was there rejoices as at the same time my heart breaks in a thousand pieces. Knowing that I'm taking away my sisters chance at finally finding her loved one._

Emmet had taken me home after that, it was the last thing I remember. Bella had been there also, closing the door. How could I ever tell her the truth about my actions. Would she understand his blood had been too tempting to resist.

I had always told myself and my family that being a vampire was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. Staring at my reflection, the perfect creature that was me, frowned back with a disgusted look on her face. Her eyes still a liquid golden brown, not effected by the human blood I had drank this afternoon.

My full lips, pulled down in a grimace as I grab a handful of my beautiful long black hair. From the day I knew, I would be turned into a vampire. I had let it grow long, knowing that once I would be turned, it would grow no longer.

My long hair, helped disguise my true nature. It made me look younger, sweet and innocent. For the first time in my life, that was not how I felt. Shame washed over me as I knew that, after todays action, I had lost my innocence.  
>Angry I smash my fist into the mirror, shattering my reflection.<p>

I could no longer stand looking at her and turn away. Noticing the scissors that are on the corner of the sink. I can feel my lips curl down in a disgusted smile as I pick them up.

Downstairs I can hear Emmet talking to Esme. They will soon come check up on me. Locking the door of my bathroom, I take one last look at my broken reflection.

Then I lift the scissors, and cut.

Hacking away the last of innocence, just like I deserve.

* * *

><p>AN Thank you all for the warm welcome. I was surprised by how many people visited this story and also my other stories. Great to know that there are so many people still enjoying Twilight FanFiction!


	23. Chapter 23

**_Disclaimer:_**

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters_**

* * *

><p><strong>June 1988 BPOV<strong>

It has been 7 months. The longest months in my life.

After Carlisle came home that day he called a family meeting. And for the first time in the existence of our family, a family meeting had consisted out of Carlisle demanding from our family what we should do. There had been no explaining, no voting.. nothing.

He had simply stood at the head of the table. And talked.

"_Today you risked exposing our existence. A mistake, that could have ruined not only our lives but the human lives around us"  
><em>

_His eyes seemed to be on fire as he addressed with a cold tone to his voice. _

_"It is our obligation to make sure, that the humans suspect nothing. That is why, even after what happened today, we won't move. You will all go back to school tomorrow and pretend to be shocked, knowing nothing about what happened. And you will finish this year, without drawing further unneeded attention to yourself. Do I make myself clear?"_

After finishing his speech, Carlisle had sat down and folded his hands on the table. Only allowing Esme to place a hand on his arm. Emmet had been the first to respond, slowly rising to his feet. His face betrayed no emotion but I could feel the tension rolling off him.

"Yes Sir."

He hadn't complained, neither had Alice or Esme. And for a moment it all felt like a conspiracy. A strange twist of a storyline, that I had no knowledge off. Then my eyes came to rest on the pained and silent expression of both Carlisle and Esme and the trust and love they had given me for centuries slipped back in my mind and cleared away any doubt. This was their way of forgiving Alice.

So now I sit at school, still bored and still an outcast. Alice has gone back to her bubbly self. Only her short hair a reminder of what has really happened. Within days other girls had cut their hair and the short hairstyle was now the newest trend.

True to his words, Emmet has made sure we have a perfect cover and made sure that for the first weeks the students talked about the freak animal attack. The parents even demanded all track and field activities were to be cancelled, keeping their children away from the scary dark woods and any risk.

Little did they know that the biggest threat, is still sitting right next to them every day. The thought alone makes my lips curl up in a smile. It was a private joke that I didn't share with the rest of my family.

The past few months have been difficult. All of us pretending like nothing ever happened. But it has. From the corner of my eye, I can see Alice stare outside while taking notes at the same time. It feels like the demand Carlisle has made, placed a hole in the sisterly bond we had. A black hole that causes us to be together and stay in this town as a family, yet continue to be apart at the same time.

Alice had taken to hunting with Emmet right after the incident. Leaving me behind to hunt alone most of the times. Something I hated doing. The first few times had been a struggle. Fighting to drop the shield around me after it had been in place so securely for many years, it continued to be a struggle. The first time I ran through the forest feeling deaf and blind at the same time. My clumsiness had lasted for a few weeks until I had gotten the hang of it. Now I could swiftly track and kill my prey without lowering my shield.

In a way, I had become less of a vampire. Wrapping myself away in a tight cocoon at school and at home. Making sure there would be no suspicion. Even the shield that colored my eyes was in place, through any human set of eyes. I was an average human girl, blending in.

Looking at Alice again, she turns and smiles at me. The same way she has been doing a lot lately. She starts putting away her things and I know that class will be finished soon. And indeed, seconds later the bell rings. As soon as it does, she gets up on her feet.

"Let's go shopping tonight?"

Standing close to me, my sister wraps an arm around my shoulder. A tight embrace. Something I haven't felt in a very long time.

"We haven't had a girls night out for such a long time and I have a note from our doctor, saying I need to go there and a note from Esme saying you need to take me."

Waving two very convincing looking pieces of paper at me, this time a hint of smile reaching her eyes. She looks like an adorable 12 year old instead of centuries year old vampire.

"Remember, Emmet is away for a few days and you are my only other sibling here?" Making puppy eyes at me, she puckered her lip at me. "Pretty please, say yes?" Her begging makes me laugh, out loud and without any restriction. The sound fills the room causing the remaining students to look up, including two guys who's eyes immediately scan my body with hungry eyes.

Frowning at them, I stop laughing.

"Alright, no shopping, I get it. But can we do make-overs instead?"

Stomping her feet next to me, Alice follows my stare and sees the two boys standing at the door watching us. Changing her pleading expression to a death stare. As soon as she does, they both disappear from the classroom.

"No Alice, that's fine. Shopping is fine."

Letting the attention the boys had given me slide off my shoulders, I straighten my back and link my arm through Alice's. "Lead the way."

Nine hours later, I start to think that each decade a shopping trip with Alice is becoming an even bigger torture. The newest mall she has found, offeres a selection of 229 clothing stores, 78 shoe stores and 51 different other stores that offer a grand selection in anything you could possibly want to buy for your home, including kitchen, garden and bedroom. There are several hairdressers and a large spa. That I carefully talk Alice out of visiting. That was just a selection of the different things I had seen, and all the time I had found only 1 bookstore.

After being dragged in and out of each store, Alice has finally let me go and sends me to the bookstore. When I suggested going, she almost looked as if it was something dirty, and perhaps to her it was. To me however, reading had been one of the first things I had felt passionate about after being turned and after all these years, it still brought me a comfortable silence. Offering a temporary way out of this world and into the mind of others.

I can't exactly remember how long I've been in the store. It's open until midnight, so probably only a few minutes after that when the owner approaches me.

"Sorry to disturb you, we're closing now."

Her grey hair is pulled back in a tight bun, low in the back of her neck, and her face has just the right amount of wrinkles to bring wisdom and compassion to her face. Not for the first time, I feel growing old isn't always bad.

"Would you like to purchase the book you're reading?" Holding out her hand, she smiles down at me as she looks at the book I have been reading. It is a second hand edition of a book I have read many times. It's cover carefully worn down by tender touch. "Yes, please." Handing it in her waiting hand, I following the women to the counter.

"It's nice to see a young lady like yourself passionate about reading, not many young ones do these days." Her voice is slightly raspy, probably from smoking as I can also smell a hint of nicotine in her blood when I stand close to her at the counter. "Are you new here?"

"Ehm.. yes. We moved to the area about 8 months ago." Reaching into my purse I try and find some change to pay for the book. As I do, the woman rings up the book and carefully folds it into brown paper, as if it were brand new and in need of protection.

"That must have been just before that terrible accident at the school." Her words make me pause, still looking down and pretending to find my money. My lack of response seems to only encourage her as she continues. " It's just terrible for disaster to strike that family again. Such horrible fate that little boy has received, it doesn't' seem fair. First losing his father and now his mother. Poor thing will probably end up in the system."

The last words make me look up, barely able to hide my panic as I stare at the woman across the counter. For a moment our eyes meet then my eyes glance over her shoulder to see the small tv on the shelf behind her. On it are the headlines of the local news, featuring footage of a the bridge not far from here. The railing severely damaged and 3 cars scattered along the road. The scene is surrounded by bright coloured lights, belonging to the emergency units that have been called to the scene.

It's a few miles from here and I know, I can make it there in a minute to see myself. But I can't because streaming at the top of the screen are the latest headlines. Tragic death in fatal car crash. Young mother dies in freak accident.

The lady is completely off radar as I throw some money on the counter, it's a crisp hundred dollar bill and I know it's about ten times the amount I should be paying. Right now I can't be bothered, collecting the book I hold it carefully to my chest as I exit the shop. Behind me I can hear the lady call after me, without result. All that is on my mind is the flashing headline.

Young mother. We killed someone's father and now he has no one left. I need Alice or Emmet or both as the reality of the situation dawns on me. The charade last months, pretending nothing happened, risking exposure to safe that hide the fact we took a life, it meant nothing. We only intervened in fate, and had been fools to think otherwise.

**June 1988 Emmet POV**

"How far would you go to provide your own family with happiness."

The question had been so honest a few days ago. Luring me into a deeper conversation with Carlisle. Leading me here. Tonight in the rainy darkness, waiting to commit a crime that I should have never accepted. A crime I didn't think myself capable of. Not even in the time I had been part of the guard. The time in my life where I had been a soldier.

Tonight I was however, most of all a brother. A brother who had been given very specific instructions by the youngest member in our family. Instructions that had been supported by two other people who are role models in ourfamily. As the lights approach me, I know this is the last chance to pull out. But I can't, my trust in Alice and obligation to this family is too great. Without further hesitation I step forward.

My body easily collides with the frail car, wrapping the hood around me as I stand right in front of it and pres my hands down on the hood. Stopping the car from driving across the bridge. In that instant I recognize the face and even as I know it's impossible, i'm sure the woman driving the car recognizes me also. For a moment the reality of what I am doing, threatens to stop from the far end of the bridge, I can see Alice approaching me.

She stands and watches me. Forcing me to start moving again. I do what she has asked me and rush around the car, smashing both doors so neither will open. Trapping the woman inside the car. As I do, I can hear the screams of both passengers. His are loud and hysterical, hers soft and full of tears. A soft prayer for her child slipping from her lips. Even when presented with death, she does not forget to love the little boy.

Quickly I do, what I have to do. The one thing that can redeem some of the damage I am assisting in. Ripping the back door from the hinges, I gently lift the little boy out of the back seat. Only a few days old, born premature and released from hospital tonight. I can tell he was asleep during the crash and slightly shaken by the very violent wake up.

As soon as the boy is safely in my arms, I feel the doubt attack my mind and heart again. Doesn't a child this young, deserve his mother? Before I can change my mind the car moves away.

"Let it go Emmet."

Her cold words, give me no more options. And with a fierce and determined look on her face she gives the car the final shove. The screeching of metal fills the night, making the hair in my neck stand up. Then the screeching stops, followed by silence...a final crash and a splash as the car lands on the water.

All the way at the bottom of the bridge, pulled under and washed away by the river that runs violently for miles and miles until it will finally quiet down into a steady stream.

"What should I do?" Holding the tiny infant in my arms, for a moment I fear she will kill it also. The specifics of tonight's crimes have been held from me, both Carlisle and Alice insisting that the less I knew, the better.

"I'll make sure he is taken care of." Taking him from me, Alice cradles him against her chest, giving me some peace as I see how tender she holds him. "You need to rush home, make sure that you have an alibi."

We both knew, who I need to have an alibi for.

The instructions given to me by Carlisle had been very clear, if I were to participate then I could never tell Bella about what happened here tonight.

First the death of coach Masen and now his young wife and child are meant to look like a very unfortunate accident. No one is allowed to know, the child is still in this world. It will be protected miles away from here, from our own sister.


	24. Chapter 24

**_Disclaimer:_**

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters_**

* * *

><p><strong>August 2007 BPOV<strong>

My feet make no sound as I run through the forest. Brushing through the low shrubs...twisting around each obstacle with great care while listening for a heartbeat. Hunting on sound not on scent like I had in the past few years each time I went out alone. It was slightly more difficult but the only way I could hunt alone. It helped me guard the darkness inside of me. Making sure that no matter what would happen, it could not come out to play.

In the past years I have slowly pulled up a wall around me and at each new obstacle I have fought not to lower my guard but instead grew stronger.

The biggest temptation had been Alice her slip up many years ago. After seeing what happened first hand, how much impact her mistake had on our family. The fear of ever falling prey to my instincts like she had in the future was so big, it controlled my life.

Unlike Alice, I already had my wild years. Resulting in Carlisle and Esme having to beg one of the most feared vampires in the world for my second chance, or perhaps I could look at it as being a third chance at life. After all, my second chance at life had been the night Carlisle found me, attempting to take my life. A small part of me still felt angry at being denied the choice to end my pain. It was only a small part, the better part of me felt at peace.

The first years it had felt like my chance at life had come against a prize much too high, taking my sisters life and turning her into one of our own, a vampire.

Alice however had, with the exception of only that one incident that all of us desperately tried to forget kept her slate clean. She had kept her humanity and had been the best sister possible. I loved her.

We spend almost all our time together, trusting each other completely. That is why it had hurt when she refused to hunt with me today. Emmet wasn't here either.

Almost 19 years ago now, his separation from our family had started. It had felt like a blow to the head. Making me realise that in the past years, I had come to rely heavily on my brother. It had been a very emotional night for me because of the events that had taken place that night.

It made me sad not to be able to talk with my brother. I felt the need not just to clear my own mind but perhaps fix whatever was broken between us. At each attempt to talk, he had only grown more distant and started to go hunting with Alice more and more until a few years ago, he left our family completely.

Alice knew where he was, she went to see him every now and again. But not me. She promised me that Emmet would come home when he was ready.

I believed her, my sister had never lied to me. And so for now I was on my own.

Hunting for an animal with fear in my mind at the same time.

Always guarded.

Instead of using all my vampire senses I ran through the forest, slightly above human speed. Fresh tracks were leading me deep into the national park. Following them I tried to listen, eager to hear the heartbeat of the large deer. Lowering my shield just enough to have heightened hearing and speed. Just enough to have an advantage to track, sneak up and attack the animal.

After another 25 minutes, I grew frustrated. The tracks looked fresh and were leading away from the more travelled parts of the forest, giving me confidence I was on the right trail. But after running for miles, I still hadn't picked up on anything. Stopping I concentrated with a frown, relaxing my gift and enhancing my senses. Ignoring my inner demon rejoice at being allowed to come out and play. Even if it was just my ears and sight that sharpened further.

Finally I picked up on the fain heartbeat several hundred meters away. It was slow... too slow for a deer. And somehow it sounded clouded, perhaps like it was in water. Focussing on the sound, I knew for sure, around it I could hear water running.

Walking forward while concentrating on the sound I reached the last line of trees. The sound of running water now loud and overwhelming. Pushing aside the last of the branches, I could already smell the wet leaves and sand. In front of me was the large stream that ran through the national forest. The rain in the past few weeks had added strength to the current and it's water washed wildly against the large boulders, causing currents.

My ears were still focused on the dull beat of a heart as at the same time, my eyes caught sight of something yellow. A bright yellow one person kayak was stuck upside down between two large boulders and the current was beating against it with force. Causing it to slam into the large boulders repeatedly. From it, the faint sound of a heartbeat called for my attention. It was the sound that had guided me here.

Without thinking I ran forward and jumped into the river. The water yielding for my stone body as I quickly made it to the kayak. Grabbing it without thinking I pulled it free, as I did the person in it slipped free and disappeared under the water again. Flinging the kayak aside, it hit a large boulder, cracked and got pulled down the river with the current. It was broken beyond repair, but the human... The human could still have a chance.

Diving after the human who had slipped free from the kayak, I could see the body being pulled down by the current. Reaching out, I barely managed to reach an ankle and grabbed it tight. Too tight.

Under my palm I could feel bones yield under my touch as I yanked the body closer to me with all my strength.

The body felt light in my arms, weak and fragile. He did not respond at all, even after being subjected to such excruciating pain. If his heart wouldn't be beating, I would have been sure the man was dead. But he wasn't.

And all I knew... all I allowed myself to feel right now was the need to safe this man's life. Placing my feet on the bottom of the river, I pushed myself out of the water. Jumping high above the water with the human still pressed to my body. Scanning my surroundings I felt sure we were alone. And to my left, I found what I was looking for, a small clearing at the edge of the water. Swimming as fast a my legs allowed, I headed towards the riverbank while holding on to the human.

When I finally reached the edge of the river, I slung the body over my shoulder to free my hands and lifted myself out of the water and on the dry. As I did a hint of human scent made my nostrils flare. Growling I tried to ignore the temptation.

Holding my breath I dropped the body to the floor a little bit too rough. Kneeling down beside him, I could still hear the heartbeat so I was sure he was still alive.

Should I turn him on his back or on his side?

Trying to remember what Carlisle had taught me about humans and applying first aid, I rest my hands on his shoulders. The warmth of his human body iss only slightly noticeable, his skin has cooled down to a temperature closer to mine. Humans are supposed to be warm. I frown knowing something is wrong.

This can only mean, he has probably been in the water a while. Carefully I lean over him and pulled his arms free from his body. Gently applying pressure at his wrist, exactly the way Carlisle has explained to me on his quests to interest me for human medicine. I easily find what I was looking for. Counting carefully, he has a strong pulse.

Sighing with relieve, I decide he has been knocked out before he went underwater and perhaps has only been upside down for a few short moments.

Looking down at his almost lifeless body for a moment, and then at the grey weather above my head, I shake my head and sigh. The man had been a fool to go out on his own after the rain past days. I notice he is wearing outdoor sportswear, designed for kayaking in extreme weather. At least that shows me he had some clue what he had been doing, but still.

Why would anyone go out in this weather?

The man was a fool. Anger starts to build inside in me, alarming me to the fact I am slipping out of my shield. I need some distraction. Pushing aside the angry thoughts, I let my eyes explore the human lying on the ground in front of me. The fabric stretches around his shoulders. It's a wetsuit, designed to keep him warm. The only problem is, on his back the wetsuit has a large rip in it. Holding my breath, I check the torn fabric but there doesn't seem to be any wound.

No blood. Relieved, I allowed my fingers to rest against his skin. Running my fingers over the smooth skin of his lower back that is exposed through the tear. I could feel the muscles flex in response underneath my cold fingers. It's unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

I had touched plenty of humans when feeding on them in the years I had spend with Tristan. Even sometimes trying to find pleasure in our contact until the smell of their blood became to enticing. But none had given me the feeling of electricity sparking through my hand, pleasantly tingling my arm and slowly fading through my body.

Pushing my hand up further, I rest my hand between the wet fabric and his smooth skin. Revelling in the pleasure it brings me. Feeling a sudden need to be closer to this human, I lean down. As I do, a burning sensation in the back of my throat makes me snap back to reality.

Pulling my hand back and leaning backwards, I fight myself as the burning increased. The los at no longer feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips struggled with the monster hidden deep inside of me. Taking advantage of this new feeling. Tempting me. Begging, wouldn't a small drop just be sufficient? Enough for the fire to be extinguished?

There is no one here to stop me. Lowering my body slowly in a crouch over the human, I struggle even more with the thirst. Battling inside of me with the pleasure I had felt before and memory of what taking a human life would do to our family.

Stopping, I do all I can think of that would save myself from falling prey to my basic instincts. I turn and run.

I run without control, crashing through the forest this time. Blinded by fear as I push forward. No longer thinking about running but mindlessly push forward. Crashing through the smaller shrubs. Ripping them aside with a fury that has not possessed me in a while. Hitting away branches with my hands as they hit my body. It feels like I have been running for hours but once I slow down and open my eyes to see where I wam, my body trembled and my feet stumble. For the first time ever finding it difficult to find solid ground.

Without knowing I have gone back to the still figure lying on the riverbank. I had run a circle and come back to the place I have started. But this time he is no longer alone. When I return someone else is standing over him. A possessive growl erupts from my chest. The figure turns to face me and I can see the disappointed and hurt look on her face.

"Bella."

The pained greeting of my name is shouted out at me in warning. It makes me come to a full stop. Wishing I could undo my actions and forget the damage I had wanted to do by letting my instincts take control of me. I watch as she picks up the man and runs away from me. I know instantly why. She had seen what crime I had planned to commit. Once again my little pixie sister has saved me, helping me keep my sanity by preventing me to commit a crime I did not want.

Turning on my heels, I ran away from her as fast as possible. My body was still rushed with all the things I allowed myself to feel. This time it only took me a few minutes to pick up the heartbeat, the scent welcoming me from far.

Pushing my legs to run faster I rushed through the forest. Getting higher and higher up in the tree's, jumping from one branch to another. Finally I had my sight set on my prey. It was a mountain lion. Perched on a branch it was watching a small deer, unworthy of my attention. The mountain lion however made my mouth pool with venom.

Silently I climbed up above him, angling myself perfectly before I let myself drop down from the top of the tree. Gripping it as I landed and twisting it's neck in one swift and silent move. It didn't even notice what happened to him. Jumping back to where I had been before, out of sight. I pulled the animal closer to me and sitting on the branch I brought it's neck to my mouth. Sinking my teeth deep down, I imagined it was the man. Purring as the warm liquid pooled into my mouth.

Immediately my body recoiled, alarming me to the fact that this wasn't the mouth watering human blood my body ached for but it was a welcome distraction. As I drank, below me the deer was still completely unaware of it's fragile position.

Grazing slowly in the shadow of the tree. It is like the human, the man who unwillingly tempted me so badly. He has no knowledge that his life could have ended, twice today. First time at the hand of nature, drowned by a wild cascading river. Second time at the hands of a monster. He would have been drained in minutes to fulfil a need, a longing that burned so bright but could never really be satisfied. Thinking about that last knowledge, I find some comfort in today's events. Calming down enough to finally find gratitude for my sisters interference.

Yes, Alice has done the right thing. Because, drinking his blood would not have brought me peace. But knowing I left him alive fills me with a spark that hasn't been there for years. Carefully dropping the forest floor, I stand up tall and walk home at a human pace. The corner of mouth pulling up into something that hasn't come naturally for years, a smile.


	25. Chapter 25

**_Disclaimer:_**

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters_**

* * *

><p><strong>September 2007<strong>

**BPOV**

It had been 1 month now since my disastrous hunt.

And even if the guilt wasn't enough to remember me I had almost slipped up.

The rules had been changed again. No one dared to say it out loud, but neither Alice nor I had gone out hunting alone after that day. Either Carlisle or Esme accompanied us. They would baby-sit us while hunting. And now, they were sending us to High School. Perhaps Carlisle's way of punishing us.

Growling out of frustration I roll over on my side and pull the pillows over my head. Knowing that with the everlasting clouds outside, there is no excuse. Today Alice and myself start at Forks High.

It was the perfect place for a vampire to live.

It had rained almost every day since moving here, even the locals were complaining about the terrible wet summer they suffered this year. And even on the occasional dry day, the clouds would provide us with plenty of cover. Giving us a real chance to go out and be around without stopping traffic and making the 6 o'clock news for being sparkling freaks.

There was plenty of forest, or as we liked to say hunting grounds. Esme had spend days decorating the large house we had picked out and was now busy working her magic on the outdoors.

Carlisle had easily gotten a job at a low key hospital, working miracles. Loved by his colleagues and soon the talk of the town. And that was the slight down side of moving to such a small town.

After 2 weeks he had come home from work. He had gotten a visit by the principle. Asking why his teenage daughters had not yet enrolled into High School.

Alice and myself did look young enough to be in High School, easily passing for 16 year olds. So the question had been logical. But instead of Carlisle explaining, we were home schooled or went to a private boarding school, or even lying and saying we finished High School early and were now attending college at the nearby town.

No, he had instead opted to sit back and smile, promising that very soon his two daughters would join the small student population. And today was our first day in school.

Throwing the pillows and covers from my body, I get up and walk to my closet. Hanging on the outside is a collection of skirts and dresses, all Alice approved. It feels like a dejavu. Each time we start school, my sister will be styled to perfection and attempt for me to join her.

One school I was the grateful sister and played along. Allowing her to indeed dress me each day in clothes that she had hand-picked for me. It had been the most awful year in high school, yet. With my hair styled to perfection and a sexy outfit to wear each day, we soon had drawn too much attention to ourselves. Resulting in some poor boy leaving messages in my locker, following me around school, trying to enroll in each class I had and even stopping by at our house without warning.

Carlisle had a very serious talk with him as I had stayed upstairs, listening to each word. The boy had dramatically explained to Carlisle he loved me. To be honest up to that point, I hadn't even bothered to remember his name. The boy had stood downstairs, crying and screaming at the same time. His own one way love affair breaking his heart and making me feel ashamed.

It was motive enough for me to shove aside the clothes that Alice had selected for me. Instead I ran my hands over the collection of dark jeans. Each one designer but not too flashy, and well worn over the years. Selecting the most faded pair, I smiled to myself knowing the small hole at the knee would drive Alice mad.

It had gotten there when hunting together with Esme, the stains had washed out perfect. Even with all my guard dropped and full vampire senses it smelled like denim. Alice however considered the pair of jeans a mere shadow from their original glory days, and for that reason, deceased.

Smiling I grabbed my favorite hooded sweat shirt from the top shelf. It was a dark blue, slightly fitted with worn down elbows from the amount of times I had worn it. The fabric was so soft after being washed time after time, in a way it had become my security blanket. Laughing hysterical at the thought of a vampire needing something as fragile as a sweatshirt to feel safe, I quickly pulled it over my head and stuck my arms in the sleeves.

It was just as good as I remembered.

The closest feeling I knew to coming home.

Outside, Alice was waiting for me at the car. And just as I expected, she was watching every move I made. Letting out a shriek of disbelieve as I picked up my old sneakers and shoved my feet in them.

Just before I picked up my backpack, my eyes fell on my reflection. In front of me was Bella, the guarded 16 year old that Carlisle forced me to be. A perfected and safe alter ego, ready to go to school. Yet again. Smiling I left my room, only to find Carlisle waiting for me in the hallway. In front of the window, blocking the sunlight, framing his tall lean body as he stood there silently. The tight line of his eyebrows giving away, he was deep in thought.

"Carlisle?" Stepping closer I gently placed my hand on his. "What's wrong?"

His eyes were a liquid gold, fresh from the hunt he had taken Alice on last night.

Slowly his face relaxed, but not all the way. Making me feel uneasy.

Shifting the empty backpack, I pulled the strap tighter around my shoulder.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" His calm words, sounded just like they always had whenever he was concerned about my well-being. "I feel like I forced this on you, without thinking about.."

Stopping mid-sentence he shook his head.

Guilt stabbed me through and through, knowing what he couldn't say.

"I'm ready for this, besides Alice is with me. She'll see if I get tempted to slaughter the entire male population of Forks High School."

His eyes flinched at my harsh words. "That's not what I was thinking about."

Replying as he moved closer, he placed a hand over mine, holding it tight between both his hands. "Try to be yourself today, show them not the vampire or human you try to be. But the truth behind it all. Deep down."

Letting go he smiled one more time, almost like an apology before he walked down the hallway and closed the door. Locking himself in his office and leaving me alone. His words repeating in my mind, the truth behind it all. Carlisle was the only one who had known me as a human. Remembering the girl in the mirror this morning, I shook my head. Trying to clear that image from my mind and focusing on the dim memory of my human years. It didn't work, it was so far down. Another lifetime, buried beneath everything that had happened in the past centuries.

Puzzled by the rest of Carlisle's words, I went downstairs and outside. Waiting for me was Alice. Sitting indian style on the hood of her shiny new car. Bought especially for school. Her eyes were closed and her chin was up in the arm, tilting her head back as the smallest of sunshine touched her skin. Reflecting of her skin, only for the sharpest of eyes to see. To a human she would seem normal, but in my eyes she looked like a little fairy. Her hair spiked around her face and a minimal amount of makeup, only some lip gloss. If she wouldn't be wearing a pair of golden loops through her ears, probably matching the color of her eyes, I would have thought she had been replaced by an evil twin. But her immaculate outfit, told me, she was just trying to humor me and dress casual instead of showing of to the other students on her first day of school.

Amused I waited for her to move. Standing in front of her, throwing a shadow on her body. Without opening her eyes, the corner of her mouth pulled down and her nose wrinkled up. "Really Bella, your oldest sweatshirt, the deceased jeans and a pair of battered sneakers. Are you sure that is the first impression you want to make?"

I giggled, knowing that she already knew that there was no chance she would talk me out of this outfit. Reaching to my wrist, I did have one improvement to offer. Pulling the band from my wrist, I pushed the hair out of my face and back, tying it together in a messy bun that rested in the nape of my neck. "Better?"

Getting in the car, I looked to my sister who just rolled her eyes as she got behind the wheel. "Hardly."

The car rumbled to life and she pushed down her foot, full throttle. Immediately the sleek little car jumped forward with an impressive speed, pressing my back in the seat.

"Alice." Trying not to yell at her, when there really could be no harm done. "What car is this and why did Carlisle allow you to buy it!"

My sister just threw her head back and laughed. Taking a sharp turn on the main road and slowing down to a reasonable human speed as she expertly drove us down the winding road into town.

"It's just an Audi R8, nothing fancy." The name Audi, I knew. Adding the title R8 to it, only made me wish I had paid more attention to Alice and her rambling about cars. As we entered town limits, Alice slowed down more. She seemed to be unaware of several people stopping on the sidewalk and staring at us or the car, or both.

"Will we be able, to park this not fancy car, in the school parking lot without attracting too much attention?" Emphasizing the word not fancy with as much sarcasm as possible.

"We'll see" Pulling into the said parking lot, she smoothly parked the car in a spot right at the front. Making me growl as she hopped out of the car. Parking a brand new sports car, in a High School parking lot, right at the front... that would surely draw attention. Getting out of the car also, I already heard several students whisper about us.

"Alice."

Growling my sisters name under my breath, I followed her towards a small building that most likely would also hold the administration office. Alice just lifted her hand over her shoulder as she continued walking and pressed the remote control, locking the car as it produced a beeping sound and flashed it's headlights. Freaking awesome, was the remark a boy exclaimed standing close to our car. Oh yeah, freaking awesome.

Pulling the hood of my sweatshirt up over my head, I tried to ignore everyone and decided that next weekend, I was buying myself a car. Something sensible yet save, with enough power to satisfy my needs but not sleek and shiny enough to stand out.

" A Volvo." Alice whispered over her shoulder with a frown on her face. "You're thinking about buying a Volvo. "What is wrong with my car?" Stopping she turned and placed her hands on her hips, lifting her chin up in the air as if she was defending her most prized possession. Come to think of it, the Audi might be her most prized possession at the moment.

"You're car attracts too much attention, I feel uncomfortable with everyone staring at us like that." Stepping closer to her, I spoke fast. Alice just rolled her eyes. "Staring at us like what?" Looking around, she waved her hands in the air.

True enough, there were now only 3 people staring at us.

"Most of the guys, have fallen in love with the car and are now still standing around it. Taking turns in guessing how much it costs, how fast it can go and most important whom it belongs to. It is taking the attention away from us."

Smiling wide, she stepped closer and gave me a quick hug. Her body pressing against mine for a second as she whispered in my ear. " It will be alright."

When she let go, she straitened her no frills blouse and grabbed a little silk scarf from her handbag, wrapped it around her neck and winked at me.

"Let's go find out what the dear principal is like."

Skipping ahead of me, she went straight to the admissions office. When we entered, a large round woman with bright red hair piled on top of her head got up. Already standing at the desk was a tiny man with a suit on. Even I could see it was a model, that had probably been in his wardrobe since he left high school in the 70's. Perched on his nose were a pair of glasses that matched his outfit and his eyes immediately settled on us.

" The Cullen girls." Clapping in her hands, the plump red lady stepped round the desk with two sets of folders. "It's so nice to welcome you to our school." Shoving a folder in both of our hands, she looked like she was ready to hug us both.

Luckily mister 70's intervened. "That will be all, thank you Bertha."

Red lady looked disappointed for a moment, but took a step back and returned to her spot behind the desk. "You girls have fun today."

Giving both of us a motherly smile, I forced myself to smile back.

Alice was now shaking hands with mister 70's and introducing us both, to what turned out to be our principal. I just stood there, quietly. Nodding and smiling whenever needed, until finally our new principal seemed satisfied and like red lady, wished us a pleasant day.

Standing outside seconds later, I stared down at the folder in my hands and then to Alice, who like me was staring at her folder. When I opened it, not only was my schedule in it, but also a map that had several building highlighted.

Next to me, my sister started a soft bubbly giggle. Biting my lip I attempted to ignore the laughter I felt rise up inside of me, but failed miserably. The bright pink highlighted student cafeteria and multicolour suggested walking routes to each of our classes were carefully hand drawn on the map attached to the inside of my folder was simply too much. Soon both of us were laughing.

"Did you know?"

Following the trail of the green dotted road on the map, showing us towards our first class. Alice was next to me, snorting at my remark. Clasping her hand over her mouth at the very un-lady and therefore extremely uncharacteristic exclamation.

"I'll take that as a yes." Flipping ahead in our schedule, I found that tomorrow would be a blue day. All new classes were highlighted with a bright blue marker and sure enough. On the map there was a matching blue trail set out for us.

Slamming the folder shut, I stuffed it in my backpack. "Should we color coordinate and wear a blue outfit tomorrow." Joking I opened the door to our first class but the sparkle in Alice her eyes, warned me….she liked the idea and had already started planning.

Quickly I made it to the back of the classroom, sitting in the far corner at the window. Leaving Alice to dazzle the teacher with her bubbly personality. It was the way we presented ourselves at each school. The way I liked it, me in the background outshined by my sister. Who loved the attention and could handle the pressure.

Slouching deeper in my seat I grabbed the pen and notebook, laying them in front of me to keep up the charade. Hoping that this school and the teachers, were like any other school. Leaving the quiet student, that caused no trouble... alone.

At the end of the first day, I started to feel this school was in fact a twilight zone. So far each class, Alice had introduced us. And so far each class, I had attempted to sit in the back of the class, wishing to be left alone. But sadly, each teacher had found it necessary to ask me to stand up and introduce myself to the entire class. By now I was sure they all knew who I was.

It was for this reason I braced myself when entering the last class. Not only was it the only class, Alice and I did not share together. It also was a class that without a doubt would force me to pair up with another student. As I entered the lab, a friendly looking man stood at the whiteboard. " Welcome, Isabella. Please take a seat, I'm sure your fellow students know your name by know, and I have a piece of paper telling me who you are. No need for uncomfortable introductions."

Handing me a list and pointing me to an empty table halfway down the classroom. I quickly made it to the spot he had given me. Relieved to find, at least one teacher wasn't on a mission to put me in the spotlight. As I sat down, I stared down at the paper and read the books suggested to complete some of the assignments. Most were books that Carlisle would have at home, but one wasn't on the list. Resting my finger on the title, I stared outside, debating if I would do the human thing and borrow it at the school library or simply buy it online and have it delivered home.

"You can get that one at the library." Leaning over my shoulder, a girl with dark hair whispered. She sat down next to me and extended her hand towards me. "I'm Jessica."

Looking at her hand, then her face, and back to her hand. I slowly saw it fall down into her lap. "You're Isabella, right. And Alice, the tiny fashionable girl, is your sister." It sounded like she was summing up the things she already knew rather than asking about them. "We were wondering, could you give her this invitation. It has my phone number on it, as well as Tanya's phone number. We think your sister would want to hang out with us." Leaning back, she obviously felt sure her offer was of such extraordinary honor, that it would not be considered weird. I suppressed a bubble of hysterical laughter that threatened to explode inside of me.

This girl, and her friends were crazy. As I stared back at Jessica, she pointed to a blond girl at the back of the classroom. The girl waved back and I couldn't help but gasp. Feeling the little card slip out of my fingers. The polite decline I had been planning to give on behalf of my sister, suddenly was stuck as I could feel my mind lock down.

It wasn't the rude question that caused me to choke, but instead the girl sitting in the back of the class, carefully painting her fingernails. That girl made me reach out and grip the table tight for support. Her eyes were a similar pale grey and her hair the same perfect strawberry blond.

As she looked up and caught me staring, for a moment I expected her to draw a knife. Just like she had that evening many years ago. The same hostility was there.

"No. I'm sorry…you and your friend aren't welcome. "

Getting up, I pushed the chair back causing it to fall backwards and on the floor. The loud sound of thick plastic bouncing of the floor made the other students look up and our teacher pause on his lecture.

"Not feeling ok." Was all I managed to stutter as I grabbed my bag and took one last look at the girl in the back. Lowering my shield, I carefully smelled the room. Immediately the burning in my throat presented itself, smoothed down by relief as all I could smell was human.

"I'm excused."

Brushing past the teacher, I merely told him. Throwing him a desperate glance as I spoke. He just nodded with disbelieve in his eyes. Taking the nod for a final confirmation, I left the classroom. Walking fast as I went down the hallway.

It was only when I reached the end, of the hallway and the end of the group of buildings I stopped. Throwing my bag on the ground at the corner and sitting down with my back against the wall.

"She's not real."

Resting my head on my knees, I took a deep breath to steady the nerves that were racing through my body. Doubles weren't uncommon, after being around for centuries, it was bound to happen.

"She's not her."

Closing my eyes, I reached out for my bag to find my phone. Instead my hand bumped into something.. or someone. And as I opened my eyes and looked up. My eyes find a bright blue set of compassionate eyes staring down at me.

* * *

><p>AN  
>Some background to why this story is taking forever to be finished. One of my best friends and also coworkers introduced me to FanFiction. She was funny, smart and had the most vivid imagination. Together we could brainstorm and get completely lost. When she got very sick I had just started this story and she loved guessing what would happen. I didn't finish the story in time for her. Instead I visited her in the hospital for a month reading to her when she could no longer hold a book, her favorite the Twilight Saga ;-) It has taken me a long time to work through the feeling that sharing the end with everyone but her is ok. But i'm there now!<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

**_Disclaimer:_**

**_Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters_**

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"Mind if I join you? I could use a break myself." Smiling lazily, he points at the spot next to me, currently occupied by my schoolbag. I stare ahead and shrug. "It's a free country."

He stands and waits for me to move my things. I don't. Instead I turn my head and close my eyes. Hoping he will understand, I'd rather sit alone.

For a moment it is silent. Then the silent shuffle of his feet, a few steps sideways and the rustle of his clothes tell me, he doesn't understand. As he sits down, around the corner, I glance sideways to see a pair of long legs stretch out in the hallway.

Leaning back, I prepare to grab my things and leave to find another secluded spot, or perhaps just leave the school all together. Running home won't take me that long, and Alice will see anyway. Most likely stopping me, claiming I can't run away from school on my first day. She's right and so I sit back, my eyes closed... waiting for the interruption, thinking about how I can cut the conversation short. But everything stays quiet, except for the soft murmur in the background of teachers and students. There is no talking. He is not talking.

"Are you ignoring me?" Speaking softly, I lean forward to peek around the corner. Blue eyes does the same, his eyes showing a tiny hint of amusement as our eyes meet. " No."

I lean back again, resting my head against the wall.

"Are you?" His voice is closer, and I can see him leaning forward again. Resting his weight on one hand so he can peek around the corner this time.

"No."

His lips curl in a smile, small and gentle. "Good."

"So." we start at the same time, and that's enough. Somehow it makes me giggle, knowing that this is probably the most awkward yet at the same time, most uncomplicated conversation I have ever had with a human.

"You first." Still leaning on his hand, he nods at me. I nod back. "Thanks."

Grabbing my bag, I point at the spot next to me. "Since we aren't ignoring each other. Let's start over. Would you like to join me?"

He eyes the now empty spot, then he smiles again. Disappearing for a moment around the corner as he gets to his feet. As he does, I think about his smile. It's friendly, like the way Emmet could smile at me.

"Why so sad?" As Blue eyes sits down next to me, he carefully studies my face. Telling me, the memory of Emmet and ache I feel in my heart from missing him, is reflected on my face. "You're first day at school, can't be that bad." Nudging me in the shoulder, he smiles at me.

Stunned by the initiation to touch me and his response, I shake my head and find a smile to share with him. "I was thinking of my brother, he's not living with us right now. I miss him. And believe me, the first day of school could be that bad."

With as little force as possible, I push back. My shoulder meeting his. Biting my lip nervously, hoping I don't hurt him.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Is he away at college?"

The question is a simple yes or no.. .no strings attached type of question.

"No. He got angry at me and left." Aching as I confess to this stranger, I've grown estranged from my own brother.

Blue eyes nods again. "That must be difficult, I gather the two of you were close?"

How much should I tell him? Thinking about it for a moment, I feel the word on the tip of my tongue. For the first time in almost 2 decades being asked this question, it wants to be answered. So I open my mouth and hastily rush out the single syllable word. "Yes."

"In that case, I'm sure he'll find his way back home to his sister. "

The way he emphasizes the way home and sister, make my heart ache again. Wishing that like this stranger sitting next to me, I could have the same fate. For Emmet to show up at our door, scooping me up in his giant arms and roughing up Alice her spiky hair as she joins us in his welcome. Laughing his giants laugh once more.

"You sound sure?" Hopeful, I turn my face to meet his. Staring into his eyes and watching them fall, shadowed by a memory of his own this time.

"Yes, let's just say. I have some experience on the subject."

"And in your experience, it all worked out?"

Blue eyes leans back again. Looking away from me.

"Not yet... but I'm sure it will soon. The first steps have been made."

"Glad to hear that."

Silence stretches out between us again. A calming sadness lingering between us as both of us stare at the clock.

"Classes finish in 5 minutes, you better get going."

Blue eyes, get's up. Picking up my schoolbag for me and reaching out his hand for me. The calm silence still in his eyes as he looks down on me. I hesitate for a moment, knowing that I can stand up by myself easily. Afraid to let him touch me, feeling the need to hide the cold of my skin. My abnormality a secret, I'm not willing to share.

But he waits for me, arm stretched out.. hand open. And without hesitating, I place my hand in his. He closes his fingers around my hand and grips it tight as he pulls me to my feet, not flinching at the cold or showing any discomfort in touching me. When I'm on my feet, I find he is actually not as tall as i'd anticipated.

"Jasper" Shaking my hand, he still holds in his hand. He introduces himself. The name fits him, slightly old fashioned and uncomplicated.

"Bella Swan." My name rolls of my lips with ease. My real name, the one I was born into and given by my parents Not Isabella Swan the name that is part of my current facade, currently printed on my ID in bold letters. No I want to give him my own name.

His eyebrow raises for a moment, then his face relaxes and he releases my hand from his embrace. Handing me my schoolbag back.

"It was nice meeting you Miss Bella Swan." Drawling out the my name, he reminds me of days long gone. "I'm sure, I'll see you around."

Turning around he starts walking down the hallway as the school bell rings. Doors open and the hallway is flooded with students, rushing to their lockers, happy that another school day has finished.

Within seconds I feel her presence next to me. "Did you make a friend?"

Her eyes sparkle as she links her arm through mine. "He looked absolutely gorgeous." Sighing as she leans her head on my shoulder. I giggle again. Wondering what is wrong with me, feeling so happy for the first time in a long time.

"Gorgeous? Alice, you spied on our conversation?" Trying to sound offended, I pull her along with me. "I got some flashes but was distracted by his eyes."

Sighing again, she stops and turns me around.

"Was he really that comfortable around you, he didn't notice that we.. you are different?" Her eyes big and anxious, framed by a tense frown on her forehead as she stands in front of me, waiting for an answer.

"Oh my god, Alice. You like him? You honestly like Jasper." Laughing out loud, I see my sister drop her guard and look away from me. Then she looks back and I'm happy to find a sparkle in her eyes. "Maybe."

"Didn't you see him coming?" Stunned I watch my sister take a step back. Her tiny frame buzzing with excitement as we talk about my new friend, who obviously in no way, is meant to be my friend.

"I have been busy lately, trying to look for E..for Emmet." Her explanation seems thin but we reach the car. Having taken our time, it is now surrounded with a group of hormonal boys, taking turns at taking pictures with it. Posing like they own the car, touching it and leaning against it. Next to me, Alice starts walking faster... and I stop. Already knowing what will happen. No one touches Alice her things, without her permission.

Marching right up to the group, waving at them with one hand and her other placed on her hip. She stops next to the guy who is taking pictures. "Would you mind taking a picture of me with that car also?"

As she bats her eyes and pouts her lips at him, giving him her most adorable look. My sister, looks to him and back to our car.

The guy, a good 2 feet taller than her, blinks. Some of the other guys whistle and try to draw her attention, while another few start to hoot. Cheering on their friend who is still star struck with Alice her radiant smile.

"Ehm.. sure. But it's not really a girls car. A car like this is build for men, not pretty little girls like you." Wiggling his eyebrows at her, he steps closer and lowers his camera. "But I guess since the owner isn't here yet, you can get a picture also."

"Great." Opening her handbag she starts digging round, taking her time.

The guys start to laugh and joke about how girls always reapply their make up when taking pictures. Betting what it is she is looking for.

Alice just smiles, slowly pulling her hand from her bag.

I know what it is, easily seeing with clarity the key chain dangling from her hand. Knowing in her hand, she is hiding the car key.

"Where should I stand?" Standing next to the door, she looks over her shoulder, already posing. "How about I just sit in the car." Unlocking the car with a single press on the button, she opens the door and get's in. Draping her hands on the steering wheel and leaning back in the custom made seat.

The laughter stops and the tall guy with the camera turns pale as he realizes, the tiny girl in front of him, actually owns the car he just told her is a car build for men.

"Next time I get out of class. I don't want to see any of you near my custom made car." Targeting the group, she all but growls at them as her eyes show pure hostility. "Got it."

One by one, the group splits up. Each of them walking to their own cars, rushing to get away. As they do, I can feel a presence coming up from behind me. His scent familiar and the sound of his footsteps not a warning or reason to feel threatened. Stopping next to me Jasper, stares straight ahead at the car.

"Wow." Is all he says. Rolling my eyes, I punch him in the shoulder. "I know the car is great, that is why my sister just scared away half of the male high school population."

"Not the car, the girl in it. Wait is she your sister?" Staring at me with disbelieve, Jaspers eyes widen and his mouth drops open.

A plan forms in my mind. Staring from him, to Alice and back again. Remembering how she had sighed at seeing the images of me talking to him in the hallway.

"Yes, would you like me to introduce you to her?" Knowing Alice would hear and without a doubt want to meet him. I grab his hand. Starting to lead him to our car. Several things happen at the same time.

Jasper follows me, dazed as he continues to stare at Alice sitting in the car. Alice looks up and instead of seeing the excited sparkle in her eyes that had been there earlier today when we talked about Jasper. Fear, hurt, apology and longing all shine from them at once. The gold shifting from light to dark and back again, in a way I have never seen before. As my feet move, still holding on to Jaspers hand. I hear the car start, reverse out of it's spot and watch it disappear.

"Alice."

Shouting after her angrily, I let go of Jasper and jump forward. Ready to rush forward and catch up and stop the car, but I remember just in time that I am surrounded by humans.

"Well..." Jasper paused, shifting his weight and looking round with a sour look on his face. "That was the weirdest, almost introduction I think I ever experienced before. Thanks for trying, perhaps I'll see you both in school sometime this week." The disappointment in his voice is carefully concealed. The silent buzzing in his pocket, makes both of us look down.

"You should probably get that." Suddenly eager to find a way out of this awkward conversation. I take a step back and give him a small wave as I walk away. Hoping that Alice at least has the clarity to send Carlisle to come collect me. Glancing over my shoulder one more time, I can see Jasper walk away. His shoulders are hunched as he digs in his pocket, retrieving the cellphone and flipping it open. "Yes this is him speaking, please put my brother on the phone."

The rest of the conversation is lost as in the far distance I can hear the Audi being revved, Alice. Rushing forward, following the sound. I catch up and find the car in an empty parking lot, in front of a nursery.

My sister is still in the front, her legs pulled up on the seat, arms wrapped securely around her knees. "Alice." Sliding in the front, next to her. I call out her name and see her stare back at me with big sad eyes.

Her breathing hitches as she struggles for words, then her arms lock around my neck and she sobs silently. "I was so scared, I didn't know it would be like this. Not so fast, not now, not today. Bella.. I messed up everything, I'm so sorry."

Holding her arms, I carefully untangle her from the firm grip on my neck and hold her at arms length. "You did see Jasper?"

Her eyes move and no sound comes out. "Alice, get a grip. I'm not a psychic like you." Trying the last thing I know, I try and reach out.. feeling how my shield stretches out and wraps around us both.

For a moment Alice blinks, then she relaxes and stares at me with disbelief in her eyes.

"Is it bothering you?" Holding on to the tight grip I have on my shield, I wrap it around both of us even tighter carefully stripping myself and Alice of as much as possible until I can see her the gold in her eyes fade away.

"No, it's kind of nice. Thank you." Sitting still she stares at me, before me I can see the panic flood from her eyes until they are back to the dim gold that they had been before going to school this morning.

"Alice, what happened in the parking lot? I thought you would be excited about meeting Jasper."

"I was. But knowing he would see me, and I would see him.. touch him and fall in love with him. It scared me so much, I could see myself loose control and scaring him.. or worse hurting him. I could never do that." Again the panic is back, this time at least not multiplied by a multitude of visions rushing through her head.

"You're right Alice. You would never do that." Hugging her tight, I place a kiss on her forehead. "If he is the one for you, you can not run away. Allow yourself to love him."

Alice nods, her spiky hair tickling underneath my chin. "You're right."

Relieved I let go of her and lean back in my seat. She smiles back, a sudden mischief in her eyes as her lips curl up in a smile. Reaching out her hand, she offers me her pinky. "I will if you will."

The words stumble through my brain, reminding me of the love I had so long ago. And the never-ending hope my sister has that some day, I will find love again. Reaching out, I link my our littlest fingers together and watch Alice her lips curl up even further until they are a radiant smile.

"Deal."

Letting go, she looks at me one more time before starting the car, finally driving us home. As I lean my head against the headrest, I sigh and close my eyes. I can feel deep down something has shifted today and whatever it is, it makes me feel hope.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all it's characters**_

* * *

><p>JPOV<p>

Collecting my things in the office, I thought about the conversation I had with Bella Swan. She was obviously a new student. I'd never seen her around school before. Reaching for the memo's on the corner of my desk, I checked the list of new students in the English and History classes I substituted for. The girl seemed to be the right age to attend either of the classes. But as I went through the list, I found that at the moment. No Bella Swan was on it, strange.

Putting the list back, I decided to check first thing tomorrow who this silent and mysterious girl was. She wasn't like the regular students that attended Forks High School. There was something off... something I couldn't put together in words. Instead some tiny part in the back of my mind, and the vibes I felt rush through my body warned me to be on edge. But at the same time, there was something else that intrigued me about the girl. Almost drawing me to her. Perhaps I could find out more about her tomorrow. Grabbing my last things, I locked up the small office I shared.

Ready to go home, when the whistling and howling of a group of boys caught my attention. I walked over the parking lot to where all the action was coming from, only to see Bella standing there also. Staring at a group in front of her. All the guys were standing around the shiny Audi I had seen earlier when arriving at work. I had admired it, the little boy inside of me rejoicing as I had awkwardly run my hands over the hood.

But now as I stood next to Bella, it wasn't the car or the group men surrounding it that called for my attention. Instead my eyes glued onto the little figure telling them of. Fierce as she spoke to them, her eyes showing the most impressive scowl I had ever seen in my life.

All I could see was her face, crowned by dark spiky hair that bounced at every move she made. The fire in her voice, mirrored in her eyes but her face a perfect pale complexion, showing she was completely in control of her emotions... and the group of boys. All that registered in a split second, that and the flowing scarf, loosely wrapped around her neck.

As I stopped next to Bella my hands ached to feel how soft the delicate skin of her neck would be as I would gently slip the scarf from her neck. Kissing down at the spot currently hidden. It was the most intense desire I had ever felt. "Wow."

Embarrassed to let out my own surprise at feeling such things and allowing myself to get caught ogling a student by a student. I stare ahead, trying not to show my eyes to the inquisitive girl I had met earlier today or look at the girl in the car. It works for a few second, then a not so soft punch to the shoulder makes me almost fall over. Catching my balance, I stand up straight and look sideways.

Just in time to see Bella roll her eyes at me as she raises an eyebrow and nods at the car. "I know the car is great, that is why my sister just scared away half of the male high school population."

"Not the car, the girl in it. Wait is she your sister?" Staring at the girl next to me with disbelieve, I can't hide my surprise or stop my mouth from falling open.

Before me, I see Bella's eyes widen also as she stares at me, then at the car, and back to me again. Obviously as surprised as I am, then she visibly starts plotting a plan. Her pretty face, pulled in a frown as she bites her lip for a second.

"Yes, would you like me to introduce you to her?" Without further warning, or bothering to wait for me to answer her question. She grabs my hand in a tight grip. Starting to lead me to her sister who is still sitting in her car. I feel nervous, wondering if the shirt I'm wearing is young enough. Mentally I slap myself. Wrong Jasper.

You should not even want to bother about looking younger, you should stop her now and not allow this girl to introduce you to her sister. Her sister who is the most attractive and heavenly creature you have ever set eyes on.

Struggling to pull my hand free, I notice the strength in her grasp.

Then suddenly the car moves, my hand is free and Bella jumps forward a few steps so fast.. I hardly noticed her moving. "Alice." Shouting after her sister, the beauty of her voice echoes over the parking lot.

Relief floods through my body, saved by some miracle.

Or perhaps the girl that is the object of your sudden infatuation.

"Well..." Shifting my weight, I stand in the parking lot. Looking around to see, at least no one else is paying attention to us. "That was the weirdest, almost introduction I think I ever experienced before. Thanks for trying, perhaps I'll see you both in school sometime this week."

My voice sounds disappointed, and I feel angry for feeling just that instead of the relief I felt only seconds ago. Then I feel the buzzing in my pocket, looking down at the same time as Bella. I feel like my brother has just saved me from something even more awkward.

"You should probably get that." Walking backwards, she gives me a small wave before turning round. Leaving me without any more words said.

I turn around and start walking back to where my car is parked, reaching deep down in my pocket and retrieving the cell phone. Flipping it open, I can see it is the hospital.

On the other end of the line, a woman asks for my name and if I will take a collect call from my brother. "Yes, this is him speaking and please put my brother on the phone."

The beeping on the other end, let's me know the call is transferred and sure enough a few seconds later the familiar voice belonging to my brother is on the other end. "Hi Jasper, it's me."

For a moment the silence stretches out between us.

"How is Forks?" His voice is still kind of rough from drowning a few weeks back, or perhaps I missed it and this is the way he has sounded for a while. Simply changing as he grew up, without me in the past years.

"It's like I never left, except this time I'm not the student." Laughing at my lame joke, I open the car door and get in. Sitting down in the worn down seat of my old car. "How is the hospital?"

Edward pauses on the other side of the line. "They want to let me go, discharge me. But dad isn't here to sign for me. And so I was.. well I thought.." He doesn't finish the sentence, his voice thick with emotions. And my heart breaks for him.

I was older, I could handle myself. But my brother has been left behind at an age too young.

"I'm pulling out of the parking lot now. Hang in there, brother, I'll come and get you." Holding my voice together, as my heart swells up. The nervous chuckle at the end of the line makes me smile with hope.

"Thanks." His voice cracks again, then the line disconnects, Edward has hung op on me. Throwing my phone on the dashboard, I check the little clock. It says 16:06. Sighing I push down my foot and hit the gas pedal, accelerating to a speed well over the allowed limit in this little town. Wishing to finish the three and a halve hour drive, as fast as possible.

When I do finally pull into the parking lot of the Northwest hospital and medical center it is dark. I've made it in good time, but visitor hours are over. Leaving plenty of room at the front for me to park. Parking in the first spot available, I head to the entrance. Hoping I'm not too late to pick up Edward.

As soon as I get directions to the floor he has been staying on for the past 6 weeks, I rush up the stairs. Turning around the corner, I am met with the sight of my brother sitting on a bench. Already dressed, his feet still bare. Holding on to the edge with both hands as he leans forward looking at the ground.

For a moment I'm speechless as I stare at him. Staring and seeing how his shirt is loose, showing he has either lost weight while staying here for the past weeks or isn't wearing his own clothes. His hair, wild and sticking out in odd angles. His entire body language radiates defeat.

Looking up, sensing he his being watched, Edward's eyes meet mine. Dark rings around them, accentuated by the pale tone of his skin make me feel even more guilty for waiting so long to come and see him. I'm relieved to at least find a sparkle in the deep green greeting me.

"Jasper."

Getting to his feet, he makes it over with impressive speed for someone who has just had an operation and 6 weeks of intense physical therapy. Crushing me into a tight hug, I feel how he is almost as tall as me now. Something I hadn't noticed the last time I held him.

"Thank you, thank you so much for coming to get me, I have no where else to go." Whispering in my neck, he holds on to me tight. "The doctor won't discharge me without adult supervision."

The dark spot in the pit of my stomach, pulls tight together as the truth behind his words hit me. An adult only needs other adult supervision, if the treating physician feels there is a risk discharging him or her.

When Edward finally let's go, I look him in the eyes. Connecting in the same way, we had almost 7 weeks a go now. The morning after he first woke up in the hospital. It now makes me wish that I hadn't let my dad take him to Seattle to get operated and allow him to be locked up in a medical center, alone and treated like he was a child. My brother isn't a child anymore.

"Just let me sign the papers and then we are free to go."

Leaving him alone I go to find the nurse in charge of his floor. She smiles when she sees me, collecting some papers already waiting at the edge of her desk. Obviously, I'm expected.

"You're father couldn't be reached this last few weeks. Have you had a chance discussing taking your brother home with him?" The questions is probably meant to be a precaution, but instead it just makes my skin crawl more.

"No." Trying to sound neutral, I lean over the desk and take the papers from her hands. "Should he have?" Flipping through the papers, they are just some simple statements. Signing them, I hand them back to her and watch her pick up a card.

Her face slightly flushed as she hands it to me.

" Taking your brother home is a big responsibility. One that should not be taken lightly. Especially with his current state of.. well ehm...things can get difficult." Struggling to continue speaking, she looks away.

Her silence and obvious struggle make me feel slightly uncomfortable. Remembering the way my brother cried in my arms, showing remorse over what had happened. I had felt sure, he was able to make a fresh start of provided the right environment and support. Now, I doubted myself for a moment.

" I am qualified to work with children his age." Hoping my choice of words emphasizes I'm an adult. She doesn't look up but stops reaching for her coffee, confirming to me that she is listening to my words.

" Besides that, I am also his closest family member and can offer him a safe environment while he continues to grow stronger. And will do my best to support him through all, watch over him and show him how much he is loved in this world. That is all I can do." Sticking the card in my wallet, I give her a weak smile. She looks up at me, just in time to show her eyes are wet with tears.

"That sounds like the best thing he could wish for right now. Good luck." Grabbing my hand, she shakes it timidly then picks up a paper bag. "These are his medication, they are labelled with instructions. Perhaps you can call his doctor in the morning, he can explain things to you." Without further warning, she let's go and returns to her other paperwork. Leaving me to return to Edward.

When I do, he is still standing. This time with his back to me, staring outside in the dark night. Pointing at his feet, I can't help but mock him. "No shoes?"

Slowly he turns around, his eyes vacant as he stares down also, brows pulled in a frown as he wiggles his toes. "No shoes."

The hollow repetition of my own question gives me chills.

"Let's go home, I parked at the entrance so you should be able to make it to the car without too much trouble."

Picking up a small bag with some of his things, I push the brown paper bag in with the rest of the few belongings my father has brought him. Swinging it over one shoulder, I point towards the exit. "Let's go."

Edward looks at me, holding his bag and then sighs. Following me without a word as I start walking towards the elevator, opting to take the easy route this time. As he pushes the button for us, leaning against the wall, I look at him. He looks at me in return, almost like he is reading me.

As he does, the comfortable silence reminds me of this afternoon. Perhaps that was why I felt comfortable around Bella, she has some of the same quality as Edward. The ability to know what you are thinking, without you even saying it out loud.

When the doors open, I press the button for the ground floor and we both get in. Standing shoulder to shoulder with my younger brother. Edward turns to me, taking a deep breath before talking. "I don't want to go to the house and pick up any of my things, do you think I can borrow some of your things and buy what else I need in Forks?"

His eyes plead for me to say yes, so I just nod. Seeing immediate relief in them.

"Is there anything in particular you need, some larger shops might still be open now. We could buy them on the way home?" Remembering that my own wardrobe is pretty scarce at best.

Edward looked at his feet again and wiggled his toes again. "Sure."

The humor in his voice made me relax, knowing a part of him had returned just as fast as it had disappeared earlier this evening. Making a mental note, I followed Edward outside. My car, the one I had bought when graduating was in the front row and easily to spot. As I ran to open the door for my brother who in return manages to get to my car without even wincing, as if walking on bare feet outside is a daily event. The slight down poor of rain, makes me wish I had brought my coat.

Opening the door, Edward leans over the roof, placing one arm on the door and the other on the roof. "First store that is open?"

Nodding I jump in, waiting for Edward to sit down. "First store it is." Slamming the door closed he gets in and smile. Happy he agrees, I drive away, looking at the medical center in my rearview mirror. Hoping that neither of us ever have to return there.

As it turned out, the first store that was still open, happened to be a Target. Edward frowned, unable to hide his disappointment. But we agreed to stopping at the first store that was open, and Target was it. If he wanted his designer clothes, he shouldn't have insisted on not going home to pick up his things.

After an hour or so, my brother had managed to find some basic t-shirts, jeans, underwear and socks. I added a few hooded sweatshirts, navy blue and a pair of matching dark blue sneakers. As he looked down at the sneakers, tilting his head, I laugh at him. "Come on, you need something on your feet. Sneakers are always comfortable. Besides, at my school all the kids wear them."

For a moment I can see him tense up and immediately I step back, taking the sneakers out of the cart. "Leave them."

His voice is cold, authoritative. Unlike anything I had ever heard him sound.

For a moment he closes his eyes, pinching his nose between his thumb and index finger while taking a very deep breath. Then he opens his eyes again and takes a deep breath. "Sorry Jasper. Please, leave them with the rest of the things. I think they would be very comfortable and the color is a nice blue."

Lowering the sneakers back in the cart, I can see the guilt on his face at snapping at me. It is enough to make me let go what happened, hoping it is a isolated event.

" You just caught me off guard at mentioning school. That's all."

Right. Stupid me. Hadn't thought of that myself. Trying to find a way to smooth over the situation I look around. At the far end, the music section looks as good as any place to make a peace offering.

Pushing the cart in that direction, I'm relieved to find Edward following me. "Would you like to buy something else, perhaps a few of your favorite cd's?"

Feeling like offering a bribe, I pick up the nearest CD and hold it up in the air. Waving it around with a cheesy smile as I wiggled my eyebrows.

It's enough to break the ice again and for a more minutes we spend going through row after row until finally Edward has a selection of some of his favorites. At the last moment throwing in an eighties rock music collection box.

When he see's me looking at it, the corner of his mouth crawling up in a croaked smile. "Something I've come to appreciate while trying to learn myself how to play the guitar."

"Guitar?" Pushing the cart to the check out, I wondered what else I don't know about my brother.

"Yeah sure, it's nice to try my hand at other things. Besides I have had plenty of time on my hands the last year." Referring to the fact that he hasn't been in school, not even finishing High School like our father wanted. Edward starts to unload his things. "But that will change won't it?"

Searching eyes meet mine as he waits for confirmation.

"Perhaps. If you want to, I can put in a good word for you and get you back in." Throwing a couple of bags I got out my wallet and groaned at the amount already showing on the cash register, and not even a third of the things we had picked out had been added to the total.

Edward however surprised me, pushing my hands down and shaking his head the sight of my wallet. " I can pay for my own things."

Retrieving his own wallet from the back pocket of his jeans, he gets out a few hundreds and waits for the lady behind the cash register to finish adding up the total amount. When she does, he hands her the money with a lazy smile. Collecting the bags and immediately starts to walk back to the car. Leaving the poor woman behind with a shocked look on her face and a handful of change. After receiving his change from the stunned woman, I follow him. He is already there, leaning against the side of the car.

"Edward where did you get that money?" Handing him his change, he stuffs it in his pocket with a shrug. "You won't tell me?"

Opening the trunk, we throw all the bags in the back and get in the car. I start the car, waiting for him to answer but instead he just leaned back in the seat.

"Is it legit?"

Finding the teacher in me rise to the occasion, I stare him down. Waiting for him to answer as I take the exit out of the parking lot. Trying to divide my attention between my obstinate brother and the main road.

Very slowly he turns his face to mine. His face tense, jaw clenched shut.

Staring at me, I don't flinch. Knowing this game, a game he had played for many years as a teenager.

Finally he opened his mouth. "Dad gave me the money, saying the rest of what he owes me is in the bank."

"When was this?" Puzzled by this new piece of information, knowing our father had been cold towards both of us. Especially towards Edward, since our mother had died.

"5 weeks ago, he came in. We argued. He left angry, throwing this money on my bed and telling me he would transfer the rest into my bank account." His shoulders slump and for a moment he looked like that gangly teenager I remembered leaving behind when going to college. "Jasper, he never wants to see me again."

The thick sounds of his voice make me grip the steering wheel tighter. Hearing the pain on the phone was one thing, seeing my brother so distraught sitting next to me, is another. It feels like my heart is breaking, together with his.

Not knowing what to say, I continue to drive. Focussing on the road ahead, instead of turning around and drive back to my old home... or perhaps better said my father's house. Next to me Edward is silent also for a while.

When we get closer to Forks, it starts to rain. As if for some reason our return is greeted with a frown instead of warm welcome.

"Please promise me, whatever happens Jasper. You will always stay my brother?"

I take my eyes from the road for a moment and look into the green pools, they are red rimmed, showing he has been silently crying while I concentrated on driving home. Behind the obvious proof of his pain, his eyes shine dark with desperation for confirmation. Knowing that, no matter how weird the conversation has been between us this evening. This is important, Edward is serious.

"Yes Edward." Seeing the relief in his face, I smile and quickly return my eyes to the road again. "No matter what happens, I will always be your brother. Forever and always."

All he does is sigh in response and becomes very silent as my car swiftly eats away the last miles of asphalt, growling with satisfaction as for the second time today I break the speed limits. From the corner of my eyes, I watch Edward.

At first he just watches the road, a relaxed smile on his face. But after 15 more minutes, I can see him lean back and close his eyes. Quickly falling into what seemed a deep sleep, for the first time in many days.

Just before he does, one word slips from his words. Filling me with a swirl of emotions that I can barely control. Rolling to his side, facing me he repeats it again. This time I reach out and place a hand over his, offering him my hand as I too say the word out loud.

"Brother"

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><p>To all new readers, welcome!<p> 


	28. Chapter 28

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**_

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

After agreeing with Alice to not back down from the chance to find love, we drove home. Talking each other through the day, filling in the events that occurred in the few moments we hadn't spent together.

Alice had found most of the classes fun and found it extremely hilarious that the self proclaimed it-girls of Forks High school had actually tried to go through me, to invite Alice to join them.

I didn't dare tell her the real reason why I had rushed out of the classroom and got into a conversation with Jasper. How could I possibly explain to her the anxiety that had rushed through my body as I had felt like a ghost from the past had come to haunt me. Something about the past few days made me feel uncomfortable. Us being enrolled into school, Carlisle giving me a very serious talk before going to school this morning. Practically asking me to behave and give the students a chance. Like I had ever truly caused any trouble.

When in fact, for the past few decades I had been a perfect daughter to them. Never causing trouble, exiling myself to a solitude that allowed me to keep up appearances to the outside world. But lately I felt like that outside appearance, the fake shell that was there for all others to see... it was slowly crumbling.

The thought of what would be left of my true nature, my humanity as Carlisle liked to call it. It was the most frightening thing in the world. Perhaps triggering the weird panic attack I had at school. Or the reckless saving of a human life.

And the temptation to claim what was rightfully mine. My inner desire roared to life as the memory of his skin made my fingers tingle again.

"Alice, remember what happened a few weeks back?"

Trying to sound casual, I turned to my sister who already had a smirk on her face, showing she had seen me plan this question, perhaps at the same time I had thought of that man.

Parking the car, she got out and shot me a playful glance. Almost teasing me.

"No Bella, what happened a few weeks back?"

Dancing ahead towards the front door, I couldn't help but feel mocked and pushed past her angrily.

"Never mind."

Rushing up the stairs, I threw my school bag on the corner of my desk. Grabbing one of the books I did actually want to read from the book shelve. Several hours later Alice finally came in.

"I'm sorry for teasing you earlier this evening Izzy." Crawling on the bed and resting her head on my lap. She stares up at me with big round eyes, innocence perfectly displayed through the endless gold as she stared up at me. Her face neutral as she waits for me to answer, knowing that the nickname she has used, will do the trick anyway. It has been a nickname she tried to give me when we had first met. It didn't work, but every once in a while she would still call me Izzy. Knowing it would trigger my more protective feelings of her, remembering me how fragile she had been as a human.

Like any other time, it works. Sighing I place the book on the little night stand and place my hand in hers. "You still owe me an answer, do you remember the man in the forest?"

For a moment she is silent, then she smiles up at me. "A vampire never forgets do they?" Winking at me she sits up."So yes I do remember the man in the forest. Why do you want to know." Tilting her head to the side, she watches me and waits. Hiding her emotions for me.

Looking down, I count the thread of my sheets. Trying to occupy myself, distract myself from asking what I want to ask. Finally her hand gently squeezes mine and I know, Alice is just waiting for me to say it out loud. "When you took him away, what did you do with him?"

Giggling she let's go and leans back, both her elbows resting on the bed. "I'm tempted to tell you, I had him for dinner or fed him to the wolfs. But neither happened. You injured his ankle and foot badly, pulling him out of the water without thinking about how fragile humans are." Her eyebrows pull together and her face wrinkles as the smile slips away and is replaced by sadness.

" I brought him to the hospital. So they could fix his injuries. Carlisle wasn't there that day, and his father came to get him. Arranged for him to be transferred to another hospital, one that is closer to home . Sad really, Carlisle could have done a much better job on the operation and aftercare."

Realizing, that with my actions that day I have actually caused so much damage, I close my eyes for a moment. Fighting the disappointment I feel.

"You saved his life Bella, without you his life would have ended that day."

Trying to pull me out of the darkness I threaten to get lost in again, Alice leans against me and wraps her arm around my shoulder.

"Without you, I would have ended his life also that day." Pushing aside her arm, I get up from the bed and walk to the window.

"Is that what you really think, was he just that to you. A prey... another easy bite to eat?" Alice her voice trembles slightly as she sits up on her knees, her arms hanging loosely aside her body. But her eyes showing something that resembles pure devastation as she looks at me.

For a moment I think about her question.

Was that human just another convenient means to an end, like the many men that have been my victim in the years that I spend with Tristan. Could I ever use him, the way I have used them.

My entire body trembles as I remember his scent, the way it not only made my mouth pool with venom, my throat burn with fire but also remember how my entire body had ached for him with... with desire.

Trembling I rest my head against the glass window, feeling how the cold air outside has cooled down the glass of the window enough for me to feel the difference and calm me down.

"No."

Whispering the word softly, I stay in my spot at the window. Suddenly I am afraid to move or speak out loud. Alice doesn't move either. Instead she clears her throat. "No what?"

Angry at her for playing with me, knowing she probably already knows what I am going to say next. I slam my palms against either side of the window causing the glass to dangerously tremble. Slowly I turn around to face my sister.

"No he wasn't just an easy pray, a means to an end, a quick snack or lovely little toy. Not any of these things." Shouting the words with desperation at her, I can feel they are true. That every fiber of my body seems to have known this already and it was simply my mind playing dumb for the past few weeks.

My sister stares at me. Obviously surprised by my sudden outburst.

Then very slowly one corner of her mouth curls up into a very smug smile and she get's up. "Just what I wanted to hear." And before I can say another word, she just walks over gives me a super quick hug and then leaves my room.

Leaving me alone, with my book.

The book however does not hold my interest anymore. Instead I lay down on the bed and close my eyes, getting lost in a mass of grey water, frantic runs through the lush green forest and an intense desire to found out what would have happened, if Alice had not stopped me. Where would my lips have landed?

On his skin, breaking the thin barrier between his seductive blood with razor sharp teeth.

Or would I have found his mouth, tasting him on my lips... in a passionate kiss.

Over the next few days at school, Alice her spirit seems to fall deeper and deeper. For some reason she can not see Jasper, anticipate what he will do or even get another clue about who he is. What she does see, seems to be causing her to be on edge.

So instead all through the week, we tried spotting him in the student cafetaria, our classes, library and even in the parking lot. Coming to school at dawn and waiting in the woods that lined our parking lot. A spot that allowed us to see any approaching car, but kept ourselves hidden.

On the last day of the next week, Alice refused to come to school. Instead she went hunting, accompanied by Esme who claimed she needed a break also but exchanged knowing looks over Alice her head as she said good-bye to me this morning.

Refusing to drive the flashy sports car that Alice loves so much, without her at my side. I try to talk Carlisle into swapping cars for the day, driving to school in the comfort of his Mercedes seems the more attractive option. But instead he ends up dropping me of at the school parking lot. Laughing about how this is a perfect addition to my human teenage charade. Waving him good-bye with a smile plastered on my face, I look around.. and feel my smile stretch across my face. Sitting at the far end of the parking lot, was Jasper's car. Digging through my bag, I find my phone and think about sending my sister a quick text to let her know Jasper is here. But remember, she never takes anything with her. So instead I pull up the hood of my sweatshirt. Covering my hair and most of my face as I head to my first class.

In the hallway I pass Jessica and her group of giggling clones. They all have their heads together, gushing about some new guy who apparently is returning to the school after having left a year back, before graduating.

The words, extremely hot and something about him being dangerously sexy make me roll my eyes as I open the door to my locker. It sort of reminds me of the time that Emmet went to the try out for the school team, almost causing a fight amongst the girls who watched him stretch, flex and easily run lap after lap around the field.

The day passes slowly. Mystery boy is not at school yet. But even without ever having seen him, I already dislike him. After hearing Tanya brag about how good they were together and that Jessica would have no chance at clawing her fake nails into him. They almost got into a fight. Sadly Mike came to the rescue, pulling them apart just before they could actually climb over the table in the cafeteria and start a food fight. It would have been a nice highlight of the day. But still a reason enough for me to dislike the boy that would soon join us and apparently was worth fighting over by all of the female population a school.

There were only two hours left. After grabbing the only book I would need for my last class and collecting my things for gym class, anything to keep up the appearance. I slam the locker shut and head towards the first class, walking behind Angela. She's usually one of the more shy girls, but even she is talking with another girl about the guy who is coming to join us. When she notices me walking behind her, she waits for me.

"Hey Isabella." Talking softly without looking at me. I think about ignoring her for a moment. "Have you finished reading that chapter on the first world war for history.

History. The girl is asking me about history.

History is easily my most favorite subject in high school, finding the teachers usually have a passion for what they teach and a true interest for at least one decade, war or event that I have lived through.

Today would be the first real class, other classes had been cancelled due to our substitute teacher handling some family emergency and the actual teacher being on maternity leave. We were just given a list of reading material we should finish to stay on schedule.

"Thanks for asking Angela. I did read the chapters, how about you?" Trying to sound casual, thinking about what Alice would do in this situation. I walk next to the girl towards our classroom. She just nods and I try to smile back at her.

Prepared to make a great first impression, the only one at this school, I have actually read the entire book. Having lived through the entire first world war, none of it is new. But for safety reasons, I memorized what the book says. Knowing it is better to not show I actually know more, and instead just answer whatever is told in the book.

The door is already open and several students are already in the classroom, including a tall blond haired boy I have been wanting to see all day.

"Jasper."

Rushing to his side I throw my bag on the table and give him a quick spontaneous hug before I sit down at the table he is standing next to. Smiling brightly as I greet the only friend I have made at school so far.

For a moment the classroom goes quiet and looks at Jasper, then at me, then back at Jasper again. Very slowly, the smile slips from my face as I stare at the blackboard.

"You're a teacher at this school, our teacher?"

Speaking softly I lean forward on my elbows and stare up at him. Knowing Alice her vow to not step away from Jasper and any chance at falling in love, has just been radically reduced.

"Yes."

Sliding deeper down in my seat I can hear the whispers behind my back from the other students. Apparently Jasper is being talked about already. I just added fuel to the gossip. Looking young enough to be a student but teaching amongst high school girls. Keeping distance, creating a firm line between himself and the only few years younger students.

"Students don't hug their teachers do they?"

Mouthing a sorry after my words, I can see hint a of smile on Jasper's face. Knowing he's not angry, just worried.

"No they don't."

Moving to his desk, Jasper sits down on the corner and picks up the book we were to given to read. Opening mine also, I place it in the exact center of the table and align my notebook and pen in a straight line. For a moment Jasper stares at my desk, then he clears his throat and starts the lecture.

An hour later I am saved by the bell, the moment it rings I sweep my things in my bag, ready to leave immediately. The class was fine, except for the fact that all through class I could see and hear the other students watch every move I make and every move Jasper makes. Gossiping in whispered voices, I know Jasper can't hear them. But I could. My friendly hug is being blown out of proportion and is now a juicy gossip. One that overrules the arrival of mystery boy.

"Bella."

Calling out my name loud from behind his desk. I can't ignore him.

Turning around at the door, I can see Jessica stand a few meters away. Watching me with her phone in her hand as I stand still at the door.

"Yes sir."

Careful to keep my distance so Jessica will have nothing else to talk about, I wait for him to respond. But then Jasper does exactly what I don't want him to do. Moving closer, to stand next to me. He leans across my body and pulls the door shut. Squealing in the hallway causes me to stop him, placing on hand on his arm.

"Leave the door open, Jessica is watching and ready to spread the gossip."

"In that case, you'd better go." Pushing the door all the way open again. "Be sure to look at that chapter Bella." Speaking slightly louder this time so everyone can hear. I give him a short nod and leave the classroom. Rushing down the hallway towards my last class. My last class turns out to be easy, a 3 mile run outside school. I don't even feel like changing. Sitting outside the school building, I wait for the rest of the students to show up. One by one the guys show up, followed by the girls who are dragging their feet. Some stare at my clothes, I just shrug knowing that as soon as we start running they won't be able to talk anyway. For a human 3 miles without practice, is rather a lot in my opinion.

We are divided in groups, a group of girls and a group of boys. When everyone is divided I walk over to the coach. "Can I come with the guys instead?"

The coach eyes me for a moment, clearly doubting my attire and capability to participate in this little walkabout. "Sure why not, if you think you can keep up."

Puffing up his chest, he winks at one of the guys behind me. Then he turns his back to me, and starts running. Like the macho he is, setting of in something that resembles a sprint. The guys all follow, I just wait for a second for them to all start running and then follow. Closing the group and staying behind next to Mike who in return seems to think I need some moral support.

"Are you comfortable running in your sneakers and jeans?" Already out of breath after the first 200 meters, he stays next to me. I look at his flashy sports attire, the shoes brand new and probably never been outside before.

Pushing further a little bit faster, I leave him behind me. Looking over my shoulder for a moment at his astonished expression as I overtake all of the guys, one by one. When I'm at the front, I find that the coach is still going strong. Coming up next to him, I make a show of just running on step ahead of him. Casually glancing sideways and smiling. He responds by increasing speed, trying to match mine.

But he can't, a human is no match for a vampire. Even if the vampire pretends to be human. And each time he get's one step ahead of me, I lengthen my stride and increase my speed. Until finally he is at his very limit and I can hear him breathing heavily behind me. Slowing down a little bit I allow him to catch up.

"Is it ok if I just finish this and see you guys at the school?"

By now the school is only around the corner. His eyes fly open and his breathing hitches for a second, making him slow down as he gasps for air.

"Great, see you there."

Giving him a small wave, I run a little bit faster and round the corner. Taking long strides and enjoying the wind blow past my body as I run just a little bit above human pace.

I know the coach can't see and the other students are left far behind. Jumping over the fence, I land with both feet on the pavement in a crouch and straighten up. At the same time I hear screeching brakes, spinning round I can slowly see a car come towards me. Prepared to jump aside at the last minute, I watch the car slide closer until it comes to a full stop as the bumper touches my leg. The person sitting in the car, has his hands clutched on the steering wheel.

He stares at me, and I stare back. Lost in the past.

Then he blinks and the moment is lost and I turn around and disappear between the car. Rushing home, not even bothering to pick up my things.

The 3 mile run fades in comparison to my running home at vampire speed.

When I do get home, the house is empty and I rush upstairs. Going into Alice her room. Standing still I frown, knowing that what I'm looking for should be here somewhere. I might have asked her to get rid of it, but knowing my sister she will hold on to anything significant belonging to our past. And right now, this little object means the world to me.

At the far end of her desk, there is a small wooden box. I don't recognize it, but it is sitting on the edge with a little note tucked underneath it. Ripping the note free, I open it. Scrawled in her fancy old handwriting is just one word.

_Deal…._

Dropping the note, I reach for the box and carefully lift the lid.

There, inside on a soft velvet pillow waiting for me in all his glory, shining vibrant as never before. I gently pick it up and slide the ring on my finger. Knowing that after all these years I am rewarded with the very gift I never expected ever receiving again. A second chance at true love.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**_

* * *

><p><strong>EPOV<strong>

Gripping the steering wheel tight, I slam the brakes of the car.

Hoping, wishing, praying.. no wait begging for the car to stop in time as I suddenly see the person crouched on the asphalt in front of me.

Moving so fast, I hardly notice. The figure doomed to get run over stands up and turns around. It is only then I can see the dark brown hair peeking out from under the hood of the sweatshirt, framing dark chocolate eyes with a hint of gold around the edges.

My eyes lock on hers and suddenly the car seems to stop moving as all around me the parking lot seems to disappear. All my mind and body can register is the girl in front of me. Her eyes seem to hold some kind of magic as just the sight of her cause my body to respond in a way that hasn't happened for a while now. Clenching my teeth, I release my grip on the steering wheel and reach down to unbuckle my seat belt. My hands tremble and with a frustrated huff I glance down to see what I'm doing. It's just a fraction of a second. But when I look up again there is no one there. Just as swift as she has appeared, she seems to have disappeared in that blink of an eye.

The click of my seat belt coming undone makes me jump and lift my foot from the clutch, causing the car to stall. Swearing for driving like an amateur I get out of the car, angry at what happened and at the same time trying to catch another glimpse of the girl.

The girl. There is nothing else I can call her. Looking over my shoulder at the administration office I just left, I think about going back and asking about her.

A loud excited roar followed by the sound of two sets of feet running over to me, make me forget about that idea. Instead I turn around to see Mike and Tyler run towards me.

"Eddie my man. So the rumors are true, the king of heartbreak has returned." Punching me in the shoulder, Tyler shouts so loud I'm sure he hasn't caused some damage to my ears. Mike just nods at me and raises his hand.

Awkwardly I high five him. A few years ago, we spend some time together through mutual friends. I had been in the same class as Tyler's older brother. With not much to do, the younger guys were invited to hang out together. That was how we were introduced.

Then when all of my classmates moved away after graduation I was left behind. And spend some wild weeks partying with Mike and Tyler that summer. Partying at the beach, drinking the leftover alcohol that was provided by Tyler's older brother. Now as they stood in front of me, 17 years old and psyched to see me. I knew, I'd have to let them down. I might have some unfinished business here but in no way, I could relate to them. Suddenly being 19 makes me feel old.

Just as I am going to get back in my car. Another excited voice calls out my name. Freezing, my hand touching the door drops down and my eyes shut, I consider for a moment to just jump in and drive away. But that won't work, after the weekend she'll be in my classes.

Both Mike and Tyler step aside making room and on cue, I feel a pair of arms slide around my waist and breasts being rubbed against my back. After being excited by the mysterious but very strange girl just minutes ago. This girl seems to hold no interest to me. Clearly something is wrong with me. Turning around, I feel how she doesn't let go and instead uses my movement to rub herself against me again.

"Hi Tanya."

Looking down at the blond girl that is wrapped around my body. Her perfect blond hair pulled back in a ponytail and smoothed down by a pink headband, matching her tight t-shirt and barely there shorts. A year ago, I would have wrapped my arms around her, reaching down to grab her delectable behind or brushing past her breasts. Now, for some reason I can only think about the girl and what was hidden under the bulky sweatshirt and jeans.

"Could you let go of me." Trying to sound casual, I can see the grey in her eyes lose their sparkle. My eyes widen as for a second I feel a hand brush along the front of my body, touching me in a place she has no business. Not anymore.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me."

Pouting at me, she let's go and takes a step back. Placing her hands on her hips and pushing her breasts forward, as if they aren't obvious enough in their current squashed together state. It's a wonder she can breathe, let alone run in that ridiculous tight top.

"I am happy to see you." Faking a smile, I wink at her. For a moment she smiles then her eyes lower, resting on my crotch. "It doesn't look like you're happy."

No, I want to scream. You ruined me being happy down there.

For a moment, there is an awkward silence. Then another girl approaches us and for a second her long dark brown hair makes me stare at her, until she is closer to us and I recognize the girl. It's Jessica. Like Tanya she is wearing some ridiculous outfit in pink, headband to running shoes.

And like Tanya she seems a little bit too enthusiastic to see me. Rushing to my side and placing hand on my chest as she leans in to kiss me on the cheek. "Hi Eddie." Batting her eyelashes at me, I'm sure she thinks it's really sexy. But to be honest I find it slightly offensive and equal parts amazing as one fake eyelash is slightly crooked.

Taking another step back, I'm now with my back against Jaspers car. The door is still open, offering easy get away but my brother just texted me saying he'll meet me outside at the car. So I can't leave. Silence stretches out between the girls and the guys. Tyler glares at me and then stares dreamily at Tanya. Clearly the warm way both girls greeted, upsetting him.

"Hey guys, earlier in the parking lot, I noticed a girl." Leaving out the part about how she appeared in front of my car and disappeared just as quickly. "She seemed to be coming out of your direction, making me think she is part of your gym class. But she was wearing dark jeans and a sweatshirt instead of track clothes. "

Do you know her? I want to ask the guys, but I don't know how to say the words out loud without sounding desperate. Luckily Jessica still possesses the grand talent of being the Forks High local gossip talent.

"You mean weird eyes, mousy brown hair and freakishly pale?" Her words sound kind of hateful and the words weird or mousy doesn't seem to be right, but pale... yes definitely. Just the memory of her ivory skin makes a shiver run through my body. Nodding I angle my body to Jessica. Staring down at her, hoping she will tell me more. At this point anything is new information, information I crave.

Both Tyler and Tanya snort at the same time. Jessica just rolls her eyes and make remains silent.

"That's the freaky Cullen girl." Tanya decides to share, or interrupts me and Jessica. Her words seem to slice through my skin, leaving me with a stinging feeling in my face. Almost like the words were slapped across my face.

At loss for words I just try to keep a neutral face and the others just watch me.

"You should just ask your brother about her." Jessica laughs. Stepping closer to Tanya so they can share some inside joke. Neither of the boys say anything, leaving me confused and not with any more information.

Just when the situation starts to freak me out, the door on the other side of my car opens. Spinning around, I can see my brothers leaning with both arms on the car. "Did you want to.. ehm hang with your friends."

His face is neutral but the wary look in his eyes tell me he is concerned. Luckily he can see my face, obviously telling him enough because the tense muscle in his jaw relaxes. Getting in, Jasper doesn't close the door, waiting for me to answer. Thankfully understanding, I'm more than ready to leave.

Behind me my friends, or at least the closest thing to friends I had in the one year I spend here with my mom and Jasper, they continue to stare at me in silence. "Hey guys, I'll see you at school next week."

Tyler's eyes light up and Mike smiles, both are happy I'm leaving the girls with them. Tanya and Jessica in return just frown. As I get in and pull my door close, Jasper does the same.

"Don't tell me, that simply enrolling into a few classes at this school made for a rough first day?"

My brother gently asks, trying to keep the conversation light for me. Exactly like he has the past week, ever since he called my doctor and they talked for an hour on the phone.

I know his careful approach towards me is deserved, but still it makes me grip the steering wheel tighter and push my foot down ever so slightly, accelerating just enough to feel some form of release inside of me.

"No it was fine. They gave me a schedule that fits in the classes I need to finish, leaving me with a 4 day school week." Biting on the inside of my cheek, I wait for a moment before throwing out the question that I have been wanting to ask ever since we both closed the door of the car. "Do you know the Cullen girl?"

Next to me I can hear Jasper's breathing hitch, and in the corner of my eye I can see my brother's face flush. Making me turn my head to his for a very brief moment, just to double check. He stares back at me, surprise written al over his face.

"You do know her?" Slowing down, I pull into our little driveway. Parking the car and removing the keys from the ignition. "Jasper, please I need to know."

Shifting uncomfortable in my seat, I start to think the silence between me and my friends wasn't so bad.

"Yes." His voice is low and I can see he still hasn't moved. "I know her."

The last word comes out low and desperate. Barely hiding a longing I can very much relate to since I can feel the same flame burn inside of me. And that is when the conversation earlier this week comes back to me. Over dinner we talked through the steps needed for me to enroll back into high school and what it would be like.

" _You'll have friends there to support you." Forking away at his dinner, Jasper sits across me and occasionally tries to find something that will make me look forward to coming back._

"_They are all younger." Reaching for my glass, I study my brother. He just shrugs. "That didn't stop you before, you dated that Tanya girl, she's 17 now." It feels weird to hear my brother, who like no other is aware of the age difference between the students and himself try and convince me that I will fit in._

"_Yes I remember that." Replying dryly I take a sip and try to hide the fact that the memory of our last date still haunts me, in a good way. "Have you met anyone at school.?" Joking I place my glass back on the table and lean back in my chair. Expecting Jasper to laugh and joke, instead he stops moving and looks away._

"_What." Getting up, I throw my hands in the air. "You are interested in one of your students?" Tugging on my own hair as I try to think of how this extra juicy detail hasn't yet reached the small town gossip._

_My brother stays completely silent, a statue in front of me as his hand hovers mid air with a fork clutched so tight in it, if it would not be metal it would crumble._

_Sitting down, I just watch him. Slowly opening his mouth and take a deep breath._

"_She might be a student, I don't know yet. But I did see her in the school parking lot with another student and she is the most fiery, exciting woman I have ever seen in my life."_

_The words are spoken with such conviction and love. I can't help but admire my brother. Relaxing a little bit, I pick up my glass and take another long drink from it. "So you haven't actually, you now had her in your class." My choice of words makes Jasper sputter and finally snap back to life._

"_No, I haven't. But as soon as I have. You'll be the first to know. In the mean time, you just worry keeping out of Tanya's claws and getting those credits you need." At that he get's up, winks and then leaves the kitchen._

The Cullen girl is the girl I almost ran over today with my brothers car. And she also is the girl my brother was talking about. Meaning, she can't be my girl. My brother saw her first... and has fallen head over heels for her.

Feeling a nauseating pain emerge, igniting an anger I haven't felt for a while I push the car door open and get out. Falling over my own feet in the progress as I hurry. Reaching for my phone, behind me Jasper is calling after me but I ignore him. Instead I run through my old contacts list. There I find the number. Hitting the green little button, I wait. In two rings the other end is picked up. Breathing deep with relief I hear her slightly annoying voice answer and go silent for a moment, forgetting to answer. "Hello is anyone there?"

Finding the words I answer, pulling together all my charm and placing it in my voice. "Hello this is Edward." I leave a pause and on cue the person on the other end of the line laughs in a way that I would have previously found sexy. Biting back the rude remark I want to make, I turn on the charm instead. "Earlier, you caught me by surprise and my brother was there. But I was wondering if you would like to go out with me tonight?"

The immediate bubbly response does nothing to calm me down. However the excited squeal combined with the annoying high pitch of her voice as she starts to talk about time, place and what to wear manages to bore to death at the same time. I find it mind numbing and know it is exactly what I need.

"I'll pick you up for dinner and a drive. We can catch up and maybe have some fun." Just like the old days, a voice in the back of my mind reminds me.

"Can you be ready in an hour?"

There is more excited talking, then finally a yes. Relieved to know, I've created my diversion I softly laugh, knowing the effect it has on her. "That sounds like a great idea. I will see you later at your house. Bye, Jessica."

Hanging up I take a deep breath. I can do this... I have to do this… I will do this!

If my brother likes a girl, I won't take that away from him. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and I've just caught another one. Walking back to the house, I know I should be happy and excited to go out on a date with one of the prettiest girls in the school.

So why did I feel like crying instead.

A few hours later I'm home again. And this time I really do feel like crying.

Jasper isn't talking to me. My foot hurts from walking on it too much, reminding me I need to take things slow. And my date with Jessica was a disaster. There is simply no other way to describe.

It all started when I had shown up at her door an hour after our phone call. Ready to pick her up, willing to erase the memory of a certain set of golden brown eyes from my mind. When the door opened, my eyes set sight of something that almost made me jump back.

Jessica had obviously skipped the let's have dinners plans and had opted to dress for a night of.. well I wasn't entirely sure what she had dressed for. There just wasn't a lot of her dressed. Only after me suggesting perhaps she should maybe bring something to keep herself warm, had she grabbed a thin almost see through scarf that I honestly had no clue about what it could cover.

For dinner she insisted on going to the local diner. Fine by me since it made me think that would make it less intimate, creating a mood that was to be expected when two friends went out for a fun evening. That was my second mistake.

At the diner, it seemed most of Forks was either eating there or stopped by to pick up dinner. And the entire dinner, Jessica sat next to me. Her hip attached to mine. Making annoying giggly sounds at everything I said, touching me whenever one of her.. no wait our classmates would look over at our table.

By the time I had finished my burger, I was more than ready to leave and go home. Jessica followed me to the car, getting in next to me. As she did, she angled her body toward me and stared into my eyes with something that resembled a crazy look in her eyes as she licked her lips and leaned closer.

" I've been waiting all evening for desert."

There was nowhere to go, or place to move my body away from her. So her lips landed on mine with a sigh. As soon as they did, one of her hands moved up to my hair and laced her fingers through my hair. Hurting me as she tugged slightly too tight on my hair and held my face in place as she continued to kiss me.

It wasn't until her other hand slide down my body and came to rest on my crotch, I tried to push her away.

"I can't do this." Pushing Jessica back into her seat, I screamed as she almost pulled out my hair as she tried to hold on to me. Finally letting go after I continued pushing her away from me. She leaned against the door and the doorhandle, causing it to open. For a moment her eyes showed panic then fury as she tipped backwards and out of the car. Screaming a long list of profanity's as she does.

Stunned I watch her fall, unable to move and not sure if I want to laugh at her or help her. So instead I just sat in my seat, watching her hit the ground, legs up in the air and arms flying around. To be honest, this was not the way I usually would act but the whole scene was just too ridiculous and pretty soon I couldn't control my laughing. As Jessica managed to get on her feet, still shouting at me, I felt my door open. Spinning round in my seat, I could see two big guys staring down at me.

"Some date you're having, throwing your girl out of the car." One of them spat at me. The other leaned down and pulled me out of my seat by my shirt.

"How about we throw you around a little bit." Shoving me to the other man, I managed to catch my balance just before falling against him. Straightening up I raised my chin, ready to fight both of them. They weren't that much bigger, just older and that would probably be to my advantage. Stepping back I stared back at the guy doing all the talking.

"I'd rather you leave us alone on our date."

Moving round the car towards Jessica, her eyes showed me she didn't like what happened between us. But there was a slight hint of fear in her usually dull brown eyes. Just as I reached her, a blow to the back of my head made me stumble. Falling forward, Jessica caught me. As she did, she quickly got on her toes. Kissing me on the cheek. "Don't get into trouble Eddie." Whispering into my ear in a way she probably thought was seductive.

Shaking my head I turned around. Ready to surrender but the larger guy, standing closest to me threw a punch. A very sloppy one and his body language was so obvious, he gave me plenty of time to respond. My body acted without thinking, routine kicking in.

Blocking his fist with one arm, I took a swing at him with my elbow. Putting my entire body behind the movement. The moment I connected with his jaw, the crushing sound gave me a chill. Reaching for his jaw the guy sank to the ground. Behind me Jessica was screaming, again.

"Watch out." Pushing me aside just in time, for once I was grateful for her getting close to me. The piece of wood that swung past our bodies barely missed.

Where these guys crazy? Spinning round, I made sure Jessica was behind my back. It was then I could see the crowd, girls and boys from our school, the other customers who had been in the diner having dinner with as, the staff and owner. But one person stood out most. Tall and easy to recognize with his blond hair and serious grey eyes. His entire face pulled tight together in a disappointed frown.

My attacker stopped moving, noticing the crowd just like me.

Jessica let go of my arm as I started moving forward at the same time as Jasper started walking away.

"Wait Jasper." Running after him. I could feel the ache in my foot. Right now I didn't care. Catching up with him, I grabbed his arm and stopped him.

"That wasn't what it looked like."

His grey eyes showed me no kindness, they were unrecognizable.

"Then what was it, because to me it looked exactly like something you always do. You got into a fight with two guys. And as an added bonus, you had a barely dressed underage girl on your arm. I can't talk to you right now."

Pushing me aside Jasper starts to walk back, his long legs taking firm strides and leaving me behind.

"Wait." Trying to catch up with him, I feel how the ache in my foot turns into a sharp pain. Limping I watch him reach the car without me and get in. The car I left the keys in, the car I came here with. Shit. Limping faster I watch him start the car and drive off.

Most of the people have gone back to minding their own business.

Jessica is on the phone, her tears now dry as she is talking with her usual excitement.

Just before Jasper passes me, he slows down a little bit and hope sparks inside of me. My brother won't leave me behind, he promised me we would be brothers forever. Raising my hand, I'm ready to wave. Smiling as I try and find his eyes. But the moment I see his eyes the smile slips of my face, there are tears there. My arm falls down, hanging limp aside my body as the car passes. Turning to watch the car pass me, I can see he looks at me through his rearview mirror.

And I know that look, it's the exact look I have feared being confronted with for the past few weeks.

Feeling tears sting at my own eyes, I know going back is not an option.

Instead I find my feet moving forward, step after step following my brother home.

Each step reminds me of my mistakes as it feels like thousands of little needles are hidden in my shoes. They can't stop me, I have nowhere to go but home.

After what feels like the longest 2 miles I have ever walked I reach the driveway of Jasper's home. I can't allow myself to think about it as my home, it never was. I was merely here on borrowed time, until the doctor would tell him the words that were thrown at me by our father.

Opening the front door, relieves floods through me. At least it's not locked.

All the lights are off giving the house a cold and empty atmosphere. Uninviting me and for a moment I consider about leaving but there is nowhere I can go.

There is just some light coming from the door to the basement and I can hear music coming from there also.

Very slowly I find my way down.

The first thing I see is a large room turned into a gym. In the middle is a punching bag and my brother is throwing punch after punch at the thing, causing it to dangerously swing.

Walking over I grab the punching bag and hold it still for him, he just continues throwing punch after punch. Until finally I notice his arms starting to move slower and without less of a blow to them. The tears in his eyes have been replaced with sweat as he leans his head against the punching bag. Only one small thing dividing us as both of us catch our breath.

"You know the nurse grilled me about taking you home, the doctor expressed concern about me being able to look after you. And our father? Punching again angrily until he wraps his arms around the punching bag and leans his forehead against it in defeat.

"Our father, just laughed and said that if I took you in, neither of us should bother visiting him anymore." His body still heaving, Jasper struggles to keep standing after throwing the words out.

" But that ride home when you were asleep in my car. You looked so lost and fragile. And I hoped for the first time in many years, you were finally willing to make a fresh start and leave everything that happened to our family behind you. I wanted to fight for you Edward."

My chest tightens at his words, making it impossible to breath. Letting go of the punching bag I stumble backwards. Jasper looks at me, reaching round and grabbing my hand to help me stay on my feet. "Please tell me, you want to fight for yourself Edward because I can't do it for you. Not if you go around acting like you did tonight." His pleading eyes combined with the tight grip on my arm calm me down.

He doesn't know. I'm still his brother. Nodding, I step closer and let him pull me into a hug. "I can't do it alone." Repeating his words, I hug him back for a moment. The tension in his body gone. Letting go I step away from him.

"Just tell me what I can do to make you trust me."

I watch Jasper as he picks up his shirt, shrugging back into it with a smirk on his face. Walking up the stairs he takes two steps, then pauses and looks over his shoulder

" That's easy. Follow the rules, finish school, stay out of trouble. But most of all, be my brother." His eyes are desperate as he stares at me.

We are at risk of falling apart right now and the only way I know how to fix that is to say yes. So I do. Pulling a smile together I say "Yes"

"That's great Edward and all I'm asking from you. I'll see you tomorrow, turn of the lights when you're done." Stepping back he nods then turns around and goes up the stairs, I hear the door close at the top. Letting me know, he's put tonight's events behind him and I'm left downstairs, in the basement. Wishing I could feel the same, but I can't. Because, how can I live up to his expectations to be myself... if I don't know who I am?

Sitting down on one of the benches I grab a weight and lift it. Going through the options as I pressure myself to find my limit physically. I'm left with only one solution that keeps coming back to me. Before I can take responsibility for my life and move forward, I secretly need to dig through my past first.

To try and find the truth about me, hopefully finding out.

Who I am.

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><p>AN Everyone still on board? Let me know what you think :-)


	30. Chapter 30

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**_

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

All weekend I had spent waiting for my chance to meet Edward at school. Alice had taken me hunting, supervising me with caution as I stalked prey after prey.

In between the hunts she had told me the little things she did know, or perhaps wanted me to know. And each little detail about him, made me wish I could go meet him now. Allowing myself to hope and dream for the first time in many years.

Finally this morning, I had gotten dressed. This time carefully choosing a cream coloured dress with long sleeves, fitted around the waist and wrapping around my upper body with a soft wavy ribbon that was securely tied on my back. It was one of the few dresses I owned, that I actually liked wearing. Brown knee high boots and matching bag completed the look. Walking from the car to first class, I knew from the looks other students gave me, I looked good. I attracted more attention than wanted. But I couldn't care, the only thing I wanted was find Edward and introduce myself.

That is at least what I wanted. Now I wasn't so sure any more. For the past hour I had watched him, skipping my classes as I stood in the hallway. My books held close to my body. Hugging them tight for support as I stood there watching him through the window.

Unmoving and completely wrapped up in him, just the mere sight of him was enough to keep me occupied. He didn't notice me, instead he sat behind the computer in the library and wrote down notes. His forehead more often wrinkled into a disappointed frown, usually followed by a hand pushing his hair up. Making it stand out in the most impossible angles. Any other human would have looked ridiculous. But not him, not my human. He just looked more handsome as each gesture signaled he had lost track off everything around him. Almost like he wasn't part of this world, instead living in his own private bubble where he was completely oblivious of anything or anyone around him.

"Bella?" Breaking me from my Edward induced trance, I turned to the voice calling my name and found Jasper standing next to me.

"I almost didn't recognize you." Pointing at the dress, he winked and then came to stand next to me. I was still trying to pull myself away from Edward, struggling to find words, knowing I should say something back to Jasper. Instead Jasper followed the direction I was looking at and caught me staring at Edward. If possible, I'm sure my face would have turned a delicate pink at being caught.

"Would you like me to introduce you?" Jasper's hand gently touched my arm. Stunned at the contact, I came back to reality and looked sideways. Did he just say introduce me, blinking I stared at him in surprise. Just in time to see his body move back and a hint of surprise in his eyes also as he was trying to pull my arm free and wanted me to follow him.

Relaxing my body, I held the books with my other hand against my side and let him move me. Relieved to see the surprise had disappeared from his eyes. Allowing him to take the lead, Jasper pulled me to the door and opened it.

"Ladies first."

Hesitant I stepped forward into the library. Stopping one step inside, holding my breath as I watched Edward look up at the sound of the door closing behind Jasper and myself. It took all my inner strength to not cross the distance when his green eyes rested on me for a moment. For the second time Jasper touches me, his warm hand grabbing mine as he leads the way across the small study section. Weaving through the tables with a smile on his face. Leading towards the object of all my desires and fantasies for the past days.

"Hey Edward." A warm rush flooded through my body as Jasper called out his name and Edward looked up at Jasper. Giving him a warm smile that caused small laughing lines to appear around his eyes. "This is Isabella, she is a student in my class and also new to this school." Gesturing at me, Jasper smiled lazily as he stepped sideways and pushed me closer to the table. Edward looked up, the smile slowly fading from his face.

"It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you from my brother." His words sounded strained as he raised his hand and gave me an awkward wave.

My body rocked backwards, almost like I was slapped in the face. Out of every scenario that had rushed through my mind for the past hour. This was nothing like the meeting between us I had imagined. Behind me I could hear Jasper's concerned voice as hands rested on my shoulder to steady me.

"Are you ok?"

Closing my eyes, I bring one hand up my to my chest. Resting on the smallest hint of the long chain underneath my dress. It is my reminder things would change. Without thinking I take a deep breath, a human habit I had picked up on. And the moment I do, it feel like al me senses explode. The scent of fresh cut grass mixed with rain and a hint of spice make me open my eyes and stare at Edward.

He looked at me in shock as I stared at him, unable to take my eyes of him. Struggling with myself to stay in place as his delicious scent flooded my senses, almost taking control of my body.

"Jasper, can you go find my sister?"

Whispering the words, I hope Jasper could hear them. Knowing it doesn't matter because the moment I made the decision to send out Jasper to find her, she'd know and come to meet him.

The hands leave my shoulder and I can hear footsteps rushing to the exit. Letting me know that Jasper has heard me and part of me feels relieved.

"Edward, watch her while I find Alice."

The words sound distant as I watch Edward move around the table towards me. And for the first time in my life, I don't feel like a predator but instead like the prey being stalked. Stuck like a spider in a web as very slowly Edward moves closer to me and places on hand on forehead.

"You feel cold, have you been filling sick lately?"

Removing his hand he pulls the nearest chair back. Urging me to sit down, but still I can't move. His hands reach out to me, one hand carefully pushing the soft fabric of my dress up and exposing the skin of my arm. Placing one hand on my wrist, making it even more impossible to move. Not while his hand is on my skin. Staring down, I look at the large fingers wrapped around my wrist. Two fingers resting on the inside, applying pressure. Just like Carlisle would do with his patients. Snapping out of my daze I pull back my arm. Realizing he is trying to check my pulse.

"Don't" The word came out like a hiss. Edwards eyes widen as I step backwards. "You can't touch me like that."

Pulling the sleeve of my dress down to cover my skin, I look away. Wishing now that I hadn't send Jasper to find Alice. Because now I needed to wait for her to show up. And waiting wasn't what I wanted to do at all. Right now I want to run. Just as I am ready to turn around and leave, my sisters pleading voice stops me.

" _It was a deal. Remember. You promised you would Bella. "_

I know no human ears would have heard her. She is speaking to me from somewhere else in this school.

"Bella, you're scaring me a little bit. Perhaps I should go see what is taking Jasper so long." Edward says, heading to the exit also. Jumping in front of him, I cut him off.

"Don't. I'm fine, I really am. You just surprised me by touching me."

Talking frantic, I step backwards while waving my arms for him to stop. I can hear my own lame excuse but at least Edward stops moving. Eying me with a look I have difficulty placing. He is so difficult to read. Confirming to me this boy in front of me is in no way the same person I left behind centuries ago.

"You seemed fine being touched by my brother when you came in here, walking hand in hand." The hurt is evident back in his eyes and finally the pieces fell together.

I laugh nervously and shake my head before taking a deep breath. Knowing that Alice will see what I'm about to do. I listen carefully for her in the schoolbuilding, ready to stop at the smallest signal from her. Nothing comes so I step closer to Edward. Carefully reaching forward.

"Jasper is my teacher and he has been a good friend to me on the first day in school. I trust him. Besides, he is head over heels for my sister. Who also happens to be the girl he is now looking for right now." Smiling I look down at my hand, reaching for has but hesitant to touch him.

Standing still as a statue I wait for him to move. And ever so slowly, he moves a little bit closer and reached out for my hand. When his fingertips finally brush past the palm of my hand in the most delicate way, it feels like an electric current touching my skin. Setting my skin afire and slowly wrapping around my hand as his fingers move up further. Coming to rest with his wrist in my palm and his hand wrapped around my wrist. Closing my fingers, I mirror his move. Holding him carefully, applying pressure so I am holding him just like he is holding me.

I can feel his blood speed up, pumping faster through his body as his breathing becomes erratic. The pulsing against the inside of my palm, telling me that I am not the only one who feel the connection.

"So you are not interested in my brother and he is interested in your sister." Stepping closer Edward gently cups my cheek with his other hand as I nod silently, confirming his questions. Breathing heavily he leans in closer. "So who are you?"

Raising my chin so my eyes could meet his. "And where have you been all this time?"

Leaning down his lips gently touch mine. Seeking, soft and hesitant. I can't help but moan as he gently traces my upper lip with his tongue. Seeking entrance. I panic, knowing what he is asking without words. Pulling back I let go of him, breaking our contact by pulling my arm and hand away from his hand.

He stands in front of me, dazed and confused. After blinking a couple of times he manages a small smile, nods slightly and flexes his now empty hand. "It's very nice to meet you Isabella."

The sound of his voice is low, causing me to shiver.

"It's Bella."

I want to let my words sound as a warning but instead they come out as a desperate sigh and Edward responds exactly like he shouldn't. Or perhaps it is exactly the way I wanted him to respond and my subconscious just manages to make itself known. Moving closer to me, he towers over me. A spark in his eyes as he continues to stare at my lips. It's both exhilarating and scary at the same time. Slowly I back up. Moving as he follows me until I wonder who is in control, perhaps neither of us knows. I smile back at him, shy and self-conscious but strong at the same time. Unleashing the small fire that is finding it's way through my body so pleasantly. Finally my back is against one of the bookshelves. Placing both hands on either side of my body, I try to find something to hold onto for support as Edward continues to move closer.

"Who are you and where were you all these years." Smirking as he stalks closer, for the second time making me feel like the prey instead of predator. But Edward, towering over me with a devilish smile and his piercing green eyes. He makes for a glorious predator and I know right now, I would gladly surrender myself to him any day.

" I was waiting for you." Whispering softly as he dips down and his lips hovers over mine again. I knew what he plans to do and this time I am completely ready for his lips to meet mine. But footsteps entering the library, followed by Jasper calling out both our names stops his lips meeting mine.

Breathing deep Edward pull back, looking at me with hooded eyes as he removed his hands, freeing me from his hold.

"Over here." Stepping back so Jasper could see him, I can see a regretful longing in his eyes. "I think Bella is feeling much better now."

Not waiting for anyone to respond he turns his back to me and stalks back to the table. Collecting his things that are laid out on the table and throwing them in a shoulder bag without even looking.

"It was nice meeting you Bella." One short glance is all he gives me before he pushes past his brother and leaves the library. Leaving me behind with absolutely no clue what just happened.

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><p>AN There is an 800 words EPOV for this chapter also. Not sure if I will post it, it might make you hate Edward more ;-)


	31. Chapter 31

_**Disclaimer:**_

_**Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight**_

* * *

><p><strong>BPOV<strong>

"I'll see you later Jasper."

Without saying a word Edwards turns away from both of us. One short glance is all he gives me before pushing past his brother and left the library. I can't help but feel like the floor under my feet starts to crumble, crushed by the weight of watching him walk away without acknowledging me. Instead he just disappears with a cold look on his face. No looking back as he walks down the hallway with his hands pushed down in the pockets of his jeans.

I hear a gasp and slowly register it's me, gasping for air as my feet stumble and hands reach out to find support. My whole body swaying as a long lost feeling surfaces. A human memory that I've long forgotten.

I'm back in my parents garden, only a little girl. Roughly pushed down by the boy who has been my friend for as long as I can remember. His cold words are repeated in my mind over and over again. Cutting through me as he repeats them one more time and tells me "_We can't be friends anymore Isabella"._

For a moment I can feel everything coming back, all the emotions that have been bottled up for the past centuries. Closing my eyes I collapse into strong cold arms, suddenly surrounded by the scent of my sister. She has made it to me. Far away I can hear Jasper, his voice soft and gentle. My sister responds, assuring him I'll be fine and just need to go home.

The next few weeks at school slip by quietly. I tried approaching Edward but he walked away, joining his friends. I tried again the next day during class but he cut me off and since that afternoon, he ignored me.

Each day Alice and I drove to school together. And as soon as we arrived there, she bounces off to meet Jasper. I knew they had been talking on the phone outside school hours and she seemed to glow lately. A dreamy gaze in her beautiful golden eyes each time something reminded her of Jasper. My baby sister was in love for the first time.

At least one of us got the guy we wanted. After wearing that dress to school for one day, I had thrown Alice her advice in the wind and gone back to baggy jeans and large sweatshirt. And I kept on telling myself I was fine with that.

I was still angry at myself for letting him kiss me and walking away. But no matter how angry I allowed myself to be, it couldn't replace the longing I felt at seeing him. Just standing on the other side of the parking lot, talking with his group of friends could make me smile and help me carry myself through the day.

A couple of times we shared a class but he would never talk to me. He was always being accompanied by either Jessica, who clung to his side but apparently wasn't his girlfriend. Or Mike who for some reason worshipped the ground Edward walked on, when it was obvious to everyone that he wanted Jessica. Sometimes I would catch him staring at me, his green eyes dark haunting me as he stared at me with an intense gaze. But he never came over to me or made any attempt to let me know he noticed me. Instead he would look away each time he would be caught staring at me.

Today however something was different. It had started this morning with Edward appearing at his classes by himself, wandering through the hallway by himself. He didn't acknowledge me, visibly. But his body tensed when he noticed me in class. Something had him on edge and it made me long for him more, somehow wanting to go over there and hold him. Supporting him in whatever was troubling him.

Obviously Jessica had the same idea as I watched her sit down and place a possessive hand on his upper arm. But this time, Edward pushed away Jessica. Eavesdropping on their conversation, I could hear each word with clarity. " Why don't you go bother Mike, he is eager enough."

Jessica looked wounded for a moment, then she tried leaning closer to him again." But Eddie, you know what we talked about." Her words sounded more like a threat than words exchanged between two lovers. That seemed to snap Edward's last restrain. Causing him to get to his feet angrily. "I don't care any longer." Spitting the words angrily at her, he turned around to see me stare at him.

I hadn't made any friends, sat alone in most of my classes, paid hardly attention to the events at school and would spend my lunchtime sitting at the same little table reading. A small tray with an apple and diet coke as props sitting in front of me. That's where I was as I watched him grab his lunch and throw it back down angrily on the table before stalking out of the cafeteria.

I watched him disappear. Like every other students and immediately the whispers around me started. Speculation about what had happened.

In the center table, Mike moved around and consolidated Jessica. Pulling her close to him, she let him. A proud little smile on her face as she loved the attention that was given to her.

No one followed Edward or was worried about him. Getting up, I was ready to go find him but the bell rang. Sad, I picked up my things. My grades were good and the teachers left me alone. But after that first day of seeing Edward and skipping al my classes that day, the principle had gone to seen Carlisle. Insisting that this behavior was not tolerated. And they in turn made me promise to never miss another class again without Carlisle and Esme's permission. So instead of going out to find Edward I walked to my next class.

Life as a teenage student was tolerable. And there were only 8 months left.

Or so I told myself when I sat down in my history class. Jasper was at the front, giving me a smile and nod as he noticed me. Perhaps after class I could talk to him about Edward, tell him what had happened if someone else hadn't already told him. After going through some assignment, I put one of my earbuds in, allowing me to still listen to the lecture but at the same time giving me the joy of dreaming away on my music.

"What would the teacher say?" Hot breath next to my ear made my body jerk upright. And the velvet tone of Edward's voice made me look sideways to see him sit next to me. He was leaning close to me with his fingers holding the little earbuds that had kept me busy.

"The teacher would say he likes this song." Jasper interjected, sitting down on the edge of my table. All the other students had left, and I hadn't even noticed.

Moving around in my chair uncomfortable, I gazed up at Jasper.

"Bella. My dick head brother has some things to say to you. I'll leave now and close the door." Winking he got up and did exactly as he said he would. At the door, I could see Alice was waiting for him. Winking at me also as she wrapped her arms around his waist and let him place a kiss on her forehead.

I heard the door shut and knew that there was nothing left to stop me from hearing whatever Edward wanted to say. Closing my eyes for a moment I pulled my shield tight around me, wishing it would keep me safe from whatever would happen next. But when I turned around and looked up in Edward's serious green eyes staring down at me. I knew that there was nothing in the world that could protect me falling prey to him.


End file.
